keeping it in is hard so i let it out..

Sometimes it takes so much effort to keep myself from throwing tantrums that i juz have no more energy left for basic interactions with others.

Sorry dear for behaving sooo... hmm not gd today?

So now i wonder, issit better to juz flare up or keep it in... it's depressing keeping it in... but it's better for those ard me... hmm mebbe it juz requires practice n perhaps nxt time i'll still hav e energy 2 muster a weak smile to keep others from worrying too much. I'll also have to keep my independent level high despite my mood to make things easier for all when i'm in juz such a mood. When i'm too drained of energy, i shouldnt rely on others too much coz it's juz not right i think.. yup shall try not 2 repeat such incidents n if really hav 2, i shall learn 2 b a better person heh.

msn:
.:Non est ad astra mollis e terris via :.

keeping an open mind & doing my v best;
time to feel the breeze and walk the garden path of companionship =)

i've been an idiot enuff times rite..?time 2 stop...

Sometimes i can behave so irrationally.
But 2 b honest dere's always a reason y, even if it takes some time for me to figure out.

Right now i juz feel tired though i dunno y.. been tired since i woke up, issit coz i havent had enuff slp? but my slping hours didnt differ much... my body's also aching a bit, mainly the shoulders, back n arms... thx 2 ytd's trng i should think, but it's all my fault 4 taking such a long break from trng... esp wif pesta sukan juz this wkend.. i wonder how i'll perform eventually.. difficult 2 do well so i shant hav any expectations i suppose.. i really prefer not joining this particular competition even though it's 1 of e more impt comp... =x

Been behaving quite badly these few wks.. i was temperamental, mean, rude, evil... everything bad abt me juz showed itself recently... n i was trying 2 figure out y on e bus ride home after a particularly horrible appearance of one of my many imperfections... n i deduced tt i m juz..... stressed. Such a simple word yet it could cause so many problems..
why am i stressed? the sources are sch work, my hall room n my own inability to cope wif all tt's gg on. It takes a lot out of me juz 2 understand wat's gg on during my various subjects n plus the tutorials, it juz got to a point where i couldnt take it. Naturally it's also coz i've never been optimistic abt my performance wif regards to physics, esp for this semester. I've almost lost all hope i suppose... especially after every tutorial when i can't follow what the tutor is gg thru abt the various qns. This is juz so frustrating, so agonizing in a way...

I kinda wish i was back in secondary sch? when i was much better @ handling stress though definitely not perfectly, when grades werent as impt as doing my best and being satisfied wif that, when i've always worked hard 2 not let myself down...
Now i'm too reluctant to start working hard, 2 start on tutorials... for reasons tt include the difficulty level of the qns, the complexity of the theories & eqns involved. I no longer understand wat's doing my best so tt i will hav no regrets; n tt used 2 b wat i always told myself back in sec sch.. seems lyk studies got a lot tougher.. or i got a lot weaker... I'm no longer in full control of my actions my thoughts my grades so as 2 speak.. all bcoz of stress i suppose, n my increasingly pessimistic nature... i juz wan 2 do well, from now on but tt's lyk an impossible task 2 do.. I'm so tired.

I hate that i've become lyk this despite being older, i thought maturity comes wif age..? Guess i'm not old enuff.. though i hav e feeling tt i was acting more mature in a way back when i was much younger...

I used to be proud of my ability to control myself well, 2 b fully aware of wat's gg on, 2 noe how 2 improve myself in order 2 achieve that goal of being a perfect woman hahaha... somewhere along the way i went downhill apparently... will i ever start climbing up again i wonder...

was thinking of searching 4 a new blog skin coz was tired of this one alr... not tt i blog often but well, it's time 4 a change... but searching 4 a new blog skin takes time that i do not hav the luxury of spending... my tutorials and notes await...

I used 2 b satisfied wif my performance in all aspects of my life.. now's definitely different already... I don't lyk giving up n hav always believed in the phrase 'you can give out but u can't give up'... yet now i'm close to the brink of giving up... when did i reach this stage of desperation i wonder...

Perhaps a nap will help me re-align my ideas n goals... i realise i really do need a goal so tt i can c where i'm gg coz moving aimlessly gets me nowhere... but i really hav no idea wat's ahead wat road 2 take, the many bumps in e road i left behind were nv really forgotten... how to move on if i don't let go...

I wan to b a better person, it has always been a goal of mine yet i feel as if i'm failing miserably... perhaps it's time 2 give myself a lecture n some +ve self-talk 2 refresh myself n leave behind the old me.. i really wan 2 b a new person wif much better characteristics that i currently hav n i wan 2 correct all those flaws of mine and acquire gd points tt i lack n hav always wanted but failed to achieve...

perhaps this is why i hesitated during those few minutes tt happened some time ago yet r still fresh in my memory... those few minutes when a crucial qns was asked and an answer was required...i gave my ans after choosing not 2 deliberate too much instead n juz c where this will lead me... i kinda got the feeling now tt it is coz i noe exactly wat kind of person i m n i dunno whether it's wise 2 impose myself on another being when i noe perfectly well the repercussions and perhaps unhappiness tt i could cause.

I really hope that somehow i didnt make life difficult 4 others though i alr knew tt it was a possibility those many mths ago... Forgiveness isnt so wonderful when i don't learn 2 b a better person in e process... Apologies n regrets arent as impactful as ensuring tt my bad qualities r greatly reduced or even removed along the way...

haiz so tired is my position in life right now.

Pocoyo!

This was a photo of pocoyo tt i took when i was flipping channels randomly some time b4 sch started,i juz thought tt this little guy was juz too cute 2 resist;)heh anyway it's been million of yrs since i last blogged n i Guess tt's bcoz i was bz..also coz whenever i feel lyk blogging i'm not on my comp so it was juz troublesome..hmm naturally loads hav happened since then,some gd some not so but we all somehow find a way 2 get thru it n looking back juz makes us grateful tt we had company thru e difficult times n tt we could share e happier ones wif those ard us:)
hmm well i spent e first half of my hols trng 4 comp which should b considered fruitful though i didnt get any individual placing (again)but i'm glad i made it 2 e top 10places n could almost get e chance 2 fight it out wif 2 persons tied for 5th placing during nus indoor,well e key word here is almost:p
Then 4 e next half of e hols i slacked on trng 2 hopefully do well 4 accounting elective(which i didnt really so seems as though i wasted my time)but oh well tt's over so it's time 2 move on..
Yr 2 modules r really quite difficult,i'm definitely feeling e stress e pressure mainly from myself but tt's coz i wan 2 do well or at least better than where i m now but well,guess i gotta take things 1 step at a time n slowly work my way thru,think tt's e only way if i wanna survive thru these uni yrs of mine;)
Anyway archery comp is approaching fast n considering tt i havent been trng since i sprained my ankle e wk b4 sch started n my flu last wk,i think i'm way unprepared 4 it but despite it all i really cant give up,somehow i'm in 1 of e 2 teams sent n i hav 2 ensure tt i dun let myself flop coz dere r other ppl at stake here,all their hard work n trng n it's really unfair if we fail coz i havent been trng,i would feel so angry if i were them soo this basically means i gotta work hard,but well despite saying so i'm still not starting any form of strengthening exercises so i guess i'm all talk:p Haha but i cant afford tt so i better jiayou n anyway i'm reaching sch soon,gotta walk in which is tiring coz i hav 0 stamina now heh so i shall end here first:) this post is mainly 4 my dear bf who notices tt i didnt post in a long while n is prob e only one who does;)but in tt sense i'm grateful,really:)
Recent msn nicks:time 2 slow down n walk e garden path of companionship:)

Driving test

failed again.. stupid driving test..

this time i seriously thought my skills were mostly up to standard.. argh blame my failure in seeing the motorcycle coming my way.. haiz..
n i still need 2 brush up on checking every direction during parking apparently..
n i hav 2 form up correctly else it'll b another immediate failure..
crap so many things despite me being satisfied wif my skills level.. hateful. n this time so many ppl noe i was taking the test.. haiz so it'll b quite painful telling every1 when they ask.. haiz, nvm that way i'll become numb 2 e pain faster ;p
i was pretty confident.. hate feeling such crushing defeat; was it wrong 2 feel as if everything will go smoothly? should hav realised that i should nv hav such high hopes of myself apparently.. guess this depends a lot on luck n the day's conditions. not to mention i thought the tester was pretty strict. oh i need 2 brush up on my // parking.. it has nv been a prob.. juz not used 2 the one in the circuit where the pole is so near the edge of the parking lot.

Haiz. nvm it's over.. i'm juz glad tt i wasnt left 2 my own thoughts 2 sink in self-despair after the test, my dear came over n waited 4 me 2 finish up wif the test n everything.. then we went watch 'made of honour' after which i was pretty much back 2 normal.. he was so sweet 2 me after e test.. hmm kind of like that treatment :P but i noe his normal attention to me is alr a lot so i'm grateful for that.. we went je after that 2 get some cooking bks from the library n cooking/baking supplies n grabbed some dinner despite me not being hungry (it was alr 9plus) n then he sent me home.. didnt sound lyk much but i enjoyed my time wif lance :P hmm the 2nd attempt for my driving test (which was also a failure) was also followed by a day out wif lance too so hmm the company is great as always :) no complaints dere.. juz tt i wanna pass n celebrate wif my dear instead of moping ard n having 2 get him 2 cheer me up n everything.. i juz wanna stop wasting time n $$ both of which i seriously hate wasting.. oh wells, it's been a long n tiring day wat wif LDP meeting in the morn at 10am followed by 2 hrs driving then the test n all so yup time 2 get a well-deserved rest! :)

some little thoughts of mine..

hmm i realise i'm pretty much pessimistic wif my thoughts most of the time, failing to think abt the better things in life, always seeing things in a darker shade of light than it could have been seen in.. i noticed this a few days back while on my way to my driving lesson.. suddenly feeling as if i could see things in a better light, in a better way; be it my family, my friends, my driving lesson.. everything took on a better colour so as to speak... i was grateful for that which i have and a bit regretful over that which i don't but knowing that i already have so much n hence not being too greedy for more.. heh sounds quite deep n all but that was my thoughts at that point in time.. anyway the lesson after that turned out to be pretty bad so my mood took a swing downwards so it was perhaps gd that i had tried to make myself feel better before the lesson.. n in this incident i realise (as always) that my mood is ever-changing, easily swinging from happy to sad with the swift flow of my thoughts.. was juz thinking that i feel quite apologetic towards lance that he has to bear wif me when i'm in my moods.. throwing tempers or juz being downright unhappy... hmmm...is it a gals thing or issit juz me.. a qns i'll juz hav 2 consider but not really bother wif esp since my days are packed wif activities to bz myself wif everyday :P

recent msn nicks: '3 whole days more..' ... 'i reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some'

bitter aint = best medicine

I HATE CHINESE MEDICINE; IT'S BITTER N TORTUROUS.

Hate it loads.

Detest it more n more n more!

Always feel lyk puking after drinking it & my stomach feels uncomfortable 4 a pretty long while after. urgh.

after exams...

Time passes real quick and it's already the end of my first year in NTU Aerospace.. kept wondering how i was going to survive in aerospace but i guess all e yrs in ntu will juz pass lyk that so i should juz let time do its magic n use my brain on my impt matters...

the 5 papers were alright i guess, phy a killer as usual.. dunno wat's wrong wif me, having smthg against phy i guess.. oh wells i cant let this go on, gotta find a way to overcome it coz engineering is all abt phy aint it..? :S haiz gotta jiayou

basically this holiday will b spent on getting my license(hopefully), trng, special sem-accounting (yay my 1st choice! :P), worldview stuff as well as gg out n relaxing at home i should think. No chance for overseas trip partly coz my parents wouldnt let me go wif lance... haiz only 2 b expected.. though i did hope.. nvm. guess i juz gotta wait for some time first, guess it's too fast too early 2 ask. I shall learn 2 b a gd patient little girl...

guess i really gotta jiayou 4 everything.. esp studies...

recent msn nicks: i ans 2 me n only me :P , cant always hav everything u wan, tt's life.

Flight of 8 April 2008 - Black Knights glider

Yesterday saw the 830 lab class having fun throwing their glider after their whole test n everything.. apparently huiwen's pink dolphin got the 2nd best distance in their class n kenneth & sikuan's glider the 'black hawk' hit the other end of the hangar though only prof jorg schulter was ard; so w/o e other 2 teachers ard 2 c its performance, that flight couldnt b counted though here on youtube, huiwen posted that magnificent flight of black hawk's :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My1XfmdCeeQ

Not bad that she managed to get a gd video of it juz when it decided 2 fly ;)

hmm the 'show & tell' session was alright, jingxin(& yonghwa, timothy, bangwei)'s group was before mine, lance's before theirs and so thankfully by the time it got 2 our turn, the 3 profs were a bit tired of asking qns :P e 3 profs were prof schulter(dunno whether spelt correctly), materials lect prof n prof yongki go (yr1 coordinator). n jingxin was a really gd speaker too, talking so fluently n flawlessly lyk he knew everything though apparently he juz saw the paper juz b4 e presentation n smoked his way thru ;) lucky him.. haha but that meant that the profs were tired of asking qns after their group alr :P yay... coz i had 2 present wif benjamin n i wasnt clear (or that clear) abt the concept n theory... lucky my part aint tt technical n the profs didnt really post much difficult qns, they didnt ask much! :D

Then for the real flight itself... it was cool :P me on e ground was nervous for kitling n yvette on b3 n b3m, think they muz hav felt worse.. whenever it came 2 our group 2 fly our 'black knights' glider (coz we pasted black knights sticker on it as supplied by yvette :p ), they'll always take their time 2 check if the tail is centre n whether the ailerons n elevators r working.. pretty cool watching them do that while the others juz fly their glider when it's their turn coz they looked so pro! lyk they knew wat they were doing which they did of coz :P heh so fun! n when it came 2 distance flight... our glider flew 2 e last pillar from the back so it's lyk 3/4 of the hangar,.. yay! :P 1st try flew that far n 2nd try juz slighter lesser than that... then after that also no one beat that distance so very happy :D
For precision, kitling controlled it pretty well such that both times landed within the 'runway' that was marked wif masking tape on the ground.. 2nd time was slightly better coz slid to the middle of the runway.. :D then the materials prof was commenting to the other profs that 'oh twice also'.. then i was walking past so v happy :D!!
hmm but gliders lyk lance's n jingxin's which were supposed 2 perform didnt really... coz lance's one broke after e 1st/2nd flight.. ouch.. unlucky.. then it couldnt fly well after it broke.. then jingxin's dunno wat changes they made 2 it coz ytd it couldnt fly at all, kept nosediving, they said one of their servo also spoilt so hmm prob combination of unfortunate things..
then after 2 tries still got time so since our group wanted 2 try distance again, i approached the profs 2 get 'em 2 watch again... n i guess all e other groups also wanted 2 try again so i was lyk surrounded a bit by a lot of ppl after i asked e profs.. lol i was lyk woah where did all these ppl came from.. hahaha... so they were all on the 'landing area' but of coz they cleared the middle area for our glider but it was alright coz.... our glider totally flew over everyone n headed for the end of the hangar!!!!!! WAY COOL! hahahahaa kitling so pro lar! he got the glider to pitch up gently everytime it was tilting downwards so it managed 2 fly so long, so far!! i saw the whole thing!! O.O it was woah........! neat man! n i couldnt stop smiling when i went 2 get it back while prof jorg marked e spot :P

Here's our glider: 'Black Knights'

Our group T2-4 and our glider in MAL!

hehe euphoria... apparently prof jorg was v interested in our glider coz after e whole thing when kitling n yvette juz went up again 2 try n c if we can fly it that far again 2 record it down on video he was on the lift up n he asked qns abt our glider :) seems lyk all e effort wasnt wasted.. pity the fuselage broke that time when we tried again after e whole thing.. nvm glued n taped it back n returned it.. anyway it's only worth if it flew well during the flight itself, imagine if all e time it was doing ok but it didnt perform during the most crucial flight then every1 in e group will b pretty sad that all e effort was 4 naught... i should think it's prob lyk how jingxin's n lance's group would hav felt.. hmm well juz glad tt it's over then time 2 focus on other more AUs subj :P yup.. torturous but gotta try 2 score... this time 5 papers only, gotta make sure i do better, else it'll b stupid 2 hav 1 less paper than last sem yet dun do better... yup. gotta force myself 2 hit e bks/notes.. lyk muz.. dun care how i might feel i juz gotta force myself.. this is e only way 2 not feel too stressed hopefully...

btw juz an interesting note.. benjamin wrote E pluribus unum on our glider which means 'Out of Many, one' in Latin.. cool eh... always thought latin was fun.. mebbe i shall go learn it someday :)

juz some stuff on my calendar n on my mind..

hmm realised i totally didnt blog in march at all... always cant find time to do so, esp when i'm the biz mag for NTU Open which was in mid-march, think it was 15 & 16 march, sat and sun.. i know i had a math quiz the following week which i totally flopped in.. that time there was a phy quiz during that period which i did average only, but was at least satisfied wif it.. esp considering that i only got 1 qns correct for today's quiz, i better do well in the final exam else it'll b really hard 2 not let my gpa get pulled down by phy.. again -.- so that means i muz work hard, really hard all the way til the exams! which are actually only a week away so not much time 2 show my diligence / sloth watever.. math quizzes were ok overall since lance forced me 2 work hard for the last quiz which helped pulled up overall... but phy is smthg tt i muz force myself in else it'll b very difficult 4 me 2 turn things ard at all.. ok muz really try alr..

anyway was commenting on deb's entries and everything n also realised that she uses perfect english in her entries, not lyk me using shortform whenever i can.. dun bother to capitalise the 'i's too ... heh guess we all have our own style of noting down the little things in our life. These few mths have been hectic, they seemed 2 pass so fast.. though every mth's 28 is remembered coz it's me n lance's 'month-niversary' :) but sch work n the various activities juz keep getting in the way of us having a proper celebration.. ok fine it's me n my unfinished tutorials that keep us from celebrating properly since always hav 2 go back n make me finish my tut for the nxt day's lesson.. i can b so imprudent, foolish, thoughtless, irrational sometimes.. failing to consider this big picture by doing my tutorial earlier instead of leaving til the last min.. a flaw of mine that i'll hav 2 correct for every1's sake.. esp for mine n lance's i suppose..

hmm i'm seriously forgetful sometimes too.. forgot 2 bring tissue for lance coz his nose aint treating him well todae n forgot 2 bring the pages that i printed out for our report for management that we were supposed 2 hand up during the tutorial.. made him run here run dere juz 2 get it 4 us.. i should start carrying post-its ard wif me i think, n write down all e stuff i hav 2 do immediately instead of storing them somewhere in my brain.. apparently the short-term memory gets forgotten for a while before my memory gets jolted and i recall that dere's smthg that i failed to do.. tsk tsk, think it's too much memory work since pri sch that has reduced my brain's ability to store short-term memory well.. even the management tutor notices this phenomenon among singaporeans while our peers from our countries dun seem 2 hav this prob.. or mebbe it's juz our styles of studying.. it's time we learn from them i guess...

ok it's late, i wanted 2 watch the online lect for marketing, but felt that it's too late n i'm too tired... which is true.. was studying in yonghwa's room wif lance dear while they 2 studied astro.. argh, my fav subj but from wat i heard, it sounded pretty content heavy, juz lyk management, v content heavy too.. hmm wonder how m i gonna pass for management.. coz it doesnt seem lyk it's ez 2 pass.. crap i seriously need 2 put some work into management even if i s/u-ed it alr.. i still need 2 pass... okies time 2 rest else tmr cant wake up on time for our glider's final flight, the one that we keep practising for.. let's hope it'll be a smooth flight for our 'black knights' glider :P

recent msn nicks: never again will i.. time is of e essence!

Ever Ever After :)

Ever Ever After

Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
And a secret is taught, it's our favorite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it true
Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away

Starting your fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you
Ever ever after

Though the world will tell you it's not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart
Believe in ever after

No wonder your heart feels it's flying
Your head feels it's spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through
To ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe it's just one wish away
Your ever ever after
Ever ever ever after

(I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss)
Ohhhhh , for ever ever after
[ Ever Ever After lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

Sometimes a beautiful white rose, a cherished gift and a thoughtful card is all it takes to make an uneventful day special :)

Behind these hazel eyes

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

-kelly clarkson

Anger

Sometimes when i'm really angry all i wan 2 do is start screaming or smthg. but i cant. it's stupid. so i force myself to shut my eyes and stop being an idiot. typing fast can be a way 2 let out this excess energy.. else blasting music will help too.. Totally blocking out all surrounding noises is the best way to calm down at times.

I have a really bad temper. That I juz barely control. If i'm angry enuff i dunno wat i'll do. i juz feel lyk crying sometimes when i cant stand it. seriously. but crying is lyk admitting to losing. Losing to yourself.

Often I'm angry coz of myself. Angry at myself. For always failing to be the perfect person i've been trying to be all my life. I really hate this. Hate myself for letting things get so bad that the only thing i can do is rage and cry over it. BUt i dun cry on the outside, not anymore. Gotta calm down. Getting angry doesnt get anything done. It juz wastes more time i guess.

My bdae present!

Piglet! My bdae prezzie from Joey! My colleague/supervisor @ work (SNEC)... yah.. it's actually juz an xtra prezzie left over from xmas.. so it's a coincidence that it's a pig...

but hmm was a bit sad when at 12midnite there was only 1 sms... from DEBORAH TAY! hahahaha glad she rmbered.. but eh dere's been msges taking their time 2 come in wishing me happy bdae.. so i guess i'm satisfied :) haha silly me.. coz last yr got so many smses! @ 12 midnite some more.. this yr.. oh well, @ least thru-out e whole dae got smses so it's real nice :D I guess it's thx 2 facebk n friendster tt helped remind ppl tt it's my bdae.. which is gd i suppose.. haha.. thus my facebk wall got 3 posts wishing me happy bdae.. 1 from DEBORAH TAY! hahaha yah she's a great friend.. wish she'll relax abt results.. oh wells. yup blogging @ work again coz got 10 min break 2 slack a bit (cover reception for a while) so yah :P

xmas n e unexpected changes it brought into my life

starting from christmas eve, 15 ppl msged me merry xmas! whether it's juz a simple 'merry xmas' text or a more complicated one wif snowmen n xmas trees, i'm still really grateful for them... but i regret that i didnt reply most of 'em.. was a bit bz on xmas dae.. they were mainly from ntu ppl though dere were some which came from old friends, some of whom i havent been in touch for a while.. they're so sweet :) wonder how i can thank them for rmbering me..

Anyway.. had e ntu archery xmas party @ settlers cafe in holland v last tue... unexpectedly fun. It wasnt bad on the whole.. even got the biggest gift xchange prezzie.. a penguin water dispenser from action city! haha quite lucky for me :)

Hmmm then on thurs, tried 2 shoot in e morn but it started pouring once i reached e field so obviously no chance 2 train.. haiz, i really wanted 2 shoot coz been working n missing trngs.. oh well, guess it juz means i'm not fated 2 shoot that dae.. but managed 2 borrow xiangyuan's bow! haha yay.. but 34pounds leh.. i'm gonna hav a hard time pulling it next trng..
Since cant train, went 2 shop 4 groceries wif lance, yonghwa n karen for cooking dinner in hall that evening... haha quite fun the whole cooking process.. though sometimes it got a bit boring while waiting for the fd 2 b cooked.. but anyway e fd was quite gd.. n e cheesecake that was dessert is seriously one of e best i've eaten ever! hmm but i couldnt stay out too late so only got 2 eat 1 slice of cake n play 2 rounds of uno spin! haha yonghwa seriously got quite a number of boardgames in his room.. quite an interesting experience that dae :)

Sunday! mEt up wif my Nj Archery team! though 2 persons backed out in e end, namely xiangyuan n wendy (sprained ankle again) but most of e rest turned up! hmm but hav 2 find something else 2 do next gathering.. mebbe go boardgames cafe, else it's seriously juz walk ard n stone since they're not v pro-active in striking up conversations.. most of e time it was fred n benghui talking! me being sick tried my best alr.. (been sick since wed..) 9 of us dere that dae, rach being late (as usual) by 1.5hrs -.- Anyway, weide fred benghui fangjian colin junguang louis rach n me make up e 9 persons. so glad that a lot of 'em made e effort 2 turn up.. nxt time will b a better gathering! else ppl might start refusing 2 turn up :( hmm i turned up pretty early that dae, b4 the 1st meeting time of 4pm so i managed 2 drag weide n fred ard 2 help me buy xmas prezzies! haha they gave me lots of suggestions but none were gd enuff 4 me :P not creative enuff @ least.. but they helped :D v grateful 2 'em 4 that.)

Monday was Xmas Eve! Went bowling n played mahjong wif my family.. was more of a family dae which is gd.. coz i've been gg out too much n been spending too little time wif my family. bowling i was e 2nd lousiest in e family.. winning that place only coz my youngest sis obviously is too young 2 b able 2 play properly -.- sigh, it's unfair when ur other 2 sisters r either in bowling club or was in bowling team. Still. Seems lyk i need 2 brush up on my bowling skills!

Tuesday.. Xmas dae! early in e morn received a super heavy prezzie... e box was filled wif chocolate! but i having a bad cough now..guess e chocolate will hav 2 wait a while.. wait until i get better.. anyway, went 4 kay's xmas party or rather it's actually juz her church's xmas service which she helped 2 organise @ her place so yah. (It's a family church) She forced me 2 go. Humph. It's lyk a family thing!! Still make me go! I'm so not family despite her insisting that i'm in her mg family
-.-
Shucks, totally didnt noe any1 else dere cept from lance n kay n perhaps esther whom i dun really noe in e 1st place.. (n mebbe kay's parents whom i also dun really noe in e 1st place)felt so awkward la! Humph. Mebbe it's juz my imagination but felt as if all her cousins were wondering abt my presence. All her fault. Humph. Next time shall ignore her. Urgh.. i shall make an effort 2 avoid all sort of xmas church services from now on. Though this wasnt that bad.. quite ok, made me kinda miss mg's chapel services.. much better than city harvest's service that i went 4 last yr.. Nv ever will i attend another such service under city harvest. A super bad experience. No other way 2 describe it. Urgh.
hmm but anyway managed 2 get out after lunch n walk ard her condo a bit which is ALSO her suggestion -.- n also went up 2 her place 2 visit le le n an an.. her 2 little doggies which seem 2 hav been ard for v long.. n e male one (forgot who is who) kept bullying e female one! Tsk. Hmmm then went out after that.. headed over 2 esplanade's roof terrace b4 n after dinner.. nite view supposedly better but was pretty crowded thx 2 it being a public hol. Reached home late again..11 plus.. so much 4 spending e rest of xmas @ home.. i was wrong abt that.

Anyway, 2dae! was feeling v insecure this morn.. silly me.. was on the brink of being super depressed again i guess.. but lucky me.. got a phone call which changed my mood..
anyway supposed 2 b having a p6 dinner @ ms clarity's cafe (Havent been dere in a while), venue suggestion courtesy of urs truly, hmm i hardly rmber anything abt that class.. oh well, doesnt hurt meeting up wif other mg girls whom i c ard mg sec sch anyway.. hope it'll b fun.. i so dun lyk awkward situations.. those r so not fun. N well, obviously i'm supposed 2 b working but i've finished my work for the dae.. at lyk 3pm so used 1.5 hrs 2 write all these down since i've 2 pretend 2 do work anyway.. coz my colleague not here 2 give me more work.. e office is 1/2 empty since most ppl took leave 2dae.. it's only 430pm -.- despite me dragging e work n everything i still got so much time left.. humph gotta find stuff 2 do.. n singhealth went 2 block all those web messengers lyk meebo n ebuddy n even youtube! facebk n friendster also -.- so i'm left wif extremely limited options 2 entertain myself for the remaining 1 hr..

recent msn nick: cheesecake! :D

ahh xmas xmas...

been watching lots of movies this mth! haha or so it seems 2 me.. esp when u dun really get 2 watch movies during sch term... watched 'fred claus', 'golden compass', 'enchanted' and 'alvin and the chipmunks' so far... all in 1 mth! n i enjoyed e last few lots.. enchanted n alvin r seriously v v fun 2 watch..

enchanted is so funny at times but @ e end it makes u feel that in reality.. dere wouldnt b such fairytale-like endings rite? haha no idea.. but having heard from 2 persons who r single n hav watched e movie, it made them feel lonely that they're unattached.. ok mebbe not so extreme, but it definitely made e viewer think abt where their prince charming/ damsel in distress is.. n when will they appear.. sounds odd but true.. hmm i watched it wif a friend of mine so i didnt think so much.. i was juz thoroughly enjoying myself laughing my head off at the way griselle opens e window 2 call all her ehh friends in nature... lyk cockroaches!!! EEEKKK... whahahahahaaa... seriously funny.. but i noe if i watched it alone.. i would've felt lyk 'em.. felt that it's a gd show n everything.. but it will make me feel so much more lonelier than b4 e movie.. w/o some1 lyk ur prince charming 2 b dere 4 u.. 2 save u from e evils of e world.. yah.. though @ this pt in time i dunno whether 2 feel afraid or happy.. so so v afraid of getting hurt.. i'm too fragile i noe.. not sure if i could withstand any pain of any form.. any.. more.. so afraid 2 b happy, 2 hav fun. haha wat irony.

Alvin.. was super fun! They were TOTALLY Cute!! ESP theodore!haha think i lyk theodore! he's soo cute! it's lyk u'll go awwww..when u c him! n seriously out of e 3 i would sae simon n theodore stands out more 2 me than alvin.. strange but true.. n the way they dance! way awesome.. their singing melts thy heart... hahahaa.. juz plain fun!

the golden compass was part 1 of a trilogy i realised... but i was super excited when we went in 2 watch!couldnt contain my excitment, i'm lyk some small little kid who's visiting e cinema 4 e 1st time watching a movie that i really wanna watch :P haha silly me.. but i enjoyed e movie thoroughly, not a comedy more of fantasy,.. cool graphics n everything.. in my opinion e movie was nicely done!


Watched enchanted n golden compass in e same wk.. golden compass 1 dae b4 enchanted! haha wif some ntu archery ppl.. enchanted was tgt wif xmas present buying dae so yup, bz bz dae :)


i watched alvin ytd! or rather mon.. it was after my 1st dae of work so it was smthg 2 look forward 2, 2 distract myself from work.. esp since i dun lyk working @ all... hmm gg back 2 work.. nice seeing some of e ppl again.. but e work's still no fun.. but my pay was increased! so kinda still a bit bearable.. anyway lucky me coz 1st dae back n they had a sort of party in e afternoon, some1's bdae celebration so had cake sushi red wine donut(from donut factory) chocolate wif liquor inside... all juz b4 i got off work...seriously too full 2 finish everything so left e donut behind.. dere was so much 2 eat!n my colleague juz happily piling fd on my plate lyk nobody's business..but it was nice 2 slack that 1.5hrs away :P anyway.. @ least it's juz 6 daes back at work... soon they'll pass.. shucks mine only 6 daes n i'm counting down.. wat abt those wif mths left at that place? tsk me..

oh yah.. hav 2 get so many gift xchange prezzies 4 e various xmas parties i'm gg 4...i even declined 2 go for 1 party.. tt 1 muz bring $10 gift 2 xchange but that's not e reason.. haha i dun think it's too gd 2 keep gg out everydae.. though i'm pretty much doing tt alr.. n i've been shopping 4 these prezzies n not spending on myself @ all.. haiz.. oh wells.. cant b helped i guess.. @ least it'll b fun attending all these parties n meeting up wif all my friends :D


hmmm it's e xmas holidaes! i realised that i really do quite like this feeling of xmas in e air though it may not seem evident but it's present n it's nice :D n i really do lyk this yr's xmas lights @ orchard.. 1st time i'm so interested.. haha funny me..
when schooling.. perhaps e xmas-y feeling isnt that obvious cept perhaps during e parties.. but @ work, it's lyk every1's preparing gifts 4 each other! haha dunno whether it's a gd idea 2 come back 2 work during this period of time.. i better go get my colleagues some snacks 4 xmas or smthg.. cant dun give anything..tt's so not nice.. some more they giving me gifts! i muz reciprocate! haha hmm muz think of smthg.. chocolates would b gd.. better than nthg :P

recent msn nick: try then. (was really depressed when i wrote this. now feeling better i guess, juz filled wif uncertainty.. that's all.. :P )

Exam time n after :P

Yay! Finally exams r over. As expected, the last paper wasnt ez. neither did i complete it in time so... there goes valuable marks. Hope i still do decently well in it.. in all of the papers. But what really matters is that they're all over so it's time to enjoy! :D

28nov wed: after aero paper had driving lesson -.- then headed down to raffles place to join deb huiwen songwei n justin @ minds' cafe 2 play boardgames :D haha even though i only got to play for less than 2hrs, but it was fun seeing how every1 became a bit crazy towards e end... muz mention tt i got LOST getting dere... for lyk 1/2 hr.. irritating... dirns werent v clear... n it sure took 'em long b4 songwei volunteered 2 come find me.. -.-" irritating... humph. Thankfully got 2 friends of mine msging me @ tt time asking me abt my papers.. they got 2 hear 1st hand how i was lost n everything.. haha thx 4 being dere (though dere's thankfully no chance they'll c this :P )... oh well. pretty fun nite n everything i guess... :)

29nov thurs: My cousin's wedding todae so went 2 their home in e morn.. then later my other cousin (his sis) painted my nails 4 me.. haha still quite surprised tt they're painted but anyway.. yah haha.. didnt really think of dressing up that nite 4 e dinner but did anyway, a bit, juz lack makeup only.. which was gd coz reached home late lyk 1230am haha yup. would've been troublesome 2 remove makeup too... took some photos that nite.. chatted lots wif my 2 sis.. been a while since i seem 2 hav chatted 2 'em lyk tt...prob thx 2 hall life bah... anyway had fun :D that's all tt matters!

30nov fri: driving test-urgh. Not enuff prac.. i knew it alr so was no surprise @ e end of it.. happily msging rach away abt it.. silly me haha... then had lunch wif a friend.. went 2 check out the singapore design festival! pretty interesting things dere! check out Brazilian architecture on 1st floor, design of marina south on 3rd floor as well as the new layout for the old supreme court as the centre of arts for singapore i guess.. haha lousy memory.. but spent super long dere! got quite a lot 2 c bah.. then nv check out e 4th floor though.. coz no time le gotta go meet kay 4 movie @ the cathay. Quite regrettable.. seems as though the 4th floor got interesting stuff.. too bad i guess... nvm... went met kay for 'Fred Claus' @ the cathay wif lance! Nice movie :D Typical christmas-y kind of movie.. but i really did wanna watch 'Enchanted'! Urgh... all thx 2 kay having watched it ALR! Humph. nvm gg watch it this fri hopefully :P should b haha.. Yay! kinda cant wait! hmm meanwhile gotta think abt who i gotta get christmas presents 4... =x this is difficult.. hopefully not so many ppl..? dunno........ oh wells. i'll figure smthg out. Anyway.. had dinner @ manhatten @ PS! Nice nice fd n place.. but queue was long too... anywayz... after dinner kay had 2 go home n pack coz she gg shanghai 4 hol so yah.. checked out christmas lightings @ orchard n reached home 1130pm :P later than wed... Oops.. but it was fun...

1 dec dental appt n trng.. great 2 c some of e archers again :D had fun! haha being silly talking abt nonsense n wat we've been up 2 n stuff... oh wells... hope every session will b as fun.. now tt trng has resumed 2 a 3 times a wk basis.. tue thurs sat.. haiz.. hope can still hav fun in between gg out n stuff!! hehe.

MSN nicks: i guess i'm not as strong as i thought i m

i cannot cannot cannot

Bored-.-

this is the life!

sit back relax n enjoy e show!

Exams... in uni... :S

exams... the uni style... hmmm... so far, i've finished 4 papers... yay :D only left 2 more 2 go...

umm as deb n jingxin were saying.. we all hav an obstacle... mine would b physics n tt's over so i'm quite happy.. shall juz work hard for the last 2... last wed was math n econ... morn n evening paper... hmm quite tiring... but dere was dinner 2 look forward 2! haha dinner wif fangjing, kay, yanbing n yifang 2 celebrate ashley's bdae!! haha yah unlucky tt it's on e 1st day of exams but so glad 2 hav e dinner 2 look forward 2 :D then we could happily chitchat during the dinner! but too bad couldnt stay for long coz ash had a paper the nxt dae... so glad yifang came all e way down!! she's so wonderful!! :) but it's been super long since we met up.. humph... uni life... disconnects us 2 e rest of e world... haha the rest of our friends i mean... then after dinner stayed wif fj 2 wait 4 her friend then they walk me back 2 hall! so nice lar they! having so much fun talking 2 fj laughing n giggling away! hahahahaha gossiping lyk mad lar the both of us... v fun though hehe.. then got snacks tt nite also... in the form of ... smarties! haha... a bit erm... haha but nice all e same.. helps make u more grateful towards stuff when u juz had 2 papers in a dae haha..

nv had so much fun in a while alr... aiyo... mg friends r e best :D hahahaha... miss 'em loads... but realised tt recently i've been missing my archery team back in nj lots too... missing wendy rach... dx is here but i dun c her at all despite us being same hall.. so ironic... but yah... then iris also in faraway australia... but facebk got her! haha shall write on her wall soon.. after exams :)
hmm then dere's fred... who's always on msn but i havent talked 2 in a while.. shall chat soon... weide.. saw him came online twice!! super rare... but didnt talk 2 him coz i was supposed 2 b studying... hmmm junguang (my fellow blue fletch nj archer!) nv hear alr haha... fangjian always c online but nv talk once again.. soon soon... the rest lost touch alr bah... though they're still on my msn... haha... but i miss rach n wendy... was telling rach n she said dun worry will meet up during hols! hope so :) *cross my fingers*

umm... wat else... oh rite back 2 exams... then last fri had phy which was my obstacle paper... was feeling really miserable n horrible e nite b4... e dae b4 spent the whole dae in study room from abt 1030am until abt 10pm -.- cant believe i managed 2 stay dere 4 so long.. studying wif kenneth.. then dinner huiwen came down n ate wif us n we also ate wif muthaiah(dunno how 2 spell his name),huiwen n kenneth's friend wayne n his roomie n some ppl haha.. dunno.. then huiwen joined us in e studyroom then i got stressed so didnt do much le.. realised whole dae didnt do tt much but was ok i guess.. spent 45min in e morn chatting on e phone wif fangjing coz i was falling asleep inside! haha totally left kenneth alone in dere Oops! but i was really sleepy.. oh yah muz thank him 4 all e rides 2 sch! haha hallmate n kinda neighbour.. the time in between math n econ was also spent hanging out wif him n his friends.. haha n his program 'Game.cpp' totally entertained huiwen n deb... n impressed us all haha... but eh will tell him another time, when his ego needs boosting n not deflating ;)

anyway for phy i was juz super glad when it's over... i took my time 2 do e paper n it may seem as though i've given up hope since e 1st qns but thinking back properly, it's more as if i had no regrets coz i did my best :) even though i dunno whether i'll pass this time (yah it's tt bad) but i was juz relieved when it ended... even if i left 4b empty.. i was still glad... been a while since i felt this way.. when e rest were discussing ans i tuned out really... haha... deb n huiwen were saying tt i was quiet on e way back 2 hall but i guess it's juz tt i didnt feel lyk talking bah... was ok though haha though alison could tell i was a bit miserable, ok quite miserable when we met her at the nanyang heights bus stop.. so long nv c her alr... mebbe 1 dae can meet up n eat n chat :)
then after e paper me n deb went wif jingxin 2 JP 2 eat.. @ KFC haha... v long nv eat KFC alr bah,.. n jingxin was in e mood for fried stuff haha so we went dere... but b4 tt muz comment tt jingxin walked ALL E WAY 2 hall 11 bus stop! my gosh so far! haha he missed hall 9 bus stop totally... coz he thought tt it's hall 8 bus stop so yah he continued walking! haha cant believe he didnt complain tt it's so far.. not bad haha.. i think tt was more disbelievable 2 me than the fact tt he overshot.. haha i guess i havent met enuff guyz 2 start judging them haha..

umm then it's been computing todae... quite ok... but prob got some minor errors here n dere... hopefully still can do ok... we'll c... then stupid justin had 2 tell us tt results will come out on my bdae... great... a v nice bdae present... urgh... n he obviously doesnt rmber my name.. -.- haha but tt's only 2 b expected... i dun think i noe him tt well either... after computing had lunch wif deb, huiwen, siewhui, jingxin, nga, justin, zhirui n justin's friend.. dunno who... hahaha but yah.. lots of ppl.. ate @ quad, surprisingly got space, coz deb said tt every1 will think tt every1 else will go quad eat so they wouldnt head dere.. yah it was quite empty when we reached dere but quite full afterwards... umm then it rained HEAVILY! haha then had 2 take shuttle bus from can A n was a bit wet in e process.. then realised tt will hav 2 b a bit wet when walking back 2 hall.. then siewhui jingxin zhirui they all also coz their stop wouldnt b sheltered! haha we only realised when we boarded e bus.. some more e rain was super heavy @ tt time lor... haha as jingxin said take a shower dere n then.. after all clothes r meant 2 b washed.. -.- but yah haha...

ummm dunno wat things will b lyk in e near future.. was thinking tt life is so unpredictable, if i was told back in sec sch tt i'll b in engineering esp aero i wouldnt hav believed a word of it.. haha amazing wat life throws at u... but here, met a great group of ppl whom i believe i can call friends :) juz quite grateful for wat i hav rite now... :)

hmm then realised tt it's harder 2 get into JCs alr.. my sis' turn @ PAE n a bit troubling thinking of which JC 2 apply 2 coz muz c whether can get in... i msged ms chen my ex-form teacher back in j1 who is now known as mrs jalleh! haha anyway yup asked her n she said v hard 2 sae but even if can only half the cohort wif her score can get in bah.. so b prepared 2 b rejected lor.. hmm i even asked kay 2 ask her jc teachers 2 check out the cut-off score... well it's either nj, ac or sa... but the thing is sa is SO far away but tt's the only one where can more or less guarantee tt my sis can get in... haiz... we'll c... hopefully lady luck will smile on her :) guess i didnt realised tt it was so hard 2 get into a jc of ur own choice.. guess i got it ez for my 1st 3 mths n yet i wasnt grateful.. well i shall learn 2 appreciate wat i've got... now...

then e rest of my family juz flew off 2 china for a vacation juz last sunday morning.. then my youngest sis was being her usual rude self.. calling home at 530am! when every1 else was obviously asleep, demanding 2 speak 2 my maid n when i told her tt she's asleep lyk EVERY1 else she totally when ' r u sure a not? auntie leh!' wif the totally obnoxious tone tt told me i'm obviously not smart enuff 2 understand her... then she went 'aiya auntie went church lar' then she totally hung up on me urgh she can so make me angry. hello?! who goes 2 church @ 530am??!! irritating. @ least dere's peace n quiet for @ least a wk which doesnt really make a diff coz i'm in hall anyway. urgh. honestly. she juz keeps reminding me y i'm grateful for staying in hall... for all e wrong reasons i should think.. oh wells.

recent msn nicks:
perhaps 1 dae u might c me..not!
honoured beyond words :)
forgive your enemies but nv forget their names ;) rmber..?
我怀念的... 那不会再有的岁月...

it's time!!!

Time 2 face up 2 reality... the exams r really here.. strangely they feel lyk tests... how come the sense of urgency is lacking... crap, muz b thx 2 work that i'm feeling so nonchalent towards everything that comes my way... this cannot do... i muz work hard!! i muz feel e sense of urgency!! argh... haha...

recent msn nick: hah!I knew that i noe how 2 do computing,juz whether i wan 2 a not! (wif regards to tut 11 NOT the stupid quiz tt i flopped... )

exams r here :(

exams r almost here n yet i feel as if i havent gotten down 2 any proper studying yet.. crap! gotta finish all e tut n studying for quizzes that dere's no time left for proper studying! Urgh.
Anyway juz had 3 tests on thurs, phy dunno how 2 do q2 n 3 but i feel ok after e paper, same wif mat sci, @ least i got 65%,better than my previous 55%.Gotta work harder for the exams or else :( computing was the 1 that made me feel bad... haiz :'( wonder if i'll even pass... i dun wan 2 get F or D this time round... stupid me.. dere was no time 2 study 4 computing at all wat wif phy n mat sci on the same day too...
then fri met andy n timothy in can B b4 computing lect in the morn... chatting then later zhen ming joined us followed by weiquan haha... so funny how we all met each other.. andy was commenting sit dere can meet so many of us so he should sit in can B n wait 4 us next time lol.. but then dere's no more comp lect so i guess this is the first time we all met up coincidentally n also the last time at least for now ;) but yay had company b4 lect which was nice..o/w always stand outside LT waiting 4 deb huiwen mf quite boring..
also had makeup computing tut at 130..rite b4 aero lect... oh well,@ least i only left 1ex for tut11 that i CANNOT solve YET! i shall consult genius siew hui who got 100% for the quiz coz she could run the whole prog... she's gd... i really admire her brains n intellect haha :D jingxin absolutely insists that it's intellect n not brains whereas i insist that brains hav got more than 1 meaning rather than the physical thing HAHA... then siew hui broke up the 'debate' by saying that she noes we eng-pro lar... Haha... computing tut wasnt that dull ytd thankfully :)

Recent msn nicks: it's beneath me 2 do computing..y muz i do comp??oh e tragedy!
aut viam inveniam aut faciam (i will either find a way or make one)
getting too stressed...

My tarot card for the day

The Chariot :
The Chariot is the representation of victory and the personality traits required to attain victory. The Chariot indicates self-awareness and control. Courage, the ability to overcome fear and confront the unknown head on, is a primary ingredient of any victorious campaign and is denoted by the Chariot. So too is force of will. Often, success is as much the product of will power and a refusal to surrender as it is anything else. The Chariot represents the healthy personality of someone who believes in themselves; someone who can take control of the situation and bring events to a positive end. Success comes in competition with others.