A form of closure to something I've loved & hated for the past 5 years

It's been a while since I last wrote an entry so here goes...


for all those who've been in close contact with me the past year, you would know that i've been waiting for this day for an awful long time.. yes it's finally my turn to step down and perhaps keep my equipment in some cupboard until it turns rusty/mouldy and i'll be forced to throw it out.. Don't get me wrong, I love the sport but I hate the complications that came with it. I never thought that I would end this love-hate relationship with archery like that but bcoz of the way things happened towards the end, I guess it's a good way to keep me from ever thinking of coming back.


Archery has and will always be a sport full of memories for me, both bittersweet and beautiful ones. I started archery with a love for the elegance portrayed in the archer's form, for the slim and pretty arrows as well as the feeling of awe that you'll experience when you hold your breath and watch an archer hit the bullseye with no hint of difficulty visible on his/her face. Perhaps it was coz I wanted to be able to look like that, that I chose to devote myself to this sport.


From the beginning, archery was a test of my ability to commit, to go thru with whatever I've chosen and is just one of the many examples that emulate what I would do once I've chosen something and that is just to stick with it and try to do my best in completing it, to the extent of just bearing with it until it's over. I've never been tested this way before as this was smthg entirely different from what I was used to, as my prior commitments were never.. well, werent much to speak of as they didnt really require much effort from me. (or maybe it's coz I never really bothered to put in more effort)


I have always been this way - I will not back out of anything that I chose for myself.. that applies to aerospace engineering, to pcme in nj, to triple science in mg :) Though i was having a difficult time, I never ever gave myself the option of giving up though I would complain an awful lot. I guess it's a sore loser kind of thing, I don't want to admit to myself that I'm a coward who cant even go through with my decisions, let alone what life throws at me so for those situations which I can control, I will do my best in sticking with my choice, even if it turns out to be less than ideal.


Archery tested me physically (I don't know how I got thru all those PTs in NJ but knowing that I did always makes me feel proud of myself :p), mentally and at times, emotionally. Perhaps I should add socially too as I always had trainings to blame for not meeting up with some friends :p

I still recall the time my nj team went for a kbox-ing session and zhiyu and I were so happy that we could easily lift the jug full of iced lemon tea with one hand when we were certain that before archery, we could not achieve this kind of feat. As for mentally, well, with all the mental training I had in NJ, what I thought was cheesy previously was something that I now believe in. It seems that all those inspirational movies werent just fiction coz believing in yourself works.

Though my mental is prob quite weak nowadays with my inability to discipline myself in doing the more impt things (like my io report) n choosing instead to be doing a personal reflections thing that isnt as urgent. argh.

Anyway as for emotionally, I guess I'm referring to the way archery competitions and political situations can create havoc for my peace of mind.


Then somehow along the way, archery became something of which my performance in it was more 'controllable' than my results in school. I looked forward to the time that I could spend with my team rather than the time I spent in the classroom. As long as I trained myself physically, I would definitely see the results in the way I could hold my bow arm steady, in the straight flight of my arrow when it's flying to the target as well as in the way my arrows would land neatly on the target; none of them sticking out of the board at a funny angle.


But studies has and will always be more impt and whenever exams came around, I focused my attention on studying and stopped training during that period of time. It was precisely because I had archery to use as an excuse for mediocre results that I was reluctant to let go of this reason/excuse bcoz of what I would have to face whenever I saw my lousy results. If I didnt have archery to hide behind, then I would really be admitting to myself that I'm not that good and that's very difficult for someone like me who's always believed that she's quite alright when it comes to studies.


Being a lazy person by nature, once exams ended, turning up for trainings was hard for me especially after the initial interest wore off. I guess it's good that the year I came into NTU the captain's training regime was oh-so-militar-ish. Even though I hated every single part of it, I would never back out of anything easily so it kept me fit physically so that I could perform in competitions and make great friends in team NTU along the way. It was my stubborness that kept me from leaving archery at the beginning and it was my friends that kept me in there until today.


Yet I've finally chosen to leave and being an indecisive person, I wouldn't have committed myself to this decision if not for the various things that happened this year. Initally I had thought of quitting after my second year at NTU was done. But I was given a tempting opportunity to improve the many things I hated when I first came in and give back to a club that has given me so much. So I thought over it long and hard and finally made the decision to stay for one more year. I've always thought that there's something wrong in offering someone who hates training to be captain but well, once I've decided, I wouldnt neglect my obligations and duties. Maybe the one who offered knew this and so gave me that chance which I really am thankful for bcoz it's always been smthg that I've wanted even if I sat thru many painful lessons along the way.


In this one year, I learnt that being one of the first to be informed of the latest going-ons n gossips aint much fun. I learnt that even though I wanted to do my best, I couldnt bcoz of my responsibilities as a student. I found that I enjoyed working with some but also realised how irresponsible others could be. I saw how relationships could break down in just one year and othes formed in just a few months. I grew to cherish some but abhor the sight of others. I became aware of the fact that I could never really make decisions by myself and that I was always relying on others so that I didnt have to be responsible for the outcome. I also almost destroyed everything that I've worked for in the past 3 years by my own hands. Perhaps that was the one last straw that I couldnt take bcoz I saw what I had become.


I recognised that I havent become stronger at all, just the very opposite unfortunately.
NUS indoors always gives me new stuff every year, alternating between gifts and lessons.. and the one message that I see in all that happened, was that it's time to go.
I had great team-mates supporting me on both days, I had friends who believed in my right, I had friendly rivals who stood by me and I know a few wonderful people who knew the right things to say, to the right people. They will always have my gratitude.
That day, I cried for more than just that event. I cried for everything I've been thru in these few years, especially in the past year. I cried for all the people who werent friends anymore, I cried because of how I hated what I had become. I cried because if nothing had changed on sunday, I would have fought all the way and lost all that I worked for, in those 3 years. I would have become the source of animosity between two parties and forced all future generations along a dirty path. I would be that selfish, just for something that I could not let go of.
That day, I didnt care who saw and that's saying something.


I became vengeful and so filled with anger that I couldnt even recognise myself anymore. I've changed in the sense that I'm much furthur away from the person I've always wanted to be. I don't want to hold grudges, I don't want to be so unforgiving, I don't want to drag the whole team down with me even though they were willing to do whatever it takes, all for my sake. I don't want to be such a hateful person.  I didnt take up this post just to see them go to extremes for me. The team doesnt deserve that.

I just don't want to be always torn in two directions, unable to do my best in either bcoz of how I feel towards the other matter. I want to let go of things that only serves to make me unhappy and keep me from being a better person. I cannot see things objectively anymore and that hurts because I've always prided myself in being impartial no matter what. So I choose to leave now before I get worse. Even if I stayed, I would never really be around much bcoz of what I would see if I hanged around. Even though I still have valued friends there, I could never really enjoy the sport anymore. And I feel that being away is the only method I have to be able to forgive and forget. I havent forgotten what mg taught me and I want to be exactly that which mg personifies.


I guess I just needed to say this all out openly so that I can hold my head up high and just leave. Life has gotten a lot more complicated and I need to reorganise my priorities and find something else to strive for. I've been without aim for too long, so it's time I decided on my direction in life. I think that with time, I can look back and say that archery taught me a great deal and the most impt thing I've got out of it, is to become a better and stronger person who is able to face life and its challenges head on.

working life and more

Oops i guess i havent quite kept my trend of 1 entry per mth since march... hmm it's the beginning of june already, wow, how time flies ;) anyway my daily life now (@ least for 6 more weeks) includes waking up super early and reaching my attachment workplace super early.. juz today i clocked in a new 'early': 7.11am when reporting time is only at 8am.. haha it's coz my uncle fetches me to work (thankfully) so it's either this or leaving home 2 hrs earlier juz to get to work by 8am so i'm sure it's worth it, yup i juz need to convince myself that when i wake up every morning scrambling to get my things ready before my uncle comes..

anyway juz smthg random, ytd morning i saw a bus flipped on its side in lane 1 of the PIE expressway.. it's lucky that we headed out early coz apparently the jam afterwards (thanks to gawking drivers on both sides of the expressway) lasted til 2pm and stretched all the way to bukit batok when the jam was only at lornie road area... it was quite a worrying sight coz you really hope the bus driver and passengers (if any, hopefully there was none) were ok, after all, accidents are no joke.. you could really get injured in them.. coz recently my sister who juz got her driving license got into an accident, it was the lorry who knocked into her but she seriously juz passed for like 1 wk then get this kind of thing (btw she passed on her 1st try.. lucky girl..), but thankfully my dad and her who were in the car were alright,.. juz backaches but no serious permanent injuries.. it's only the car that needed some repairs though the workshop sure took its time to return the car.. having the car to drive ard is a convenience that is undeniable especially when you have to lug your training stuff around singapore on public transport without it.. but no doubt a car is still not necessary, considering the price of a car nowadays, it seems more of a liability than an asset haha.. at least until i earn super a lot of $$ but that'll take time and effort and work is a bit boring nowadays already (though it's only my 4th wk of attachment) so i dun really know how i'm going to survive years and years of working life upon graduation :x anddd i also dun think i'll earn a lot :x haiz we'll see..

anyway i only juz realised that i got some comments on the tagboard, haha it's nice to see visitors and after reading that march entry again, i wondered how i managed to write like that :p haha seems beyond me..
since i'm on the topic of the previous entry, that being my team, maybe i should give an update..
well the fact that i'm about 3 weeks away to stepping down from the post of captain makes me feel that i should make last-minute amendments for my seemingly not-strict-enough attitude to the juniors in the past year.. i feel that they've been getting out of hand since exams ended or maybe even prior to that and it's not a nice feeling.. it's as if they don't respect my position (or my vcapt's position) after all that we've done for them (hopefully a lot) coz like they don't even bother to tell us properly that they're not able to turn up for trainings (to say it nicely) or why they don't want to come down.. this is really unbecoming of them because past few batches of juniors arent allowed the luxury to not come for trainings due to the past few very strict captains.. so i shall not bother to be nice these last 3 weeks.. haha perhaps that could be my saving grace.. i guess i started out wanting to do a lot but accomplishing little.. though 1 of the juniors i talked to assure me that i've done a good job but personally i don't think so.. i mean how can i think that way when i feel as if they don't have that level of respect for me if they dun even bother with the basic courtesy of informing me beforehand of their absence in trainings.. not to mention they are in really bad shape due to lack of strength and aside from that their form isnt good yet.. haiz.

anyway enough with that, i can't wait to step down actually and really leave the club.. i guess i have had enuff with all the politics and unhappiness which i didnt know exist until this year. how blissful it would be juz 2 b a normal member who doesnt have to be involved with the issues of the main comm..

n as for studies.. i'm worried for my results next year coz i purposely took the 10wks attachment instead of the 6 mths one to pull up my results with yr 3 sem 2 and i think though it worked but it didnt help by as much as i hoped it would so now i'm still in a risky situation.. not 2 mention that yr 4 wouldnt be a breeze either.. haiz..

oh yes, i'm gg philippines for holiday this coming aug! heh cant wait, i really think that learning how 2 dive would be fun and i hope that i will have the energy to capture lots of nice moments (i really hope there will be a lot) on camera.. haha i guess most of all i hope the place wouldnt disappoint though i havent even gotten ard to planning the destination yet :p okok i shall get to reading the 10th edition lonely planet guidebk that i was so happy 2 get my hands on since most of the 10th editions are perpetually always on loan or trace placed :p

early march post -> NTU IAC and etc...

Having just read huiwen's blog entry that was on her thoughts abt canoe polo, I realised that as we grow up, we become more inflexible in our character such that we will always feel we are the more 'correct' one; why would i say this? haha it's just a thought coz i agree with her on many points bcoz of how similar her comments were with regards to my thoughts on my own situation in my team.. it's true that everyone would point fingers and I feel that I'm the one doing it all, I'm always blaming others, blaming the environment or whatever for things that go wrong. I blame others for their behaviour but perhaps I should stop and consider things from their point of view. Though I try to do that occasionally I feel that sometimes I really don't want to do that because believing that the other person is the one who's solely at fault and it's never my fault is so much easier than realising that perhaps half the problem is because of me.
My animosity towards certain individuals in the club is well-known among my team-mates and I have never found the need to hide it and this is partly because I strongly believe that there should not be a need to lie to yourself or to others and be someone who I'm not. I don't want to pretend to be nice to the person when I hate what he/she did to me, but then again, if I bother to think from their point of view, I would probably realise that they were doing exactly what I would if I were them.
At times I shoot my mouth off because of that belief to not hide who I am and what I am but I hurt people in the process and I end up feeling the guilt from regret. I really hate it when this happens so I think that I should learn how to think before I open my mouth and start saying whatever that is on my mind. It's time to learn how to phrase things in a much nicer way or shut up if I cant. At least that's a more ideal person to be than the current me and naturally I would want to strive to become someone better.

Anyway NTU IAC 2010 just ended last weekend and it was quite a fruitful event I would say, not so much in terms of physical rewards in the form of medals and trophies (though I did get some.. just not the ideal colour heh) but more so in terms of what I learnt about the juniors that I had the chance to teach and perhaps even some of the archers from the senior batches... but I also notice that I like to be in the thick of things? haha not so much the life of the party type but rather the one who can help support the team and know exactly what kind of things to say to encourage them (though I probably didnt perform that well in this aspect) .. however I realise this is not good for them..
why would i say this, it's probably because I promised myself that I would leave this place asap once I'm done with my term here that during the competition I noticed that the juniors havent quite learned how to rely on themselves or their team-mates yet.. they rely on me to a certain extent and all but the most important thing is lacking and that is verbal or even just mutual communication such as encouragement to support each other and remind each other so that they may perform on the line. Team communication is especially important for team knockout events, coz only their 2 other team-mates are in there with them and hence can talk to them and help them but they lack this crucial ingredient for the kind of team spirit that would bind them well together. Haha naturally I'm speaking from experience and all that coz I noticed this is exactly what is required when you dont have a coach and you only have each other to rely on... especially under those stressful conditions... so I guess my aim now is to teach them to be self-reliant or to rely on their team-mates and most of all, to learn how to be successful independent persons who would still understand the need to be humble in their pursuit for betterment of themselves as an archer and as a person...

heh hope that I can succeed and therefore, enable them to go far in this sport and whatever they choose to do..

some stuff....

finally e hols r here! i think i've lead a much more fulfilling life after e exams ended... did so many things, was so bz tt i didnt have time 2 note it all down! shucks.. i better get down 2 writing 'em down... hmm so e other day (juz a few days back) lance n i went town in search of my bdae cake but didnt find anything coz awfully chocolate didnt allow us 2 buy a slice 2 try 1st :( tsk tsk... but we did finally check out 313 @ somerset n iluma as well as vivo... getting re-acquainted with somewhere other than the west of singapore n ntu :p finally i have some sort of a life ;) haha esp since i've been complaining tt i didnt have a life this whole sem... e right phrase 2 describe yr 3 sem1 is seriously, life sucks! haha

I'm juz glad i made it thru that 14 weeks of torture... seriously, none of e previous sems could possibly match up 2 wat last sem was for me,... n after e exams ended, i really didnt wanna go back 2 trng, after all i juz ended exams that tue and had 2 get back to training tt sat! ouch... but at least I'm ok with training now, helping e juniors to e best of my abilities (not a lot though) is kinda nice though i really hope they can improve and do well... I hope i'm able to help them in some way or another coz I noe my abilities and if I could be of some use in teaching them or protecting them from the messed-up archery circle that would prob nv change in e yrs 2 come, I would have done my part :) ok, 4 mths left til i'm free from e stress n difficulties tt comes when u're in a position with loads of responsibilities... 4 mths more to clean up my act and improve e situation which to be honest, I have not done anything worthwhile for the past 5 mths or so... i guess i'm all talk n no action.. lazy n timid... argh i wanna make an impact isnt it? it's getting quite hard 2 rmber my original intentions when I first decided to take on this role.. so many things has happened to make me forget and dull my senses...

ok i shall try... soon... ehh real soon... gotta settle my IO stuff first n my bdae thing :) oh dear i'm really quite a slacker arent I? I should stop running away from e stuff tt needs 2 b done now...

Ability

i must believe i can do it.. that i can achieve big things, starting from this moment on... haha i am that capable even though i'm surrounded by people who're all way better than I am BUT i cannot lose focus, I cannot forget that I am an elite in my own way. Just because everyone else is better than I am does not mean that I am not someone with ability. It just means that I have positioned myself among the cream of the crop and I may not be as good as the rest but I cannot forget that in actual fact I'm that good when compared to the rest of the world.

So belief shall get me through this.

my love for studies (the past)

i was juz looking for a phrase to describe my current position of ignoring everything and anything and juz focus on studying n 'policy of isolationism' popped up in my mind. heh did a 1 sec search on goggle to check if the phrase was correct n i was awash wif thoughts of my past love for history and hence the reason why i took it up together with social studies during sec sch.. i really do love history and geography and especially astronomy. i could even enjoy math in the past. the only prob is that i wan to sit down and savour every word that i read but when you're studying, you're forced to swallow it all and be tested on it.. what i really need is time i think, even for my studies now, i need time 2 practise and be confident in it which unfortunately is not the case. i dun noe how i'm gg 2 survive but i'm still feeling ok, havent lost my temper or started crying due to frustrations etc... yet.

i was quite amazed i didnt throw any tantrums today, shall try and learn to control myself better and better with each passing day! haha coz i was doing thermo tut 9 (n still m) n let's juz say my progress is v little.. anyway i juz wan 2 profess my love for history for astronomy and math. haha the past math n not the now math :p hmm...gotta finish tut 9 tonight! i must!

recent msn nicks:
policy of isolationism

nice quote:
If you are doing what you have always done, you will be getting what you have always gotten (NJC Shooting Club Motto)

short extract of something inspirational:
Mervyn also mentioned about my dream or "vision" as he puts it. What was my vision?

1. That one day, ex-NJC shooters will dominate the shooting scene in Singapore. Not so much to be be smug about it, but to lead the shooting community towards our vision of people development. (We are getting there, trust me).

2. In 10 years, when people from other JCs (who are not in shooting) hear that one of our shooters or alumni is/was from NJC Shooting, they look at you with respect. I have heard from many seniors that we are there already. Perhaps not eveyone recognises us yet. But I have heard that VJC teachers and coach talk about NJC Shooting club as the standard to reach for, in terms of attitude, club spirit, hardwork, and score.

3. That it doesn't matter if an NJC Shooter continues in the sport after JC, the qualities they have developed in the Club over their 2 or 4 (and soon 6) years will persist, such that in 20 years, when a employer or a scholarship board looks at the resume of one of our shooters, they whisper to each other the following "This fella is an NJC Shooter, don't need to see anymore, surely good one). But mostly importantly, in my vision, the scholarship board interviewers or the employer would not have to be from our Club to know that. I believe we are getting there too.

We are not as great as people think of us, or even expect of us. Sometimes, because of these external expectations, we kill ourselves trying to live up to it. Some of us love the club so much that we get frustrated when things are not perfect. I appreciate these seniors for their frustration. The reason why they get so upset is because they love the Club so much. For that, I am truly grateful to them. So should the rest of you. Judge a person by looking at the heart of that person, not his way of showing it.

- Mr Gilbert Lee (ex-teacher i/c of NJC Shooting Club)

NTU Institutional 2009

It's been duper long since i last posted... nothing unusual there :p but yup so here i am using the time i'm supposed to be doing work to blog =x

Hmm the archery version of IVP just ended.. it was held over the wkend of 28 Feb - 1 Mar and to me, it was a major competition since my last competition half a year ago... and man was it nerve-wreaking and full of unexpected shocks and surprises i suppose...

This time I was even less mentally prepared than I expected myself to be... crap i really lack mental training =x someone start coaching me in my mental strength!

hmm let's say sat sighters started out well :) but eh my 1st round of 60m did not go well :s not quite sure why, seems lyk i didnt get my sighting on fri and couldnt find it on sat either =x haiz... but oh wells, i guess i still need more training at that distance though i'm highly tempted to head to 70m sooner or later O.o heh yah, tempted but not making my move... hmm for the rest of FITA 900, my 50m went superbly well and 40m was good too though not my personal best lyk how i did for 50m but it was still one of my best scores ever :)
Therefore i was ranked 6th place overall :D haha but i was quite a distance from no. 5, debra an ntu archer and no. 4 jorcelyn, another ntu archer... oh wells, but we're in e same team so it's great that our whole team made it into eh top 6? haha
e other gals did alright too though as usual we either flop at this dist or that :p we should really try to reduce that kind of thing... especially at major competitions such as these...

Ok Sunday. Big day. Individual Knockout (IKO) event in the morn plus Team Knockout (TKO) event in the afternoon...
argh got knocked out in the first round for IKO coz i lost due to the other archer (NUS' Linette)'s skill (that i acknowledge) and my lack of mental trng...
i made a mistake i nv made before, shooting 3 arrows when i'm supposed to shoot 6. what a stupid mistake to make but yah i made it, juz lyk my other two team-mates at the lane beside me... we did shoot finish the last arrow (more or less) .. finished during last eh 1 min or less... i can shoot fast that i know, i had the whole team (more or less) cheering for me with my ex-capt on the line trying to reassure me... but 1 min is not enough for me to gain back my composure. I almost cried on the line... Wendy saw it... and well i hope e ntu side didnt see it.. i was wearing shades after all... i guess i'm still not that willing to show my weakness to them that easily.

Linette was lyk trying to get me to cheer up as we went to collect my arrows but i wasnt happy with myself (and not with her, hope she didnt feel that way :s) so yah... back to my moody self.
Though surprisingly i shot quite well for the last 3 arrows... haha overall my shots were all in the red which was not enough to win Linette who was a yellow-average, haha she's good this time, but next time I wouldnt lose so easily :p

hmm was some dispute between debra ntu archer on my team and another NUS archer when they were shooting their IKO bronze medal match :s ouch alright... i wasnt dere to witness it but both sides insisted that the other cheated... and with my good friends Fred n Wendy on the other team i was torn between the two... coz i juz happened 2 ask Fred abt it when i was wif him at the noticeboard then... so coincidentally (unfortunately) that debra had to walk past n hear wat he was saying... argh when u're being suspected of cheating, you wouldnt juz keep quiet n walk away rite?? so she had 2 defend herself n wat resulted was an almost argument... Fred with that annoying tone of his but not paying her direct attention while she was close to tears, hurt that her integrity was being questioned. And dere i was in the middle of it all getting them both to just STOP IT.
Honestly. i was feeling so bad and when i realised that i couldnt find any1 in ntu archery to talk to... i hesitantly approached the nus tentage hoping to get someone to understand me.. that someone being wendy... She was dere for me, trying to talk it out with me while i openly cried, not caring who saw or watever. I think Fred saw, well he should since he's partly the cause of it. i was just bleeding inside as i was being torn apart by those two... they couldnt consider my feelings when they were doing that did they?? hateful. I didnt noe who to believe, one was my ex-guys team vcapt and the other my current team-mate who was gg 2 shoot team event with me later on, how was i suppose to get back my nonchalence to shoot with her? Of coz Wendy was on her archers' side and well she said to just drop the issue, that was the original decision made on their side and she told me not to worry about it, coz one black sheep isnt gg to ruin their impression of the whole team. I guess it hurt partly coz all the while i was trying to promote friendship between the two clubs and This! this issue just had to come up and ruin it all. what was i supposed to do when faced with this kinda thing?

Guess the morning had alr affected my mood and hence i couldnt take it after trying to be the mediator between the two. I just had to let it all out. And i was hoping that I would be the one giving support all the time during the competition and not the one needing them :s

well yeah. that totally didnt help in my mental preparedness for the team event later on. I was lyk a fragile little bird haha just accept the description lar. Thanks to my oh-so-gorgeous shades no one could see my puffy eyes! haha! yay! yeah lyk that's smthg worth cheering over...

anyway yeah... team event only had to shoot against two teams, NUS and TP... it was ok, i'm glad that i did contribute, though only 1 or 2 shots at the end =x thankfully my team-mates were good... so we got the Gold medal. It was actually alright. Glad that meecheng was the one checking our arrows' positions :) she's good at raising our spirits coz she's so high when we hit yellow on the hit-miss target :p btw the NUS team that i had to shoot against was Wendy's team :s ouch... i barely looked over because I never wanted to shoot against any of my NJ team-mates in the first place.. but everytime i looked she was there giving me a smile and a thumbs-up. I even saw her bf that day though i didnt realise until i finished my round with her... n yup he sure looks good, haha good for Wendy then :)
hmm guess i was a bit disappointed that i couldnt watch the guys shoot as they were shooting at the same time as us... it would have been fun... it's always fun watching your team-mates shoot against others... and they got Gold too...

I was just thinking of how my current team noes how attached i am to my NJ team and this is kind of similar to the situation back then when my NJ team knew how attached i was to my 1st 3 mths hc class... oh wells, wonder if they ever realised that though i may long for my previous team/class, i am in actual fact even more grateful for my current team :) though my current team loves suan-ing ppl loads which isnt exactly fun =x oh wells, no one's perfect...

a lot of things 2 write!

basically i wanted 2 blog abt a lot of things (as seen below)

sometimes life brings a lot of surprises...

• (potential) closure of njc archery


• if i were a guy...


• my first thoughts about life in NTU and the startling differences observed


• matlab & MOM quiz


• e-learning wk's over... n exams r coming...

but somehow i couldnt find e time :S even now i'm juz stealing time from doing fluids tut :S argh some1 save me... or give me more time in a day... ehh mebbe not, i'll prob juz slp those extra hrs away...
anyway watch hsm2 again todae on ch 5 n well, i would say it's inspirational 2 me hahaha.. or rather i shall try hard 2 get real fit n get a real gd figure ;) (hahaha bet this aint smthg u'll expect me 2 sae but... yah!) After e exams hahahaha n well in e meantime i gotta work hard on studies.. meaning i gotta keep my mood up in order 2 b able 2 study hard these coming weeks... juz b4 e exams.. oh how fast time passes.. but well, smthg 2 keep in mind, is well, 2 enjoy my uni days juz lyk those hsm ppl (though it's juz a movie n all) coz well, this is my one and only chance at uni at this age (of abt 19+) and this time definitely wouldnt come again,... soooo jiayou myself haha... or 2 quote from London from the suite life ( ;) aint i an absolute disney channel fan... i havent grown up yet hahhaa ): yay me!

ok tt sounds totally bimbotic O.o some1 i'm definitely not but well, no harm acting lyk one once in a while... it's a rare mood i'm in @ this moment i suspect.. which therefore explains my wackiness now haha... well back 2 fluids n life in well.. ntu... suffering lyk crazy but well, at this point in time, it's time 2 focus n not think too much abt that oh soo ominous cloud in the sky.

recent msn nicks: njc archery closing :'( it's time 4 battle

juz some stuff on my calendar n on my mind..

hmm realised i totally didnt blog in march at all... always cant find time to do so, esp when i'm the biz mag for NTU Open which was in mid-march, think it was 15 & 16 march, sat and sun.. i know i had a math quiz the following week which i totally flopped in.. that time there was a phy quiz during that period which i did average only, but was at least satisfied wif it.. esp considering that i only got 1 qns correct for today's quiz, i better do well in the final exam else it'll b really hard 2 not let my gpa get pulled down by phy.. again -.- so that means i muz work hard, really hard all the way til the exams! which are actually only a week away so not much time 2 show my diligence / sloth watever.. math quizzes were ok overall since lance forced me 2 work hard for the last quiz which helped pulled up overall... but phy is smthg tt i muz force myself in else it'll b very difficult 4 me 2 turn things ard at all.. ok muz really try alr..

anyway was commenting on deb's entries and everything n also realised that she uses perfect english in her entries, not lyk me using shortform whenever i can.. dun bother to capitalise the 'i's too ... heh guess we all have our own style of noting down the little things in our life. These few mths have been hectic, they seemed 2 pass so fast.. though every mth's 28 is remembered coz it's me n lance's 'month-niversary' :) but sch work n the various activities juz keep getting in the way of us having a proper celebration.. ok fine it's me n my unfinished tutorials that keep us from celebrating properly since always hav 2 go back n make me finish my tut for the nxt day's lesson.. i can b so imprudent, foolish, thoughtless, irrational sometimes.. failing to consider this big picture by doing my tutorial earlier instead of leaving til the last min.. a flaw of mine that i'll hav 2 correct for every1's sake.. esp for mine n lance's i suppose..

hmm i'm seriously forgetful sometimes too.. forgot 2 bring tissue for lance coz his nose aint treating him well todae n forgot 2 bring the pages that i printed out for our report for management that we were supposed 2 hand up during the tutorial.. made him run here run dere juz 2 get it 4 us.. i should start carrying post-its ard wif me i think, n write down all e stuff i hav 2 do immediately instead of storing them somewhere in my brain.. apparently the short-term memory gets forgotten for a while before my memory gets jolted and i recall that dere's smthg that i failed to do.. tsk tsk, think it's too much memory work since pri sch that has reduced my brain's ability to store short-term memory well.. even the management tutor notices this phenomenon among singaporeans while our peers from our countries dun seem 2 hav this prob.. or mebbe it's juz our styles of studying.. it's time we learn from them i guess...

ok it's late, i wanted 2 watch the online lect for marketing, but felt that it's too late n i'm too tired... which is true.. was studying in yonghwa's room wif lance dear while they 2 studied astro.. argh, my fav subj but from wat i heard, it sounded pretty content heavy, juz lyk management, v content heavy too.. hmm wonder how m i gonna pass for management.. coz it doesnt seem lyk it's ez 2 pass.. crap i seriously need 2 put some work into management even if i s/u-ed it alr.. i still need 2 pass... okies time 2 rest else tmr cant wake up on time for our glider's final flight, the one that we keep practising for.. let's hope it'll be a smooth flight for our 'black knights' glider :P

recent msn nicks: never again will i.. time is of e essence!

ahh xmas xmas...

been watching lots of movies this mth! haha or so it seems 2 me.. esp when u dun really get 2 watch movies during sch term... watched 'fred claus', 'golden compass', 'enchanted' and 'alvin and the chipmunks' so far... all in 1 mth! n i enjoyed e last few lots.. enchanted n alvin r seriously v v fun 2 watch..

enchanted is so funny at times but @ e end it makes u feel that in reality.. dere wouldnt b such fairytale-like endings rite? haha no idea.. but having heard from 2 persons who r single n hav watched e movie, it made them feel lonely that they're unattached.. ok mebbe not so extreme, but it definitely made e viewer think abt where their prince charming/ damsel in distress is.. n when will they appear.. sounds odd but true.. hmm i watched it wif a friend of mine so i didnt think so much.. i was juz thoroughly enjoying myself laughing my head off at the way griselle opens e window 2 call all her ehh friends in nature... lyk cockroaches!!! EEEKKK... whahahahahaaa... seriously funny.. but i noe if i watched it alone.. i would've felt lyk 'em.. felt that it's a gd show n everything.. but it will make me feel so much more lonelier than b4 e movie.. w/o some1 lyk ur prince charming 2 b dere 4 u.. 2 save u from e evils of e world.. yah.. though @ this pt in time i dunno whether 2 feel afraid or happy.. so so v afraid of getting hurt.. i'm too fragile i noe.. not sure if i could withstand any pain of any form.. any.. more.. so afraid 2 b happy, 2 hav fun. haha wat irony.

Alvin.. was super fun! They were TOTALLY Cute!! ESP theodore!haha think i lyk theodore! he's soo cute! it's lyk u'll go awwww..when u c him! n seriously out of e 3 i would sae simon n theodore stands out more 2 me than alvin.. strange but true.. n the way they dance! way awesome.. their singing melts thy heart... hahahaa.. juz plain fun!

the golden compass was part 1 of a trilogy i realised... but i was super excited when we went in 2 watch!couldnt contain my excitment, i'm lyk some small little kid who's visiting e cinema 4 e 1st time watching a movie that i really wanna watch :P haha silly me.. but i enjoyed e movie thoroughly, not a comedy more of fantasy,.. cool graphics n everything.. in my opinion e movie was nicely done!


Watched enchanted n golden compass in e same wk.. golden compass 1 dae b4 enchanted! haha wif some ntu archery ppl.. enchanted was tgt wif xmas present buying dae so yup, bz bz dae :)


i watched alvin ytd! or rather mon.. it was after my 1st dae of work so it was smthg 2 look forward 2, 2 distract myself from work.. esp since i dun lyk working @ all... hmm gg back 2 work.. nice seeing some of e ppl again.. but e work's still no fun.. but my pay was increased! so kinda still a bit bearable.. anyway lucky me coz 1st dae back n they had a sort of party in e afternoon, some1's bdae celebration so had cake sushi red wine donut(from donut factory) chocolate wif liquor inside... all juz b4 i got off work...seriously too full 2 finish everything so left e donut behind.. dere was so much 2 eat!n my colleague juz happily piling fd on my plate lyk nobody's business..but it was nice 2 slack that 1.5hrs away :P anyway.. @ least it's juz 6 daes back at work... soon they'll pass.. shucks mine only 6 daes n i'm counting down.. wat abt those wif mths left at that place? tsk me..

oh yah.. hav 2 get so many gift xchange prezzies 4 e various xmas parties i'm gg 4...i even declined 2 go for 1 party.. tt 1 muz bring $10 gift 2 xchange but that's not e reason.. haha i dun think it's too gd 2 keep gg out everydae.. though i'm pretty much doing tt alr.. n i've been shopping 4 these prezzies n not spending on myself @ all.. haiz.. oh wells.. cant b helped i guess.. @ least it'll b fun attending all these parties n meeting up wif all my friends :D


hmmm it's e xmas holidaes! i realised that i really do quite like this feeling of xmas in e air though it may not seem evident but it's present n it's nice :D n i really do lyk this yr's xmas lights @ orchard.. 1st time i'm so interested.. haha funny me..
when schooling.. perhaps e xmas-y feeling isnt that obvious cept perhaps during e parties.. but @ work, it's lyk every1's preparing gifts 4 each other! haha dunno whether it's a gd idea 2 come back 2 work during this period of time.. i better go get my colleagues some snacks 4 xmas or smthg.. cant dun give anything..tt's so not nice.. some more they giving me gifts! i muz reciprocate! haha hmm muz think of smthg.. chocolates would b gd.. better than nthg :P

recent msn nick: try then. (was really depressed when i wrote this. now feeling better i guess, juz filled wif uncertainty.. that's all.. :P )

wondering abt characteristics that attract me...

hmmm realised that i keep wishing i was back in mg or if that's really not possible, then back in nj... as long as not now, not wif my current level of awareness of wat relationships (BGR) mean and the various thoughts and feelings they bring...

Haha sounds extreme but well juz feel lyk that. Back in mg it was really innocence that i had... nj was more of ignorance and me not bothering abt wat other ppl r doing n stuff, heck care attitude, coz well, they dun matter 2 me. Wat matters was myself, my friends, my studies and my CCA. V simple focus in life. Now... it's not much different, juz that my time in nj, esp ard ppl lyk hx n mitch, really forced me 2 open my eyes n start looking ard @ potential bfs haha. They 2 were forever discussing eye candies and chiobus. Was always shaking my head at their actions... but now i'm pretty much 1 of them. Dun quite lyk how i became lyk that, feeling as if I've lost myself in the process. I juz wan 2 go back 2 focusing on myself and juz me. Even if watever i'm doing now is a pretty much sooner or later thing, i rather it's later i guess... But oh well... wat's done is done, my perception to things hav changed n it's impossible 2 turn back.

So the only thing now left 2 do would b 2 face this part of myself. This part of myself prob developed more so during my working days... working days were hard.... hard 2 pass bcoz of their tedious nature and monotonous lifestyle... realised that on gg back 2 studies, my creativity has been stifled by work.. there's not much creative juices left in me despite the fact that i used 2 pride myself on being such a person... saddened... i'm dreading the day when i've 2 face the working world, juz glad that at least i've 4 yrs in uni, in this studying envt where i relish the opportunity 2 live life to the fullest, meeting new ppl everydae, hanging out wif diff friends, experiencing the various activities uni has 2 offer n juz having a great time that every student ought 2 hav. So i think from now on i'll prioritise yes, but also try 2 not hold back anymore haha. Sounds lyk i'm turning wild, of coz that wouldnt happen, i'm v disciplined but yup, juz enjoy wat's left of my studying yrs b4 i'm forced 2 bcome a real adult, wif obligations, behaviourial restrictions and well, diff set of thoughts and values.

Facing this part of me means recognising wat kinda ppl attract my attention and gain my respect... those real nice gentlemanly guyz r definitely it. but this also means that bcoz they're so nice, u mistake them being nice as smthg more than juz friends... so yah. irritating but true. Messing wif others' emotions coz they're too nice... seems so wrong.. haha... for me, i'm kinda attracted 2 polar opposites of me somehow... dunno y but it's true... perhaps coz i dun quite lyk wat i m rite now... so i admire those wif traits i dun hav or dun possess rite now... well, bcoz they're polar opposites of me, dere's nthg 2 any kind of relationship other than juz friends.. irksome but true. Sigh. Sometimes life is so unfair and sometimes one will feel so lonely but it's ok, i gotta keep reminding myself that i've still got friends ard me, thankfully so... they're the only ones who'll always b dere 4 me :) ah, the value of sincere friendship! ;)

Recent msn nick: the world of fairytales is where i belong.illusions.

lots of things on my mind...n on my schedule

These 2 wks have been quite bz... hmmm lots of things going on...


(10-15 sep)Past wk:



Had lab formal report expt n up til now still havent started on it -.- hope i can still rmber wat 2 do 4 it... last wk was also the dateline for the stupid aero proj... designing ur own airship... really crappy, coz i guess e prof was looking 4 innovative designs but my group only concentrated on making the airship work, meaning that it has zero creativity in terms of design... Oh well, @ least it's over... it took up so much of my time last wk... we met 4 outta 5 days in the wk! the whole wk rather little slp coz gotta do proj n tutorials...now i noe how biz n acct ppl feel... n i slept @ 6am on thurs nite or rather fri morn thx 2 it... my groupmates not any better also haha, one slept abt 5 n e other abt 630am haha... we all were contemplating changing course ... dun wanna do aerospace anymore... lol, apparently we all had e same idea n when we voiced it out, we realised that all of us were thinking of the same thing haha... but i guess for now we're still toying wif e idea, not serious wif it i guess... oh wells... but really, these few days keep thinking along those lines... sigh we'll c....

last sat was also my driving test, failed @ 1st try... haiz i kinda expected it coz i didnt believe that i'll hav such an ez time on my 1st try but i also wasnt confident as i juz felt as if i dun hav enuff prac yet... oh well. Not that i didnt try my best 2 pass... was v tensed b4 n after the test... during test still ok... but i failed anyway... total of 34 demerit points... 20 from blind spot alone... coz i nv check my right blind spot or so the tester said... i did, juz not enuff i guess... he said i could drive but no safety... -.- watever.@ least i noe where i'm weak at now, so will use these 4 mths 2 correct them. Yup my next test date is 7 jan... 1st day of sch, mon 430-5pm... aiyo... that was the closest timing i could get... hopefully 1st day of sch not that packed... not sure yet... was talking 2 rach abt it juz 2 days b4 the test i think... n she was telling me things 2 look out 4... guess i'm still not gd enuff... felt rather down after the test... but then cant b helped, juz gotta wait(super long) 4 e next date... hopefully i'll b able 2 pass then...

Had lunch @ restaurant wif my family b4 my dad fetched me back 2 sch 4 archery trng... go dere lyk wasting time doing bow pulling form trng... they're wasting ppl(wif experience)'s time! Not as if we juz spent dunno how many yrs doing archery 4 nthg. So ridiculous. Juz coz they started out as beginners in uni doesnt mean other ppl r beginners when they reach uni. Things r gonna change in NTU archery... haha... it should anyway, otherwise no improvements will b seen. Got 'interviewed' in the field after trng, juz a few min of questions that dun really touch on my capabilities on being biz mag, so i juz said it all myself, y i deserve 2 b biz mag, their qns werent as valid as it should b so i juz give them ans which i feel ought 2 b given when interviewing for such a position. I guess i chose that position coz well publications n internal log werent really my kinda thing, i so dun wan 2 do logistics, n yup i wanted a main comm position so biz mag was it. Some more no 1 else running 4 e position... i was asking them if an interview was still required n they were lyk eh yah... haha... i got the position in the end so it's lyk 1 gd thing n 1 bad thing came outta that day...

Then after trng went back hall 2 shower n headed out of NTU wif my 2 archery friends who're in hall 9 too... had a pretty gd chat wif 'em on my way 2 bedok 2 get 2 derrick bdae party @ island resort chalet... saw Joker dere... haha they all playing cards upstairs so i not v into cards, ended up chatting wif some guyz outside... nice breeze blowing too... haha quite fun day, bz n fun! :)



This wk (17-21 sep):

Wed was quite bz... OBS briefing at 330 then dinner n bdae celebration for fangjing at the Quad then IIC(-.-) which me n fangjing went late(past 8) n NO MORE SEATS at e back!!! So we had 2 walk ALL e way 2 e front 2 sit down in front of e speaker... that was quite bad haha... n he was almost finishing his talk alr... aiyo... but we go for IIC lyk not 2 listen one so i guess it's ok lol... then went back hall n got free donuts! Lol... archery publications head who's staying my hall my block was doing room service!! lol... was great 2 take a break from studying n gg ard wif him finding all e archers in hall 9... 4 of us in total hehe... great fun... then when i went back hall i saw kenneth at e door... haha apparently he was on his way 2 supper n saw that my room door was open, so he was chatting wif shuyu haha... then later it was juz focusing on studies.... until 2am...

Had 3 quizzes all on thurs -.- it was quite a bad day i guess haha... but i didnt hav any violent mood swings or anything that day so it's quite ok.. despite the fact that i messed up all 3 quizzes, phy n mat sci early in the morn followed by computing which was the last lesson for the day... haiz. Cant do anything now, juz gotta work harder for the next tests... but i really did study for these 3 tests, more for phy n mat sci coz computing is more of a surprise(but i knew it was coming so i wasnt surprised haha)... sigh, kinda sad that i dun get the returns i deserve after working hard... guess it's a matter of working smart too... that's not ez for me... haiz... then after that still got trng... tiring but hmmm...

Fri had the RSAF talk n saw some familiar faces lyk weiquan, andy, kennerve n even... the ntu archery capt...that was a super big surprise... almost got heart attack haha... so unexpected, i usually dun c him ard in sch n then now... lol. Was quite cool, made air force out 2 b so fun n all but propaganda, wat can i expect. Though i wasnt convinced coz of diff treatment for girls... which is natural but still... anyway, dere was Gd fd!!! haha n freebie lyk coffee bean card n usb hub... haha... then went 2 check out the mid autumn festival celebrations at yun nan garden which was quite packed, surprisingly haha... but ya... i wasnt really interested n poor shuyu couldnt really enjoy stuff coz i wasnt really n2 abt it haha... we sat ard n check out the chinese structure dere n took some photos... then back 2 hall for a well-deserved rest while shuyu waited dere 4 her friend... yup.

interview.. visitors...

Definition: Humility is the state of being humble. A humble person is generally thought to be unpretentious and modest: someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others.

Hmmm... was asked this during an interview for smthg... n i was lyk err humility to me is about being humble -.- haha... and then i juz anyhow started bringing in archery... lol, silly me. Haha the coincidence is that this happened to be my msn nick now... n i told those ppl interviewing me.. i think i was rattling on... talking nonsense not really making sense haha. But i feel ok after the interview so should b alright i hope. Hope i didnt talk too much nonsense n make myself out 2 b some super capable person which i'm so not. Juz hoping that things will b smooth-gg n that matters will go my way...

Mon 27 aug, ate dinner wif mf marie deb... then headed 4 hall... was talking 2 kennerve @ nite who later asked if i wanted supper -.-" n the network here in ntu a bit lousy coz too many ppl using so i didnt get 2 reply him... then he called n asked if i wanted 2 eat prata... coz he's apparently buying... n well shuyu was suddenly in the mood for lots of junk fd (she went jp that evening 2 buy $26 worth of fdstuffs...) so she said ask him come... though i alr brushed my teeth n refused 2 eat anything else... shuyu was alr trying 2 force junk fd on me that evening alr... 12 midnite he popped by n they ate supper while we 3 juz chatted until 230am... haiyo...

so i was really sleepy in sch e next dae... hardly paid attention to the mat sci lecturer though he seems quite gd... couldnt absorb wat he was saying... wasted... then during lab i also not v alert... didnt really spot mistakes n my lab partner had 2 keep asking another group doing the same stuff as us 4 help... sigh, asked until he sianed diao alr i think haha... so we switched 2 asking the lab person who was supervising us ... haha... @ least we got our queries answered... n we ended juz past 3pm... yay lots of time 2 walk 2 computing... met mitch on e way 2 lkc n she was lyk 'yl i'm so tired... ' ya she looked v tired 2 me.. walking alone 2 her lecture... anyway so i went computing wif my 3 labmates n 1 other guy who's also in my lab but not my group... surprisingly i didnt fall asleep during computing n could follow wat he was teaching! :) yay so happy... @ least my day not entirely wasted...

evening, had dinner wif ashley :) went 2 visit her in her hall 11 coz @ 8pm she had kickboxing... yup ate at canteen 11... ok la i guess. Better than my canteen @ any rate... Then came back n did my phy tutorial! So proud of myself that i finished it... though i was wasting a lot of time juz staring @ e qns n was on msn half e time... only finished @ 1am then went 2 slp... really tired esp after e lack of slp e previous nite... oh kenneth from aero hall 9 3rd floor popped by 4 a visit coz i saw him b4 meeting ash but he was on e phone so he couldnt talk 2 me.. anyway he offered me n shuyu a ride 2 sch e next dae :D yay! haha... better than walking dere myself... but dun really noe his roomie n his friend who didnt talk 2 me so nvm 'em. Haha.

Wed, came back hall wif e intention of doing work but eh think i didnt really succeed... crap i gotta meet kay n ash @ 430 lkc 2 study.. then hav dinner tgt @ 630 coz they having some lindyhop thingy at nite... k better go rest b4 meeting 'em... even though it's alr 410pm on my watch... -.- yikes.

Dreaming a little dream...*

Somehow i've always imagined myself to grow up into a businesswoman, firm and confident, at times stern but always fair.. but now, i'm studying to be an aerospace engineer, with mannerisms nothing lyk the gentle character i imagined myself to hav in the above. haha strange that i've always been training myself 2 become a better person, for this dream. I guess i've always thought that my life would eventually result in the above i juz described. Yet the path i've taken now is not likely to lead to wat i've always thought will be. Me, an engineer. To be honest, i dun even noe wat an engineer does.

Imaging myself as a careerwoman, wearing business suits as compared to wat i'll become now that i'm studying engineering... wat do engineers wear? i've no idea. Engineers arent really technicians but yet i seem 2 c ppl wearing overalls covered in grease and oil as smthg similar to wat an engineer muz appear to b. wat a stark contrast. Oh wells, studying engineering doesnt mean that i'll become an engineer, i can always go into business, banking, administrative(..boring) areas even if i dun hav the knowledge n expertise of these sectors.. i can always go learn and study, if i were 2 choose 2 enter these areas. So i guess, for now, this will be my path, watever i imagined myself 2 b previously, will no longer hold.. for now.

hmm uncertainties aside, let's get on wif wat's gg on wif me these days. A friend juz told me that dere's only abt 15 girls out of the 162 aerospace students in my batch this yr. Guess we were all disappointed that the cohort is so big... so much for 'our facilities cant accommodate too many students', guess we wanted our numbers to lie in the 80 - 100s... so that we were more exclusive, we were more special. I was shocked when i found out dere were 162 students, more so when i heard only 15 were girls.

I knew that there'll b very little girls, i've been warned innumerous times by countless ppl yet i was hoping that it being the dragon girls' intake, there'll b more girls. Apparently i was wrong. But i was checking out the other girls ( ;] ) hehe n i saw hey, most of them do noe how 2 dress up, hooray for female aerospace engineers! Guess u cant really tell that they're that capable n smart from their so-not nerdy get-up. Oops i seem 2 b insinuating smthg.. we dun dress bimbotic. We dress in line with the latest fashions n trends. We noe how 2 make ourselves look gd. Haha, for our sake than for those 147 guyz. Eww, dressing up for them is an insult to us, oh well, me @ least. i guess it was interesting to see who were the other 14 girls who would pick up this course. Amazingly i alr knew abt 1/3 of the girls in the aerospace cohort. 2 were from nj, 1 was from my og and another i got to know thru friends. Haha, somehow i managed 2 find so many aerospace girls ard me. No wonder i was shocked that dere were so few girls, that most were actually ard me haha.

Guess this juz made me wonder even more if this is the path that i ought to take. Perhaps i should hav taken accountancy, assuming i can get in. A career where e male to female ratio isnt so bad, where my image of wearing business suits would easily fit in.. hmm.. i guess it's too late to consider all these again. I've already thought thru it so many many times that i'm getting a bit tired of it all. Let's juz see wat happens in these 4 yrs. I will work hard. I wouldnt let myself down for 1 thing. Hopefully i'll b able 2 cope. I do wan 2 take certain biz electives. All e best 2 me.
Let the challenge of the 4 yrs ahead begin.

MSN nick: Sometimes i really hate myself.

blogging @ snec ;)

I'm currently blogging from...WorK!! Haha, previously couldnt access either friendster or blogger coz the network prob blocked entry to such sites.. i would get re-directed to singhealth.. but now.. :) coz i'm using the notebook n surfing wireless using wireless@SG... was falling asleep n so decided to try opening these sites for fun..n yay, succeeded heh. Cant use desktop but at least their notebook works... but only when it wants to detect the signal for this wireless network... it totally refused to co-operate wif me this morn when i keep trying 2 connect.. n then when e perm staff used my temp table 4 a while, i saw tt it was working!It's lyk so temperamental. Biased too. Well at least now i have access n m slightly more awake..



Been ages since i last blogged. Lots happened since. Deciding on aerospace eng but actually m still pretty uncertain abt my choice.. dun really lyk how i'm feeling towards this prospective career of mine but i dun hav a choice.. in that sense of the word. N i've been alternately feeling excited n dreading entering uni.. 1/2 feeling gd tt there's 1 mth left 2 work, but it'll also mean uni entry is approaching n tt doesnt give me a gd feeling.. feeling excited coz of hostel living, but not looking forward to the assignments and examinations that comes with going back to school again...been playing the sims 2 university expansion pack so i've been comparin my future life with the life that the sims r living..hence the mixed feelings abt uni.. it looks gd, seems interesting but then i dun wan 2 get my hopes up too high..anyway, i've been hearing news abt the aerospace industry in singapore,fbeen eelin tt my future might b gd then the feeling is gone when i hear tt no matter wat, rite now, it'll b a small industry, main focus on maintenance,... esp when i'm more interested in the design component of aerospace engineering.. we'll c.. wat happens... in the future..

Later i'm meeting shuyu, mitch, hx n fel for a movie: fantastic 4:rise of the silver surfer.. hope it's gd... however hx not feeling well so she's only joining fel n i for dinner... oh well, hope that the 5 of us can still hav a gd chat despite the movie being at 740pm..PS, dhouby ghaut. Been a while since we've met up wif hx.. let's all hav a gd time together tonight:)

NTU B.Eng: Aerospace Engineering

NTU B.Eng (Aerospace) : Nanyang Technological University, Bachelor of Engineering (Aerospace Engineering)

Time to make a decision, went for NTU School of Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering (MAE)'s tea party at Meritus Mandarin Hotel beside cineleisure juz now in the afternoon 130pm. I was late... as usual, lol, the reception area was devoid of potential students, only all the NTU staff dere... eh, they were real nice abt me being late though they did comment tt i was late, lol. Traffic jam not my fault wat. Feel as if i didnt really learn much abt aerospace eng programme... it's lyk the suntec talk... but hmmm i did realise that Mech eng is interesting in terms of their course content, erm more lyk their programmes lyk the overseas exchange prog...but their profs werent as passionate as the head of Aerospace eng... he was real convicted and proud of this brainchild of his and he has reasons to b proud. haha i got the feeling that he was trying hard 2 not seem as though aerospace is better than mech... but i think his passion is contagious... met a student of his previously at the NTU open House who was real enthusiastic abt aerospace,... real confident in his abilities too. I think it's such ppl who manage 2 attract ppl into their courses.. no matter how attractive the course may be, w/o such ppl promoting it, it's nthg. When i was dere, realised tt the 1st batch of graduates of aerospace engineers r not out yet... tt in this way the course may not b too attractive, but the prof meguin (i think) promoting it believed in its potential n was convincing in that aspect such that i feel aerospace has a future, esp in Singapore.

But i noe, really noe, that i dun lyk all of wat aerospace eng is offering me, i was checking out their exhibits n stuff, n realised that many technical aspects and really physics stuff which is a part of aerospace isnt smthg tt i'll like. At all. But hmmm the area of aerodynamics doesnt seem too horrible. And i was really interested when they were talking abt flight simulation and how it's used 2 check stress on the materials of the parts of the aircraft... Perhaps this will be enough to get me thru this course... 4 years direct honours prog... i was thinking i'll hav 2 do very well if i wan a gd resume... but i also noe that it wouldnt b easier than in jc, where my grades (esp phy) were only average... and that i gotta work very hard, at least try very hard if i were 2 even hope 2 b satisfied wif my results... haha, i'm pretty much facing reality, i wan 2 b the best but i noe my own limits. So wat should i do? My conclusion for now is to juz accept it, as i've accepted entering nj, as i've accepted entering jc n taking up pcme... i can only accept it now as there isnt any other option anyway. Perhaps it's meant to b. Hence no point getting so frustrated trying 2 decide if i wan this. Perhaps it's not smthg to be wanted, but smthg 2 b expected, 2 b accepted w/o much deliberation, perhaps this is fate. Since this path was given 2 me, y not take it? After all my parents think tt specialising in smthg lyk this is better than i take up accountancy which is rather common... wat wif having 2 compete wif the large pool of accountants in developing countries should they come over 2 singapore... haha i'm digressing.

Sigh. It seems as though i've a choice but i guess in the end i dun really hav any. This is as if the govt has chosen a path 4 u n all u've 2 do n can do is juz 2 take it. although in this case, obviously e govt didnt choose 4 me, i chose 2 put aerospace as my 1st choice, n acct 2nd, so it's pretty much my choice. Juz tt i feel as if i cant really choose anymore. Which is true. Haiz, i cant think thru this properly..

MSN Nick: Alis volat propiis(She flies on her own wings). Gotta think this thru.

btw. got real pissed off by the stupid irksome horrible driving instructor todae. Idiot. It's not my driving's tt is bad, it's his teaching. Crap shit him. Hope he had a horrible ride. I'll show him tt i'm gd. It's juz him. Wat crap. How dare he sae not once i let go of the clutch smoothly. SHIT him. It was so smooth 1/2 e time. N how dare he try 2 slp while teaching me. Made me real angry. Mebbe tt's y i drove badly todae, of coz his interruptions n comments didnt make things better. Wat a lousy instructor. Mebbe i should've juz crashed his car. Would hav been fun. HUMPH. shant let such a loser get on my nerves n affect my mood. it's sundown, time 2 forget it all.