Having just read huiwen's blog entry that was on her thoughts abt canoe polo, I realised that as we grow up, we become more inflexible in our character such that we will always feel we are the more 'correct' one; why would i say this? haha it's just a thought coz i agree with her on many points bcoz of how similar her comments were with regards to my thoughts on my own situation in my team.. it's true that everyone would point fingers and I feel that I'm the one doing it all, I'm always blaming others, blaming the environment or whatever for things that go wrong. I blame others for their behaviour but perhaps I should stop and consider things from their point of view. Though I try to do that occasionally I feel that sometimes I really don't want to do that because believing that the other person is the one who's solely at fault and it's never my fault is so much easier than realising that perhaps half the problem is because of me.
My animosity towards certain individuals in the club is well-known among my team-mates and I have never found the need to hide it and this is partly because I strongly believe that there should not be a need to lie to yourself or to others and be someone who I'm not. I don't want to pretend to be nice to the person when I hate what he/she did to me, but then again, if I bother to think from their point of view, I would probably realise that they were doing exactly what I would if I were them.
At times I shoot my mouth off because of that belief to not hide who I am and what I am but I hurt people in the process and I end up feeling the guilt from regret. I really hate it when this happens so I think that I should learn how to think before I open my mouth and start saying whatever that is on my mind. It's time to learn how to phrase things in a much nicer way or shut up if I cant. At least that's a more ideal person to be than the current me and naturally I would want to strive to become someone better.
Anyway NTU IAC 2010 just ended last weekend and it was quite a fruitful event I would say, not so much in terms of physical rewards in the form of medals and trophies (though I did get some.. just not the ideal colour heh) but more so in terms of what I learnt about the juniors that I had the chance to teach and perhaps even some of the archers from the senior batches... but I also notice that I like to be in the thick of things? haha not so much the life of the party type but rather the one who can help support the team and know exactly what kind of things to say to encourage them (though I probably didnt perform that well in this aspect) .. however I realise this is not good for them..
why would i say this, it's probably because I promised myself that I would leave this place asap once I'm done with my term here that during the competition I noticed that the juniors havent quite learned how to rely on themselves or their team-mates yet.. they rely on me to a certain extent and all but the most important thing is lacking and that is verbal or even just mutual communication such as encouragement to support each other and remind each other so that they may perform on the line. Team communication is especially important for team knockout events, coz only their 2 other team-mates are in there with them and hence can talk to them and help them but they lack this crucial ingredient for the kind of team spirit that would bind them well together. Haha naturally I'm speaking from experience and all that coz I noticed this is exactly what is required when you dont have a coach and you only have each other to rely on... especially under those stressful conditions... so I guess my aim now is to teach them to be self-reliant or to rely on their team-mates and most of all, to learn how to be successful independent persons who would still understand the need to be humble in their pursuit for betterment of themselves as an archer and as a person...
heh hope that I can succeed and therefore, enable them to go far in this sport and whatever they choose to do..
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