enjoyable outing!

heh.. went out yesterdae, 1/12 fri for a lunch wif mg friends! it's been so long,... n i got many gifts from yifang n kay! N juz meeting up wif ash, ele, jo, amelia, alicia, daphne.. they all... it's juz great! so happy... even though it was only for a short while... went villa'ge heeren 2 eat... pretty lousy competition as compared 2 marche... they both look exactly e same.. e decor n everything.. oh well, they honestly should try product differentiating.. mebbe there's a diff in their service attitude.. wif marche being e 1 wif e upper hand n all.. oh well. Unpleasant stuff i shant bother wif. coz they're not worth remembering...

Wat's worth rmbering is yifang, ash n ele willing 2 shop 4 working clothes wif me! THANK YOU! u all rawk! until lyk erm 7pm! n finally found a shop at far east which offers reasonable pricing n suitably designed clothes... quality wise a bit lacking but oh well. it's only for a temporary job. i do still intend 2 study after working.. when e results come out n all.. juz hope e agencies i asked will hurry up n get me a suitable job.. preferably by next wk but tt's a bit too much 2 ask of 'em. hope e offer will b gd. hope tt i'll learn stuff n be able 2 find wat i wanna take up as my future career at e same time. yupz. yifang gg states soon 4 hol n every1's prom aka grad nite is approaching. Not really interested in it but still hav 2 go. Oh well. Take it as something 2 while my time away kinda thing. hope it's worth e time n effort n $ spent on it! OH i wanna get a job n start earning all tt $ wasted on this thing. ;) jk..

Exams r finally over~

yay... 'A's have finally come to an end.. and well now's the time to juz sit back n relax... at least for a while before using the break time wisely and look for a job and all... wanna hav a team dinner or smthg, havent seen e team together in a long time.. 21/11 tue went back to sch after eating dinner wif e girls' team (cept dx) at a korean restaurant.. to check out e jnrs' camp trng.. saw mr lee teaching 'em how to juggle as part of mental trng... interesting... haha oh well... seem 'em so sunburnt is quite funny... now it's their turn... when it was ours last yr.. i need 2 start trng again soon.. so not fit after e break to study for prelim n 'A's... yah, muz get up e determination to do juz tt... soon... lol... soon. :)

Imagine not having to study for 7 months after studying for most of ur life ever since entering erm kindergarten? ya.. it's quite an interesting feeling but i'm not really tt fond of examing it closely.. coz well u dun exactly get 2 relax coz well 2 face reality, u'll hav 2 find a job, coz it's expected of u 2 use this time wisely 2 gain experience n earn $ n find out wat i wish 2 b in e future, as in wat kind of career i want... but i dunno.. i still dunno wat i'm gonna b in e future.. juz cant seem 2 find anything tt i'm interested in.. much less 2 make a career outta it for e rest of my lives,... hope a ray of inspiration may strike me suddenly soon n i'll find a career suitable 4 me..

state of uncertainty...

Not quite sure wat to do now... maths results was traumatic.. now i'm so worried abt maths too... haiz... no more peace of mind. 'A's is lyk way too close 4 comfort... n i feel utterly unprepared. Not sure wat i'm doing now is worth it a not. haha. not sure if wat i'm doing now will help. i guess i'll juz have 2 believe in myself. difficult but muz try. if not 2 give up now, i'll regret it 4 life. after all this is for myself.

anyway juz e other day.. suddenly missing e team, missing every1... saw some of them ard sch n juz realised tt it's been a while since we met up.. haiz. i'll have to buck up from now on. Absolutely.

:)

today, got back most of prelim results, so disappointing but well, couldn't care less at this stage.. lyk every1 says, 'A's is then e one tt we've got 2 strive 4. guess i finally decide 2 heed their advice. anyway, had 5 days of break after prelims... juz whiled my time away.. quite a nice feeling but i was kinda feeling empty also.. lyk there's nthg 2 do 4 now.. juz dunno how i'm gonna use my time after 'A's but tt's 4 later 2 think abt. for now, it's juz resting 2 e best of my abilities.

was watching princess hrs on youtube during e 5 days... real nice show, guess i got addicted haha, sat in front of comp 4 lyk almost 12 hrs straight..but well, juz wanna watch this finish so tt i can officially concentrate on juz studyin n studying 4 'A's. last sat, had bbq at west coast park wif e archers! haha was real fun! even though e day didn't exactly started out well n all, n how ppl lyk fred, bing n dx couldn't make it, but i'm really glad 4 those we could, esp those wif lyk phy s paper n yet they still turned up.. dunno whether 2 praise them or wat.. still got paper then alr gg out... oh well, had a really great time! e fire was gd, amazingly they managed 2 set it up, still want so much firestarters, ha. e fd esp e chicken wings were gd... oh no mosquitoes too... wat can i say, was real nice. i didnt do any cooking at all haha, i'm lyk super lazy juz sitting there waiting 4 fd.. but tt would b better, if not i'll ruin e evening wif charred n half-cooked fd.. pity e corn was always half-burnt.. jason came too even though his promos r lyk this wk, but v poor thing, he alone haha oh well. Muz really thank jg 4 buying all e non-edibles even though he strictly followed e list n didn't bother 2 buy other stuff... hehe, muz hav been heavy, only he was free 2 do e shopping... n when he arrived he was lyk i noe u all couldnt start w/o me so i was hurrying... yah gentleman, didnt say something stupid lyk i purposely walk slowly make u all wait 4 me... lol, anyway, muz really hand it 2 wendy 4 bringing most of e things too... despite a hangover e previous day:) haha oh well.

guess i'm really glad 4 e 5 days. but i'm really not happy wif my results n all, esp since i noe tt wat's left 2 b revealed isnt gd so e prospect of gg 2 sch tmr isnt v wonderful. let's really really hope tt 'A's will b better, easier in tt sense 4 me 2 score~

1 of e worst days ever..

monday, 21 august.. was 1 of e worst days ever.. in my entire life so far.. not only did i come 2 sch feeling down, coz was really tired thx 2 e tossing n turning in bed until 2am thing b4 i could fall asleep.. n sun nite looked thru chem til 1 am, started at 12am..coz was doing other work tt had 2 b done..came 2 sch feeling really tired.. when i woke up i seriously contemplated not gg 2 sch tt day.. but dere was chem org test.. anyway.. feeling down.. then chem made it worst.. checked mcq, 1/10marks.. realised tt nthg much went in e previous nite, sigh.. n my 2 yrs of studies apparently didnt help either.. i was so sad.. n i couldnt do nj phy prelim p3 some qns.. 1 actually.. tt was actually a slight conceptual error.. so supposedly no big deal.. but u noe, most of e rest of e qns had little blanks here n dere coz of tt 1st error.. now tt i think back, actually i did it correctly, juz wasnt sure abt tt part.. n anyway, juz felt as if i can't do anything, phy chem, all cant do.. as if my 2 yrs of studies was 4 naught. then coz i was looking so forlorn n kinda 1/2 complaining/sighing away 2 my classmates.. had a lot of ppl cheering me up.. trying 2.. then maths, last period, maths stats mock exam results out.. all except 4 in class didn't get A.. i got a B.. n prelim is supposedly 5x more difficult.. i was so down.. coz if i get B here, who noes wat i'll get in prelims, i wouldn't let this beat me now, no way, i'm gd at maths n i'm not gg 2 let this make me lose my A...

anyway, it's lyk juz when u're abt 2 stand up, smthg comes along n hits u down again.. sigh.. but i got a nice black paper wif comforting msg from 2 of my classmates.. haha, v sweet of u 2... thx guyz.. really appreciate it...then lots of sms trying 2 cheer me up were sent e rest of e day.. from xt, shweta, hx, mitch, amanda, even fred.. who knew coz amanda 4 no reason showed him my sms.. yupz... thx all.. it really helped.. in preventing me from sinking even lower into nthg-ness.. haha...

but these few days, hav been sleeping at 1am.. not even really studying yet, juz doing e hwk n revision stuff they gave us..n e stupid top 3 cca achievements thingy, haiz... i really really really desperately need some time alone 2 myself 2 study.. n i'm being deprieved of tt.. sigh, wat can i say, life is nv easy.. well, read somewhere tt giving up is e easiest thing 2 do, but in so doing, u give up all tt's impt 2 u! i edited it 2 suit my needs, i think it's quite true.. oh well, trying 2 fight on..nv realised tt i'll b so stressed out.. but i guess when u're faced wif e prospect of having wasted 2 yrs.. no way.. tt'll nv happen, trying 2 do my best from now on.. even ms kao msged me 2dae saying tt i look quite worn out this wk.. haha.. not bad, she can tell.. but i guess who cant rite.. every1 prob looks lyk tt nowadays..

wed.. gathered e masses so as 2 speak(quoting wendy) meaning some of e archers 2 sit down n do smthg abt e stupid cca achievements thing.. thx all 4 being so sporting n turning up, esp those who're alr done wif theirs.. lyk fred n weide.. anyway.. tue msged every1 abt it.. n e whole day i didn't receive any replies abt it.. sigh.. thought every1 suddenly hates me 4 watever reason n was quite sad n worried over it... thought mebbe all of them fell sick n cant reply.. 5 ppl- no replies received.. found out on wed tt it was my phone tt was e prob, now it seems ok alr.. dunno y, dun think it has got smthg 2 do wif calling up singtel last nite.. oh well.. found out tt wendy was sick n weide was more or less sick but his was on tue n wendy's one is on tue n wed.. sounds strange referring 2 being sick lyk tt.. oh well.. exams r weakening our immune system.. came back early 2 do work... but now feeling sleepy.. tired.. need 2 do work though.. need 2 study.. need 2 get offline now.. zzzzzzzzz............

kbox outing~

went for kbox outing wif my team! fun! lol.. was initially a simple outing, wif nthg in mind, cept perhaps movie.. not initiated by me.. by some1 who desperately wanted 2 go out.. aka mr artist, ha,give him new name again... anyway.. pushed e organisation 2 junguang who obviously didnt plan it..he tried, he asked some ppl where 2 go.. n he asked no furthur.bleah. so i called every1 up rite after national day celeb which was as usual no fun, or not as fun as mg was.. anyway, realised tt every1 had smthg on until e afternoon.. so i followed my friend 2 toa payoh.. lunched wif her... actually kinda barged in on her day.. it was not planned.. juz suddenly decided 2 go wif her.. haha.. poor xt.. thx 4 being so nice 2 me n showing me ard toa payoh!

yah.. then i went 2 orchard library 2 study... where wendy joined me... after lunching wif her friend downstairs... then 2pm, gg down escalator n wendy saw zhiyu in kino... so we popped in on her n her friend... then we left 4 cine 2gether.. where we found junguang in uniform which was strange coz he came from home... he said he didn't wanna stand out.. lol.. anyway.. had 2 make our way 2 dunno wat floor 2 find fred who was dota-ing or watever it's called. so checked movie timing..felt nthg nice coz some of us watched this or tt b4... yah.. so suddenly decided on kbox! haha, n zhiyu said my face lit up when tt was proposed...so we went down n got ourselves a room.. partly coz wendy said e previous wkend she got teased 4 havent been 2 a ktv or stuff lyk tt b4.. so yah, it's not juz coz of me lor! anyway... prob sang most of e eng songs in dere, so little songs bleah.. so out-dated too.. but well, not all of us prefer chinese songs wat... anyway.. yupz had fun all e same, was pretty high towards e end.. supposed 2 end at 5.. we drag until lyk 630.. ok lar, me n zhiyu drag until tt time.. but it was fun.. midway weide joined us from badminton game... anyway.. yah.. had fun, kinda ex.. but it's ok... yupz. then home sweet home.. coz a lot of ppl were really tired out.. n initially wanted 2 leave earlier.. but didn't get e chance to do so.. so srry wendy n wd.. anyway... prelims coming. will stop this now. nitez~

time... pls dun fly away...~

oh no... watching e sands of time trickle down the hourglass... wishing with all my heart i can stop it... or slow it down... oh how i wish...

bleak times are ahead... desperate times call for desperate measures... fine, i shall force myself 2 stay back everyday after sch from now on... not too late though, later for wed-fri... earlier on mon n tue... realised tt i'll fall asleep whenever i come home early after sch or juz usual time... instead of doing e work i wanted to... no matter how much i want to, i cant really resist e lures of morpheus' realm. humph. can only blame myself for not being strong enuff, willpower n all. but sleep is really such an enjoyable thing... anyway... sleepy now... from doing nthg all day... sheesh... nitez.... Nyx watch over us all~

29 July 2006-1st NJC invitational ~end~

our 4 months of preparation have finally amounted to this very day... praying and hoping for the weather to be fine, it was slightly disheartening when it poured around 2pm... juz when there was 2 last ends left to the 2nd round. but thankfully it stopped ard 3pm, e whole comp need not b cancelled, n all our hard work didn't go 2 waste after all. e prize presentation ended ard 8pm... when all e participants hav finally left, it was 9pm when we too left sch grounds. from 630am until 9pm. dinner at some place called 5 stars as recommended by jia pei... 10 pm half of us left, me inclusive... for a well-deserved rest at home... esp wendy, d.o.s. n o.i.c. ... out of which wendy n fred got drenched in e rain in e afternoon... tsk. wendy'll fall sick again at this rate.

due to e fact tt we had 3 details to accommodate the 190+ participants...we were behind time by lyk 1hr b4 e rain... e rain juz made it worse... but it was a welcome break for the poor judges... who have been standing out in the hot sun the whole morning and early afternoon... the various i/cs esp the O.I.C. had their share of tension n frustration... i thank them for being as even-tempered as they had been. we couldn't hav done it w/o 'em... i really wish to thank e air guns ppl 4 being dere n helping as they did... sometimes being scolded even... thx... me... i had my own share of unhappiness but tt was v little compared to e whole affair. i'm glad i had e chance to organise this n watch it happen. to actually see all these archers from familiar institutions gather in nj for our comp, was really a wonderful feeling. seeing e field wif e target boards all lined up neatly, juz as wendy had mentioned... mr lee had this vision abt 7-8mths ago, n it was actually realised so soon.. i nv quite believed him when he said tt, but well, here's e proof for all 2 c. we've come this way n this is lyk our reward for working so hard.. it happened earlier than what many of us would hav expected, bringing us e various lessons n methods tt would serve 2 continue 2 help us make each invitational, a better one.

28 july was e set-up day, setting up e field was so v difficult, squaring e field n all, thankfully we had ppl lyk fangjian around... as expected things didn't go as smoothly as fred planned it 2 b during e setting up of e field n all, but well, everything was completed b4 night fell so tt's really great. hm didn't feel as if i did much, comp day, being tabulator.. was a v light job.. morn was really free n all... oh well, i knew i helped in other areas n i guess tt's wat matters. after e setting up of e field n everything.. n eating pizzas wif e rest of e snrs n some air guns ppl, trying 2 print out e protest forms n sponsors' logos b4 gg home... 830pm was e time when we finally left sch. muz say, @ least e guyz were gentlemanly enuff 2 leave abt 6 slices of pizzas for sam n i... but haha, we can't eat tt much so yah. fun juz wandering ard sch after dark, gg 2 e staffroom.. gg 2 e canteen 4 e non-existent wireless system 2 work... haha. really cool 2 c e field slowly shape into e archery field tt we all hav seen b4, in our minds, in other comp venues, juz not in nj. we even had m'sian participants.. international haha.

e 2nd invitational is apparently going 2 b next jan/feb period... so they've got 2 start planning now... all e best jnrs... e prob now will b who'll take charge, n not choosing which capable one 2 organise it out of those ard... hm.. phrase it better would b 2 say there isn't any1 decisive enough to b e 1 in charge of all these... not something i can help wif anyway. oh well. now's e time 2 really focus on prelims... muz muz muz pass n score so much better than i did in CT2s... no regrets is wat i shall strive 2 achieve... n ms kao's goals for my various subj... shall try my best... try.

end of season debrief

hm mr lee juz gave us an end of season debrief today. 19 july 2006. same day as last yr, sat at e atrium, juz lyk last yr. juz tt there's more ppl now, n e ppl dere r no longer e same as last yr.don't quite rmber much abt last yr's debrief, juz rmbered tt it was half praise half lecture lyk this yr's. but a friend reminded me tt e capts asked 2 speak last yr... n how they were so emotional tt they were crying.. i forgot abt tt... but it would hav been fun if e capts this yr also spoke.. it would b interesting 2 noe wat they've got 2 say abt this club, abt their team.

Well basically, mr lee brought up a v gd point during e debrief 2dae.abt e archers side 1st, he said tt e jnrs, their acceptance of mediocrity juz totally saddens us all. esp e snrs. he said tt, e j2s put a lot of effort into building this team, put in all our heart n blood n tears(i kinda esp agree wif e tears part..). tt e jnrs don't noe e half of wat we've done 4 this club n they juz accept being average, not aiming 4 higher, not trying 2 reach e stars.tt we've trained so hard, our grades suffer, but still, trained 4-5 times a wk, (during e hols), n tt's how we got 2 this position at this point in time. he said, i believe that when e snrs saw their jnrs this yr, they were juz bleeding inside, juz crying inside... he's right.tt's true.4 me, 4 many of us. when i see this group of jnrs.. who didn't realise tt all we worked for last yr was to make their lives easier this yr... they accept their low scores n even compare who's lower. do u understand e pain we feel inside? e tears tt we shed, whether in our hearts or openly... is proof of how much we feel for this club.yes we were bleeding inside when we saw our jnrs this yr.can't really rmber wat he said alr but it's v true, wish i could write his speech down here... i was juz so sad for us, for our team,... when he said all tt.n i guess on my part as a snr, i didn't really try 2 do anything 2 change their mentality n i'm sad abt this role of mine too... i only observed, as mr lee said of himself... n couldn't do anything. but in my case, i can do smthg... n i guess i'll at least change my attitude 2 this matter now.
mr lee was also talking abt shooters, how some may not win, have not won, but they still continue to fight, that they may hav faced so many setbacks but yet they still continue struggling on. tt's e spirit tt each n every1 of us hav 2 learn i feel.

he was also talking abt wat a cca is abt. it's abt e friends u meet, e character u build from the things u learn, esp being able 2 stay n continue 2 strive 2 improve no matter wat happens, n not quit, n not give up.tt's v true, somehow, i managed 2 stay, even though i was on e verge of quitting many times, somehow i managed 2 pull thru, n i really learnt n grew up from this experience. at e v least, i'm proud tt i nv gave up.

oh... i was also thinking... this yr,... whenever e team talk abt having a 2nd invitational next yr.. abt how stuff other than e invitational will b better next yr... i juz always feel tt, will dere really b a next yr? i dunno whether e others think e same way, but this is how i feel.i'm v worried abt a next yr, whether archery will still b a cca in njc next yr. even though verbally i speak of a next yr n how things can b done better next yr... but i feel deep inside me... wondering... if there's really gonna b a next yr... sigh. this is e depth of disappointment i hav in e jnrs i think. abt how i dun believe tt this club will still b around next yr... n tt it will fall apart in their hands. abt how sad tt we reached our peak in 2 yrs n now it's e downhill part alr...i dunno anymore. i can only wish for e best here.. for them.. for the club.. n hope tt our hearts wouldn't hav 2 bleed anymore..

i'm trying...

i'm trying so hard but i can't seem 2 get thru. i'm trying. i'm pushing for it. i can feel e pain in tt position. i hav been thru stuff too.juz try... is tt v difficult? put ur foot down. do it, set a dateline, meet it. lol it's been a long hour.

sometimes i'm really glad tt i'm myself n no1 else n tt i'm living my life, my way. i love this life of mine.

things seem 2 b in a better state now as compared to 1/2hr ago. let's hope things will work out. life isn't perfect. so sad. bleah. wanted 2 write of more stuff. other less depressing stuff. more inspirational stuff. do tt another time bah. got maths 2 do if not - will blow his top even more... lol.

i yearn to get rid of e notion tt ppl from my class is anything but e best. even if it's me thinking this way, i'm not gonna let anything stand in my way, i'm a rebel alright, n i'm gonna show it finally.i hate being threatened or controlled in any way. i'm gonna do things my way. i'm not gonna let e weakness of s15 overshadow it's strength. i'm gonna prove 2 those out dere tt we're gd alright, so watch out! :)
Was kindly reminded of smthg i wrote down by a friend juz when i let my guard down n was abt 2 let suspicion n fear into my heart: 'wat's life without all it's challenges?' i'm competitive n hate losing, so now's e time 2 win myself, 2 beat myself n stand up stronger than b4.

heard abt jo n amelia studying in australia. university of melbourne. top 10 Us. Law n Medicine n i still haven't found my path in life yet. crap, juz wish i'll hurry up. hopefully mebbe i'm a late bloomer... who will b able 2 do things as they come. dunno wat i talking abt alr. lol... sleepy...

e sweet taste of freedom~

wat a glorious day this is, there's no burden on my shoulders (for now) , not much worries on my mind, juz trying to enjoy myself the way i've always wanted to... :) CT2 juz ended, maths n phy was horrible but i shall not let it dampen this wonderful day! destress/ have fun time! games ! yes... haha...

aw...

had our last official comp yesterday. archery. sad to say, history repeats itself. i enjoyed myself last yr, it was a gd learning experience.. yet this yr, it was quite a painful memory.we tried so hard, we came back after 1 yr thinking tt we'll be able 2 do better but somehow... things didn't turn out e way we wanted it to. perhaps our road has been too smooth so far. it's time for a bump in e road. we'll pick ourselves up. life is abt standing up again. yet somehow, lyk my friend said, i really feel tt we deserve a better ending. guess e unconscious pressure from this comp being our last comp... tt we really wanted 2 end it off well... e stress... n we also didn't train in indoor b4 e comp... so mebbe we weren't used 2 e indoor conditions, i wasn't at any rate.

Recalling yesterday, both girls teams sent in ended our climb up in the first round. the guys team which got in, made it to e 4th position n remained there. juz lyk last yr. somehow performance wasn't ideal, we all noe we can do better, n we did better b4. somehow winning was v impt yesterday, deep in ourselves, we placed it higher than e fun we'll get in this experience, e learning points gained. oh well it's past n there's nothing we can do abt it, it's time to move on.

after e comp, watched e prize presentation, sat at e same place we did last yr... n watched as we did last yr. then we had debrief. many regrets, even if not spoken, was felt. then jnrs got reprimanded, for lack of communication, for lack of trying 2 build e team tt's evident within e snrs. then e snrs, us, we juz sat dere after e jnrs left, juz talking, juz joking ard,... having fun... juz staying there... haha, can still rmber how fred was trying 2 shrink himself 2 avoid e numerous rubber bands shot his way. thx 4 being our target. then we accompanied e lonely vcapt 2 eat ice cream at swensens. kinda got e feeling tt we were reluctant 2 leave, but were also lazy 2 go anywhere far... we still had 2 carry our bows.

yupz, had fun. was father's day yesterday. intriguing way of paying e bills at swensens. haha.

sigh, wat a shock

juz found out yesternite that a fellow archer found out abt my blog ever since e start of this yr or e end of last yr... n he's been nice enuff 2 continue visiting it n reading my entries. Well, it's nice that at least i'm not talking 2 e wall... or talking 2 myself... but it kinda juz feels lyk an invasion of privacy... kinda wanted 2 open this place up 2 'em gradually. mg friends will hav e honour 1st but well,... guess e archers hav e priviledge this time round. n when i apparently gave him e green light 2 read my entries last nite, he kindly read most of my past entries... hm, he said i've changed lots, 4 e better... but well i myself can't really tell. anyway, i'm expecting more ppl, particularly archers who will find out abt this blog soon enuff, if they dun alr noe.

was supposed 2 reflect abt 2dae's trng, hm let's c, was quite bad, apparently lack of strength and focus from lack of slp last nite, slept at lyk 2 am.. was finishing e essay... so i dunno, hope tt's e reason, so tt i hope i can regain my touch 2mrrw... then i shall do my personal best during comp w/o difficulties, hopefully.

Anyway, was doing a 2000 word essay abt a shooter's life in njc yesternite. thought it was a bit too much to ask of me, but realised tt i easily wrote at final count 2250 words. guess i juz had so much to say, i believe tt i had more but well, couldn't really think of 'em offhand. had fun writing it, juz recalling all e fun moments... yah those stuff. it was more of an archer's life rather than a shooter's life but it didn't really matter 2 me coz i juz wrote wat i felt n wanted 2 say, 2 future generations, 2 any1 out dere who'll read it. was kinda referring 2 my blog entries while i was writing it as there's lots here abt archery which helped me recall stuff i may have left out. e entries here, r more or less how i felt at tt point in time... so it was highly useful. i guess i juz dunno wat 2 say alr, this place doesn't really feel as if i can juz rant n rave all i want... but there's no reason 4 things 2 change. haiz, life is as such, guess i'll juz hav 2 get used 2 it.

Told my friend juz coz he noes abt my blog doesn't mean tt i'll mince my words 4 'em.. n i fully mean it. was also thinking tt... sigh, now ppl will noe wat a mean n selfish person i am. wat i prob truly am. a person wif a sharp tongue n harsh words. hm, sigh.
anyway, went out wif some of e archers 2dae 2 watch 'cars' e movie. was a rather nice show, esp e part abt how e king muz finish his last race n all. lyk wendy said, this movie was really more of e more impt things in life than juz winning, juz racing. life's not a 1 man show. u need friends in ur life, 2 make it fun, 2 make it worthwhile. really sweet. also went shopping 4 a bit wif e gals, wendy n rach after e movie.. after e guyz suspiciously left 4 ps.(fred n weide) yah yah... stuff lyk tt... man should b studying now, i'm losing way too much precious time, so signing off now.

had a great day 2dae*

yupz, 2dae, had lots of fun during trng, it's one of those sessions whereby u wouldn't bother looking at ur watch 4 e time coz u're enjoying urself n want it 2 last longer. We were practising team event 2dae, zhiyu n sam were in e same team as i... quite fun, we all, girls' team, including wendy n rach, talked a lot abt tv series n all, ok lar, it was me who started it n fueled it... haha, but green forest, my home is really a nice n funny show! Enjoyed watching all e main characters, they're all so wonderful 2gether! Anyway after tt went orchard mrt 2 meet up wif e rest of e class. i was dere on e dot, but only wingy was dere... should hav known. e 'organiser' aka yushu came lyk 5 min b4 2pm,... not v responsible humph. Celebrated zhijun's bdae at swensen's! had ice cream cake n all... baked rice... yum!

Basically i juz wanted 2 say tt trng was real fun n i'll really miss these kinda sessions... but of coz i'm not interested in those kind of sessions whereby u keep looking at ur watch every few ends, hoping v much tt time would pass faster... dislike this kinda trng sessions. it's only when u hav fun wif ur team mates when e real bonding begins, not tt we needed any ;) Realised i'll miss these kinda trngs in e future... anyway, yesternite, suddenly realised tt nus indoors' next wkend only, my gosh, so fast! n 'A's at e end of e yr! my gosh, only now did it really sink in tt i'm gonna sit 4 e 'A's at e end of e yr... n e end of e yr's not v far away... CT 2's coming too... ahhh.... nvm... sigh... relax... haiz... stop slacking!

Fatigue... wat a strange thing*

juz feeling so tired now, physically i think even though i didn't do anything strenuous 2dae. Juz went 2 e lib n study, dunno whether it's e phy notes or me, fell asleep coz i was tired... then even now i'm tired... juz had an online convo wif my fellow i/c of finance, he hasn't been involved much coz 1stly he hasn't been coming 2 trngs in a while... not sure y, prob coz of his other cca commitments... anyway, nv really trusted him anyway. So having some sort of 'presentation' 2mrrw on wat my team has done so far, thankfully we havent been slacking... did a bit of work but well, only a bit. tired, eyes tired... but i still havent done wat i'm supposed 2 do 2dae crap n i'm wasting time away here, alright off i go now. Nitez~

hmm privacy hmm

was thinking, blogs aren't meant 2 b private, they're put online, a public space, it's practically impossible 4 it 2 b private... hmm... oh well, a friend said he was searching for every1's blog n found many of it... he didn't find mine though... hm... oh well, blogs aren't private in e 1st place i guess, no harm if he finds it, he'll juz c lots of complaints. typical of me ;)

oh well, juz had a little comp on 28/5, no team event, rather they compute e individual scores n yah, since outta e 5 snr gals, 4 got e top 4, me 4th, so naturally.. we got team gold again... but this was no comp at all, it's a comp where e archers were mostly amateurs/beginners so as 2 speak, should hav done much better, didnt focus / concentrate as much as i noe i can. coz it was more of a small scale comp, tt's prob y i let my guard down, realised i need a bit of stress 2 help me focus better, shoot better. It was raining, more than a drizzle, not yet a downpour. sigh, e grip was slippery, fingertab kept trying 2 fly off my fingers haha, made it tighter 2 solve e prob. RJ sent e J1s only. Nice gal i met J1, called Su XiaoTing, haha, real sweet n nice person, shoots well too, can c a potentially gd archer in her :) Anyway MOre practise is required. NUS indoor coming, 18, 19 june. e real competition wif seriously, more worthwhile competitors dere fighting 4 e team gold... we're not abt 2 lose this time, not this time, not after last yr, not tt it was bad, guys n gals team both got 4th, unexpectedly, coz nv practised team b4, well mebbe only me but oh well, we've come so far, let's juz c if we can't go furthur ;)

finally, it's over...

yes! e long awaited day whereby the 1st common test has finally come to an end is here! lol... it's been so long since i last blogged... recalling e last few days of late nite studying... at least it'll b a while before i'll have to do that again... tt's only if i fail to study earlier in advance... must focus... now's e time 2 learn to focus before the next common test, then perhaps i'll be able to study better and score better... haiz.

Today went out wif class after phy ct... n guess who i saw when e bus went past e hc stop... shermeen!! haha... it's so nice seeing some1 familiar... she was alone though,... look so lonely,... hmmm it's been so long since i went out wif her... soon,... i shall ask her....

hmmm... well... juz wanna say smthg,... i felt ok 4 this phy ct even though it was supposed to kill us ;) haha, they always say tt... but i seriously need 2 go thru my notes faster... i failed 2 finish studying properly... n i also failed to study e mcq topics sufficiently such tt i couldn't do any of e waves qns,... sigh, a waste of easy marks so as to speak... but wat i wanna say is tt e class ppl always think i can do v well for e exam... they juz dun understand... i worked hard 4 it but i also slacked lots of time... i'm juz slightly more hardworking than them only.. i'm no genius, i can't get 4 As now, but i'm willing to try, to strive for it even if it seems unattainable, i refuse to believe that s5g ppl all do badly, i hope tt i can show them tt even we can do well, we dun hav 2 b from 5a to do tt... but they dun seem 2 c this... they themselves look down on e class generally, i dun deny tt i didn't do tt but i seriously believe that they're all capable if only they'll try... perhaps it's e understanding concept part which they dun get... i noe it's not entirely their unwillingness 2 study tt is e cause of e overall not so ideal grades, some of 'em sincerely dun understand... wonder how i can help... it prob sounds as if i'm trying 2 act lyk some great person who noes everything n is trying 2 help others who're not as gd juz 2 show her capability... but i'm not lyk tt, tt's e very last thing on my mind, for eg, one of my friend, she always sleep in class, although she real gd in maths such tt she's a genius kind who dun hav 2 study, but tt's not so in e other subj, n she doesn't put in any effort at all, it doesn't matter 2 her at all... haiz, i guess every1 has diff priorities, cca's hers. haiz, i'm such a busybody.

but e fact tt i myself despise e class really irks me. a lot of my classmates also feel tt e class average grade would definitely be lower than that of e cohort, of 5a... which is supposedly e best class in e s5 combi... i wish 2 remove this unconscious biasedness, but i dunno how, for i myself am some1 wif this kind of thinking. to tell e truth, i hav nv been in any so-called worst class before n this is a 1st time, an experience, not say s5g is e worst class but it's one of e classes on e other end of e spectrum.

CT coming, it's time 2 study...*

Common tests are coming, no time to blog... not tt usually i hav e time, but anyway, now's e time 2 study... 2dae was also e release of e 'A' level results for e seniors, apparently they did v well... best in 6 yrs... e pressure on us juz increases... oh well, study time!

having come this far*

was reading thru my old blog posts n noticed a few things... mainly this post is gonna b abt archery so yah... here goes...

basically, i was told by my capt (galz team) during trng camp tt she didn't quite lyk me @ e beginning, coz i made life quite difficult for her n all, wif my complaints... my attitude. i seem 2 hav an attitude prob, always complaining n hoping 2 get outta trng... pretty irritating... but i'm real glad tt they didn't reject me coz of tt... right now they're talking abt juniors' attitude towards archery n thinking of who they wanna accept... of which attitude is a pretty impt criteria... a while back, i had some run-ins wif e vice capt (galz team) but it's ok now... we're usually quite close so now everything's back 2 normal alr... back then, i thought of quitting coz since made capt n vcapt's life difficult n all... thought of quitting after e juniors are settled down... but i dunno... now i'm reluctant 2 leave, to leave e sport n e ppl i've met in it... now my form (posture) is right already, i dun wanna forget it... it's such a waste... after all i've been thru 2 learn all tt in e past yr... it seems so wasted 2 juz quit... mebbe i should continue in uni? i dun really noe... i was thinking if i quit now... n c team members ard in sch, it'll b quite awkward... we're quite close n all.. it juz doesn't seem right 2 juz quit. after joining archery, i've sarcrificed lots tt's 4 sure but in e process i also gained a lot unknowingly... had a galz talk kinda thing wif my capt juz now... real wonderful talking abt such stuff... i gained a great group of friends whom i noe i can keep after jc... at times when i can't count on my class 2 provide e warmness tt this 'family' can, i noe i can lean on this group of friends 2 help pull me thru any probs i have... i used 2 think of my class as smthg temporary, tt i'll leave this place n this class soon enuff, i juz have 2 bear wif it a while more, i'll b free after this, after leaving nj... not sure if i think tt anymore, juz tt i'm not tt extremist in my thinking now... when i can't depend on my class 4 comfort, i realise tt e team provides this 4 me. a few wks back, i felt kinda foreign in my class, tt time i was trying 2 ostro myself wat ;) haha, anyway, yah, tt time, when i didn't quite feel welcome in my class, i would b eager 4 e day 2 end, so tt after sch, during trng, i could b wif my team, which would make me feel more at home, better than my class at any rate.... -ve thinking, tsk.

well i can say tt i'm glad 2 hav entered archery, i've cum a long way since tt day when i stepped into e range 2 ask 2 join archery... so i should appreciate all tt i've gained in e process, having learnt wat is commitment n actually being commited 2 smthg, 2 hav made such wonderful friends who will stay by me even after i leave nj... a group of ppl i noe outside my class in nj... ppl i'm glad 2 c ard sch when moving from classes 2 classes... juz tt simple wave to 'em when i c 'em ard, it's quite a wonderful feeling. i've cum this far, so i might as well go furthur, juz a bit more.

hmmm....*

well let's c, nthg much 2 sae... so shall juz write some unimpt stuff... lyk for chem test i got 14/28, passed.. one of e 5 who passed chem test in class... haha... then phy test, got juz passed also, e only gal who passed, 12/24 i think... juz passed again... e rest of e guyz got lyk 13 coz they copy each other... e galz got single digits... haiz... if only they study... then erm econ test... fail... 7/20, was calculations... so haiz. well my class most prob having JTS next sat... @ clarke quay apparently... juniors so nice... so us seniors can't lose out 2 'em! so tt means we muz pay lots for STJ... haiz... haha, ok, end here, nitez!

yay... cny hols r here!*

yupz, now i hav e time 2 blog... hehe... anyway... i realised tt i didn't mention tt since dec, i also participated in another archery comp... so basically for both comp, we got girls team gold... was real happy when we got e 1st gold... finally show tt vc wat we're made of... 2nd time round,... was from a rather small scale comp... so it wasn't all tt rewarding winning e gold... coz there was only 3 girls team in e event anyway... but well we had e chance to hav prize presentation twice in 3 weeks,.. haha bet it left a lasting impression on e juniors... rite now only abt 14 juniors, inclusive of lyk 3 girls... but i dunno... e original team is quite close even if i dun quite feel e closeness... but i guess tt all of e team ppl r quite gd friends of mine which kinda equates as a close team... e teacher was saying how close a team we were... n how our gals team capt was kinda reluctant 2 get new ppl into e team. oh well... nowadays i kinda prefer e (original) team 2 e class... dunno y... lack e kind of feeling of gd friends in class i think... but if i bother 2 try, i believe i can b close 2 e class... they're all nice ppl after all... but can't b helped if e gals hav their own cliques in class n me not quite lyking my own so called 'clique'... so i guess e best soln n only soln is 2 keep away from 'em until i feel lyk gg wif 'em again... me e loner... it's tough being alone in a co-ed envt... in mg it was easier... rite now i juz wanna feel lyk tt so hmmm, i'm not makin sense here but nvm.

these days team members keep suaning me... n disturbing me... humph! stupid guyz team... yeah it's e guyz doing e suaning... coz 1 of their classmates is a mg gal also... who's real gd at studies, 4 As kinda person,... a treasured friend of mine... n erm she kinda keeps insulting e guyz in her class( some of whom r archers...) n so they do tt 2 me also while i keep defending her... actually they start 1st one lor! that's y she's juz being defensive... haiz... now i noe how she suffers in her class ;) for 1 yr alr... 10 mths more for her ;) n cum 2 think of it... me too... haiz... hav 2 suffer wif her... i complained 2 my capt already... she said we'll beat 'em up one day... haha... funny... oh well, wat r friends 4 if i can't defend my friend thru this period of time rite? ;) lol...

well... let's chat a bit more abt my junior class shall we? when e class 1st met 'em... e class was half dere coz s15 is tt kinda class which is super involved in cca stuff... got sport cca as well as societies... we got lyk 2 presidents in our class, angklung n western dance... way cool class if u think of it... got lots of exco members for sport ccas... one capt even... haha... so can imagine wat kinda class it is rite? anyway, e class made e effort 2 wait 4 e junior class a while longer b4 gg 2 help their respective ccas for cca carnival tt day... when e junior class came in... e feeling they gave me while they gathered standing dere facing us(we were sitting ;) hehe) was strangely v nice... they gave me e feeling tt e class is gg 2 b real close, real wonderful 2gether, a warm kind of feeling, a feeling of home n family, of closeness n friendship. a feeling tt s67 once gave me. i was touched... wat a strange feeling... hahaz... but tt is in e past n i truly acknowledge tt wat's past is past, those will remain cherished memories :). oh well but apparently they're not tt close, these days, u nv ever c 'em 2gether as a class outside of lessons... whenever we hav breaks (05s15) we c e juniors in groups... u c a small no eating... n lyk 20 min later... u c some of e others cuming down e stairs.. they walk separately ... tt's wat i'm talking abt, not as a class. from wat i heard, many juniors dun lyk their class... haiz... well, as for me... naturally since we've e angel mortal game, i hav an angel n a mortal who r both juniors... but stupid mortal doesn't reply n angel took 1 wk 2 send e 1st letter so i can't b bothered 2 write letters 2 em at all, much less ask abt wat's gg on in their class... i already noe who's my angel, typical kind of ppl i always pick in these sorta games, but i promised a friend i'll give every1 a chance n stop being cynical n mean... in turn she promised 2 stop gossiping but she hasn't stopped yet... nvm, i shall try 2 stick 2 my promise.

juz yesterday, went out wif s15 after cny celeb... n instead of kbox (too ex) we watched a movie instead... well... e group of 17 ppl went for 3 diff movies... coz well some watched these n sum wanna watched others so e 3 movies were fearless, memoirs of a geisha n i not stupid too... i watched e last movie.... v sad n funny... funny at 1st then e sad part at e end which was super long lar... anyway... apparently fearless had a sad ending too... e guyz said jet lee got poisoned n he fought after being poisoned so was kind of a painful death yah. after tt some stayed behind 2 hav dinner wif e juniors (all e guyz= 6 guyz n lyk 6 galz) yah... wonder how many juniors will turn up... btw e whole class seems somewhat obsessed wif this so called chio bu in e junior class... super athletic n all, gd figure according 2 e galz... i juz find her kinda cute tt's all, not pretty, only cute. even e galz are obsessed wif her... crazed. galz looking at galz... wat has e world cum to... i ask em n they tell me, no yan dao (shuai ge) 2 look at so look at galz instead... watever.

summary*

okies... lots happened in between e previous post n this but didn't hav e time 2 cum online 2 blog so yah... basically, for team event, we got gold... n erm, my junior class seems quite nice if not as united... but tt's unimpt... playing e angel mortal game again,... which i hav no time for n no need for it either... dun wanna play it but we're not given a choice... jan is almost gone now n 2mrrw's celebrations for cny... not supposed 2 wear sch u 2mrrw... we're synchronising e colour we're wearing 2mrrw... then we'll go kbox... we refers 2 my class... wonder if it'll b fun... anyway... archery also got juniors... interesting ppl... if a bit dao... haiz... they're prob shy or smthg... more fun being wif 'em than wif class juniors anyway... had lots 2 blog initially... but well am tired now not 2 mention tt it's late... n hmm... can't rmber wat i wanted 2 blog... oh wells... -end