having come this far*

was reading thru my old blog posts n noticed a few things... mainly this post is gonna b abt archery so yah... here goes...

basically, i was told by my capt (galz team) during trng camp tt she didn't quite lyk me @ e beginning, coz i made life quite difficult for her n all, wif my complaints... my attitude. i seem 2 hav an attitude prob, always complaining n hoping 2 get outta trng... pretty irritating... but i'm real glad tt they didn't reject me coz of tt... right now they're talking abt juniors' attitude towards archery n thinking of who they wanna accept... of which attitude is a pretty impt criteria... a while back, i had some run-ins wif e vice capt (galz team) but it's ok now... we're usually quite close so now everything's back 2 normal alr... back then, i thought of quitting coz since made capt n vcapt's life difficult n all... thought of quitting after e juniors are settled down... but i dunno... now i'm reluctant 2 leave, to leave e sport n e ppl i've met in it... now my form (posture) is right already, i dun wanna forget it... it's such a waste... after all i've been thru 2 learn all tt in e past yr... it seems so wasted 2 juz quit... mebbe i should continue in uni? i dun really noe... i was thinking if i quit now... n c team members ard in sch, it'll b quite awkward... we're quite close n all.. it juz doesn't seem right 2 juz quit. after joining archery, i've sarcrificed lots tt's 4 sure but in e process i also gained a lot unknowingly... had a galz talk kinda thing wif my capt juz now... real wonderful talking abt such stuff... i gained a great group of friends whom i noe i can keep after jc... at times when i can't count on my class 2 provide e warmness tt this 'family' can, i noe i can lean on this group of friends 2 help pull me thru any probs i have... i used 2 think of my class as smthg temporary, tt i'll leave this place n this class soon enuff, i juz have 2 bear wif it a while more, i'll b free after this, after leaving nj... not sure if i think tt anymore, juz tt i'm not tt extremist in my thinking now... when i can't depend on my class 4 comfort, i realise tt e team provides this 4 me. a few wks back, i felt kinda foreign in my class, tt time i was trying 2 ostro myself wat ;) haha, anyway, yah, tt time, when i didn't quite feel welcome in my class, i would b eager 4 e day 2 end, so tt after sch, during trng, i could b wif my team, which would make me feel more at home, better than my class at any rate.... -ve thinking, tsk.

well i can say tt i'm glad 2 hav entered archery, i've cum a long way since tt day when i stepped into e range 2 ask 2 join archery... so i should appreciate all tt i've gained in e process, having learnt wat is commitment n actually being commited 2 smthg, 2 hav made such wonderful friends who will stay by me even after i leave nj... a group of ppl i noe outside my class in nj... ppl i'm glad 2 c ard sch when moving from classes 2 classes... juz tt simple wave to 'em when i c 'em ard, it's quite a wonderful feeling. i've cum this far, so i might as well go furthur, juz a bit more.

hmmm....*

well let's c, nthg much 2 sae... so shall juz write some unimpt stuff... lyk for chem test i got 14/28, passed.. one of e 5 who passed chem test in class... haha... then phy test, got juz passed also, e only gal who passed, 12/24 i think... juz passed again... e rest of e guyz got lyk 13 coz they copy each other... e galz got single digits... haiz... if only they study... then erm econ test... fail... 7/20, was calculations... so haiz. well my class most prob having JTS next sat... @ clarke quay apparently... juniors so nice... so us seniors can't lose out 2 'em! so tt means we muz pay lots for STJ... haiz... haha, ok, end here, nitez!

yay... cny hols r here!*

yupz, now i hav e time 2 blog... hehe... anyway... i realised tt i didn't mention tt since dec, i also participated in another archery comp... so basically for both comp, we got girls team gold... was real happy when we got e 1st gold... finally show tt vc wat we're made of... 2nd time round,... was from a rather small scale comp... so it wasn't all tt rewarding winning e gold... coz there was only 3 girls team in e event anyway... but well we had e chance to hav prize presentation twice in 3 weeks,.. haha bet it left a lasting impression on e juniors... rite now only abt 14 juniors, inclusive of lyk 3 girls... but i dunno... e original team is quite close even if i dun quite feel e closeness... but i guess tt all of e team ppl r quite gd friends of mine which kinda equates as a close team... e teacher was saying how close a team we were... n how our gals team capt was kinda reluctant 2 get new ppl into e team. oh well... nowadays i kinda prefer e (original) team 2 e class... dunno y... lack e kind of feeling of gd friends in class i think... but if i bother 2 try, i believe i can b close 2 e class... they're all nice ppl after all... but can't b helped if e gals hav their own cliques in class n me not quite lyking my own so called 'clique'... so i guess e best soln n only soln is 2 keep away from 'em until i feel lyk gg wif 'em again... me e loner... it's tough being alone in a co-ed envt... in mg it was easier... rite now i juz wanna feel lyk tt so hmmm, i'm not makin sense here but nvm.

these days team members keep suaning me... n disturbing me... humph! stupid guyz team... yeah it's e guyz doing e suaning... coz 1 of their classmates is a mg gal also... who's real gd at studies, 4 As kinda person,... a treasured friend of mine... n erm she kinda keeps insulting e guyz in her class( some of whom r archers...) n so they do tt 2 me also while i keep defending her... actually they start 1st one lor! that's y she's juz being defensive... haiz... now i noe how she suffers in her class ;) for 1 yr alr... 10 mths more for her ;) n cum 2 think of it... me too... haiz... hav 2 suffer wif her... i complained 2 my capt already... she said we'll beat 'em up one day... haha... funny... oh well, wat r friends 4 if i can't defend my friend thru this period of time rite? ;) lol...

well... let's chat a bit more abt my junior class shall we? when e class 1st met 'em... e class was half dere coz s15 is tt kinda class which is super involved in cca stuff... got sport cca as well as societies... we got lyk 2 presidents in our class, angklung n western dance... way cool class if u think of it... got lots of exco members for sport ccas... one capt even... haha... so can imagine wat kinda class it is rite? anyway, e class made e effort 2 wait 4 e junior class a while longer b4 gg 2 help their respective ccas for cca carnival tt day... when e junior class came in... e feeling they gave me while they gathered standing dere facing us(we were sitting ;) hehe) was strangely v nice... they gave me e feeling tt e class is gg 2 b real close, real wonderful 2gether, a warm kind of feeling, a feeling of home n family, of closeness n friendship. a feeling tt s67 once gave me. i was touched... wat a strange feeling... hahaz... but tt is in e past n i truly acknowledge tt wat's past is past, those will remain cherished memories :). oh well but apparently they're not tt close, these days, u nv ever c 'em 2gether as a class outside of lessons... whenever we hav breaks (05s15) we c e juniors in groups... u c a small no eating... n lyk 20 min later... u c some of e others cuming down e stairs.. they walk separately ... tt's wat i'm talking abt, not as a class. from wat i heard, many juniors dun lyk their class... haiz... well, as for me... naturally since we've e angel mortal game, i hav an angel n a mortal who r both juniors... but stupid mortal doesn't reply n angel took 1 wk 2 send e 1st letter so i can't b bothered 2 write letters 2 em at all, much less ask abt wat's gg on in their class... i already noe who's my angel, typical kind of ppl i always pick in these sorta games, but i promised a friend i'll give every1 a chance n stop being cynical n mean... in turn she promised 2 stop gossiping but she hasn't stopped yet... nvm, i shall try 2 stick 2 my promise.

juz yesterday, went out wif s15 after cny celeb... n instead of kbox (too ex) we watched a movie instead... well... e group of 17 ppl went for 3 diff movies... coz well some watched these n sum wanna watched others so e 3 movies were fearless, memoirs of a geisha n i not stupid too... i watched e last movie.... v sad n funny... funny at 1st then e sad part at e end which was super long lar... anyway... apparently fearless had a sad ending too... e guyz said jet lee got poisoned n he fought after being poisoned so was kind of a painful death yah. after tt some stayed behind 2 hav dinner wif e juniors (all e guyz= 6 guyz n lyk 6 galz) yah... wonder how many juniors will turn up... btw e whole class seems somewhat obsessed wif this so called chio bu in e junior class... super athletic n all, gd figure according 2 e galz... i juz find her kinda cute tt's all, not pretty, only cute. even e galz are obsessed wif her... crazed. galz looking at galz... wat has e world cum to... i ask em n they tell me, no yan dao (shuai ge) 2 look at so look at galz instead... watever.

summary*

okies... lots happened in between e previous post n this but didn't hav e time 2 cum online 2 blog so yah... basically, for team event, we got gold... n erm, my junior class seems quite nice if not as united... but tt's unimpt... playing e angel mortal game again,... which i hav no time for n no need for it either... dun wanna play it but we're not given a choice... jan is almost gone now n 2mrrw's celebrations for cny... not supposed 2 wear sch u 2mrrw... we're synchronising e colour we're wearing 2mrrw... then we'll go kbox... we refers 2 my class... wonder if it'll b fun... anyway... archery also got juniors... interesting ppl... if a bit dao... haiz... they're prob shy or smthg... more fun being wif 'em than wif class juniors anyway... had lots 2 blog initially... but well am tired now not 2 mention tt it's late... n hmm... can't rmber wat i wanted 2 blog... oh wells... -end

busy period of my hols...

29, 30 nov, 1, 2 n 3 dec... had CIP @ suntec... only 1 word 2 descibe it: exhilarating... was fun @ times, coz u're so busy u find it fun... n @ times u get real frustrated coz of messed up stuff - organisation v messy this yr @ e Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2005. e marathon was on e 4th itself... @ 1st i only wanted 2 go 4 e 1st 4 daes coz apparently, u need 2 go @ least 4 outta e 5 daes.. but turns out tt i enjoyed myself so much on e 2nd dec... tt i decided to go on e 3rd too! n erm skip trng @ e same time ;) dun tell my capt pls... made lots of real nice new friends dere... kinda sad tt we part ways already... dunno if we'll ever get 2 meet again, they're lyk sec 3, 4, unis... yupz, even working adults also got... coz e volunteering experience is v enriching. really hope someday in e future we'll get 2 meet again... hopefully Singapore is tt small. but well... some of 'em live in e east n north... kinda no hope but we shall see. 29 & 30 was packing of goodie bags - so NOT fun.. zip e stupid shoebags until hands pain already... 1, 2, 3 - expo days... giving out of e bags... it's when e fun n horror begins! horror = i was in 10km section, n e prob was tt e shirts wasn't here yet so we've got 2 put up wif e public's disapproval/anger/unhappiness, u name it, yupz, we had 2 put up wif tt. but got mostly nice ppl too so erm wasn't tt bad. fun = being runner... meaning counter support... getting e bags n e bibs 4 e counter ppl... fun! i was counter too... it was busy n fun too... at times... but v tiring standing... whole time standing so if u go 4 this thing, b prepared 2 stand! 1st 2 days slack... e next 3 is really busy! made lots of friends during e last 3 days... tt's when u get 2 mingle wif e rest.

10, 11 dec... 9 dec was sighters for this archery comp, my 2nd to date. 1st outdr comp... n well todae's e 10, n i'm already burnt red so who noes wat i'll b after 2mrrw... oh well, now i noe better = put sunblock! results out, i'm ranked 13th outta e dunno how many archers... as usual i'm one of e lousiest in e whole team... including guys' team.. oh well... v unhappy wif myself for lacking e stamina 2 maintain my score in e 2nd round. 1st round was 206/300, 2nd round was 160/300 HumPh! considered passed but i had higher expectations of at least 180 for each end... i'll do better 2mrrw, tt i promise 2 try.

not much of a hol...

2nd week of hol, had trng camp... 3 day 2 night, total no of hrs of slp i had= 3.5 hrs... dunno y 2nd nite couldn't slp... we voluntarily switched off e lights at 11 some more... usually 2nd nite can slp... dunno y this time couldn't... at least wasn't a deep slp... v short if there was... anyway... e galz were sleeping on e 2nd floor which was out of bounds to e guyz but erm some of 'em didn't noe so they accidentally stumbled into our rooms 4 various reasons... lyk paying up e money we owed 'em.. haha... meals was horrible.. .everytime wait so long coz they had 2 go out n buy or order macs or stuff lyk tt... longest we waited was 3 hrs... hmm... it was lyk starve until cannot starve already, so had a nap which helped pass e time n forget our hunger for a while then we tried shooting pistol(me) n rifle (no way) which helped to distract us... yupz... trng in e sun... made me darker... during those days... haiz... oh well, at least i wasn't burnt... compared 2 e shooters-pist0l n rifle,... they were so fair... haha... nvm... watched a motivation movie - MIRACLE... really inspired me... commitment... haha... hm, will commit myself from now on... it taught me lots... yupz... hope this feeling can sustain me thru out e whole of next yr too...

3rd wk of hols... harsh trng begins... mon had rest coz trng camp ended on sun... thankfully... coz otherwise it'll b pt.... tue... shooting... wed, break... thurs, pt - endurance otherwise known as morn run... fri, strength trng... otherwise known as strength trng... sat... shooting trng... sun, rest. as seen from above... our trng is undergoing a major overhaul... during camp, we learnt mental trng n putting down on paper our thoughts n feelings abt each trng... our trng is getting more organised... n more disciplined... late 1 min for pt... 5 push-ups... n so on... will increase 2 running round track dunno how many times... 30 min late... turn ard n go home coz makeup pt another day... everyday at home muz do 100 push-ups n 50 jumping jacks... haiz... dunno wat 2 say... but i've decided to commit myself so i didn't complain as much as i usually would,... am trying 2 stop these complaints of mine anyway.. lol... i'm so troublesome... no wonder e galz team capt didn't quite lyk me at 1st.. coz i made life difficult for her... unintentionally... unknowingly... but now i noe so i will not commit e same mistake twice, meaning, my complaints shall CEASE! hehe.

really wat a day~

2dae... hmm... pon sch 2nd time... 1st time was 2 days ago... oops... haha... no 1 say anything... anyway 2dae, went 2 meet mg friends! had fun talking n chatting... then went for pw op workshop... urgh... but it was ok... kinda boring but oh well... then went 2 surprise eleanor! coz her bdae's 2mrrw... so some mg friends crashed nj 2 surprise her... haha, i went too... then we went johnson's duck 2 eat.. yum... but erm... juz when this fabulous evening was going 2 end... some of my friends decided 2 take a pix wif some signboard...when then leant on it... there was a loud sound of breaking utensils... e restaurant on e other side... had stacked saucedishes leaning against e signboard so it was toppled over... all of us were stunned so as 2 speak... we didn't noe wat 2 do... those friends of mine, they immediately offered 2 help clean up, 2 help compensate... e rest of us were willing 2 help pay if necessary... we were all in nj u,... anyway e manager was really really nice, he told us there was no need... it's ok... such a nice person... it's really great noeing such ppl exist... my friends they were really really srry... e employees weren't happy though,... some woman was lyk muttering away in chinese tt it's those girls playing,... haiz... oh well... it's really lucky for us tt he didn't make a big issue outta it... wonder if nj's reputation was ruined... haiz... me n my friend was lyk we don't care anyway... hahaz... outta e group of 8 ppl there... only 4 were real nj ppl... hahaz... anyway... what a day.

life after promos~

yay, now can relax alr... couldn't find anything 2 do though... hmm... anyway, juz glad tt exams r over n now can rest... or so i thought, thinking... i realised tt there'll still b lessons, there'll still b hwk, much worse is tt there'll still b trng, yuck, hate PTs.. only ever really liked e shooting part of e whole cca session anyway... n well... only switched on my hp in e evening, n i realised there was 5 missed calls, n 6 sms... why are those ppl looking 4 me.. when i leave my hp on 4 more than 72 hours, it doesn't ring, no not a single time, when i switch it off for a day, ... no 1 seemed 2 realise tt they can call direct 2 my home... not lyk i blame 'em or care... msg was abt trng, resumes 2mrrw, rite after promos, wat can i say... thought i had a chance 2 rest, guess not... SIGH... it's lyk back 2 tt life full of complaints... will definitely look forward 2 e time when ccas r no longer a bother,... primarily referring 2 end of jc... haha, sounds so extreme. every1 says studying years r e best... they're rite... but sometimes, when u're in this situation... can't b helped... mg would b a lot better.

Tempus Fugit~ time flies...*

no kidding... tempus fugit... time flies... how apt a description... i seem 2 b wallowing in self-despair... haiz... was talking to my friend e dae b4 yest... fri... realised tt these few weeks... always been mentioning life ... in e 1st 3 mths... always recalling 2 e fun times we had... e many little jokes... lyk how sher used 2 dodge whenever we put a phone in front of her... for fear of its camera... but we always use a cam-less phone... lol... i guess i'm trying 2 use my present class as subst? i checked ard... n realised tt most ppl had cam phones... strange... i would expect nj 2 hav ppl wif less of such phones... but well... i guess e cam phones r v common alr... wonder if she's still so affected by such a gesture... or has 67 trained her alr? i wonder...

guess i've been comparing e kind of ppl i meet in both schs also... v diff types of ppl... how strange... we're all singaporeans but such a vast diff... hav been comparing... my friends n i,... we keep saying s15.. my nj class.. has no guyz... hahaz... i dunno... it's juz small little things here n dere tt gave me tt impression... they... their lang v coarse, v rough... my poor friend cringed on hearing 'em... but well, got used 2 it alr... hear bad lang everydae... poor me... wish i was back in mg... but well, we can't turn e hands of e clock back... tough luck... but i guess they're alr acceptable... should stop complaining... things might hav been worse... ok... gotta admit smthg... kept comparing 'em wif 67 guyz... man, i think i'll regret saying this... but well, really, now i noe.. how decent they r compared 2 my class guyz now.

i was telling my friend... by now i think i should hav let go alr... but somehow i keep dwelling on e past... it's not wrong 2 look back... but i guess it's wrong to keep my head turned back while walking forward... might knock into a pillar... hahaz... wat a bitter laugh... sigh... i muz face forward... i muz.

fri, had lunch wif some of e ppl from 67, mainly mh, sher, ivan, darren, ian n jenny... it was really hard 2 organise it... wat wif mh doing e organisation... tt morn i was in a gd mood... realised tt i was nv in such a gd mood ever, not since entering nj... anyway, was laughing n joking wif some friends... then 1st lesson... mh ruined it by saying how e galz all can't make it... might hav 2 cancel it after all... darn, wat wif e lousy marks i got from econ drq test... i was really down in e pits... think i sorta gave my classmate an arrogant look, a darn pissed look... well it's ok, we dun really communicate anyway. then it was really hard 2 smile in e 2nd lesson n so on... msg jenny n she said, we'll juz go over n c how... so ok, agreed. fri after sch, coz there's math remedial, tt's y so many classmates stay back... real glad 4 their company, even though i was only wif 2 galz - my pw mates.

lunch - went over... sat @ e bench... saw 1 snr... forgot his name... sigh... alice's angel n mortal... even jenny forgot his name... then they ended sch... alice 1st one down... prob coz she's 2 go 4 oac... painting banner... prob for maf... haiz... was talking wif qt abt tt... she said alice invited her so she invite me n it's not tt e class forgot abt us... well they juz don't inform us abt stuff anymore... ok, shall stop it... anyway, then e galz all came down 1st... followed after a short while by e guyz... woah... it's lyk really woah... suddenly hit me tt oh yeah, e ratio's lyk 18 guyz to 8 galz... forgot abt tt... hahaz... it was nice seeing familiar faces again... kinda... more or less... ivan asked if i still wanted 2 strangle him... hahaz... mh is e target now... she pissed me off more... there was a mango on e table... wanted 2 throw it @ mh... jk. lunch, adam's rd... was ok, mh had 2 rush off 4 yida's autograph session... but got a taste of e familiar atmosphere... lunching 2gether. anyway... yeah. guess i'll stop here.

temper temper- time 2 b tempered*

okies, shall not throw tantrums anymore... or rather i shall try not to ;) anywayz.... update... e wounds on my arms, legs, everywhere r healing now... within a few days, they're almost gone, tt Dr Loke sure is gd. being e responsible me i turned up tt dae, crap, hate it when duty calls... ok, promos, 6 wks left, chem spa, 4 wks left, phy spa, 1 wk left, chem n math tests, 1 wk left... = it's time 2 start revision... rite... n e ipod mini gold colour, apparently it's not in Singapore yet... too bad then... mh... guess u hav 2 wait... haven't lunched wif e 67 galz in a long while... but well... wonder how they're doing now? sigh... it's time 2 study every1... no matter who/where we r...

well i guess i have 2 admit... i'm starting to like my class... they're real fun, almost comparable to 67, or rather wat 67 was. s15, they definitely do not = mugger class... after having a few class outings wif 'em since joining this class... am starting to like e class ONLY, not nj, yucks. they gave us a feedback form 2dae 2 fill up n let's c, there was do u agree whether the facilities n environment r conducive for studying? PUh-leez! e mosquitos! so i put strongly disagree! then later they put are you proud to be part of njc? strongly DISAGREE! whahahaha... so many disagrees n strongly disagrees in 1 feedback, 1st time i disagreed so much... tsk tsk, nj has FAILED terribly! HA! there was 1 option saying if other people are criticising njc, you will defend njc.... STRONGLY DISAGREE!! i was telling my friend, i'll join them in their criticisms man! so funny... it's lyk they've really failed... either tt or i resist too well... my friends n i (2nd intaker galz) were discussing 2dae... when ppl asked wat sch we're from... we would mumble njc... it's so pathetic... i also dunno y... i juz dun feel proud 2 b part of njc... they say it's boring here... but e councillors n every1 r really trying their best 2 make this place fun... but i guess e uniform reduces watever effect they had? it can b pretty fun in here, esp wif my class, but well guess e general idea is still nj is a mugger sch... can't b helped i guess.

btw, i've changed my hp no.... u ppl should hav received my sms otherwise... i dunno... network failure? hahaz... anyway, nitez ppl, mugging time. ;)

u wish, i'll not turn up, there's a limit 2 my patience! n e limit's been breached! curses::..

hey
can i complain?
i've juz been thoroughly angered
stupid archery
u noe there was supposed 2 b a meeting juz now but then it was cancelled... e capt told me after i put down my bag...
so tt wasted a bit of my time...
so i was a bit pissed
then i dunno, i got pissed a lot 2dae... feeling up n down lots... dunno y
then they sms me
i end at 1230 2mrrw
they wanna meet at 5 pm
n so i said i went down 4 nthg juz now, now u want me 2 wait damn long, 5hrs juz for a meeting 2 discuss e script
so i said wait n c if i feel lyk turning up
n she said no i will not wait n c, it's ur choice whether/not 2 cooperate n give a LITTLE more then e luckier ones who dun hav 2 wait
u noe... i'm really damn angry.
i was feeling so down juz now on e bus dunno y... juz felt lyk crying... i dunno wat's going on... then receiving e msg juz now made me so angry... i really wanna quit archery now...

i dunno
i really dunno
i hate it rite now
perhaps after a nite of slp... things will get better... or rather things will b clearer
i'm really tired...
tired of compromising...
tired of doing things way beyond myself juz 4 em
i noe tt perhaps e others r doing e same thing also... but i nv had e experience b4... i dunno whether i can handle it
i mean it's lyk affecting my studies too
i really hate this
damn!
i wanted 2 use stronger words in my nick but i guess i thought better of it...
they don't exactly deserve my attention
they're not worth it
esp not njc
it's juz a short 2 yrs here... it's ending soon, i'll study hard n get outta here
then it'll b over i hope
finally
haiz
i seem 2 b trying 2 comfort myself

i really felt lyk quitting a lot of times alr

i dunno whether i can sustain for e rest of e 1+yrs here leh
if i quit i dun hav 2 face all these again
i dun hav 2 waste my time there
i can use my time better elsewhere

i was supposed 2 do my dc circuit tut
but i got too pissed off by em
i'm quite glad i got e mc now... mebbe it might = to me seeing less of 'em

haiz... i noe... but i dunno how 2 solve it... i dun wanna flare up @ em ... i sort of flared up in front of my capt b4 u noe
n i dunno... it'll b e 2nd time... i seriously wonder if i've been angered by e same party so many times b4 in my entire life
now it's all their fault tt i can't do my hwk

c how they affect my studies?

-end

~lonely solitude, nostalgic for bittersweet memories~

defn: Unhappy at being away and longing for familiar things or persons
bittersweet: Tinged with sadness
lone: Characterized by or preferring solitude in mode of life
solitude: A disposition toward being alone

~lonely solitude, nostalgic for bittersweet memories~

"looking back at the past, how i wish things didn't have to change between us; i've asked myself countless times: why must we be separated? it's a fact, we can no longer be 2gether again, no matter how much we try, we can no longer go back 2 tt time in life, when we were happy, when we were in each other's company."

"i'm waiting for you here, where are you? Are u waiting too? for my appearance in your life? if only e time when we finally meet can arrive faster... i'm adrift in the sea of time, waiting for you to lift me into your arms, before i sink below... so please hurry, hurry here to save me."

"isn't she lucky this hollywood gal? n they say she's so lucky she's a star, but she cry cry cry wif a lonely heart thinking, 'if there's nthg missing in my life, then y does these tears come at nite?' she's so lucky, but she cry cry cries..."

"i used 2 think i had e ans 2 everything, but now i noe, life doesn't always go my way, feels lyk i'm caught in e middle, tt's when i need your love... all i need is time, a moment tt is mine, while i'm in between."

these few days, have been real tired, always falling asleep in lectures n tutorials, i've changed, not for e better n i really hate this me, but i wouldn't let this bring me down, no way.

bks bks bks

oh yeah, am also reading artemis fowl @ e moment, 1st bk n e arctic incident... yupz, am waiting 2 get e other 2... pretty interesting... also reading comics recently... but well, time 4 studies now, esp wif 6-7 wks thereabt left 2 promos, i need 2 start now... esp after those results 4 ct... anyway cya ppl.

nthg much 2 sae...*

well lyk e title says, i've got nthg 2 sae, but well haven't been blogging in a long while so i guess it's time i blogged again... harry potter n e half-blood prince juz came out, on e 16th of july... i finished reading it on tt sunday, n well... went back 2 sch on mon n every1 was talking abt it... i didn't expect certain classmates 2 b reading harry potter but they were all discussing it... esp e ending... yeah i feel v unfair 4 dumbledore, he trusted him! oh well... guess it teaches us a lesson, believe all u want in a person but don't 4get who he started out as... nay, juz kidding. but well, can tell harry sure matured lots, esp in e last few pages... hope things will b ok in e end...
well, my grad ceremony is 2mrrw, or some refer 2 it as speech day, for mg, it's called founder's day, or rather they arrange e grad ceremony 2 b on e same day as founder's day...
on fri, i went 4 doctor's appointment 2 check out all these 'wounds', yeah all e galz n some guyz out there who noes me would noe wat i'm refering 2... hahaz... almost if not all e galz i noe who've seen me in e past month would noe... they all saw... their observance is amazing i muz admit... well gd thing is tt it's nthg tt bad, it's smthg lyk due to my body itself, then i got bitten by some bug so my body reacted 2 e bite n caused all these things 2 come out... bad news is tt it'll take a few yrs 2 go off... haiz... so much 4 'spotless' skin ... @ least @ e end of it, it wouldn't leave any scars behind... or so e doc says... who noes... hav 2 wait n c...
well, CT... was real bad, got ----, for math, chem, phy n econ respectively... my gp... it's too horrible 4 me 2 b willing 2 publicize it... all of 'em too horrible so i rather not sae here. so i got a tuition teacher, juz had 1st session 2dae, was ok. ok, am tired, shall leave now, bye :)

outing EnJoyeD it!!!

noticed tt my tagboard going haywire, when tag... muz refresh whole page 2 c e new tag... if not click nonstop no use... juz results in too many tags... haiz... tried fiddling wif it, didn't work... still e same old prob, srry ppl, guess we all juz hav 2 bear wif it til i find a better one
2dae, 1/7, had outing!!! went 2 meet up wif 67 after their math paper then went over 2 orchard where we had lunch at pastamania... we spent lots of time deciding where 2 go- as usual... when will this change? haiz hopefully soon. okies, then we went watch movie -WaR oF e woRldS... it raWkS!! no kidding, dun listen 2 mh... she actually said she felt lyk SleePINg!!! sheesh... it was lyk felt so highstrung thru out movie... it's juz tension from start 2 end... lyk e guyz said, their fight 4 survival is really portrayed very vividly, clearly. not a minute of rest b4 some other crisis befalls e ray n his family... it was lyk woah... tensed up thru out movie! well, then we took neoprints twice... damn hot in e booth they still take so many times... sheesh... then went heeren walked ard in hmv b4 alice, yj n i left... yupz... it was lyk 6 by tt time... amazing how time flies... esp when u're juz stoning ard n waiting 4 'em 2 make up their mind abt where 2 go... but well it was gd being back wif 67, enjoyed every minute tt i had chatting wif 'em again... well kinda regret not watching movie wif 15 but i guess... there'll always b a next time :) we should b optimistic hehe, anyway ta ta now.

wheeee... time 2 hav fun!

yupz, i'm totally ready 2 juz stay home n while my time away... luv e long wkend... sch'll b dreadful when we hav 2 go back... haiz... wat wif phy spa coming up... bUt tt's things 2 worry abt in e future, not now, not here, not in e present! shall attempt 2 begin blogging again... but no guarantees... stuff will always get in way... which is kinda sad considering how young this blog is :( nvm, there'll b time. well back 2 e usual... realise i'm always complaining, talking abt hc, archery n sometimes nj... i guess tt's wat my life is all abt... hmm shall attempt 2 talk abt other stuff, laTer.
a quick update on wat's going on in:
-archery = trng during hols were everydae
= hard work paid off, i did my 'personal best' in comp even though it was lyk ranked 31 out of dunno how many, abt 60-70. lousiest of all e nj shooters but wat e heck.
= team event, i was in e galz team, 1st shooter some more so nervous, other teams damn noisy, keep cheering nonstop even if their members' arrows didn't hit e board. nus, ntu, tp n many more. well too bad 4 nus/ntu, not gonna join their archery club when i reach tt lvl :P.
= being 1st time participants, we didn't expect much outta this comp... n well we sent 3 teams, 2 guys', 2 galz' team... out of which 1 of e guyz' team got 4th overall, same position as e galz' team... 4 vs 4... not bad at all even though we were quite disappointed at having missed getting e medal... in order 2 show mrs cheng tt she's wrong.
-school = common tests.... quick summary...
= G.P. okay.
= math NoT ok -40 marks alr, outta 100... chem NoT ok -26/80 alr...
= econ, quick satisfied, after doing e essay, quite happy wif it.
= phy... So NoT oK... paper 1 was ok... -12/40m(if tt's considered ok...) n paper 2 was E killer... every qns dunno how 2 do... formulas dun seem 2 b able 2 work... sigh looks lyk this is e 1st time i'm gonna fail my exams... max fail 3 subj, min, fail 1 subj... either way still fail... wat can i say? i tried my best considering i only had 6 days after all tt archery trng 2 study... haiz.
-my life = went out wif nj class 2dae after e phy paper... quite a lot of ppl went... well, went ps 2 eat n they went 2 watch movie(either war of e world/a lot lyk luv) some watched war, e rest watch luv... yeah. i didn't go... not interested in those movies plus dun wanna waste money... lousy excuse... 2mrrw might b going 2 watch movie wif hc class also... so juz making sure e movie i watch will b smthg i haven't watch b4... tt doesn't make sense... heck care.

trng---clashes----wif everything.. but i still luv archery

haiz haiz haiz sigh sigh sigh... archery teacher sae muz give up everything else coz no time 4 'em... only left time for studies n trng...not quite sure if there's even time 4 studies... next wk... trng whole wk... mon, mental trng, 130-330, tues 2 thurs, trng from 3-6pm... really really dun wanna voice out my objections 2 these dates... even though i arranged wif mh 2 go kbox wif her on tues , 2-7pm... coz he's always saying, would u put trng b4 leisure a not? i've placed trng in front of leisure so many times alr.. he juz doesn't noe... would it hurt if i sae i can't make it 2 trng this once coz of leisure? or would it b lyk e case where once u make a mistake u're black-listed 4 life... then he'll hav a bad impression of me... if he doesn't alr... how 2 run 4 ex-co lyk tt... haiz
he was saying out there... every archer is ur enemy... they'll pick on ur every mistake... to give nj archers a bad reputation, for e.g. last nite... we went potong pasir cc to train... actually it's only lyk 2 person who went... i went there 2 fletch my arrows n put in e arrow tips... n i left pretty early... anyway, this morn, 9am... e rj coach called n complained abt all e rubbish left behind supposedly by us... luckily our teacher clarified wif him n found out tt it wasn't nj archers who left all tt rubbish but some other ppl... so u c... ppl outside... they can't wait 2 give nj archers a bad reputation, esp since we're new.. so-called pioneers... not 2 sae tt u can't hav friends who r archers, our archery teacher's good friends r also archers, it's juz tt in competition they'll b tt, competitors.
3rd june, fridae, 12-3... went n crashed hc phy lect... irene tan took so long 2 notice jenny n i... then when she noticed she was lyk 'ae... err... ok...' then she kept looking back... during break she came up n talked 2 us... hahaz... anyway... after tt, i went 2 get my arrows n stuff... all e way in bishan... haiz... then went outdoor range 2 meet up wif e rest of e archers then went potong pasir cc to train(i didn't train i juz went there 2 c) then by e time reached home... was 8+...
4th june, sat, 1-3pm archery trng over @ Cdans, but i didn't manage 2 train much... coz was fletching my arrows... then i took lyk 2hr 2 fletch... haiz... wasn't easy... but part of e time was spent on stoning coz hav 2 wait 4 glue 2 dry... anyway... then we voted 4 archery boys' team capt n vice-capt... was a close competition coz voting was 7-6... anyway, i support both candidates so it's ok who bcome capt n who bcome v-capt ... btw, only 2 person ran... e rest were not interested/too busy yeah stuff... gals' team capt n vice-capt will only b decided after one of e galz who went back 2 china(she's from there) comes back... haiz...
okay, doubt i'll come online e next few daes coz of trng n studies, so this place will b quiet for e next wk or so... anyway, time 2 go... nitez all!

busy busy week...* prob is tt haven't start mugging

i'm so dead... haven't started studying anything... really really muz chiong now... let's give a quick recount of my wk... 29 may, sun, archery, coz i taking a course... lvl 1 course... e basics 2 archery... then coz e board was shifted so close... coz beginners wat... so my arrows all land v close 2gether... n coz dist so close, arrows went into board wif lotsa force, v hard 2 take out, plus they all clustered 2gether so v hard 2 remove... half e time asking other ppl help me take out arrows... even e coach also help... he was smiling when helping me... prob coz only me got such a prob... coz i shot e arrows so close 2gether wat... meaning i'm zai! err okay... not true lar... coz later on, after e course, we practised 4 our upcoming comp, practise shooting e pro-er way... n shift e board v far back... guess wat... this time e arrows not even on e board i'm aiming on lar... haiz... muz go practise.
okies, then 30, mon, nothg... i slacked e dae away... tues, 31st, got phy makeup tutorial, from 9-1040... then after tt, e class all go one of e galz' house 2 watch movie: star wars... then later they going for class lunch,
@ sakae sushi at west mall i think... i dun eat sushi so i didn't go, i didn't go 4 movie also coz they left n forgot abt asking me along... haiz... i guess they assume i wasn't going.. so i went lunch wif e other galz who're not gg 4 e class thingy... went golden rooster... saw alice wif her oac friends there... wat a coincidence! hahaz... then on e bus home met 2 of my classmates going 2 tt friend's house 2 watch movie... i didn't go along.. went home 2 slp instead.. so anti-social... haiz.. when did i bcome lyk tt...
1st june, wed... MUGGING session @ hc!!! went 2 meet e galz @ johnson duck 4 lunch... didn't expect 2 c e class guyz but well... it was lyk a whole group of hwa chongians juz descended on tt busstop then e guyz walk in front... jackson leading e pack.. wah look lyk some gang lar... hahaz... jackson look so fierce some more... then i was standing in front of him.. he didn't notice lor... until he came closer... then he was lyk ae! wat u doing here? oh u meeting us for lunch ah?... i said, no, i'm meeting e galz... so he went oh okay lor, then we go liao, bye bye... hahaz... anyway, johnson e fd quite yum, not a bad recommendation.then went back hc 2 class bench 2 mug... however.. weather damn hot.. plus zj brought poker cards along.. so erm instead of mugging, we played bridge instead, mh was lyk: this is not an official mugging session, still early, no need 2 mug yet... hahaz... only alice got any studying done lar, she sit beside us not distracted by e cards @ all... then went cdans 2 get my bow n quiver, spent $207 then met mg classmate @ busstop, she's in cj now. then went airport sent my sis off 2 London, sch trip, yupz, hope she enjoys e in-flight movie... n games :) so reach home at 10+, eat dinner n showered... so late rite? haiz, can't b helped then fell asleep quickly slept at 1am sigh.
2nd june, thurs, another long dae, coz previous nite didn't do any work then 2dae got chem makeup tutorial so went 2 kap at 830 2 mug... meeting my pw group there at 10 yup so went early 2 mug, quite productive, i should go kap 2 mug more often. yupz... then we went golden rooster(HAIZ) 2 eat... dao bao n sat on floor n ate lar... damn sad.. e others were lyk: no big deal wat... n i was lyk... i've nv done this b4.. sick of e fd there lar. then went back sch, chem makeup tut 1-430pm so long... it was actually 4 hrs long, then he let us off at 430.in e midst of lesson, celebrated 3 classmates' bdae, got 2 cakes 2 eat... hehe, bet sher would juz drown in happiness if she was here, one mango cake, another pink cake, prob strawberry? dunno got lotsa cream on it. anyway, glad i didn't fall aslp during tut, managed 2 learn lots from this session, glad 4 tt :) then actually at 630 need 2 go get arrows but archery teacher called during tut n told me.. no need, not 2dae... 2mrrw afternoon... haiz.. glad 2 hav e evening 2 stay home anyway, it felt as if i've been going out early n reaching home late everydae, which is not true.. but e main prob is tt i'm not really studying yet, which is really worrisome, coz i really need lotsa time 2 study... shall start asap, but 2mrrw promises 2 b another long dae so can't b helped, another 'stay-out' dae where i'll spend my afternoon n perhaps evening outside. haiz. sad case.

abt time 2 start mugging... ok, it's long overdue..

28th may: slept at 1 last nite... woke up at 630... left house at 710 2 meet pw group at kap at 8... thought i'll b late... n guess wat? i was e 1st one dere... on time summore... tsk tsk... but seems as though e other members slept even later than me so shall not complain. did pw until 10+ then 2 of my group members accompanied me til 12+ coz i had archery at 1 so i was heading over 2 e range directly... yup, they're real nice... actually only 1 person stayed all e way... coz e other member gotta b home 4 lunch... yeah... pw group real nice... then archery! wah! arm muscles were aching lyk crazy at e end of it... at 1st... arrows all v nice, grouping real close... so proud of myself... at least it was all on my lane n didn't cut into others... then coach made us learn e pro-er way of shooting... n well... my arrows missed e board 3 times... once... he was trying 2 ask me 2 pull my hand back... n well tt caused my arrow 2 fly over e board... damn embarrassing... but every1(3 others) were new juz lyk me so we were shooting n missing e board entirely sometimes... understandable... yeah... then was v tiring 2 shoot tt way... dunno y... anyway... my friend's arrow apparently missed e board n went under e storage rm door @ e other end of e rm... anywayz later, i got used 2 e new style of shooting n my groupings improved tremendously! 1 round looked lyk some pro shoot one coz e arrows were all so close 2 each other... n juz when i wanted 2 shoot e last arrow... archery capt came over... 2 watch... n my arrow went too much 2 e right... ruined my grouping... humph anyway... i kinda 4got how 2 set up my bow 2dae... so embarrassing... had 2 ask e others 2 check 4 me... arrggghhh... competition coming (18-19 june, august, dec) i better improve... tired... shall slp now... nitez.

i'm back!

i haven't been blogging since e 10th... n well... tt's coz i've been sick, been busy wif work, been too lazy/tired/no time 2 come online... yep... n a lot happened in e time i wasn't bloggin... so i'm gonna summarise as much as possible... only prob is tt i can't remember wat happened when so... nvm... let me start...
e wk of e 10th(10-15th may): fell sick... was feeling kinda ill on wed(11) but thought it was juz nthg... coz tt period of time, weather was lyk raining heavily 1 day n sun shining so brightly e next... every alternate day lyk tt... so i fell ill... perhaps also coz i caught e bug from my sis... anyway... felt real miserable on thurs(12) morn... so i didn't go 2 sch... went c doctor... waited 2 hr+... flu(fever, cough, phlegm, running nose) was getting worse during tt period of time... feeling cold n shivering coz e place was air-conditioned... my fault 4 not bringing sweater... anyway... went home 2 rest... tt dae, received a lot of msg asking where am i... y i nv go 2 sch... yup... my concerned classmates! hahaz... only 2 of 'em... e 2 i'm closest wif... 2nd intakers... anyway, e next dae still felt ill, even though much better alr... but went 2 sch still... even though got mc 4 2 days... didn't wanna end up not understanding anything in tut n lect... yeah... anyway, after sch fri(13) classmates went 2 each others' house 2 make jelly 4 college dae fd fair... i went home... was feeling ill... sat...14... college dae... had chem lab lesson in e morn... oh wait... messed up my timeline... nvm... then went home showered went back sch 2 help out in preparation 4 college dae... went home n left 1hr later... so tiring... in n out... reached sch at 1+ helped... set up stuff... b treasurer of e dae... stuff lyk tt... but then class stall(selling jelly n fruits) was situated @ linkway, both sides of linkway got ppl cooking away... smoke suffocating me... so felt ill... left @ 7 4 home... wanted 2 stay all e way... but couldn't take it... felt as if i failed in my duty as treasurer... nvm went home... had fever... haiz.

e following wk(16-22): mon 16 no sch, coz of college dae on sat... so had 1 more dae of rest... gd... can't remember much of this wk... sat i can remember... was real busy day... chem tut lesson in e morn(9-1040)... went kap n ate lunch... went friend's house 2 chat n get smthg(20 min) shall stay longer next time... felt so insincere... yeah then headed over 2 CDANS 4 archery... i finished shooting @ 3 on e dot(started @ 1) but admin matters... held me back til 530... rushed home 2 shower... reached home @ 6... left home @ 645 to meet pw group 4 meeting at jurong point @ 7... had dinner wif 'em n picked PI 4 our GPP... they picked mine... but it's got lots of probs... haiz... ended at 930, reached home at 955... yup... was a real tiring dae... but i enjoyed being so busy... workaholic... crazed...

e next wk(23-27): 23-mon-holidae... 24-tue-mon's timetable... chem spa... made horrible careless mistake i would nv make usually... hateful. somewhere this wk... e class galz were jumping into puddles... crazed... then there was this real big puddle tt no1 dared 2 jump into... 1 of e class guyz jumped in... n splashed himself n e other class galz(those who were jumping into puddles)... wat can i sae? serves 'em rite... real funny tt part... anyway... wed, 25... council investiture, 8-850... thought it ended at 10... so didn't bring pe attire... e few of us got scolded 4 tt n made 2 wear watever available shirt as replacement... hate tt teacher. anyway... thurs... 26... dickson's bdae... n this dae... haiz was feeling pissed off wif everything n every1... was impatient wif e class galz 4 moving so slowly... 4 taking so long 2 get outta classrm... yeah... was throwing a tantrum... haiz... really guilty abt tt... ended up... v impatient @ waiting 4 my friend... so erm... anyway, still waited 4 her even though i was highly irritated... was late 4 lessons alr... then she treated me 2 ice-cream 2dae as apology... i think i should b e one doing tt instead... haiz... shall find a way 2 repay her... fri... 27... short dae... last dae of sch.. ended @ 1230... went 2 class lunch after a short pw meeting... e rest had went ahead 2 golden rooster 1st... then when e 4 of us reached there... c 'em sitting as a big group... i... kinda felt as if i was intruding... i felt shy... by rights... shouldn't feel lyk tt anymore... haiz... then a 1st intaker came along... they were meeting him... khainam... cat high guy... no other 2nd intaker went 4 tt lunch only me... once again... e only 2nd intaker eating class lunch... anyway... then after eating, left 4 home... but then met my class as i was waiting 4 e bus @ e bus stop... so i joined 'em again... juz stood there n waited 4 bus... didn't interact much... then on bus... jenny called... asked me 2 meet her... coz she having bad dae... so i went home n showered b4 coming back out... went 2 hc... went 2 class bench... met charmaine @ bus stop... anyway... chatted wif jenny... juz accompanied her :) was glad 2 do tt also... v long nv c her... coz after tt i meeting my mg close friends @ kap also... so go visit bench 1st... then ivan, darren, ian, jackson came along... jackson went 4 his meeting... junwei was alr dere... zhiwei came later on... then chatted... had real fun! ivan was being lame... darren too... ian... being himself... junwei...stoned...zhiwei... same... then tried calling mh... she wasn't available... supposed 2 meet at 6... she came at 7... wif yinghong n yingjie hahaz... ivan was thinking of ways 2 err... 'punish' her if she decides 2 cancel e dinner... making every1 come down 2 hc... yup... darren left 4 dinner @ home b4 mh came... then i had 2 leave.... 2 meet my friends... jenny walked me 2 bus stop :) i was reluctant 2 leave... but a promise is a promise... 1st come 1st serve... mg 1st... went kap... chatted had fun,... but half e time i was wishing out loud tt i wanna join my hc class 4 dinner... my friends were being real understanding ... they asked me 2 go 1st... but being me... i stayed all e way... then i met my nj classmates dere... 4 of 'em n 1 senior... they saw i was wearing our class tee... :) they had juz finished their stuff in sch...yeah... 2 of 'em were wif our senior... e other 2 were from indian dance... they came in as i was leaving... 3 of 'em had e class tee wif 'em... 1 of 'em was wearing it... e other 2 had it in their bag... how coincidental... anyway... went over 2 johnson duck 2 meet 67. they were finishing dinner... we stayed n chatted n... i really had fun... very long haven't experienced this atmosphere... this feeling...

4 a while back... i didn't feel lyk going into hc... guess i was trying 2 escape from reality? dunno... i juz didn't wanna step in... nj is situated on a hill... everydae will c e chinese high side... e clock tower... can even c e top of hcjc @ e rite angle... guess it's juz painful cing it so near yet so far... c-ing ppl whom i dunno... wearing e hc uniform... having e chance 2 wear it... i was jealous, envious... haiz... selfish. it's been a while since i've been back dere... even so it's hard 2 get a chance 2 interact wif every1 again... mainly e galz only... so dinner 2nite was really wonderful... esp e time b4 dinner, @ class bench... e chatting... really enjoyed myself... dinner: ivan's lameness, jackson's mocking of mh... abt karma... esp when jackson n ivan converse rite in front of mh... abt mh... suaning her indirectly... aik chuan's expression of exasperation @ mh's behaviour... mh's eagerness 2 save money... her money... jenny's company... basically juz all these little things tt makes e atmosphere so familiar... tt's wat i've been missing out on ever since i left... they related some of e many incidents during lessons... abt yoda... abt chem teacher... abt how funny it was... or how mean yoda can b... abt junwei n his ability 2 make every1 laugh wif his antics n his comments... wish i was dere... this sort of thing, this sort of over dinner conversation can't b experienced juz by going back 2 visit... was thinking abt all these... during bus ride home... shall focus more on mg friends during next gathering... was asked many times 2dae by many diff ppl 2dae... 'yl, r u happy in nj?' or 'how r u?.. how do u do?' ok tt's not counted... tt was ivan being lame... but 1st sentence yeah i was asked tt lots of times... n my reply... thought abt it... n said... i'm ok in nj... yup, can't sae whether i'm happy in nj yet... not when it feels lyk a prison...( security too tight... even if i wear home clothes n attempt 2 go back into nj... they'll not let me... even though i'm an nj student... )not when e econ notes r lousy... haiz... i juz noe i'm ok dere n am glad tt i'm accepted well.. but sometimes juz hard 2 feel 4 nj, 2 feel as if i belong... haiz. e dae b4 i was sick... i said i was alr feeling sick rite? anyway... was telling my classmates tt... i was sick... homesick... hc is my 2nd home... haiz... last wk suddenly missed hc n 67... haiz... dunno whether 2 phrase hc is/was my 2nd home... haiz