Gosh, it seems as though I really only blog when I'm super busy (and maybe stressed and tired of it all). Year 4 sem 1 saw me slacking away / resting / enjoying school life to a certain degree by not doing much work and hence the absence of posts. Maybe it also had something to do with me not having much issues to rant about as I noticed that I seem to treat this as a place to reflect on problems that I'm facing or just to complain instead of sharing happier memories here. I should strive to post happy memories here instead so that I wouldn't forget them as time goes by.
Hmm as for sem 2 I think I was just like everyone else, trying to finish our FYP in time for report submission and the final presentation of our university days and naturally to make up for slacking sem 1 away:p
Year 4 was pretty relaxing and I finally felt like I'm in uni, finally being able to enjoy those fabled timetables we could be the envy of everyone else who had 4 or 5 days of classes in a week. Despite the dark cloud of FYP looming overhead, being able to decide on when I would like to do my FYP and having the control over my timetable so I can leave for home anytime I wanted since there were so little classes in a week, was truly a luxurious experience :p
Nevertheless all good things in life will come to an end and I was really grateful that despite all my last minute scrambling to finish my FYP work, I still did decently for my FYP :) Now in the blink of an eye I've already been working for 6 months and those days of studying have finally become a distant and beautiful memory of schoolmates, lecture theatres and tutorial rooms.
The one thing that I really missed is getting the chance to see my friends everyday in school even though with the short timetable that I had in my last sem, I saw quite little of my schoolmates already. To find the energy to meet up takes serious effort because of how tiring it is to work for more than 9 hours per day which inevitably leads to less frequent gatherings. We'll keep thinking that we'll get used to working life soon and perhaps then we can meet up with our friends but I have a feeling that no matter how long we work, the fatigue will always be there so we should just seize the day and arrange those gatherings we have been putting off since forever or we may never get the chance to do so as we get older.
Sometimes working just makes us so tired that we forget to slow down and reflect on our lives which blogging kinda helps me to do and so I guess having regular blogging sessions should help us show down and reflect on where we are in life as well as to consider the direction we are heading towards because unless we do so, we are probably just aimlessly drifting through each day and for all we know, one day we'll wake up and realize that this is not what I want in life but by then it'll be too late for regrets.
So let's take 5 minutes of our week to consider where we are in life before we forget to really live our life in life.
Friday, January 06, 2012
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
A form of closure to something I've loved & hated for the past 5 years
It's been a while since I last wrote an entry so here goes...
for all those who've been in close contact with me the past year, you would know that i've been waiting for this day for an awful long time.. yes it's finally my turn to step down and perhaps keep my equipment in some cupboard until it turns rusty/mouldy and i'll be forced to throw it out.. Don't get me wrong, I love the sport but I hate the complications that came with it. I never thought that I would end this love-hate relationship with archery like that but bcoz of the way things happened towards the end, I guess it's a good way to keep me from ever thinking of coming back.
Archery has and will always be a sport full of memories for me, both bittersweet and beautiful ones. I started archery with a love for the elegance portrayed in the archer's form, for the slim and pretty arrows as well as the feeling of awe that you'll experience when you hold your breath and watch an archer hit the bullseye with no hint of difficulty visible on his/her face. Perhaps it was coz I wanted to be able to look like that, that I chose to devote myself to this sport.
From the beginning, archery was a test of my ability to commit, to go thru with whatever I've chosen and is just one of the many examples that emulate what I would do once I've chosen something and that is just to stick with it and try to do my best in completing it, to the extent of just bearing with it until it's over. I've never been tested this way before as this was smthg entirely different from what I was used to, as my prior commitments were never.. well, werent much to speak of as they didnt really require much effort from me. (or maybe it's coz I never really bothered to put in more effort)
I have always been this way - I will not back out of anything that I chose for myself.. that applies to aerospace engineering, to pcme in nj, to triple science in mg :) Though i was having a difficult time, I never ever gave myself the option of giving up though I would complain an awful lot. I guess it's a sore loser kind of thing, I don't want to admit to myself that I'm a coward who cant even go through with my decisions, let alone what life throws at me so for those situations which I can control, I will do my best in sticking with my choice, even if it turns out to be less than ideal.
Archery tested me physically (I don't know how I got thru all those PTs in NJ but knowing that I did always makes me feel proud of myself :p), mentally and at times, emotionally. Perhaps I should add socially too as I always had trainings to blame for not meeting up with some friends :p
I still recall the time my nj team went for a kbox-ing session and zhiyu and I were so happy that we could easily lift the jug full of iced lemon tea with one hand when we were certain that before archery, we could not achieve this kind of feat. As for mentally, well, with all the mental training I had in NJ, what I thought was cheesy previously was something that I now believe in. It seems that all those inspirational movies werent just fiction coz believing in yourself works.
Though my mental is prob quite weak nowadays with my inability to discipline myself in doing the more impt things (like my io report) n choosing instead to be doing a personal reflections thing that isnt as urgent. argh.
Anyway as for emotionally, I guess I'm referring to the way archery competitions and political situations can create havoc for my peace of mind.
Then somehow along the way, archery became something of which my performance in it was more 'controllable' than my results in school. I looked forward to the time that I could spend with my team rather than the time I spent in the classroom. As long as I trained myself physically, I would definitely see the results in the way I could hold my bow arm steady, in the straight flight of my arrow when it's flying to the target as well as in the way my arrows would land neatly on the target; none of them sticking out of the board at a funny angle.
But studies has and will always be more impt and whenever exams came around, I focused my attention on studying and stopped training during that period of time. It was precisely because I had archery to use as an excuse for mediocre results that I was reluctant to let go of this reason/excuse bcoz of what I would have to face whenever I saw my lousy results. If I didnt have archery to hide behind, then I would really be admitting to myself that I'm not that good and that's very difficult for someone like me who's always believed that she's quite alright when it comes to studies.
Being a lazy person by nature, once exams ended, turning up for trainings was hard for me especially after the initial interest wore off. I guess it's good that the year I came into NTU the captain's training regime was oh-so-militar-ish. Even though I hated every single part of it, I would never back out of anything easily so it kept me fit physically so that I could perform in competitions and make great friends in team NTU along the way. It was my stubborness that kept me from leaving archery at the beginning and it was my friends that kept me in there until today.
Yet I've finally chosen to leave and being an indecisive person, I wouldn't have committed myself to this decision if not for the various things that happened this year. Initally I had thought of quitting after my second year at NTU was done. But I was given a tempting opportunity to improve the many things I hated when I first came in and give back to a club that has given me so much. So I thought over it long and hard and finally made the decision to stay for one more year. I've always thought that there's something wrong in offering someone who hates training to be captain but well, once I've decided, I wouldnt neglect my obligations and duties. Maybe the one who offered knew this and so gave me that chance which I really am thankful for bcoz it's always been smthg that I've wanted even if I sat thru many painful lessons along the way.
In this one year, I learnt that being one of the first to be informed of the latest going-ons n gossips aint much fun. I learnt that even though I wanted to do my best, I couldnt bcoz of my responsibilities as a student. I found that I enjoyed working with some but also realised how irresponsible others could be. I saw how relationships could break down in just one year and othes formed in just a few months. I grew to cherish some but abhor the sight of others. I became aware of the fact that I could never really make decisions by myself and that I was always relying on others so that I didnt have to be responsible for the outcome. I also almost destroyed everything that I've worked for in the past 3 years by my own hands. Perhaps that was the one last straw that I couldnt take bcoz I saw what I had become.
I recognised that I havent become stronger at all, just the very opposite unfortunately.
NUS indoors always gives me new stuff every year, alternating between gifts and lessons.. and the one message that I see in all that happened, was that it's time to go.
I had great team-mates supporting me on both days, I had friends who believed in my right, I had friendly rivals who stood by me and I know a few wonderful people who knew the right things to say, to the right people. They will always have my gratitude.
That day, I cried for more than just that event. I cried for everything I've been thru in these few years, especially in the past year. I cried for all the people who werent friends anymore, I cried because of how I hated what I had become. I cried because if nothing had changed on sunday, I would have fought all the way and lost all that I worked for, in those 3 years. I would have become the source of animosity between two parties and forced all future generations along a dirty path. I would be that selfish, just for something that I could not let go of.
That day, I didnt care who saw and that's saying something.
I became vengeful and so filled with anger that I couldnt even recognise myself anymore. I've changed in the sense that I'm much furthur away from the person I've always wanted to be. I don't want to hold grudges, I don't want to be so unforgiving, I don't want to drag the whole team down with me even though they were willing to do whatever it takes, all for my sake. I don't want to be such a hateful person. I didnt take up this post just to see them go to extremes for me. The team doesnt deserve that.
I just don't want to be always torn in two directions, unable to do my best in either bcoz of how I feel towards the other matter. I want to let go of things that only serves to make me unhappy and keep me from being a better person. I cannot see things objectively anymore and that hurts because I've always prided myself in being impartial no matter what. So I choose to leave now before I get worse. Even if I stayed, I would never really be around much bcoz of what I would see if I hanged around. Even though I still have valued friends there, I could never really enjoy the sport anymore. And I feel that being away is the only method I have to be able to forgive and forget. I havent forgotten what mg taught me and I want to be exactly that which mg personifies.
I guess I just needed to say this all out openly so that I can hold my head up high and just leave. Life has gotten a lot more complicated and I need to reorganise my priorities and find something else to strive for. I've been without aim for too long, so it's time I decided on my direction in life. I think that with time, I can look back and say that archery taught me a great deal and the most impt thing I've got out of it, is to become a better and stronger person who is able to face life and its challenges head on.
for all those who've been in close contact with me the past year, you would know that i've been waiting for this day for an awful long time.. yes it's finally my turn to step down and perhaps keep my equipment in some cupboard until it turns rusty/mouldy and i'll be forced to throw it out.. Don't get me wrong, I love the sport but I hate the complications that came with it. I never thought that I would end this love-hate relationship with archery like that but bcoz of the way things happened towards the end, I guess it's a good way to keep me from ever thinking of coming back.
Archery has and will always be a sport full of memories for me, both bittersweet and beautiful ones. I started archery with a love for the elegance portrayed in the archer's form, for the slim and pretty arrows as well as the feeling of awe that you'll experience when you hold your breath and watch an archer hit the bullseye with no hint of difficulty visible on his/her face. Perhaps it was coz I wanted to be able to look like that, that I chose to devote myself to this sport.
From the beginning, archery was a test of my ability to commit, to go thru with whatever I've chosen and is just one of the many examples that emulate what I would do once I've chosen something and that is just to stick with it and try to do my best in completing it, to the extent of just bearing with it until it's over. I've never been tested this way before as this was smthg entirely different from what I was used to, as my prior commitments were never.. well, werent much to speak of as they didnt really require much effort from me. (or maybe it's coz I never really bothered to put in more effort)
I have always been this way - I will not back out of anything that I chose for myself.. that applies to aerospace engineering, to pcme in nj, to triple science in mg :) Though i was having a difficult time, I never ever gave myself the option of giving up though I would complain an awful lot. I guess it's a sore loser kind of thing, I don't want to admit to myself that I'm a coward who cant even go through with my decisions, let alone what life throws at me so for those situations which I can control, I will do my best in sticking with my choice, even if it turns out to be less than ideal.
Archery tested me physically (I don't know how I got thru all those PTs in NJ but knowing that I did always makes me feel proud of myself :p), mentally and at times, emotionally. Perhaps I should add socially too as I always had trainings to blame for not meeting up with some friends :p
I still recall the time my nj team went for a kbox-ing session and zhiyu and I were so happy that we could easily lift the jug full of iced lemon tea with one hand when we were certain that before archery, we could not achieve this kind of feat. As for mentally, well, with all the mental training I had in NJ, what I thought was cheesy previously was something that I now believe in. It seems that all those inspirational movies werent just fiction coz believing in yourself works.
Though my mental is prob quite weak nowadays with my inability to discipline myself in doing the more impt things (like my io report) n choosing instead to be doing a personal reflections thing that isnt as urgent. argh.
Anyway as for emotionally, I guess I'm referring to the way archery competitions and political situations can create havoc for my peace of mind.
Then somehow along the way, archery became something of which my performance in it was more 'controllable' than my results in school. I looked forward to the time that I could spend with my team rather than the time I spent in the classroom. As long as I trained myself physically, I would definitely see the results in the way I could hold my bow arm steady, in the straight flight of my arrow when it's flying to the target as well as in the way my arrows would land neatly on the target; none of them sticking out of the board at a funny angle.
But studies has and will always be more impt and whenever exams came around, I focused my attention on studying and stopped training during that period of time. It was precisely because I had archery to use as an excuse for mediocre results that I was reluctant to let go of this reason/excuse bcoz of what I would have to face whenever I saw my lousy results. If I didnt have archery to hide behind, then I would really be admitting to myself that I'm not that good and that's very difficult for someone like me who's always believed that she's quite alright when it comes to studies.
Being a lazy person by nature, once exams ended, turning up for trainings was hard for me especially after the initial interest wore off. I guess it's good that the year I came into NTU the captain's training regime was oh-so-militar-ish. Even though I hated every single part of it, I would never back out of anything easily so it kept me fit physically so that I could perform in competitions and make great friends in team NTU along the way. It was my stubborness that kept me from leaving archery at the beginning and it was my friends that kept me in there until today.
Yet I've finally chosen to leave and being an indecisive person, I wouldn't have committed myself to this decision if not for the various things that happened this year. Initally I had thought of quitting after my second year at NTU was done. But I was given a tempting opportunity to improve the many things I hated when I first came in and give back to a club that has given me so much. So I thought over it long and hard and finally made the decision to stay for one more year. I've always thought that there's something wrong in offering someone who hates training to be captain but well, once I've decided, I wouldnt neglect my obligations and duties. Maybe the one who offered knew this and so gave me that chance which I really am thankful for bcoz it's always been smthg that I've wanted even if I sat thru many painful lessons along the way.
In this one year, I learnt that being one of the first to be informed of the latest going-ons n gossips aint much fun. I learnt that even though I wanted to do my best, I couldnt bcoz of my responsibilities as a student. I found that I enjoyed working with some but also realised how irresponsible others could be. I saw how relationships could break down in just one year and othes formed in just a few months. I grew to cherish some but abhor the sight of others. I became aware of the fact that I could never really make decisions by myself and that I was always relying on others so that I didnt have to be responsible for the outcome. I also almost destroyed everything that I've worked for in the past 3 years by my own hands. Perhaps that was the one last straw that I couldnt take bcoz I saw what I had become.
I recognised that I havent become stronger at all, just the very opposite unfortunately.
NUS indoors always gives me new stuff every year, alternating between gifts and lessons.. and the one message that I see in all that happened, was that it's time to go.
I had great team-mates supporting me on both days, I had friends who believed in my right, I had friendly rivals who stood by me and I know a few wonderful people who knew the right things to say, to the right people. They will always have my gratitude.
That day, I cried for more than just that event. I cried for everything I've been thru in these few years, especially in the past year. I cried for all the people who werent friends anymore, I cried because of how I hated what I had become. I cried because if nothing had changed on sunday, I would have fought all the way and lost all that I worked for, in those 3 years. I would have become the source of animosity between two parties and forced all future generations along a dirty path. I would be that selfish, just for something that I could not let go of.
That day, I didnt care who saw and that's saying something.
I became vengeful and so filled with anger that I couldnt even recognise myself anymore. I've changed in the sense that I'm much furthur away from the person I've always wanted to be. I don't want to hold grudges, I don't want to be so unforgiving, I don't want to drag the whole team down with me even though they were willing to do whatever it takes, all for my sake. I don't want to be such a hateful person. I didnt take up this post just to see them go to extremes for me. The team doesnt deserve that.
I just don't want to be always torn in two directions, unable to do my best in either bcoz of how I feel towards the other matter. I want to let go of things that only serves to make me unhappy and keep me from being a better person. I cannot see things objectively anymore and that hurts because I've always prided myself in being impartial no matter what. So I choose to leave now before I get worse. Even if I stayed, I would never really be around much bcoz of what I would see if I hanged around. Even though I still have valued friends there, I could never really enjoy the sport anymore. And I feel that being away is the only method I have to be able to forgive and forget. I havent forgotten what mg taught me and I want to be exactly that which mg personifies.
I guess I just needed to say this all out openly so that I can hold my head up high and just leave. Life has gotten a lot more complicated and I need to reorganise my priorities and find something else to strive for. I've been without aim for too long, so it's time I decided on my direction in life. I think that with time, I can look back and say that archery taught me a great deal and the most impt thing I've got out of it, is to become a better and stronger person who is able to face life and its challenges head on.
Friday, June 04, 2010
working life and more
Oops i guess i havent quite kept my trend of 1 entry per mth since march... hmm it's the beginning of june already, wow, how time flies ;) anyway my daily life now (@ least for 6 more weeks) includes waking up super early and reaching my attachment workplace super early.. juz today i clocked in a new 'early': 7.11am when reporting time is only at 8am.. haha it's coz my uncle fetches me to work (thankfully) so it's either this or leaving home 2 hrs earlier juz to get to work by 8am so i'm sure it's worth it, yup i juz need to convince myself that when i wake up every morning scrambling to get my things ready before my uncle comes..
anyway juz smthg random, ytd morning i saw a bus flipped on its side in lane 1 of the PIE expressway.. it's lucky that we headed out early coz apparently the jam afterwards (thanks to gawking drivers on both sides of the expressway) lasted til 2pm and stretched all the way to bukit batok when the jam was only at lornie road area... it was quite a worrying sight coz you really hope the bus driver and passengers (if any, hopefully there was none) were ok, after all, accidents are no joke.. you could really get injured in them.. coz recently my sister who juz got her driving license got into an accident, it was the lorry who knocked into her but she seriously juz passed for like 1 wk then get this kind of thing (btw she passed on her 1st try.. lucky girl..), but thankfully my dad and her who were in the car were alright,.. juz backaches but no serious permanent injuries.. it's only the car that needed some repairs though the workshop sure took its time to return the car.. having the car to drive ard is a convenience that is undeniable especially when you have to lug your training stuff around singapore on public transport without it.. but no doubt a car is still not necessary, considering the price of a car nowadays, it seems more of a liability than an asset haha.. at least until i earn super a lot of $$ but that'll take time and effort and work is a bit boring nowadays already (though it's only my 4th wk of attachment) so i dun really know how i'm going to survive years and years of working life upon graduation :x anddd i also dun think i'll earn a lot :x haiz we'll see..
anyway i only juz realised that i got some comments on the tagboard, haha it's nice to see visitors and after reading that march entry again, i wondered how i managed to write like that :p haha seems beyond me..
since i'm on the topic of the previous entry, that being my team, maybe i should give an update..
well the fact that i'm about 3 weeks away to stepping down from the post of captain makes me feel that i should make last-minute amendments for my seemingly not-strict-enough attitude to the juniors in the past year.. i feel that they've been getting out of hand since exams ended or maybe even prior to that and it's not a nice feeling.. it's as if they don't respect my position (or my vcapt's position) after all that we've done for them (hopefully a lot) coz like they don't even bother to tell us properly that they're not able to turn up for trainings (to say it nicely) or why they don't want to come down.. this is really unbecoming of them because past few batches of juniors arent allowed the luxury to not come for trainings due to the past few very strict captains.. so i shall not bother to be nice these last 3 weeks.. haha perhaps that could be my saving grace.. i guess i started out wanting to do a lot but accomplishing little.. though 1 of the juniors i talked to assure me that i've done a good job but personally i don't think so.. i mean how can i think that way when i feel as if they don't have that level of respect for me if they dun even bother with the basic courtesy of informing me beforehand of their absence in trainings.. not to mention they are in really bad shape due to lack of strength and aside from that their form isnt good yet.. haiz.
anyway enough with that, i can't wait to step down actually and really leave the club.. i guess i have had enuff with all the politics and unhappiness which i didnt know exist until this year. how blissful it would be juz 2 b a normal member who doesnt have to be involved with the issues of the main comm..
n as for studies.. i'm worried for my results next year coz i purposely took the 10wks attachment instead of the 6 mths one to pull up my results with yr 3 sem 2 and i think though it worked but it didnt help by as much as i hoped it would so now i'm still in a risky situation.. not 2 mention that yr 4 wouldnt be a breeze either.. haiz..
oh yes, i'm gg philippines for holiday this coming aug! heh cant wait, i really think that learning how 2 dive would be fun and i hope that i will have the energy to capture lots of nice moments (i really hope there will be a lot) on camera.. haha i guess most of all i hope the place wouldnt disappoint though i havent even gotten ard to planning the destination yet :p okok i shall get to reading the 10th edition lonely planet guidebk that i was so happy 2 get my hands on since most of the 10th editions are perpetually always on loan or trace placed :p
anyway juz smthg random, ytd morning i saw a bus flipped on its side in lane 1 of the PIE expressway.. it's lucky that we headed out early coz apparently the jam afterwards (thanks to gawking drivers on both sides of the expressway) lasted til 2pm and stretched all the way to bukit batok when the jam was only at lornie road area... it was quite a worrying sight coz you really hope the bus driver and passengers (if any, hopefully there was none) were ok, after all, accidents are no joke.. you could really get injured in them.. coz recently my sister who juz got her driving license got into an accident, it was the lorry who knocked into her but she seriously juz passed for like 1 wk then get this kind of thing (btw she passed on her 1st try.. lucky girl..), but thankfully my dad and her who were in the car were alright,.. juz backaches but no serious permanent injuries.. it's only the car that needed some repairs though the workshop sure took its time to return the car.. having the car to drive ard is a convenience that is undeniable especially when you have to lug your training stuff around singapore on public transport without it.. but no doubt a car is still not necessary, considering the price of a car nowadays, it seems more of a liability than an asset haha.. at least until i earn super a lot of $$ but that'll take time and effort and work is a bit boring nowadays already (though it's only my 4th wk of attachment) so i dun really know how i'm going to survive years and years of working life upon graduation :x anddd i also dun think i'll earn a lot :x haiz we'll see..
anyway i only juz realised that i got some comments on the tagboard, haha it's nice to see visitors and after reading that march entry again, i wondered how i managed to write like that :p haha seems beyond me..
since i'm on the topic of the previous entry, that being my team, maybe i should give an update..
well the fact that i'm about 3 weeks away to stepping down from the post of captain makes me feel that i should make last-minute amendments for my seemingly not-strict-enough attitude to the juniors in the past year.. i feel that they've been getting out of hand since exams ended or maybe even prior to that and it's not a nice feeling.. it's as if they don't respect my position (or my vcapt's position) after all that we've done for them (hopefully a lot) coz like they don't even bother to tell us properly that they're not able to turn up for trainings (to say it nicely) or why they don't want to come down.. this is really unbecoming of them because past few batches of juniors arent allowed the luxury to not come for trainings due to the past few very strict captains.. so i shall not bother to be nice these last 3 weeks.. haha perhaps that could be my saving grace.. i guess i started out wanting to do a lot but accomplishing little.. though 1 of the juniors i talked to assure me that i've done a good job but personally i don't think so.. i mean how can i think that way when i feel as if they don't have that level of respect for me if they dun even bother with the basic courtesy of informing me beforehand of their absence in trainings.. not to mention they are in really bad shape due to lack of strength and aside from that their form isnt good yet.. haiz.
anyway enough with that, i can't wait to step down actually and really leave the club.. i guess i have had enuff with all the politics and unhappiness which i didnt know exist until this year. how blissful it would be juz 2 b a normal member who doesnt have to be involved with the issues of the main comm..
n as for studies.. i'm worried for my results next year coz i purposely took the 10wks attachment instead of the 6 mths one to pull up my results with yr 3 sem 2 and i think though it worked but it didnt help by as much as i hoped it would so now i'm still in a risky situation.. not 2 mention that yr 4 wouldnt be a breeze either.. haiz..
oh yes, i'm gg philippines for holiday this coming aug! heh cant wait, i really think that learning how 2 dive would be fun and i hope that i will have the energy to capture lots of nice moments (i really hope there will be a lot) on camera.. haha i guess most of all i hope the place wouldnt disappoint though i havent even gotten ard to planning the destination yet :p okok i shall get to reading the 10th edition lonely planet guidebk that i was so happy 2 get my hands on since most of the 10th editions are perpetually always on loan or trace placed :p
Saturday, March 13, 2010
early march post -> NTU IAC and etc...
Having just read huiwen's blog entry that was on her thoughts abt canoe polo, I realised that as we grow up, we become more inflexible in our character such that we will always feel we are the more 'correct' one; why would i say this? haha it's just a thought coz i agree with her on many points bcoz of how similar her comments were with regards to my thoughts on my own situation in my team.. it's true that everyone would point fingers and I feel that I'm the one doing it all, I'm always blaming others, blaming the environment or whatever for things that go wrong. I blame others for their behaviour but perhaps I should stop and consider things from their point of view. Though I try to do that occasionally I feel that sometimes I really don't want to do that because believing that the other person is the one who's solely at fault and it's never my fault is so much easier than realising that perhaps half the problem is because of me.
My animosity towards certain individuals in the club is well-known among my team-mates and I have never found the need to hide it and this is partly because I strongly believe that there should not be a need to lie to yourself or to others and be someone who I'm not. I don't want to pretend to be nice to the person when I hate what he/she did to me, but then again, if I bother to think from their point of view, I would probably realise that they were doing exactly what I would if I were them.
At times I shoot my mouth off because of that belief to not hide who I am and what I am but I hurt people in the process and I end up feeling the guilt from regret. I really hate it when this happens so I think that I should learn how to think before I open my mouth and start saying whatever that is on my mind. It's time to learn how to phrase things in a much nicer way or shut up if I cant. At least that's a more ideal person to be than the current me and naturally I would want to strive to become someone better.
Anyway NTU IAC 2010 just ended last weekend and it was quite a fruitful event I would say, not so much in terms of physical rewards in the form of medals and trophies (though I did get some.. just not the ideal colour heh) but more so in terms of what I learnt about the juniors that I had the chance to teach and perhaps even some of the archers from the senior batches... but I also notice that I like to be in the thick of things? haha not so much the life of the party type but rather the one who can help support the team and know exactly what kind of things to say to encourage them (though I probably didnt perform that well in this aspect) .. however I realise this is not good for them..
why would i say this, it's probably because I promised myself that I would leave this place asap once I'm done with my term here that during the competition I noticed that the juniors havent quite learned how to rely on themselves or their team-mates yet.. they rely on me to a certain extent and all but the most important thing is lacking and that is verbal or even just mutual communication such as encouragement to support each other and remind each other so that they may perform on the line. Team communication is especially important for team knockout events, coz only their 2 other team-mates are in there with them and hence can talk to them and help them but they lack this crucial ingredient for the kind of team spirit that would bind them well together. Haha naturally I'm speaking from experience and all that coz I noticed this is exactly what is required when you dont have a coach and you only have each other to rely on... especially under those stressful conditions... so I guess my aim now is to teach them to be self-reliant or to rely on their team-mates and most of all, to learn how to be successful independent persons who would still understand the need to be humble in their pursuit for betterment of themselves as an archer and as a person...
heh hope that I can succeed and therefore, enable them to go far in this sport and whatever they choose to do..
My animosity towards certain individuals in the club is well-known among my team-mates and I have never found the need to hide it and this is partly because I strongly believe that there should not be a need to lie to yourself or to others and be someone who I'm not. I don't want to pretend to be nice to the person when I hate what he/she did to me, but then again, if I bother to think from their point of view, I would probably realise that they were doing exactly what I would if I were them.
At times I shoot my mouth off because of that belief to not hide who I am and what I am but I hurt people in the process and I end up feeling the guilt from regret. I really hate it when this happens so I think that I should learn how to think before I open my mouth and start saying whatever that is on my mind. It's time to learn how to phrase things in a much nicer way or shut up if I cant. At least that's a more ideal person to be than the current me and naturally I would want to strive to become someone better.
Anyway NTU IAC 2010 just ended last weekend and it was quite a fruitful event I would say, not so much in terms of physical rewards in the form of medals and trophies (though I did get some.. just not the ideal colour heh) but more so in terms of what I learnt about the juniors that I had the chance to teach and perhaps even some of the archers from the senior batches... but I also notice that I like to be in the thick of things? haha not so much the life of the party type but rather the one who can help support the team and know exactly what kind of things to say to encourage them (though I probably didnt perform that well in this aspect) .. however I realise this is not good for them..
why would i say this, it's probably because I promised myself that I would leave this place asap once I'm done with my term here that during the competition I noticed that the juniors havent quite learned how to rely on themselves or their team-mates yet.. they rely on me to a certain extent and all but the most important thing is lacking and that is verbal or even just mutual communication such as encouragement to support each other and remind each other so that they may perform on the line. Team communication is especially important for team knockout events, coz only their 2 other team-mates are in there with them and hence can talk to them and help them but they lack this crucial ingredient for the kind of team spirit that would bind them well together. Haha naturally I'm speaking from experience and all that coz I noticed this is exactly what is required when you dont have a coach and you only have each other to rely on... especially under those stressful conditions... so I guess my aim now is to teach them to be self-reliant or to rely on their team-mates and most of all, to learn how to be successful independent persons who would still understand the need to be humble in their pursuit for betterment of themselves as an archer and as a person...
heh hope that I can succeed and therefore, enable them to go far in this sport and whatever they choose to do..
Monday, February 01, 2010
archery troubles
i think it's abt time i started or rather continued with writing 1 entry per mth kind of thing... haha anyway juz wanted to say i've been super slack since sem2 started coz of the so much lighter timetable that i have.. and suddenly i realised sch didnt have to be that stressful and somehow, engineering is really the craziest course ever... the question 'why did i ever want to enter this course' is still a big mystery to me but i'm doing ok now though life isnt always that nice and will always throw obstacles in your otherwise smooth journey in life...
so let's talk abt the obstacles.. firstly we shall discuss archery... guess what? the archery circle juz got more complicated. let's say newbies and experienced archers alike would probably be disgusted and dissuaded from enjoying the sport upon learning of a certain new group in town. let's not say who but i'm really unhappy that (like a rival company in the working world) poaching of 'employees' is actually happening, is actually starting to happen. Well i should have known that things wouldnt just die down coz things went more or less to the majority's favour. Oh yeah, there'll always be waves made to counter the good things that happened. Ok so let me confirm that I will leave this 'circle' in say 4mths? not counting exam period of course but at the rate things are going, I have no intention to fight against some idiots who think they're so good in what they do that they fail to realise that they arent exactly the best in other areas of life. Sometimes, I really wonder what I'm supposed to do in life when the one thing that made me happy previously and that I was proud of is giving me hell these few months. Life got a lot more complicated upon entering ntu... haha in more ways than one... i like the fact that I have a new somebody to treasure when I entered ntu but I hate the fact that I got to know many people with characteristics and behaviours that are distasteful to me upon becoming an undergraduate. And we all wonder, how come growing up was such a fantastic thing to us just a few years back but is really a troublesome affair now...
ok actually that's all i wanted to say right now... other obstacles dont have to be mentioned yet... oh yah perhaps creating miracles in 4 weeks is quite a huge obstacle that we have... I wonder how I'm going to accomplish that. It seems that I have lousy time management skills. Time to be fierce, be mean, and hopefully produce some results after this. Otherwise, all that trouble would be for naught.
so let's talk abt the obstacles.. firstly we shall discuss archery... guess what? the archery circle juz got more complicated. let's say newbies and experienced archers alike would probably be disgusted and dissuaded from enjoying the sport upon learning of a certain new group in town. let's not say who but i'm really unhappy that (like a rival company in the working world) poaching of 'employees' is actually happening, is actually starting to happen. Well i should have known that things wouldnt just die down coz things went more or less to the majority's favour. Oh yeah, there'll always be waves made to counter the good things that happened. Ok so let me confirm that I will leave this 'circle' in say 4mths? not counting exam period of course but at the rate things are going, I have no intention to fight against some idiots who think they're so good in what they do that they fail to realise that they arent exactly the best in other areas of life. Sometimes, I really wonder what I'm supposed to do in life when the one thing that made me happy previously and that I was proud of is giving me hell these few months. Life got a lot more complicated upon entering ntu... haha in more ways than one... i like the fact that I have a new somebody to treasure when I entered ntu but I hate the fact that I got to know many people with characteristics and behaviours that are distasteful to me upon becoming an undergraduate. And we all wonder, how come growing up was such a fantastic thing to us just a few years back but is really a troublesome affair now...
ok actually that's all i wanted to say right now... other obstacles dont have to be mentioned yet... oh yah perhaps creating miracles in 4 weeks is quite a huge obstacle that we have... I wonder how I'm going to accomplish that. It seems that I have lousy time management skills. Time to be fierce, be mean, and hopefully produce some results after this. Otherwise, all that trouble would be for naught.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
some stuff....
finally e hols r here! i think i've lead a much more fulfilling life after e exams ended... did so many things, was so bz tt i didnt have time 2 note it all down! shucks.. i better get down 2 writing 'em down... hmm so e other day (juz a few days back) lance n i went town in search of my bdae cake but didnt find anything coz awfully chocolate didnt allow us 2 buy a slice 2 try 1st :( tsk tsk... but we did finally check out 313 @ somerset n iluma as well as vivo... getting re-acquainted with somewhere other than the west of singapore n ntu :p finally i have some sort of a life ;) haha esp since i've been complaining tt i didnt have a life this whole sem... e right phrase 2 describe yr 3 sem1 is seriously, life sucks! haha
I'm juz glad i made it thru that 14 weeks of torture... seriously, none of e previous sems could possibly match up 2 wat last sem was for me,... n after e exams ended, i really didnt wanna go back 2 trng, after all i juz ended exams that tue and had 2 get back to training tt sat! ouch... but at least I'm ok with training now, helping e juniors to e best of my abilities (not a lot though) is kinda nice though i really hope they can improve and do well... I hope i'm able to help them in some way or another coz I noe my abilities and if I could be of some use in teaching them or protecting them from the messed-up archery circle that would prob nv change in e yrs 2 come, I would have done my part :) ok, 4 mths left til i'm free from e stress n difficulties tt comes when u're in a position with loads of responsibilities... 4 mths more to clean up my act and improve e situation which to be honest, I have not done anything worthwhile for the past 5 mths or so... i guess i'm all talk n no action.. lazy n timid... argh i wanna make an impact isnt it? it's getting quite hard 2 rmber my original intentions when I first decided to take on this role.. so many things has happened to make me forget and dull my senses...
ok i shall try... soon... ehh real soon... gotta settle my IO stuff first n my bdae thing :) oh dear i'm really quite a slacker arent I? I should stop running away from e stuff tt needs 2 b done now...
I'm juz glad i made it thru that 14 weeks of torture... seriously, none of e previous sems could possibly match up 2 wat last sem was for me,... n after e exams ended, i really didnt wanna go back 2 trng, after all i juz ended exams that tue and had 2 get back to training tt sat! ouch... but at least I'm ok with training now, helping e juniors to e best of my abilities (not a lot though) is kinda nice though i really hope they can improve and do well... I hope i'm able to help them in some way or another coz I noe my abilities and if I could be of some use in teaching them or protecting them from the messed-up archery circle that would prob nv change in e yrs 2 come, I would have done my part :) ok, 4 mths left til i'm free from e stress n difficulties tt comes when u're in a position with loads of responsibilities... 4 mths more to clean up my act and improve e situation which to be honest, I have not done anything worthwhile for the past 5 mths or so... i guess i'm all talk n no action.. lazy n timid... argh i wanna make an impact isnt it? it's getting quite hard 2 rmber my original intentions when I first decided to take on this role.. so many things has happened to make me forget and dull my senses...
ok i shall try... soon... ehh real soon... gotta settle my IO stuff first n my bdae thing :) oh dear i'm really quite a slacker arent I? I should stop running away from e stuff tt needs 2 b done now...
Monday, November 09, 2009
Ability
i must believe i can do it.. that i can achieve big things, starting from this moment on... haha i am that capable even though i'm surrounded by people who're all way better than I am BUT i cannot lose focus, I cannot forget that I am an elite in my own way. Just because everyone else is better than I am does not mean that I am not someone with ability. It just means that I have positioned myself among the cream of the crop and I may not be as good as the rest but I cannot forget that in actual fact I'm that good when compared to the rest of the world.
So belief shall get me through this.
So belief shall get me through this.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Future Love by Kristinia DeBarge
Future Love
A couple of years
and I'm gonna know your name.
it's like I waited for you forever
and I know this might sound insane.
but it won't be long
til' we're gonna take this up.
what I'm talking about our future love.
it's so far away
and baby you're right next door.
got me picturing your face again,
something worth waiting for.
i put all others behind me,
they don't live up.
i know what I want, what I need, to the T.
Baby if they ask me
i would say I don't even know your name.
and when they ask me:
does it change?
no it don't change a thing.
'cause it's something about the way you love me
there's just something about the way you know me.
and I can't explain enough.
just something about our future love, future love, future love.
something about a future love, future love, future love.
Walking hand in hand,
going on a second date.
i can picture how we're touching
and the kiss I can almost taste.
i've imagined all the ways
we meet for the very first time.
i can see the place, feel the love, at first sight.
Baby if they ask me
i would say I don't even know your name.
and when they ask me:
does it change?
no it don't change a thing.
'cause it's something about the way you love me.
there's just something about the way you know me
and I can't explain enough.
just something about our future love, future love, future love.
something about a future love, future love, future love.
i know, the minute you pull up next to me.
we standing there like destiny.
when it feels like you're fighting just to breathe, that's when you know.
the minute I pull up next to you.
suddenly you don't know what to do,
everything inside you says that I'm the one.
Baby if they ask me.
i would say I don't even know your name.
and when they ask me:
does it change?
no it don't change a thing.
'cause it's something about the way you love me.
there's just something about the way you know me.
and I can't explain enough.[2x]
just something about our future love, future love, future love.
something about a future love, future love, future love.
future love, future love, future love,future love
A couple of years
and I'm gonna know your name.
it's like I waited for you forever
and I know this might sound insane.
but it won't be long
til' we're gonna take this up.
what I'm talking about our future love.
it's so far away
and baby you're right next door.
got me picturing your face again,
something worth waiting for.
i put all others behind me,
they don't live up.
i know what I want, what I need, to the T.
Baby if they ask me
i would say I don't even know your name.
and when they ask me:
does it change?
no it don't change a thing.
'cause it's something about the way you love me
there's just something about the way you know me.
and I can't explain enough.
just something about our future love, future love, future love.
something about a future love, future love, future love.
Walking hand in hand,
going on a second date.
i can picture how we're touching
and the kiss I can almost taste.
i've imagined all the ways
we meet for the very first time.
i can see the place, feel the love, at first sight.
Baby if they ask me
i would say I don't even know your name.
and when they ask me:
does it change?
no it don't change a thing.
'cause it's something about the way you love me.
there's just something about the way you know me
and I can't explain enough.
just something about our future love, future love, future love.
something about a future love, future love, future love.
i know, the minute you pull up next to me.
we standing there like destiny.
when it feels like you're fighting just to breathe, that's when you know.
the minute I pull up next to you.
suddenly you don't know what to do,
everything inside you says that I'm the one.
Baby if they ask me.
i would say I don't even know your name.
and when they ask me:
does it change?
no it don't change a thing.
'cause it's something about the way you love me.
there's just something about the way you know me.
and I can't explain enough.[2x]
just something about our future love, future love, future love.
something about a future love, future love, future love.
future love, future love, future love,future love
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Avalanche by Marie Digby
Since when do you come around?
And the temperature's changed, nothing's the same
Left me, in yesterday
You don't see me that way, touched me that way, no more
When you get so cold, I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold
You got me standin' at the bottom of this mountain that we've made (mountain that we've made)
And the ground is shakin' from all of our mistakes (all of our mistakes)
But there's no one, but then the ice is in our way
It's a matter of time, We can rewind
If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you
I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance?
Let's lead the past, Is that too much to ask?
And where do we stand? (Where do we stand?)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, oh, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh)
We see what's up ahead, Why do we stay? Watchin' us fadin'
Trapped in, by regret
There's no way out, and there's no way in (no)
And it's so cold, I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold
You got me standin' at the bottom of this mountain that we've made (mountain that we've made)
And the ground is shakin', from all of our mistakes (all of our mistakes)
But there's no one, but then the ice is in our way
It's a matter of time, We can rewind
If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you
I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance?
Let's lead the past, Is that too much to ask?
And where do we stand? (Where do we stand?)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, oh, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh)
The bond is breaking, and it's taking over, my spirit (quickly, quickly)
Something's shifted, have we drifted too far, apart now?
If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you
I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance?
Let's lead the past, Is that too much to ask?
And where do we stand? (Where do we stand?)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, oh, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh)
Avalanche
And the temperature's changed, nothing's the same
Left me, in yesterday
You don't see me that way, touched me that way, no more
When you get so cold, I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold
You got me standin' at the bottom of this mountain that we've made (mountain that we've made)
And the ground is shakin' from all of our mistakes (all of our mistakes)
But there's no one, but then the ice is in our way
It's a matter of time, We can rewind
If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you
I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance?
Let's lead the past, Is that too much to ask?
And where do we stand? (Where do we stand?)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, oh, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh)
We see what's up ahead, Why do we stay? Watchin' us fadin'
Trapped in, by regret
There's no way out, and there's no way in (no)
And it's so cold, I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold
You got me standin' at the bottom of this mountain that we've made (mountain that we've made)
And the ground is shakin', from all of our mistakes (all of our mistakes)
But there's no one, but then the ice is in our way
It's a matter of time, We can rewind
If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you
I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance?
Let's lead the past, Is that too much to ask?
And where do we stand? (Where do we stand?)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, oh, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh)
The bond is breaking, and it's taking over, my spirit (quickly, quickly)
Something's shifted, have we drifted too far, apart now?
If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you
I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance?
Let's lead the past, Is that too much to ask?
And where do we stand? (Where do we stand?)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, oh, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh)
Avalanche
Sunday, August 30, 2009
things that make a day better
i always savour the memory of a good conversation with friends whom I havent met in a long while and as always, when you're having fun, time passes so fast :)
juz ytd i felt a bit pampered by some of e archery guys, whenever u're with ppl who help you do things or does things 4 u, it's always more enjoyable :p like utensils being taken for you, being sent to the bus stop and everything... basically when you're in the company of a gentleman, you appreciate the lack of them when they're not...
N i've the best gentleman by my side alr :p who went with me 2 make my new specs ytd nite! haha though it was a bit of a 'shop til he drops' kind of situation to quote levi's t-shirt... hmm actually i think my back was abt 2 break with all e hesitation of mine involved in deciding which frame 2 get... oh well, cant wait 4 my new specs! hope it'll fit my face! :)
juz ytd i felt a bit pampered by some of e archery guys, whenever u're with ppl who help you do things or does things 4 u, it's always more enjoyable :p like utensils being taken for you, being sent to the bus stop and everything... basically when you're in the company of a gentleman, you appreciate the lack of them when they're not...
N i've the best gentleman by my side alr :p who went with me 2 make my new specs ytd nite! haha though it was a bit of a 'shop til he drops' kind of situation to quote levi's t-shirt... hmm actually i think my back was abt 2 break with all e hesitation of mine involved in deciding which frame 2 get... oh well, cant wait 4 my new specs! hope it'll fit my face! :)
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Best of both worlds ;)
Juz ytd for my lunch i had seaweed shaker fries, mcwings, green tea and whipped potato!
haha yes the best of both worlds: Macs n KFC!
my bf is so sweet, he bought e whipped potato for me from kfc so that i can eat Macs n KFC @ e same time :p
and he stayed for an extra half an hour so that i can finish lunch though he had 2 go for tuition (though it was postponed to later on at night)
haha i juz have to say that i had the best of both worlds! :D
haha yes the best of both worlds: Macs n KFC!
my bf is so sweet, he bought e whipped potato for me from kfc so that i can eat Macs n KFC @ e same time :p
and he stayed for an extra half an hour so that i can finish lunch though he had 2 go for tuition (though it was postponed to later on at night)
haha i juz have to say that i had the best of both worlds! :D
Thursday, July 16, 2009
thoughts abt the person that i m
hmm was juz thinking wat sort of a person i m, whether i have any friends i can think of that i can count on to be there for me or rather for me to look for them when i'm feeling down or upset or anything and @ first i thought there wasnt many and i was feeling a bit down and then i decided to come to my blog and i saw that weide had commented on my post :D
and yup suddenly it felt like there's actually a lot of ppl out there that i can count on (those that i havent pissed off yet :s) and that's what i shall make myself believe. though i have made many ppl angry in the past (especially the not too long ago past) i realised that if i give it time, the relationship will heal and they'll become friends that i'm closer to than before... haha ppl lyk rach, not sure whether she still recalls that i made her angry before but i rmber it all too clearly and well i'm glad that she's still a v dear friend of mine... sometimes i feel that i'm distancing myself from my friends nowadays, not really gg out 2 catch up with them, juz staying at home/gg 2 sch, using e excuse of studying to well study.. i dunno, i sure dun wan 2 lose them n especially when i noe i have to meet them if i wan e relationship 2 b better than b4 (especially if i made them angry recently)... and well i'm a petty person (my bf noes this v well) so i dun forgive easily or forget fast so if i got angry too, it's true that i havent quite got over it yet and well i dun lyk this part of me but it's there and well, to be a better person, i gotta overcome it asap... but argh the grudge is there but then again when i think more abt it, what's e point of holding onto smthg so insignificant when I should not be holding back in order to live life to its fullest each day... hmm i'm not quite making sense again :p hahaha
let's all try to live life to its fullest everyday.
and yup suddenly it felt like there's actually a lot of ppl out there that i can count on (those that i havent pissed off yet :s) and that's what i shall make myself believe. though i have made many ppl angry in the past (especially the not too long ago past) i realised that if i give it time, the relationship will heal and they'll become friends that i'm closer to than before... haha ppl lyk rach, not sure whether she still recalls that i made her angry before but i rmber it all too clearly and well i'm glad that she's still a v dear friend of mine... sometimes i feel that i'm distancing myself from my friends nowadays, not really gg out 2 catch up with them, juz staying at home/gg 2 sch, using e excuse of studying to well study.. i dunno, i sure dun wan 2 lose them n especially when i noe i have to meet them if i wan e relationship 2 b better than b4 (especially if i made them angry recently)... and well i'm a petty person (my bf noes this v well) so i dun forgive easily or forget fast so if i got angry too, it's true that i havent quite got over it yet and well i dun lyk this part of me but it's there and well, to be a better person, i gotta overcome it asap... but argh the grudge is there but then again when i think more abt it, what's e point of holding onto smthg so insignificant when I should not be holding back in order to live life to its fullest each day... hmm i'm not quite making sense again :p hahaha
let's all try to live life to its fullest everyday.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
randomness
havent blogged in 3 mths :p Oops haha anyway basically sem 2 was bad n now i'm taking special sem 2 to hopefully make my grades better n eid was ok overall, it was an interesting experience being e group leader to a whole group of guys, thankfully they were really wonderful individuals to begin with so working with them was nice :)
ok i finally blogged coz i wanted 2 say that the itchiness is back :( my skin is officially in a bad mood haha... these few days then suddenly lyk tt :( juz when trng is starting again... outdoors trng :x oh wells i hope it gets better real quick coz i cant afford to hide indoors 2 wait 4 my skin 2 recover at this point in time :s
anyway juz suddenly felt lyk blogging.. juz feel lyk saying that i think i lyk romantic stuff loads (i'm sure loads of ppl do too) but i realised tt i dun do romantic stuff frequently... or even often... um argh... i wanna do wat normal couples do on dates but well... my feelings r so mixed up now... i don't want to be someone tt i don't like but i cant quite help it... why cant i do wat i wan. nvm this aint helping one bit.. i shall get back 2 my studies..
n eh btw today marks the first trng when i'm officially e capt... it was a v slack trng... well hope they enjoyed it, coz soon it wouldnt be anymore..
ok i finally blogged coz i wanted 2 say that the itchiness is back :( my skin is officially in a bad mood haha... these few days then suddenly lyk tt :( juz when trng is starting again... outdoors trng :x oh wells i hope it gets better real quick coz i cant afford to hide indoors 2 wait 4 my skin 2 recover at this point in time :s
anyway juz suddenly felt lyk blogging.. juz feel lyk saying that i think i lyk romantic stuff loads (i'm sure loads of ppl do too) but i realised tt i dun do romantic stuff frequently... or even often... um argh... i wanna do wat normal couples do on dates but well... my feelings r so mixed up now... i don't want to be someone tt i don't like but i cant quite help it... why cant i do wat i wan. nvm this aint helping one bit.. i shall get back 2 my studies..
n eh btw today marks the first trng when i'm officially e capt... it was a v slack trng... well hope they enjoyed it, coz soon it wouldnt be anymore..
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
my love for studies (the past)
i was juz looking for a phrase to describe my current position of ignoring everything and anything and juz focus on studying n 'policy of isolationism' popped up in my mind. heh did a 1 sec search on goggle to check if the phrase was correct n i was awash wif thoughts of my past love for history and hence the reason why i took it up together with social studies during sec sch.. i really do love history and geography and especially astronomy. i could even enjoy math in the past. the only prob is that i wan to sit down and savour every word that i read but when you're studying, you're forced to swallow it all and be tested on it.. what i really need is time i think, even for my studies now, i need time 2 practise and be confident in it which unfortunately is not the case. i dun noe how i'm gg 2 survive but i'm still feeling ok, havent lost my temper or started crying due to frustrations etc... yet.
i was quite amazed i didnt throw any tantrums today, shall try and learn to control myself better and better with each passing day! haha coz i was doing thermo tut 9 (n still m) n let's juz say my progress is v little.. anyway i juz wan 2 profess my love for history for astronomy and math. haha the past math n not the now math :p hmm...gotta finish tut 9 tonight! i must!
recent msn nicks:
policy of isolationism
nice quote:
If you are doing what you have always done, you will be getting what you have always gotten (NJC Shooting Club Motto)
short extract of something inspirational:
Mervyn also mentioned about my dream or "vision" as he puts it. What was my vision?
1. That one day, ex-NJC shooters will dominate the shooting scene in Singapore. Not so much to be be smug about it, but to lead the shooting community towards our vision of people development. (We are getting there, trust me).
2. In 10 years, when people from other JCs (who are not in shooting) hear that one of our shooters or alumni is/was from NJC Shooting, they look at you with respect. I have heard from many seniors that we are there already. Perhaps not eveyone recognises us yet. But I have heard that VJC teachers and coach talk about NJC Shooting club as the standard to reach for, in terms of attitude, club spirit, hardwork, and score.
3. That it doesn't matter if an NJC Shooter continues in the sport after JC, the qualities they have developed in the Club over their 2 or 4 (and soon 6) years will persist, such that in 20 years, when a employer or a scholarship board looks at the resume of one of our shooters, they whisper to each other the following "This fella is an NJC Shooter, don't need to see anymore, surely good one). But mostly importantly, in my vision, the scholarship board interviewers or the employer would not have to be from our Club to know that. I believe we are getting there too.
We are not as great as people think of us, or even expect of us. Sometimes, because of these external expectations, we kill ourselves trying to live up to it. Some of us love the club so much that we get frustrated when things are not perfect. I appreciate these seniors for their frustration. The reason why they get so upset is because they love the Club so much. For that, I am truly grateful to them. So should the rest of you. Judge a person by looking at the heart of that person, not his way of showing it.
- Mr Gilbert Lee (ex-teacher i/c of NJC Shooting Club)
i was quite amazed i didnt throw any tantrums today, shall try and learn to control myself better and better with each passing day! haha coz i was doing thermo tut 9 (n still m) n let's juz say my progress is v little.. anyway i juz wan 2 profess my love for history for astronomy and math. haha the past math n not the now math :p hmm...gotta finish tut 9 tonight! i must!
recent msn nicks:
policy of isolationism
nice quote:
If you are doing what you have always done, you will be getting what you have always gotten (NJC Shooting Club Motto)
short extract of something inspirational:
Mervyn also mentioned about my dream or "vision" as he puts it. What was my vision?
1. That one day, ex-NJC shooters will dominate the shooting scene in Singapore. Not so much to be be smug about it, but to lead the shooting community towards our vision of people development. (We are getting there, trust me).
2. In 10 years, when people from other JCs (who are not in shooting) hear that one of our shooters or alumni is/was from NJC Shooting, they look at you with respect. I have heard from many seniors that we are there already. Perhaps not eveyone recognises us yet. But I have heard that VJC teachers and coach talk about NJC Shooting club as the standard to reach for, in terms of attitude, club spirit, hardwork, and score.
3. That it doesn't matter if an NJC Shooter continues in the sport after JC, the qualities they have developed in the Club over their 2 or 4 (and soon 6) years will persist, such that in 20 years, when a employer or a scholarship board looks at the resume of one of our shooters, they whisper to each other the following "This fella is an NJC Shooter, don't need to see anymore, surely good one). But mostly importantly, in my vision, the scholarship board interviewers or the employer would not have to be from our Club to know that. I believe we are getting there too.
We are not as great as people think of us, or even expect of us. Sometimes, because of these external expectations, we kill ourselves trying to live up to it. Some of us love the club so much that we get frustrated when things are not perfect. I appreciate these seniors for their frustration. The reason why they get so upset is because they love the Club so much. For that, I am truly grateful to them. So should the rest of you. Judge a person by looking at the heart of that person, not his way of showing it.
- Mr Gilbert Lee (ex-teacher i/c of NJC Shooting Club)
Monday, March 30, 2009
meaningful words (song lyrics)
Heh another meaningful song lyrics which actually made me feel better while taking hours doing my thermo tut from dunno how many wks ago... yup.. haha guess e song title?
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned
Leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
hmm think i shall take e time 2 blog abt my idle thoughts one day :) abt how my life so far has been pretty alright, i'm grateful for everything and really appreciate everyone ard me though i may not show it all e time :p ok back 2 tut n studying 4 now! yah muz treasure each day n use it well.
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned
Leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
hmm think i shall take e time 2 blog abt my idle thoughts one day :) abt how my life so far has been pretty alright, i'm grateful for everything and really appreciate everyone ard me though i may not show it all e time :p ok back 2 tut n studying 4 now! yah muz treasure each day n use it well.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Get to know yourself better personality test
Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
This quiz is totally fun!!! i wished it had more questions... ahhh so nice!
The link is here:
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
But eh some parts r quite true, and some are exactly like huiwen's and deb's! Especially the true self one! Wah cant believe we 3 got e same 'true self' :p hehe soooo fun!!!!
Recent msn nick:
i must believe.. i must work harder...
with the strength of an angel
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
This quiz is totally fun!!! i wished it had more questions... ahhh so nice!
The link is here:
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
But eh some parts r quite true, and some are exactly like huiwen's and deb's! Especially the true self one! Wah cant believe we 3 got e same 'true self' :p hehe soooo fun!!!!
Recent msn nick:
i must believe.. i must work harder...
with the strength of an angel
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
dere goes my astronomy this holiday :(
nooooo.... how could this be??? special sem 2 subj available are SOOOOO limited! N e worse thing is that dere's NO ASTRONOMY in special sem 2!!! ARGH.... it's only offered in special sem 1!!! WHY WHY??? WHY MUZ EID BE DURING SPECIAL SEM 1??? noooooooo....
Monday, March 09, 2009
latest obsessions: songs
"Tongue Tied"
Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of the head
Eyes down when you said
I guess I need my life to change
Seems like something's just aren't the same
What could I say?
I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
(I wonder just where you are)
Was it something I said?
Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?
Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?
I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
Again
I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
But every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
-Faber Drive
heh juz really obsessed with this song and 'Thinking of You' by Katy Perry these few days... i think what i like abt these two songs is their melody, their tune is just oh so unique that i cant help but get mesmerised :p
here's 'Thinking of You'
Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed
You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...
You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched and I was burned
Oh I think you should know
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...
Hmm the lyrics are pretty meaningful and interesting for both songs... yes indeed, it's hard to settle for the second best when you've alr had a taste of the best :p i hope i don't have to settle for second best in this lifetime :)
Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of the head
Eyes down when you said
I guess I need my life to change
Seems like something's just aren't the same
What could I say?
I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
(I wonder just where you are)
Was it something I said?
Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?
Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?
I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
Again
I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
But every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
-Faber Drive
heh juz really obsessed with this song and 'Thinking of You' by Katy Perry these few days... i think what i like abt these two songs is their melody, their tune is just oh so unique that i cant help but get mesmerised :p
here's 'Thinking of You'
Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed
You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...
You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched and I was burned
Oh I think you should know
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...
Hmm the lyrics are pretty meaningful and interesting for both songs... yes indeed, it's hard to settle for the second best when you've alr had a taste of the best :p i hope i don't have to settle for second best in this lifetime :)
Saturday, March 07, 2009
NTU Institutional 2009
It's been duper long since i last posted... nothing unusual there :p but yup so here i am using the time i'm supposed to be doing work to blog =x
Hmm the archery version of IVP just ended.. it was held over the wkend of 28 Feb - 1 Mar and to me, it was a major competition since my last competition half a year ago... and man was it nerve-wreaking and full of unexpected shocks and surprises i suppose...
This time I was even less mentally prepared than I expected myself to be... crap i really lack mental training =x someone start coaching me in my mental strength!
hmm let's say sat sighters started out well :) but eh my 1st round of 60m did not go well :s not quite sure why, seems lyk i didnt get my sighting on fri and couldnt find it on sat either =x haiz... but oh wells, i guess i still need more training at that distance though i'm highly tempted to head to 70m sooner or later O.o heh yah, tempted but not making my move... hmm for the rest of FITA 900, my 50m went superbly well and 40m was good too though not my personal best lyk how i did for 50m but it was still one of my best scores ever :)
Therefore i was ranked 6th place overall :D haha but i was quite a distance from no. 5, debra an ntu archer and no. 4 jorcelyn, another ntu archer... oh wells, but we're in e same team so it's great that our whole team made it into eh top 6? haha
e other gals did alright too though as usual we either flop at this dist or that :p we should really try to reduce that kind of thing... especially at major competitions such as these...
Ok Sunday. Big day. Individual Knockout (IKO) event in the morn plus Team Knockout (TKO) event in the afternoon...
argh got knocked out in the first round for IKO coz i lost due to the other archer (NUS' Linette)'s skill (that i acknowledge) and my lack of mental trng...
i made a mistake i nv made before, shooting 3 arrows when i'm supposed to shoot 6. what a stupid mistake to make but yah i made it, juz lyk my other two team-mates at the lane beside me... we did shoot finish the last arrow (more or less) .. finished during last eh 1 min or less... i can shoot fast that i know, i had the whole team (more or less) cheering for me with my ex-capt on the line trying to reassure me... but 1 min is not enough for me to gain back my composure. I almost cried on the line... Wendy saw it... and well i hope e ntu side didnt see it.. i was wearing shades after all... i guess i'm still not that willing to show my weakness to them that easily.
Linette was lyk trying to get me to cheer up as we went to collect my arrows but i wasnt happy with myself (and not with her, hope she didnt feel that way :s) so yah... back to my moody self.
Though surprisingly i shot quite well for the last 3 arrows... haha overall my shots were all in the red which was not enough to win Linette who was a yellow-average, haha she's good this time, but next time I wouldnt lose so easily :p
hmm was some dispute between debra ntu archer on my team and another NUS archer when they were shooting their IKO bronze medal match :s ouch alright... i wasnt dere to witness it but both sides insisted that the other cheated... and with my good friends Fred n Wendy on the other team i was torn between the two... coz i juz happened 2 ask Fred abt it when i was wif him at the noticeboard then... so coincidentally (unfortunately) that debra had to walk past n hear wat he was saying... argh when u're being suspected of cheating, you wouldnt juz keep quiet n walk away rite?? so she had 2 defend herself n wat resulted was an almost argument... Fred with that annoying tone of his but not paying her direct attention while she was close to tears, hurt that her integrity was being questioned. And dere i was in the middle of it all getting them both to just STOP IT.
Honestly. i was feeling so bad and when i realised that i couldnt find any1 in ntu archery to talk to... i hesitantly approached the nus tentage hoping to get someone to understand me.. that someone being wendy... She was dere for me, trying to talk it out with me while i openly cried, not caring who saw or watever. I think Fred saw, well he should since he's partly the cause of it. i was just bleeding inside as i was being torn apart by those two... they couldnt consider my feelings when they were doing that did they?? hateful. I didnt noe who to believe, one was my ex-guys team vcapt and the other my current team-mate who was gg 2 shoot team event with me later on, how was i suppose to get back my nonchalence to shoot with her? Of coz Wendy was on her archers' side and well she said to just drop the issue, that was the original decision made on their side and she told me not to worry about it, coz one black sheep isnt gg to ruin their impression of the whole team. I guess it hurt partly coz all the while i was trying to promote friendship between the two clubs and This! this issue just had to come up and ruin it all. what was i supposed to do when faced with this kinda thing?
Guess the morning had alr affected my mood and hence i couldnt take it after trying to be the mediator between the two. I just had to let it all out. And i was hoping that I would be the one giving support all the time during the competition and not the one needing them :s
well yeah. that totally didnt help in my mental preparedness for the team event later on. I was lyk a fragile little bird haha just accept the description lar. Thanks to my oh-so-gorgeous shades no one could see my puffy eyes! haha! yay! yeah lyk that's smthg worth cheering over...
anyway yeah... team event only had to shoot against two teams, NUS and TP... it was ok, i'm glad that i did contribute, though only 1 or 2 shots at the end =x thankfully my team-mates were good... so we got the Gold medal. It was actually alright. Glad that meecheng was the one checking our arrows' positions :) she's good at raising our spirits coz she's so high when we hit yellow on the hit-miss target :p btw the NUS team that i had to shoot against was Wendy's team :s ouch... i barely looked over because I never wanted to shoot against any of my NJ team-mates in the first place.. but everytime i looked she was there giving me a smile and a thumbs-up. I even saw her bf that day though i didnt realise until i finished my round with her... n yup he sure looks good, haha good for Wendy then :)
hmm guess i was a bit disappointed that i couldnt watch the guys shoot as they were shooting at the same time as us... it would have been fun... it's always fun watching your team-mates shoot against others... and they got Gold too...
I was just thinking of how my current team noes how attached i am to my NJ team and this is kind of similar to the situation back then when my NJ team knew how attached i was to my 1st 3 mths hc class... oh wells, wonder if they ever realised that though i may long for my previous team/class, i am in actual fact even more grateful for my current team :) though my current team loves suan-ing ppl loads which isnt exactly fun =x oh wells, no one's perfect...
Hmm the archery version of IVP just ended.. it was held over the wkend of 28 Feb - 1 Mar and to me, it was a major competition since my last competition half a year ago... and man was it nerve-wreaking and full of unexpected shocks and surprises i suppose...
This time I was even less mentally prepared than I expected myself to be... crap i really lack mental training =x someone start coaching me in my mental strength!
hmm let's say sat sighters started out well :) but eh my 1st round of 60m did not go well :s not quite sure why, seems lyk i didnt get my sighting on fri and couldnt find it on sat either =x haiz... but oh wells, i guess i still need more training at that distance though i'm highly tempted to head to 70m sooner or later O.o heh yah, tempted but not making my move... hmm for the rest of FITA 900, my 50m went superbly well and 40m was good too though not my personal best lyk how i did for 50m but it was still one of my best scores ever :)
Therefore i was ranked 6th place overall :D haha but i was quite a distance from no. 5, debra an ntu archer and no. 4 jorcelyn, another ntu archer... oh wells, but we're in e same team so it's great that our whole team made it into eh top 6? haha
e other gals did alright too though as usual we either flop at this dist or that :p we should really try to reduce that kind of thing... especially at major competitions such as these...
Ok Sunday. Big day. Individual Knockout (IKO) event in the morn plus Team Knockout (TKO) event in the afternoon...
argh got knocked out in the first round for IKO coz i lost due to the other archer (NUS' Linette)'s skill (that i acknowledge) and my lack of mental trng...
i made a mistake i nv made before, shooting 3 arrows when i'm supposed to shoot 6. what a stupid mistake to make but yah i made it, juz lyk my other two team-mates at the lane beside me... we did shoot finish the last arrow (more or less) .. finished during last eh 1 min or less... i can shoot fast that i know, i had the whole team (more or less) cheering for me with my ex-capt on the line trying to reassure me... but 1 min is not enough for me to gain back my composure. I almost cried on the line... Wendy saw it... and well i hope e ntu side didnt see it.. i was wearing shades after all... i guess i'm still not that willing to show my weakness to them that easily.
Linette was lyk trying to get me to cheer up as we went to collect my arrows but i wasnt happy with myself (and not with her, hope she didnt feel that way :s) so yah... back to my moody self.
Though surprisingly i shot quite well for the last 3 arrows... haha overall my shots were all in the red which was not enough to win Linette who was a yellow-average, haha she's good this time, but next time I wouldnt lose so easily :p
hmm was some dispute between debra ntu archer on my team and another NUS archer when they were shooting their IKO bronze medal match :s ouch alright... i wasnt dere to witness it but both sides insisted that the other cheated... and with my good friends Fred n Wendy on the other team i was torn between the two... coz i juz happened 2 ask Fred abt it when i was wif him at the noticeboard then... so coincidentally (unfortunately) that debra had to walk past n hear wat he was saying... argh when u're being suspected of cheating, you wouldnt juz keep quiet n walk away rite?? so she had 2 defend herself n wat resulted was an almost argument... Fred with that annoying tone of his but not paying her direct attention while she was close to tears, hurt that her integrity was being questioned. And dere i was in the middle of it all getting them both to just STOP IT.
Honestly. i was feeling so bad and when i realised that i couldnt find any1 in ntu archery to talk to... i hesitantly approached the nus tentage hoping to get someone to understand me.. that someone being wendy... She was dere for me, trying to talk it out with me while i openly cried, not caring who saw or watever. I think Fred saw, well he should since he's partly the cause of it. i was just bleeding inside as i was being torn apart by those two... they couldnt consider my feelings when they were doing that did they?? hateful. I didnt noe who to believe, one was my ex-guys team vcapt and the other my current team-mate who was gg 2 shoot team event with me later on, how was i suppose to get back my nonchalence to shoot with her? Of coz Wendy was on her archers' side and well she said to just drop the issue, that was the original decision made on their side and she told me not to worry about it, coz one black sheep isnt gg to ruin their impression of the whole team. I guess it hurt partly coz all the while i was trying to promote friendship between the two clubs and This! this issue just had to come up and ruin it all. what was i supposed to do when faced with this kinda thing?
Guess the morning had alr affected my mood and hence i couldnt take it after trying to be the mediator between the two. I just had to let it all out. And i was hoping that I would be the one giving support all the time during the competition and not the one needing them :s
well yeah. that totally didnt help in my mental preparedness for the team event later on. I was lyk a fragile little bird haha just accept the description lar. Thanks to my oh-so-gorgeous shades no one could see my puffy eyes! haha! yay! yeah lyk that's smthg worth cheering over...
anyway yeah... team event only had to shoot against two teams, NUS and TP... it was ok, i'm glad that i did contribute, though only 1 or 2 shots at the end =x thankfully my team-mates were good... so we got the Gold medal. It was actually alright. Glad that meecheng was the one checking our arrows' positions :) she's good at raising our spirits coz she's so high when we hit yellow on the hit-miss target :p btw the NUS team that i had to shoot against was Wendy's team :s ouch... i barely looked over because I never wanted to shoot against any of my NJ team-mates in the first place.. but everytime i looked she was there giving me a smile and a thumbs-up. I even saw her bf that day though i didnt realise until i finished my round with her... n yup he sure looks good, haha good for Wendy then :)
hmm guess i was a bit disappointed that i couldnt watch the guys shoot as they were shooting at the same time as us... it would have been fun... it's always fun watching your team-mates shoot against others... and they got Gold too...
I was just thinking of how my current team noes how attached i am to my NJ team and this is kind of similar to the situation back then when my NJ team knew how attached i was to my 1st 3 mths hc class... oh wells, wonder if they ever realised that though i may long for my previous team/class, i am in actual fact even more grateful for my current team :) though my current team loves suan-ing ppl loads which isnt exactly fun =x oh wells, no one's perfect...
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