~world of my own~

Year 4 aka Year of Graduation

2012-01-06T21:27:00.002+08:00

Gosh, it seems as though I really only blog when I'm super busy (and maybe stressed and tired of it all). Year 4 sem 1 saw me slacking away / resting / enjoying school life to a certain degree by not doing much work and hence the absence of posts. Maybe it also had something to do with me not having much issues to rant about as I noticed that I seem to treat this as a place to reflect on problems that I'm facing or just to complain instead of sharing happier memories here. I should strive to post happy memories here instead so that I wouldn't forget them as time goes by.

Hmm as for sem 2 I think I was just like everyone else, trying to finish our FYP in time for report submission and the final presentation of our university days and naturally to make up for slacking sem 1 away:p

Year 4 was pretty relaxing and I finally felt like I'm in uni, finally being able to enjoy those fabled timetables we could be the envy of everyone else who had 4 or 5 days of classes in a week. Despite the dark cloud of FYP looming overhead, being able to decide on when I would like to do my FYP and having the control over my timetable so I can leave for home anytime I wanted since there were so little classes in a week, was truly a luxurious experience :p

Nevertheless all good things in life will come to an end and I was really grateful that despite all my last minute scrambling to finish my FYP work, I still did decently for my FYP :) Now in the blink of an eye I've already been working for 6 months and those days of studying have finally become a distant and beautiful memory of schoolmates, lecture theatres and tutorial rooms.

The one thing that I really missed is getting the chance to see my friends everyday in school even though with the short timetable that I had in my last sem, I saw quite little of my schoolmates already. To find the energy to meet up takes serious effort because of how tiring it is to work for more than 9 hours per day which inevitably leads to less frequent gatherings. We'll keep thinking that we'll get used to working life soon and perhaps then we can meet up with our friends but I have a feeling that no matter how long we work, the fatigue will always be there so we should just seize the day and arrange those gatherings we have been putting off since forever or we may never get the chance to do so as we get older.

Sometimes working just makes us so tired that we forget to slow down and reflect on our lives which blogging kinda helps me to do and so I guess having regular blogging sessions should help us show down and reflect on where we are in life as well as to consider the direction we are heading towards because unless we do so, we are probably just aimlessly drifting through each day and for all we know, one day we'll wake up and realize that this is not what I want in life but by then it'll be too late for regrets.

So let's take 5 minutes of our week to consider where we are in life before we forget to really live our life in life.

A form of closure to something I've loved & hated for the past 5 years

2010-07-13T13:09:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since I last wrote an entry so here goes...

for all those who've been in close contact with me the past year, you would know that i've been waiting for this day for an awful long time.. yes it's finally my turn to step down and perhaps keep my equipment in some cupboard until it turns rusty/mouldy and i'll be forced to throw it out.. Don't get me wrong, I love the sport but I hate the complications that came with it. I never thought that I would end this love-hate relationship with archery like that but bcoz of the way things happened towards the end, I guess it's a good way to keep me from ever thinking of coming back.

Archery has and will always be a sport full of memories for me, both bittersweet and beautiful ones. I started archery with a love for the elegance portrayed in the archer's form, for the slim and pretty arrows as well as the feeling of awe that you'll experience when you hold your breath and watch an archer hit the bullseye with no hint of difficulty visible on his/her face. Perhaps it was coz I wanted to be able to look like that, that I chose to devote myself to this sport.

From the beginning, archery was a test of my ability to commit, to go thru with whatever I've chosen and is just one of the many examples that emulate what I would do once I've chosen something and that is just to stick with it and try to do my best in completing it, to the extent of just bearing with it until it's over. I've never been tested this way before as this was smthg entirely different from what I was used to, as my prior commitments were never.. well, werent much to speak of as they didnt really require much effort from me. (or maybe it's coz I never really bothered to put in more effort)

I have always been this way - I will not back out of anything that I chose for myself.. that applies to aerospace engineering, to pcme in nj, to triple science in mg :) Though i was having a difficult time, I never ever gave myself the option of giving up though I would complain an awful lot. I guess it's a sore loser kind of thing, I don't want to admit to myself that I'm a coward who cant even go through with my decisions, let alone what life throws at me so for those situations which I can control, I will do my best in sticking with my choice, even if it turns out to be less than ideal.

Archery tested me physically (I don't know how I got thru all those PTs in NJ but knowing that I did always makes me feel proud of myself :p), mentally and at times, emotionally. Perhaps I should add socially too as I always had trainings to blame for not meeting up with some friends :p

I still recall the time my nj team went for a kbox-ing session and zhiyu and I were so happy that we could easily lift the jug full of iced lemon tea with one hand when we were certain that before archery, we could not achieve this kind of feat. As for mentally, well, with all the mental training I had in NJ, what I thought was cheesy previously was something that I now believe in. It seems that all those inspirational movies werent just fiction coz believing in yourself works.

Though my mental is prob quite weak nowadays with my inability to discipline myself in doing the more impt things (like my io report) n choosing instead to be doing a personal reflections thing that isnt as urgent. argh.

Anyway as for emotionally, I guess I'm referring to the way archery competitions and political situations can create havoc for my peace of mind.

Then somehow along the way, archery became something of which my performance in it was more 'controllable' than my results in school. I looked forward to the time that I could spend with my team rather than the time I spent in the classroom. As long as I trained myself physically, I would definitely see the results in the way I could hold my bow arm steady, in the straight flight of my arrow when it's flying to the target as well as in the way my arrows would land neatly on the target; none of them sticking out of the board at a funny angle.

But studies has and will always be more impt and whenever exams came around, I focused my attention on studying and stopped training during that period of time. It was precisely because I had archery to use as an excuse for mediocre results that I was reluctant to let go of this reason/excuse bcoz of what I would have to face whenever I saw my lousy results. If I didnt have archery to hide behind, then I would really be admitting to myself that I'm not that good and that's very difficult for someone like me who's always believed that she's quite alright when it comes to studies.

Being a lazy person by nature, once exams ended, turning up for trainings was hard for me especially after the initial interest wore off. I guess it's good that the year I came into NTU the captain's training regime was oh-so-militar-ish. Even though I hated every single part of it, I would never back out of anything easily so it kept me fit physically so that I could perform in competitions and make great friends in team NTU along the way. It was my stubborness that kept me from leaving archery at the beginning and it was my friends that kept me in there until today.

Yet I've finally chosen to leave and being an indecisive person, I wouldn't have committed myself to this decision if not for the various things that happened this year. Initally I had thought of quitting after my second year at NTU was done. But I was given a tempting opportunity to improve the many things I hated when I first came in and give back to a club that has given me so much. So I thought over it long and hard and finally made the decision to stay for one more year. I've always thought that there's something wrong in offering someone who hates training to be captain but well, once I've decided, I wouldnt neglect my obligations and duties. Maybe the one who offered knew this and so gave me that chance which I really am thankful for bcoz it's always been smthg that I've wanted even if I sat thru many painful lessons along the way.

In this one year, I learnt that being one of the first to be informed of the latest going-ons n gossips aint much fun. I learnt that even though I wanted to do my best, I couldnt bcoz of my responsibilities as a student. I found that I enjoyed working with some but also realised how irresponsible others could be. I saw how relationships could break down in just one year and othes formed in just a few months. I grew to cherish some but abhor the sight of others. I became aware of the fact that I could never really make decisions by myself and that I was always relying on others so that I didnt have to be responsible for the outcome. I also almost destroyed everything that I've worked for in the past 3 years by my own hands. Perhaps that was the one last straw that I couldnt take bcoz I saw what I had become.

I recognised that I havent become stronger at all, just the very opposite unfortunately.
NUS indoors always gives me new stuff every year, alternating between gifts and lessons.. and the one message that I see in all that happened, was that it's time to go.
I had great team-mates supporting me on both days, I had friends who believed in my right, I had friendly rivals who stood by me and I know a few wonderful people who knew the right things to say, to the right people. They will always have my gratitude.
That day, I cried for more than just that event. I cried for everything I've been thru in these few years, especially in the past year. I cried for all the people who werent friends anymore, I cried because of how I hated what I had become. I cried because if nothing had changed on sunday, I would have fought all the way and lost all that I worked for, in those 3 years. I would have become the source of animosity between two parties and forced all future generations along a dirty path. I would be that selfish, just for something that I could not let go of.
That day, I didnt care who saw and that's saying something.

I became vengeful and so filled with anger that I couldnt even recognise myself anymore. I've changed in the sense that I'm much furthur away from the person I've always wanted to be. I don't want to hold grudges, I don't want to be so unforgiving, I don't want to drag the whole team down with me even though they were willing to do whatever it takes, all for my sake. I don't want to be such a hateful person. I didnt take up this post just to see them go to extremes for me. The team doesnt deserve that.

I just don't want to be always torn in two directions, unable to do my best in either bcoz of how I feel towards the other matter. I want to let go of things that only serves to make me unhappy and keep me from being a better person. I cannot see things objectively anymore and that hurts because I've always prided myself in being impartial no matter what. So I choose to leave now before I get worse. Even if I stayed, I would never really be around much bcoz of what I would see if I hanged around. Even though I still have valued friends there, I could never really enjoy the sport anymore. And I feel that being away is the only method I have to be able to forgive and forget. I havent forgotten what mg taught me and I want to be exactly that which mg personifies.

I guess I just needed to say this all out openly so that I can hold my head up high and just leave. Life has gotten a lot more complicated and I need to reorganise my priorities and find something else to strive for. I've been without aim for too long, so it's time I decided on my direction in life. I think that with time, I can look back and say that archery taught me a great deal and the most impt thing I've got out of it, is to become a better and stronger person who is able to face life and its challenges head on.

working life and more

2010-06-04T11:57:00.000+08:00

Oops i guess i havent quite kept my trend of 1 entry per mth since march... hmm it's the beginning of june already, wow, how time flies ;) anyway my daily life now (@ least for 6 more weeks) includes waking up super early and reaching my attachment workplace super early.. juz today i clocked in a new 'early': 7.11am when reporting time is only at 8am.. haha it's coz my uncle fetches me to work (thankfully) so it's either this or leaving home 2 hrs earlier juz to get to work by 8am so i'm sure it's worth it, yup i juz need to convince myself that when i wake up every morning scrambling to get my things ready before my uncle comes..

anyway juz smthg random, ytd morning i saw a bus flipped on its side in lane 1 of the PIE expressway.. it's lucky that we headed out early coz apparently the jam afterwards (thanks to gawking drivers on both sides of the expressway) lasted til 2pm and stretched all the way to bukit batok when the jam was only at lornie road area... it was quite a worrying sight coz you really hope the bus driver and passengers (if any, hopefully there was none) were ok, after all, accidents are no joke.. you could really get injured in them.. coz recently my sister who juz got her driving license got into an accident, it was the lorry who knocked into her but she seriously juz passed for like 1 wk then get this kind of thing (btw she passed on her 1st try.. lucky girl..), but thankfully my dad and her who were in the car were alright,.. juz backaches but no serious permanent injuries.. it's only the car that needed some repairs though the workshop sure took its time to return the car.. having the car to drive ard is a convenience that is undeniable especially when you have to lug your training stuff around singapore on public transport without it.. but no doubt a car is still not necessary, considering the price of a car nowadays, it seems more of a liability than an asset haha.. at least until i earn super a lot of $$ but that'll take time and effort and work is a bit boring nowadays already (though it's only my 4th wk of attachment) so i dun really know how i'm going to survive years and years of working life upon graduation :x anddd i also dun think i'll earn a lot :x haiz we'll see..

anyway i only juz realised that i got some comments on the tagboard, haha it's nice to see visitors and after reading that march entry again, i wondered how i managed to write like that :p haha seems beyond me..
since i'm on the topic of the previous entry, that being my team, maybe i should give an update..
well the fact that i'm about 3 weeks away to stepping down from the post of captain makes me feel that i should make last-minute amendments for my seemingly not-strict-enough attitude to the juniors in the past year.. i feel that they've been getting out of hand since exams ended or maybe even prior to that and it's not a nice feeling.. it's as if they don't respect my position (or my vcapt's position) after all that we've done for them (hopefully a lot) coz like they don't even bother to tell us properly that they're not able to turn up for trainings (to say it nicely) or why they don't want to come down.. this is really unbecoming of them because past few batches of juniors arent allowed the luxury to not come for trainings due to the past few very strict captains.. so i shall not bother to be nice these last 3 weeks.. haha perhaps that could be my saving grace.. i guess i started out wanting to do a lot but accomplishing little.. though 1 of the juniors i talked to assure me that i've done a good job but personally i don't think so.. i mean how can i think that way when i feel as if they don't have that level of respect for me if they dun even bother with the basic courtesy of informing me beforehand of their absence in trainings.. not to mention they are in really bad shape due to lack of strength and aside from that their form isnt good yet.. haiz.

anyway enough with that, i can't wait to step down actually and really leave the club.. i guess i have had enuff with all the politics and unhappiness which i didnt know exist until this year. how blissful it would be juz 2 b a normal member who doesnt have to be involved with the issues of the main comm..

n as for studies.. i'm worried for my results next year coz i purposely took the 10wks attachment instead of the 6 mths one to pull up my results with yr 3 sem 2 and i think though it worked but it didnt help by as much as i hoped it would so now i'm still in a risky situation.. not 2 mention that yr 4 wouldnt be a breeze either.. haiz..

oh yes, i'm gg philippines for holiday this coming aug! heh cant wait, i really think that learning how 2 dive would be fun and i hope that i will have the energy to capture lots of nice moments (i really hope there will be a lot) on camera.. haha i guess most of all i hope the place wouldnt disappoint though i havent even gotten ard to planning the destination yet :p okok i shall get to reading the 10th edition lonely planet guidebk that i was so happy 2 get my hands on since most of the 10th editions are perpetually always on loan or trace placed :p

early march post -> NTU IAC and etc...

2010-03-13T00:41:00.000+08:00

Having just read huiwen's blog entry that was on her thoughts abt canoe polo, I realised that as we grow up, we become more inflexible in our character such that we will always feel we are the more 'correct' one; why would i say this? haha it's just a thought coz i agree with her on many points bcoz of how similar her comments were with regards to my thoughts on my own situation in my team.. it's true that everyone would point fingers and I feel that I'm the one doing it all, I'm always blaming others, blaming the environment or whatever for things that go wrong. I blame others for their behaviour but perhaps I should stop and consider things from their point of view. Though I try to do that occasionally I feel that sometimes I really don't want to do that because believing that the other person is the one who's solely at fault and it's never my fault is so much easier than realising that perhaps half the problem is because of me.
My animosity towards certain individuals in the club is well-known among my team-mates and I have never found the need to hide it and this is partly because I strongly believe that there should not be a need to lie to yourself or to others and be someone who I'm not. I don't want to pretend to be nice to the person when I hate what he/she did to me, but then again, if I bother to think from their point of view, I would probably realise that they were doing exactly what I would if I were them.
At times I shoot my mouth off because of that belief to not hide who I am and what I am but I hurt people in the process and I end up feeling the guilt from regret. I really hate it when this happens so I think that I should learn how to think before I open my mouth and start saying whatever that is on my mind. It's time to learn how to phrase things in a much nicer way or shut up if I cant. At least that's a more ideal person to be than the current me and naturally I would want to strive to become someone better.

Anyway NTU IAC 2010 just ended last weekend and it was quite a fruitful event I would say, not so much in terms of physical rewards in the form of medals and trophies (though I did get some.. just not the ideal colour heh) but more so in terms of what I learnt about the juniors that I had the chance to teach and perhaps even some of the archers from the senior batches... but I also notice that I like to be in the thick of things? haha not so much the life of the party type but rather the one who can help support the team and know exactly what kind of things to say to encourage them (though I probably didnt perform that well in this aspect) .. however I realise this is not good for them..
why would i say this, it's probably because I promised myself that I would leave this place asap once I'm done with my term here that during the competition I noticed that the juniors havent quite learned how to rely on themselves or their team-mates yet.. they rely on me to a certain extent and all but the most important thing is lacking and that is verbal or even just mutual communication such as encouragement to support each other and remind each other so that they may perform on the line. Team communication is especially important for team knockout events, coz only their 2 other team-mates are in there with them and hence can talk to them and help them but they lack this crucial ingredient for the kind of team spirit that would bind them well together. Haha naturally I'm speaking from experience and all that coz I noticed this is exactly what is required when you dont have a coach and you only have each other to rely on... especially under those stressful conditions... so I guess my aim now is to teach them to be self-reliant or to rely on their team-mates and most of all, to learn how to be successful independent persons who would still understand the need to be humble in their pursuit for betterment of themselves as an archer and as a person...

heh hope that I can succeed and therefore, enable them to go far in this sport and whatever they choose to do..

archery troubles

2010-02-01T13:46:00.000+08:00

i think it's abt time i started or rather continued with writing 1 entry per mth kind of thing... haha anyway juz wanted to say i've been super slack since sem2 started coz of the so much lighter timetable that i have.. and suddenly i realised sch didnt have to be that stressful and somehow, engineering is really the craziest course ever... the question 'why did i ever want to enter this course' is still a big mystery to me but i'm doing ok now though life isnt always that nice and will always throw obstacles in your otherwise smooth journey in life...

so let's talk abt the obstacles.. firstly we shall discuss archery... guess what? the archery circle juz got more complicated. let's say newbies and experienced archers alike would probably be disgusted and dissuaded from enjoying the sport upon learning of a certain new group in town. let's not say who but i'm really unhappy that (like a rival company in the working world) poaching of 'employees' is actually happening, is actually starting to happen. Well i should have known that things wouldnt just die down coz things went more or less to the majority's favour. Oh yeah, there'll always be waves made to counter the good things that happened. Ok so let me confirm that I will leave this 'circle' in say 4mths? not counting exam period of course but at the rate things are going, I have no intention to fight against some idiots who think they're so good in what they do that they fail to realise that they arent exactly the best in other areas of life. Sometimes, I really wonder what I'm supposed to do in life when the one thing that made me happy previously and that I was proud of is giving me hell these few months. Life got a lot more complicated upon entering ntu... haha in more ways than one... i like the fact that I have a new somebody to treasure when I entered ntu but I hate the fact that I got to know many people with characteristics and behaviours that are distasteful to me upon becoming an undergraduate. And we all wonder, how come growing up was such a fantastic thing to us just a few years back but is really a troublesome affair now...

ok actually that's all i wanted to say right now... other obstacles dont have to be mentioned yet... oh yah perhaps creating miracles in 4 weeks is quite a huge obstacle that we have... I wonder how I'm going to accomplish that. It seems that I have lousy time management skills. Time to be fierce, be mean, and hopefully produce some results after this. Otherwise, all that trouble would be for naught.

some stuff....

2009-12-20T11:33:00.001+08:00

finally e hols r here! i think i've lead a much more fulfilling life after e exams ended... did so many things, was so bz tt i didnt have time 2 note it all down! shucks.. i better get down 2 writing 'em down... hmm so e other day (juz a few days back) lance n i went town in search of my bdae cake but didnt find anything coz awfully chocolate didnt allow us 2 buy a slice 2 try 1st :( tsk tsk... but we did finally check out 313 @ somerset n iluma as well as vivo... getting re-acquainted with somewhere other than the west of singapore n ntu :p finally i have some sort of a life ;) haha esp since i've been complaining tt i didnt have a life this whole sem... e right phrase 2 describe yr 3 sem1 is seriously, life sucks! haha

I'm juz glad i made it thru that 14 weeks of torture... seriously, none of e previous sems could possibly match up 2 wat last sem was for me,... n after e exams ended, i really didnt wanna go back 2 trng, after all i juz ended exams that tue and had 2 get back to training tt sat! ouch... but at least I'm ok with training now, helping e juniors to e best of my abilities (not a lot though) is kinda nice though i really hope they can improve and do well... I hope i'm able to help them in some way or another coz I noe my abilities and if I could be of some use in teaching them or protecting them from the messed-up archery circle that would prob nv change in e yrs 2 come, I would have done my part :) ok, 4 mths left til i'm free from e stress n difficulties tt comes when u're in a position with loads of responsibilities... 4 mths more to clean up my act and improve e situation which to be honest, I have not done anything worthwhile for the past 5 mths or so... i guess i'm all talk n no action.. lazy n timid... argh i wanna make an impact isnt it? it's getting quite hard 2 rmber my original intentions when I first decided to take on this role.. so many things has happened to make me forget and dull my senses...

ok i shall try... soon... ehh real soon... gotta settle my IO stuff first n my bdae thing :) oh dear i'm really quite a slacker arent I? I should stop running away from e stuff tt needs 2 b done now...

Ability

2009-11-09T10:24:00.000+08:00

i must believe i can do it.. that i can achieve big things, starting from this moment on... haha i am that capable even though i'm surrounded by people who're all way better than I am BUT i cannot lose focus, I cannot forget that I am an elite in my own way. Just because everyone else is better than I am does not mean that I am not someone with ability. It just means that I have positioned myself among the cream of the crop and I may not be as good as the rest but I cannot forget that in actual fact I'm that good when compared to the rest of the world.

So belief shall get me through this.

blogskin

2009-11-09T09:38:00.000+08:00

i need to learn how to be a nicer person

Future Love by Kristinia DeBarge

2009-10-18T18:29:00.004+08:00

Future Love

A couple of years
and I'm gonna know your name.
it's like I waited for you forever
and I know this might sound insane.
but it won't be long
til' we're gonna take this up.
what I'm talking about our future love.

it's so far away
and baby you're right next door.
got me picturing your face again,
something worth waiting for.
i put all others behind me,
they don't live up.
i know what I want, what I need, to the T.

Baby if they ask me
i would say I don't even know your name.
and when they ask me:
does it change?
no it don't change a thing.
'cause it's something about the way you love me
there's just something about the way you know me.
and I can't explain enough.

just something about our future love, future love, future love.
something about a future love, future love, future love.

Walking hand in hand,
going on a second date.
i can picture how we're touching
and the kiss I can almost taste.
i've imagined all the ways
we meet for the very first time.
i can see the place, feel the love, at first sight.

Baby if they ask me
i would say I don't even know your name.
and when they ask me:
does it change?
no it don't change a thing.
'cause it's something about the way you love me.
there's just something about the way you know me
and I can't explain enough.

just something about our future love, future love, future love.
something about a future love, future love, future love.

i know, the minute you pull up next to me.
we standing there like destiny.
when it feels like you're fighting just to breathe, that's when you know.

the minute I pull up next to you.
suddenly you don't know what to do,
everything inside you says that I'm the one.

Baby if they ask me.
i would say I don't even know your name.
and when they ask me:
does it change?
no it don't change a thing.
'cause it's something about the way you love me.
there's just something about the way you know me.
and I can't explain enough.[2x]

just something about our future love, future love, future love.
something about a future love, future love, future love.

future love, future love, future love,future love

Avalanche by Marie Digby

2009-09-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

Since when do you come around?
And the temperature's changed, nothing's the same
Left me, in yesterday
You don't see me that way, touched me that way, no more
When you get so cold, I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold

You got me standin' at the bottom of this mountain that we've made (mountain that we've made)
And the ground is shakin' from all of our mistakes (all of our mistakes)
But there's no one, but then the ice is in our way
It's a matter of time, We can rewind

If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you
I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance?
Let's lead the past, Is that too much to ask?
And where do we stand? (Where do we stand?)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, oh, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh)

We see what's up ahead, Why do we stay? Watchin' us fadin'
Trapped in, by regret
There's no way out, and there's no way in (no)
And it's so cold, I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold

You got me standin' at the bottom of this mountain that we've made (mountain that we've made)
And the ground is shakin', from all of our mistakes (all of our mistakes)
But there's no one, but then the ice is in our way
It's a matter of time, We can rewind

If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you
I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance?
Let's lead the past, Is that too much to ask?
And where do we stand? (Where do we stand?)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, oh, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh)

The bond is breaking, and it's taking over, my spirit (quickly, quickly)
Something's shifted, have we drifted too far, apart now?

If only you knew, Why my heart is through for you
I'm tryna break through, Don't you think it's worth the chance?
Let's lead the past, Is that too much to ask?
And where do we stand? (Where do we stand?)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, oh, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche)
Can we pull through this avalanche? (avalanche, avalanche, yeah, this avalanche, avalanche, avalanche, ooooh)
Avalanche

things that make a day better

2009-08-30T16:10:00.002+08:00

i always savour the memory of a good conversation with friends whom I havent met in a long while and as always, when you're having fun, time passes so fast :)

juz ytd i felt a bit pampered by some of e archery guys, whenever u're with ppl who help you do things or does things 4 u, it's always more enjoyable :p like utensils being taken for you, being sent to the bus stop and everything... basically when you're in the company of a gentleman, you appreciate the lack of them when they're not...
N i've the best gentleman by my side alr :p who went with me 2 make my new specs ytd nite! haha though it was a bit of a 'shop til he drops' kind of situation to quote levi's t-shirt... hmm actually i think my back was abt 2 break with all e hesitation of mine involved in deciding which frame 2 get... oh well, cant wait 4 my new specs! hope it'll fit my face! :)

Best of both worlds ;)

2009-08-04T23:57:00.004+08:00

Juz ytd for my lunch i had seaweed shaker fries, mcwings, green tea and whipped potato!

haha yes the best of both worlds: Macs n KFC!

my bf is so sweet, he bought e whipped potato for me from kfc so that i can eat Macs n KFC @ e same time :p

and he stayed for an extra half an hour so that i can finish lunch though he had 2 go for tuition (though it was postponed to later on at night)

haha i juz have to say that i had the best of both worlds! :D

thoughts abt the person that i m

2009-07-16T21:35:00.002+08:00

hmm was juz thinking wat sort of a person i m, whether i have any friends i can think of that i can count on to be there for me or rather for me to look for them when i'm feeling down or upset or anything and @ first i thought there wasnt many and i was feeling a bit down and then i decided to come to my blog and i saw that weide had commented on my post :D

and yup suddenly it felt like there's actually a lot of ppl out there that i can count on (those that i havent pissed off yet :s) and that's what i shall make myself believe. though i have made many ppl angry in the past (especially the not too long ago past) i realised that if i give it time, the relationship will heal and they'll become friends that i'm closer to than before... haha ppl lyk rach, not sure whether she still recalls that i made her angry before but i rmber it all too clearly and well i'm glad that she's still a v dear friend of mine... sometimes i feel that i'm distancing myself from my friends nowadays, not really gg out 2 catch up with them, juz staying at home/gg 2 sch, using e excuse of studying to well study.. i dunno, i sure dun wan 2 lose them n especially when i noe i have to meet them if i wan e relationship 2 b better than b4 (especially if i made them angry recently)... and well i'm a petty person (my bf noes this v well) so i dun forgive easily or forget fast so if i got angry too, it's true that i havent quite got over it yet and well i dun lyk this part of me but it's there and well, to be a better person, i gotta overcome it asap... but argh the grudge is there but then again when i think more abt it, what's e point of holding onto smthg so insignificant when I should not be holding back in order to live life to its fullest each day... hmm i'm not quite making sense again :p hahaha

let's all try to live life to its fullest everyday.

randomness

2009-07-07T23:24:00.004+08:00

havent blogged in 3 mths :p Oops haha anyway basically sem 2 was bad n now i'm taking special sem 2 to hopefully make my grades better n eid was ok overall, it was an interesting experience being e group leader to a whole group of guys, thankfully they were really wonderful individuals to begin with so working with them was nice :)

ok i finally blogged coz i wanted 2 say that the itchiness is back :( my skin is officially in a bad mood haha... these few days then suddenly lyk tt :( juz when trng is starting again... outdoors trng :x oh wells i hope it gets better real quick coz i cant afford to hide indoors 2 wait 4 my skin 2 recover at this point in time :s

anyway juz suddenly felt lyk blogging.. juz feel lyk saying that i think i lyk romantic stuff loads (i'm sure loads of ppl do too) but i realised tt i dun do romantic stuff frequently... or even often... um argh... i wanna do wat normal couples do on dates but well... my feelings r so mixed up now... i don't want to be someone tt i don't like but i cant quite help it... why cant i do wat i wan. nvm this aint helping one bit.. i shall get back 2 my studies..

n eh btw today marks the first trng when i'm officially e capt... it was a v slack trng... well hope they enjoyed it, coz soon it wouldnt be anymore..

my love for studies (the past)

2009-03-31T23:11:00.002+08:00

i was juz looking for a phrase to describe my current position of ignoring everything and anything and juz focus on studying n 'policy of isolationism' popped up in my mind. heh did a 1 sec search on goggle to check if the phrase was correct n i was awash wif thoughts of my past love for history and hence the reason why i took it up together with social studies during sec sch.. i really do love history and geography and especially astronomy. i could even enjoy math in the past. the only prob is that i wan to sit down and savour every word that i read but when you're studying, you're forced to swallow it all and be tested on it.. what i really need is time i think, even for my studies now, i need time 2 practise and be confident in it which unfortunately is not the case. i dun noe how i'm gg 2 survive but i'm still feeling ok, havent lost my temper or started crying due to frustrations etc... yet.

i was quite amazed i didnt throw any tantrums today, shall try and learn to control myself better and better with each passing day! haha coz i was doing thermo tut 9 (n still m) n let's juz say my progress is v little.. anyway i juz wan 2 profess my love for history for astronomy and math. haha the past math n not the now math :p hmm...gotta finish tut 9 tonight! i must!

recent msn nicks:
policy of isolationism

nice quote:
If you are doing what you have always done, you will be getting what you have always gotten (NJC Shooting Club Motto)

short extract of something inspirational:
Mervyn also mentioned about my dream or "vision" as he puts it. What was my vision?

1. That one day, ex-NJC shooters will dominate the shooting scene in Singapore. Not so much to be be smug about it, but to lead the shooting community towards our vision of people development. (We are getting there, trust me).

2. In 10 years, when people from other JCs (who are not in shooting) hear that one of our shooters or alumni is/was from NJC Shooting, they look at you with respect. I have heard from many seniors that we are there already. Perhaps not eveyone recognises us yet. But I have heard that VJC teachers and coach talk about NJC Shooting club as the standard to reach for, in terms of attitude, club spirit, hardwork, and score.

3. That it doesn't matter if an NJC Shooter continues in the sport after JC, the qualities they have developed in the Club over their 2 or 4 (and soon 6) years will persist, such that in 20 years, when a employer or a scholarship board looks at the resume of one of our shooters, they whisper to each other the following "This fella is an NJC Shooter, don't need to see anymore, surely good one). But mostly importantly, in my vision, the scholarship board interviewers or the employer would not have to be from our Club to know that. I believe we are getting there too.

We are not as great as people think of us, or even expect of us. Sometimes, because of these external expectations, we kill ourselves trying to live up to it. Some of us love the club so much that we get frustrated when things are not perfect. I appreciate these seniors for their frustration. The reason why they get so upset is because they love the Club so much. For that, I am truly grateful to them. So should the rest of you. Judge a person by looking at the heart of that person, not his way of showing it.

- Mr Gilbert Lee (ex-teacher i/c of NJC Shooting Club)

meaningful words (song lyrics)

2009-03-30T22:42:00.002+08:00

Heh another meaningful song lyrics which actually made me feel better while taking hours doing my thermo tut from dunno how many wks ago... yup.. haha guess e song title?

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned
Leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

hmm think i shall take e time 2 blog abt my idle thoughts one day :) abt how my life so far has been pretty alright, i'm grateful for everything and really appreciate everyone ard me though i may not show it all e time :p ok back 2 tut n studying 4 now! yah muz treasure each day n use it well.

Get to know yourself better personality test

2009-03-14T01:30:00.005+08:00

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

This quiz is totally fun!!! i wished it had more questions... ahhh so nice!
The link is here:
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
But eh some parts r quite true, and some are exactly like huiwen's and deb's! Especially the true self one! Wah cant believe we 3 got e same 'true self' :p hehe soooo fun!!!!

Recent msn nick:
i must believe.. i must work harder...
with the strength of an angel

dere goes my astronomy this holiday :(

2009-03-10T13:42:00.001+08:00

nooooo.... how could this be??? special sem 2 subj available are SOOOOO limited! N e worse thing is that dere's NO ASTRONOMY in special sem 2!!! ARGH.... it's only offered in special sem 1!!! WHY WHY??? WHY MUZ EID BE DURING SPECIAL SEM 1??? noooooooo....

latest obsessions: songs

2009-03-09T21:43:00.003+08:00

"Tongue Tied"

Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of the head
Eyes down when you said
I guess I need my life to change
Seems like something's just aren't the same
What could I say?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
(I wonder just where you are)

Was it something I said?
Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?
Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
Again

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
But every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

-Faber Drive

heh juz really obsessed with this song and 'Thinking of You' by Katy Perry these few days... i think what i like abt these two songs is their melody, their tune is just oh so unique that i cant help but get mesmerised :p

here's 'Thinking of You'
Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched and I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes

Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

Hmm the lyrics are pretty meaningful and interesting for both songs... yes indeed, it's hard to settle for the second best when you've alr had a taste of the best :p i hope i don't have to settle for second best in this lifetime :)

NTU Institutional 2009

2009-03-07T20:15:00.002+08:00

It's been duper long since i last posted... nothing unusual there :p but yup so here i am using the time i'm supposed to be doing work to blog =x

Hmm the archery version of IVP just ended.. it was held over the wkend of 28 Feb - 1 Mar and to me, it was a major competition since my last competition half a year ago... and man was it nerve-wreaking and full of unexpected shocks and surprises i suppose...

This time I was even less mentally prepared than I expected myself to be... crap i really lack mental training =x someone start coaching me in my mental strength!

hmm let's say sat sighters started out well :) but eh my 1st round of 60m did not go well :s not quite sure why, seems lyk i didnt get my sighting on fri and couldnt find it on sat either =x haiz... but oh wells, i guess i still need more training at that distance though i'm highly tempted to head to 70m sooner or later O.o heh yah, tempted but not making my move... hmm for the rest of FITA 900, my 50m went superbly well and 40m was good too though not my personal best lyk how i did for 50m but it was still one of my best scores ever :)
Therefore i was ranked 6th place overall :D haha but i was quite a distance from no. 5, debra an ntu archer and no. 4 jorcelyn, another ntu archer... oh wells, but we're in e same team so it's great that our whole team made it into eh top 6? haha
e other gals did alright too though as usual we either flop at this dist or that :p we should really try to reduce that kind of thing... especially at major competitions such as these...

Ok Sunday. Big day. Individual Knockout (IKO) event in the morn plus Team Knockout (TKO) event in the afternoon...
argh got knocked out in the first round for IKO coz i lost due to the other archer (NUS' Linette)'s skill (that i acknowledge) and my lack of mental trng...
i made a mistake i nv made before, shooting 3 arrows when i'm supposed to shoot 6. what a stupid mistake to make but yah i made it, juz lyk my other two team-mates at the lane beside me... we did shoot finish the last arrow (more or less) .. finished during last eh 1 min or less... i can shoot fast that i know, i had the whole team (more or less) cheering for me with my ex-capt on the line trying to reassure me... but 1 min is not enough for me to gain back my composure. I almost cried on the line... Wendy saw it... and well i hope e ntu side didnt see it.. i was wearing shades after all... i guess i'm still not that willing to show my weakness to them that easily.

Linette was lyk trying to get me to cheer up as we went to collect my arrows but i wasnt happy with myself (and not with her, hope she didnt feel that way :s) so yah... back to my moody self.
Though surprisingly i shot quite well for the last 3 arrows... haha overall my shots were all in the red which was not enough to win Linette who was a yellow-average, haha she's good this time, but next time I wouldnt lose so easily :p

hmm was some dispute between debra ntu archer on my team and another NUS archer when they were shooting their IKO bronze medal match :s ouch alright... i wasnt dere to witness it but both sides insisted that the other cheated... and with my good friends Fred n Wendy on the other team i was torn between the two... coz i juz happened 2 ask Fred abt it when i was wif him at the noticeboard then... so coincidentally (unfortunately) that debra had to walk past n hear wat he was saying... argh when u're being suspected of cheating, you wouldnt juz keep quiet n walk away rite?? so she had 2 defend herself n wat resulted was an almost argument... Fred with that annoying tone of his but not paying her direct attention while she was close to tears, hurt that her integrity was being questioned. And dere i was in the middle of it all getting them both to just STOP IT.
Honestly. i was feeling so bad and when i realised that i couldnt find any1 in ntu archery to talk to... i hesitantly approached the nus tentage hoping to get someone to understand me.. that someone being wendy... She was dere for me, trying to talk it out with me while i openly cried, not caring who saw or watever. I think Fred saw, well he should since he's partly the cause of it. i was just bleeding inside as i was being torn apart by those two... they couldnt consider my feelings when they were doing that did they?? hateful. I didnt noe who to believe, one was my ex-guys team vcapt and the other my current team-mate who was gg 2 shoot team event with me later on, how was i suppose to get back my nonchalence to shoot with her? Of coz Wendy was on her archers' side and well she said to just drop the issue, that was the original decision made on their side and she told me not to worry about it, coz one black sheep isnt gg to ruin their impression of the whole team. I guess it hurt partly coz all the while i was trying to promote friendship between the two clubs and This! this issue just had to come up and ruin it all. what was i supposed to do when faced with this kinda thing?

Guess the morning had alr affected my mood and hence i couldnt take it after trying to be the mediator between the two. I just had to let it all out. And i was hoping that I would be the one giving support all the time during the competition and not the one needing them :s

well yeah. that totally didnt help in my mental preparedness for the team event later on. I was lyk a fragile little bird haha just accept the description lar. Thanks to my oh-so-gorgeous shades no one could see my puffy eyes! haha! yay! yeah lyk that's smthg worth cheering over...

anyway yeah... team event only had to shoot against two teams, NUS and TP... it was ok, i'm glad that i did contribute, though only 1 or 2 shots at the end =x thankfully my team-mates were good... so we got the Gold medal. It was actually alright. Glad that meecheng was the one checking our arrows' positions :) she's good at raising our spirits coz she's so high when we hit yellow on the hit-miss target :p btw the NUS team that i had to shoot against was Wendy's team :s ouch... i barely looked over because I never wanted to shoot against any of my NJ team-mates in the first place.. but everytime i looked she was there giving me a smile and a thumbs-up. I even saw her bf that day though i didnt realise until i finished my round with her... n yup he sure looks good, haha good for Wendy then :)
hmm guess i was a bit disappointed that i couldnt watch the guys shoot as they were shooting at the same time as us... it would have been fun... it's always fun watching your team-mates shoot against others... and they got Gold too...

I was just thinking of how my current team noes how attached i am to my NJ team and this is kind of similar to the situation back then when my NJ team knew how attached i was to my 1st 3 mths hc class... oh wells, wonder if they ever realised that though i may long for my previous team/class, i am in actual fact even more grateful for my current team :) though my current team loves suan-ing ppl loads which isnt exactly fun =x oh wells, no one's perfect...

songs lyrics that i like

2009-02-02T21:14:00.003+08:00

Hmm juz realised that my previous post was my 100th post!!! haha i used my hp to post that so i didnt realise it til now, i'm quite amazed that i managed to post so much, especially since i took so long to reach 100, i'm someone who when in the mood for writing, will write a lot so yah, guess i've juz been too bz or too lazy to blog in the 4 years this blog has been ard... this is the 5th year! my gosh how fast time flies when you look at things lyk that, i've lived for two decades already... O.o that's lyk a lot... haha

anyway workload's horrendous right now, with me just stealing a bit of time from doing tutorials to do this.. coz i was just listening to this song of which i found one really nice line inside, or at least to me it's nice so i just wanted to post it here, it's:

You know i'm hoping you'll sing along, though it's not your favourite song :)

haha i wonder if my few regulars to my blog will recognise where this came from. i blog nowadays coz i hav at least these few regulars ard to tell me that i'm not talking to the wall when i blog here :p heh so a big THANK YOU to deb, huiwen and lance. The only other person that i know visited my blog recently was weide and i'm real grateful to all of you. Haha i guess i don't mind the small number coz what i post here aint really something i want sooo many people to know, or at least people who don't know me well, though i know when you blog, everything's public but well, this is just how i feel yup. :)

Chalet time!

2008-12-30T19:01:00.003+08:00

Hmm my dec has been pretty much packed wif activities,from chalets to gatherings when i'm not trng,dere's been two chalets i've been to,one for my cousin's 14th bdae n e other juz another family chalet which was seriously e nicest chalet i've been to,ever.e pic above is of tt place:)e place was renovated juz 6mths ago so it's really new n nice!
Anyway since then,i've had e chance 2 meet up wif my hc classmates,my mg friends,my nj archers,went 2 sentosa twice n had an archery camp.actually now i'm on my way 2 meet some of my nj classmates 4 dinner,hope it'll b enjoyable:pbasically my days r quite packed wif working out too,ok nowadays not tt much coz of all those gatherings but i really need 2 bcome fitter!Haha anyway yup lots of stuff filling my day n on a sidenote i was really happy on my bdae,really had fun n had e sweetest guy by my side tt nite,i couldnt hav asked 4 anything better:)perhaps coz of this i wonder if it's too gd 2 b true n whether anything bad will happen soon 2 ruin all these,well let's hope not coz i really wan 2 enjoy e v last of 2008:)

My early bdae cake

2008-12-22T08:50:00.003+08:00

This was given 2 me by e gals from my hc class,i cant believe they rmbered n well as usual i didnt notice anything..Haha i can b so silly:pwe had steamboat dinner at vivo n it was juz great seeing all of 'em again after ard 1.5yrs:)we only left at abt 1030pm yup..n well we took photos n talked a lot(mostly abt our r/s status:p n little updates on our lives)i'm lyk seriously outdated when it comes 2 these ppl's lives,i guess i thought all these belong 2 a past me but perhaps not,they're still such sweet friends after so long n i c various degree of maturity in them n it struck me tt we've all grown a bit in our own ways during these few yrs n well it makes me feel a bit nostalgic 4 my nj archery team,not sure y but i really kinda miss everyone,esp when i recall fred's confidence in realising wat we wan,juz lyk tt 1st invitational tt actually happened quite a while ago yup.Haha muz b coz of e combined trng session we're having wif nus tmr:)hope everything goes well but well if it doesnt at least i'll make e most out of it,over dere's my precious wendy n fred n i hope they'll b dere so tt we can catch up a bit yup coz now i really miss these ppl loads!
heh anyway abt ytd i juz found out so many things lyk how qt's attached,(i hope it's 2 some1 nice coz she's too much of a gem 2 b wasted on a normal guy:p) n how mh's a facebk stalker(she even noes how lance looks lyk!)..stuff lyk tt,so i've 2 b careful abt wat i put up on e net in general,heh seems so interesting all these things n though i was reluctant 2 meet up wif 'em previously coz of laziness i'm glad i did coz i realised tt i still hav friends dere:)

regret in a way, a small dose of pain n unhappiness

2008-12-13T00:23:00.002+08:00

sometimes it seems that i lyk picking fights... even if i do so unintentionally... lyk it's so fun creating a tense n awkward atmosphere when it used to be one of warmth. wat's wrong with me i keep asking myself. N i guess e only ans i hav at this point in time is juz for some understanding by the other party.. but then when i make things so unhappy for seemingly no reason, then i'll start 2 regret it and realise that i didnt put myself in the other person's shoes..

wat an unruly person i can be.

Our Song by Taylor Swift

2008-11-18T01:10:00.006+08:00

Taylor Swift - Our Song lyrics


I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car
He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel
The other on my heart
I look around, turn the radio down
He says baby is something wrong?
I say "nothing, I was just thinking how we don't have a song"
And he said...

"Our song is a slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, when I should have"
And when I got home... fore' I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again"

I was walking up the front porch steps after everything that day
Had gone all wrong 'n' been trampled on
And lost and thrown away
Got to the hallway, well on my way to my lovin' bed
I almost didn't notice all the roses
And the note that said...

Our song is a slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, when I should have"
And when I got home... fore' I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

I've heard every album, listened to the radio
Waiting for something to come along
That was as good as our song...

Cause our song is a slamming screen door
Sneaking out late, tapping on his window
When we're on the phone and he talks real slow
Cause it's late and his mama don't know
Our song is the way he laughs
The first date "man, I didn't kiss him, when I should have"
And when I got home, fore' I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again
Play it again... Oh Yeah

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone
In the front seat of his car
I grabbed a pen and an old napkin
And I wrote down our song

*******************************************************************

Well since i was putting up lyrics to the other two songs and this is another fav song of mine that's sung by Taylor

so therefore i decided to just put this up too :) i really do like this song loads mebbe coz it makes me feel so

nice inside haha coz well the scenarios described in this song just seems so typical and wat everyone can relate

to that it's just a wonderful song reflecting the various memories a couple may share :) i really do like Love Story

and Our Song loads :D

Check Yes Juliet by We the Kings

2008-11-18T01:06:00.010+08:00

We The Kings - Check Yes Juliet lyrics


Check yes Juliet
Are you with me?
Rain is falling down on the sidewalk
I won't go until you come outside.


Check yes Juliet
Kill the limbo
I'll keep tossing rocks at your window
There's no turning back for us tonight.


Lace up your shoes
Eh Oh Eh Ohhh
Here's how we do:


Run, baby, run
Don't ever look back.
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance.
Don't sell your heart.
Don't say we're not meant to be.
Run, baby, run.
Forever will be
You and me.


Check yes Juliet
I'll be waiting
Wishing, wanting
Yours for the taking.
Just sneak out
And don't tell a soul goodbye.
Check yes Juliet
Here's the countdown
3... 2... 1... now fall in my arms now
They can change the locks
Don't let them change your mind


Lace up your shoes
Eh Oh Eh Ohhh
Here's how we do


Run, baby, run
Don't ever look back
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance
Don't sell your heart
Don't say we're not meant to be
Run baby run
Forever will be
You and me


We're flying through the night
We're flying through the night
Way up high,
The view from here is getting better with
You by my side


Run baby run
Don't ever look back
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance
Don't sell your heart
Don't say we're not meant to be
Run baby run
Forever will be...


Run baby run
Don't ever look back
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance
Don't sell your heart
Don't say we're not meant to be
Run baby run
Forever will be
You and me
You and me
You and me

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

haha my point in putting this up is that this is yet another recent song about Romeo and Juliet's

story just that this is from Romeo's point of view ;) heh Taylor's version was from Juliet's point

of view so it's kinda lyk Love Story is a response to this song.. it jus seems totally cool so I thought

this ought to go up on my blog too :)

Love Story by Taylor Swift

2008-11-18T00:54:00.005+08:00

Love Story by Taylor Swift

We were both young when I first saw you
I closed my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello
Little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said, "stay away from Juliet"
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you, please don't go
And I said

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

So, I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Oh oh
Cause you were Romeo, I was the scarlet letter
And my daddy said, "stay away from Juliet"
But you were my everything to me
I was begging you, please don't go
And I said

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

Romeo, save me
They try to tell me how I feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town
And I said

Romeo, save me
I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you, but you never come
Is this in my head
I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad
Go pick out a white dress
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

-----------*----------*------------*---------*------------*-----------*----------*----------

This is the number one song on my fav list right now heh.
It's about the love story that everyone knows about, or rather pretty much everyone in the literature world; yup it's Romeo & Juliet's story just that i prefer Taylor's version of the ending which is just absolutely sweet and touching despite it being just a song and all.
While i was searching for these lyrics online i found that ppl hav posted comments that especially the last part of this song made them a bit teary (or a lot heh ;) ) Well i have to agree with them on this, while i was listening to this song for the first few times trying 2 catch the lyrics and it was then that i realised what Taylor was singing and well it really made my eyes fill with tears because it's the perfect ending that pretty much every girl in this world would wish for: a perfect ending where her prince charming would sweep her off her feet and all obstacles in their path would crumble away and well, just live happily ever after. :)

haha it's those times when you hear a song for a first time, trying to focus and catch wat the song is about which is quite a fun thing to do at times :) of coz tt's preferably when you've a lot of free time which at present i don't coz well actually i'm having my math paper tmr and to be honest i'm not that confident at all but here i am (wasting time :s ) blogging abt this absolutely fabulous song that has got me hooked :) . Aww the perfect love story is wat everyone envisions themselves in but is well, a fairytale, not reality coz well it's not possible to have such a flawless relationship as kinks have to be worked out and jigsaw pieces modified to fit together n stuff .. haha sounds so weird and abstract..

hmm seems lyk i typed too much, argh must not waste precious time that i still need 2 make myself more confident before tmr's paper... but i still hav loads 2 say! One of them is that i think Taylor looks absolutely gorgeous in her music video! I so love her gown (the one she's wearing while singing).. oh it just stimulates my creativity in designing clothes that i lyk again heh ;) haha nvm, perhaps another time....

recent msn nicks:
.:Non est ad astra mollis e terris via :.
so true i don't know what to say anymore.. BAD DAY..
njc archery closing :'( it's time 4 battle

a lot of things 2 write!

2008-10-20T00:07:00.005+08:00

basically i wanted 2 blog abt a lot of things (as seen below)

sometimes life brings a lot of surprises...

(potential) closure of njc archery

if i were a guy...

my first thoughts about life in NTU and the startling differences observed

matlab & MOM quiz

e-learning wk's over... n exams r coming...

but somehow i couldnt find e time :S even now i'm juz stealing time from doing fluids tut :S argh some1 save me... or give me more time in a day... ehh mebbe not, i'll prob juz slp those extra hrs away...
anyway watch hsm2 again todae on ch 5 n well, i would say it's inspirational 2 me hahaha.. or rather i shall try hard 2 get real fit n get a real gd figure ;) (hahaha bet this aint smthg u'll expect me 2 sae but... yah!) After e exams hahahaha n well in e meantime i gotta work hard on studies.. meaning i gotta keep my mood up in order 2 b able 2 study hard these coming weeks... juz b4 e exams.. oh how fast time passes.. but well, smthg 2 keep in mind, is well, 2 enjoy my uni days juz lyk those hsm ppl (though it's juz a movie n all) coz well, this is my one and only chance at uni at this age (of abt 19+) and this time definitely wouldnt come again,... soooo jiayou myself haha... or 2 quote from London from the suite life ( ;) aint i an absolute disney channel fan... i havent grown up yet hahhaa ): yay me!

ok tt sounds totally bimbotic O.o some1 i'm definitely not but well, no harm acting lyk one once in a while... it's a rare mood i'm in @ this moment i suspect.. which therefore explains my wackiness now haha... well back 2 fluids n life in well.. ntu... suffering lyk crazy but well, at this point in time, it's time 2 focus n not think too much abt that oh soo ominous cloud in the sky.

recent msn nicks: njc archery closing :'( it's time 4 battle

quizzes... n wants (rewards?)!

2008-10-07T17:17:00.004+08:00

hmm i juz luv my blogskin now, it absolutely reflects how i feel... : I seriously need 2 go shopping 2 destress/hav fun or watever... haha ... well prob coz i juz had 2 quizzes todae, one went sorta ok though it could hav been better, e other went way way bad.. wat're u supposed 2 do when u can only stare at 3 physics qns for the whole period without having any urge to write anything down... :s feels exactly lyk how i felt when i was doing phy 1 & 2 end-of-sem papers.. :s disgusting... urgh dunno whether is i didnt study enuff or wat... i noe i prob didnt prac enuff but juz looking at the >8qns / tutorial is enuff 2 make any1 dread doing it again...

oh wells, it's over, i cant do anything abt it, shall juz move on then.... guess this means i gotta work harder 4 e exams... well who wouldnt...

n i really wan 2 go shopping this friday, was supposed 2 b todae but i decided tt trng is quite compulsory so shall stop missing e wkday ones... but dere's a 230pm makeup lect for MOM on fri... :s gg after tt wouldnt exactly b early anymore :s oh wells... guess i'll wait til then before i make my final decision... though i really still wan 2 go shopping, preferably wif not so many ppl ard.. got lots of things i've gotta n wanna buy.. lyk:

1. clothes! mainly in e form of tops, shorts n perhaps dresses
2. gg out sandals? - unconfirmed coz i juz bought a pair of rubber slippers from everlast tt looks pretty gd 2 wear outside
3. MUJI snacks! - yummy... muz restock n it's really salty haha, better than MAMEE i suppose coz it doesnt hav MSG i think heh...
4. Things 4 decorating a thing ;)
5. lip gloss? - haha juz 2 ensure my makeup kit is complete
6. markers & pens - basically i'm lacking colours in my stationery! i wan PINK hahaha
7. new spectacles? - i really hate wearing specs though... but my oh-so-sensitive eyes need 2 rest
8. Mp3 player cum radio for my dear (*) - urgently required heh though i suspect he wouldnt let me pay 4 it
9. watch? not 4 myself of coz but yup... juz one of those not sure items

hmm i've got quite a few things 2 do too... revision 4 exams r naturally at e top though all e tutorials seem endless such tt dere's no time 2 do anything else... argh gotta find time, gotta make time it seems.. oh well we all gotta try..!

keeping it in is hard so i let it out..

2008-09-30T00:47:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it takes so much effort to keep myself from throwing tantrums that i juz have no more energy left for basic interactions with others.

Sorry dear for behaving sooo... hmm not gd today?

So now i wonder, issit better to juz flare up or keep it in... it's depressing keeping it in... but it's better for those ard me... hmm mebbe it juz requires practice n perhaps nxt time i'll still hav e energy 2 muster a weak smile to keep others from worrying too much. I'll also have to keep my independent level high despite my mood to make things easier for all when i'm in juz such a mood. When i'm too drained of energy, i shouldnt rely on others too much coz it's juz not right i think.. yup shall try not 2 repeat such incidents n if really hav 2, i shall learn 2 b a better person heh.

msn:
.:Non est ad astra mollis e terris via :.

keeping an open mind & doing my v best;
time to feel the breeze and walk the garden path of companionship =)

i've been an idiot enuff times rite..?time 2 stop...

2008-08-25T17:54:00.004+08:00

Sometimes i can behave so irrationally.
But 2 b honest dere's always a reason y, even if it takes some time for me to figure out.

Right now i juz feel tired though i dunno y.. been tired since i woke up, issit coz i havent had enuff slp? but my slping hours didnt differ much... my body's also aching a bit, mainly the shoulders, back n arms... thx 2 ytd's trng i should think, but it's all my fault 4 taking such a long break from trng... esp wif pesta sukan juz this wkend.. i wonder how i'll perform eventually.. difficult 2 do well so i shant hav any expectations i suppose.. i really prefer not joining this particular competition even though it's 1 of e more impt comp... =x

Been behaving quite badly these few wks.. i was temperamental, mean, rude, evil... everything bad abt me juz showed itself recently... n i was trying 2 figure out y on e bus ride home after a particularly horrible appearance of one of my many imperfections... n i deduced tt i m juz..... stressed. Such a simple word yet it could cause so many problems..
why am i stressed? the sources are sch work, my hall room n my own inability to cope wif all tt's gg on. It takes a lot out of me juz 2 understand wat's gg on during my various subjects n plus the tutorials, it juz got to a point where i couldnt take it. Naturally it's also coz i've never been optimistic abt my performance wif regards to physics, esp for this semester. I've almost lost all hope i suppose... especially after every tutorial when i can't follow what the tutor is gg thru abt the various qns. This is juz so frustrating, so agonizing in a way...

I kinda wish i was back in secondary sch? when i was much better @ handling stress though definitely not perfectly, when grades werent as impt as doing my best and being satisfied wif that, when i've always worked hard 2 not let myself down...
Now i'm too reluctant to start working hard, 2 start on tutorials... for reasons tt include the difficulty level of the qns, the complexity of the theories & eqns involved. I no longer understand wat's doing my best so tt i will hav no regrets; n tt used 2 b wat i always told myself back in sec sch.. seems lyk studies got a lot tougher.. or i got a lot weaker... I'm no longer in full control of my actions my thoughts my grades so as 2 speak.. all bcoz of stress i suppose, n my increasingly pessimistic nature... i juz wan 2 do well, from now on but tt's lyk an impossible task 2 do.. I'm so tired.

I hate that i've become lyk this despite being older, i thought maturity comes wif age..? Guess i'm not old enuff.. though i hav e feeling tt i was acting more mature in a way back when i was much younger...

I used to be proud of my ability to control myself well, 2 b fully aware of wat's gg on, 2 noe how 2 improve myself in order 2 achieve that goal of being a perfect woman hahaha... somewhere along the way i went downhill apparently... will i ever start climbing up again i wonder...

was thinking of searching 4 a new blog skin coz was tired of this one alr... not tt i blog often but well, it's time 4 a change... but searching 4 a new blog skin takes time that i do not hav the luxury of spending... my tutorials and notes await...

I used 2 b satisfied wif my performance in all aspects of my life.. now's definitely different already... I don't lyk giving up n hav always believed in the phrase 'you can give out but u can't give up'... yet now i'm close to the brink of giving up... when did i reach this stage of desperation i wonder...

Perhaps a nap will help me re-align my ideas n goals... i realise i really do need a goal so tt i can c where i'm gg coz moving aimlessly gets me nowhere... but i really hav no idea wat's ahead wat road 2 take, the many bumps in e road i left behind were nv really forgotten... how to move on if i don't let go...

I wan to b a better person, it has always been a goal of mine yet i feel as if i'm failing miserably... perhaps it's time 2 give myself a lecture n some +ve self-talk 2 refresh myself n leave behind the old me.. i really wan 2 b a new person wif much better characteristics that i currently hav n i wan 2 correct all those flaws of mine and acquire gd points tt i lack n hav always wanted but failed to achieve...

perhaps this is why i hesitated during those few minutes tt happened some time ago yet r still fresh in my memory... those few minutes when a crucial qns was asked and an answer was required...i gave my ans after choosing not 2 deliberate too much instead n juz c where this will lead me... i kinda got the feeling now tt it is coz i noe exactly wat kind of person i m n i dunno whether it's wise 2 impose myself on another being when i noe perfectly well the repercussions and perhaps unhappiness tt i could cause.

I really hope that somehow i didnt make life difficult 4 others though i alr knew tt it was a possibility those many mths ago... Forgiveness isnt so wonderful when i don't learn 2 b a better person in e process... Apologies n regrets arent as impactful as ensuring tt my bad qualities r greatly reduced or even removed along the way...

haiz so tired is my position in life right now.

Pocoyo!

2008-08-20T08:13:00.002+08:00

This was a photo of pocoyo tt i took when i was flipping channels randomly some time b4 sch started,i juz thought tt this little guy was juz too cute 2 resist;)heh anyway it's been million of yrs since i last blogged n i Guess tt's bcoz i was bz..also coz whenever i feel lyk blogging i'm not on my comp so it was juz troublesome..hmm naturally loads hav happened since then,some gd some not so but we all somehow find a way 2 get thru it n looking back juz makes us grateful tt we had company thru e difficult times n tt we could share e happier ones wif those ard us:)
hmm well i spent e first half of my hols trng 4 comp which should b considered fruitful though i didnt get any individual placing (again)but i'm glad i made it 2 e top 10places n could almost get e chance 2 fight it out wif 2 persons tied for 5th placing during nus indoor,well e key word here is almost:p
Then 4 e next half of e hols i slacked on trng 2 hopefully do well 4 accounting elective(which i didnt really so seems as though i wasted my time)but oh well tt's over so it's time 2 move on..
Yr 2 modules r really quite difficult,i'm definitely feeling e stress e pressure mainly from myself but tt's coz i wan 2 do well or at least better than where i m now but well,guess i gotta take things 1 step at a time n slowly work my way thru,think tt's e only way if i wanna survive thru these uni yrs of mine;)
Anyway archery comp is approaching fast n considering tt i havent been trng since i sprained my ankle e wk b4 sch started n my flu last wk,i think i'm way unprepared 4 it but despite it all i really cant give up,somehow i'm in 1 of e 2 teams sent n i hav 2 ensure tt i dun let myself flop coz dere r other ppl at stake here,all their hard work n trng n it's really unfair if we fail coz i havent been trng,i would feel so angry if i were them soo this basically means i gotta work hard,but well despite saying so i'm still not starting any form of strengthening exercises so i guess i'm all talk:p Haha but i cant afford tt so i better jiayou n anyway i'm reaching sch soon,gotta walk in which is tiring coz i hav 0 stamina now heh so i shall end here first:) this post is mainly 4 my dear bf who notices tt i didnt post in a long while n is prob e only one who does;)but in tt sense i'm grateful,really:)
Recent msn nicks:time 2 slow down n walk e garden path of companionship:)

Driving test

2008-05-22T23:31:00.003+08:00

failed again.. stupid driving test..

this time i seriously thought my skills were mostly up to standard.. argh blame my failure in seeing the motorcycle coming my way.. haiz..
n i still need 2 brush up on checking every direction during parking apparently..
n i hav 2 form up correctly else it'll b another immediate failure..
crap so many things despite me being satisfied wif my skills level.. hateful. n this time so many ppl noe i was taking the test.. haiz so it'll b quite painful telling every1 when they ask.. haiz, nvm that way i'll become numb 2 e pain faster ;p
i was pretty confident.. hate feeling such crushing defeat; was it wrong 2 feel as if everything will go smoothly? should hav realised that i should nv hav such high hopes of myself apparently.. guess this depends a lot on luck n the day's conditions. not to mention i thought the tester was pretty strict. oh i need 2 brush up on my // parking.. it has nv been a prob.. juz not used 2 the one in the circuit where the pole is so near the edge of the parking lot.

Haiz. nvm it's over.. i'm juz glad tt i wasnt left 2 my own thoughts 2 sink in self-despair after the test, my dear came over n waited 4 me 2 finish up wif the test n everything.. then we went watch 'made of honour' after which i was pretty much back 2 normal.. he was so sweet 2 me after e test.. hmm kind of like that treatment :P but i noe his normal attention to me is alr a lot so i'm grateful for that.. we went je after that 2 get some cooking bks from the library n cooking/baking supplies n grabbed some dinner despite me not being hungry (it was alr 9plus) n then he sent me home.. didnt sound lyk much but i enjoyed my time wif lance :P hmm the 2nd attempt for my driving test (which was also a failure) was also followed by a day out wif lance too so hmm the company is great as always :) no complaints dere.. juz tt i wanna pass n celebrate wif my dear instead of moping ard n having 2 get him 2 cheer me up n everything.. i juz wanna stop wasting time n $$ both of which i seriously hate wasting.. oh wells, it's been a long n tiring day wat wif LDP meeting in the morn at 10am followed by 2 hrs driving then the test n all so yup time 2 get a well-deserved rest! :)

some little thoughts of mine..

2008-05-21T21:51:00.003+08:00

hmm i realise i'm pretty much pessimistic wif my thoughts most of the time, failing to think abt the better things in life, always seeing things in a darker shade of light than it could have been seen in.. i noticed this a few days back while on my way to my driving lesson.. suddenly feeling as if i could see things in a better light, in a better way; be it my family, my friends, my driving lesson.. everything took on a better colour so as to speak... i was grateful for that which i have and a bit regretful over that which i don't but knowing that i already have so much n hence not being too greedy for more.. heh sounds quite deep n all but that was my thoughts at that point in time.. anyway the lesson after that turned out to be pretty bad so my mood took a swing downwards so it was perhaps gd that i had tried to make myself feel better before the lesson.. n in this incident i realise (as always) that my mood is ever-changing, easily swinging from happy to sad with the swift flow of my thoughts.. was juz thinking that i feel quite apologetic towards lance that he has to bear wif me when i'm in my moods.. throwing tempers or juz being downright unhappy... hmmm...is it a gals thing or issit juz me.. a qns i'll juz hav 2 consider but not really bother wif esp since my days are packed wif activities to bz myself wif everyday :P

recent msn nicks: '3 whole days more..' ... 'i reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some'

bitter aint = best medicine

2008-05-16T23:57:00.002+08:00

I HATE CHINESE MEDICINE; IT'S BITTER N TORTUROUS.

Hate it loads.

Detest it more n more n more!

Always feel lyk puking after drinking it & my stomach feels uncomfortable 4 a pretty long while after. urgh.

after exams...

2008-04-28T00:52:00.004+08:00

Time passes real quick and it's already the end of my first year in NTU Aerospace.. kept wondering how i was going to survive in aerospace but i guess all e yrs in ntu will juz pass lyk that so i should juz let time do its magic n use my brain on my impt matters...

the 5 papers were alright i guess, phy a killer as usual.. dunno wat's wrong wif me, having smthg against phy i guess.. oh wells i cant let this go on, gotta find a way to overcome it coz engineering is all abt phy aint it..? :S haiz gotta jiayou

basically this holiday will b spent on getting my license(hopefully), trng, special sem-accounting (yay my 1st choice! :P), worldview stuff as well as gg out n relaxing at home i should think. No chance for overseas trip partly coz my parents wouldnt let me go wif lance... haiz only 2 b expected.. though i did hope.. nvm. guess i juz gotta wait for some time first, guess it's too fast too early 2 ask. I shall learn 2 b a gd patient little girl...

guess i really gotta jiayou 4 everything.. esp studies...

recent msn nicks: i ans 2 me n only me :P , cant always hav everything u wan, tt's life.

Flight of 8 April 2008 - Black Knights glider

2008-04-09T12:18:00.006+08:00

Yesterday saw the 830 lab class having fun throwing their glider after their whole test n everything.. apparently huiwen's pink dolphin got the 2nd best distance in their class n kenneth & sikuan's glider the 'black hawk' hit the other end of the hangar though only prof jorg schulter was ard; so w/o e other 2 teachers ard 2 c its performance, that flight couldnt b counted though here on youtube, huiwen posted that magnificent flight of black hawk's :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My1XfmdCeeQ

Not bad that she managed to get a gd video of it juz when it decided 2 fly ;)

hmm the 'show & tell' session was alright, jingxin(& yonghwa, timothy, bangwei)'s group was before mine, lance's before theirs and so thankfully by the time it got 2 our turn, the 3 profs were a bit tired of asking qns :P e 3 profs were prof schulter(dunno whether spelt correctly), materials lect prof n prof yongki go (yr1 coordinator). n jingxin was a really gd speaker too, talking so fluently n flawlessly lyk he knew everything though apparently he juz saw the paper juz b4 e presentation n smoked his way thru ;) lucky him.. haha but that meant that the profs were tired of asking qns after their group alr :P yay... coz i had 2 present wif benjamin n i wasnt clear (or that clear) abt the concept n theory... lucky my part aint tt technical n the profs didnt really post much difficult qns, they didnt ask much! :D

Then for the real flight itself... it was cool :P me on e ground was nervous for kitling n yvette on b3 n b3m, think they muz hav felt worse.. whenever it came 2 our group 2 fly our 'black knights' glider (coz we pasted black knights sticker on it as supplied by yvette :p ), they'll always take their time 2 check if the tail is centre n whether the ailerons n elevators r working.. pretty cool watching them do that while the others juz fly their glider when it's their turn coz they looked so pro! lyk they knew wat they were doing which they did of coz :P heh so fun! n when it came 2 distance flight... our glider flew 2 e last pillar from the back so it's lyk 3/4 of the hangar,.. yay! :P 1st try flew that far n 2nd try juz slighter lesser than that... then after that also no one beat that distance so very happy :D
For precision, kitling controlled it pretty well such that both times landed within the 'runway' that was marked wif masking tape on the ground.. 2nd time was slightly better coz slid to the middle of the runway.. :D then the materials prof was commenting to the other profs that 'oh twice also'.. then i was walking past so v happy :D!!
hmm but gliders lyk lance's n jingxin's which were supposed 2 perform didnt really... coz lance's one broke after e 1st/2nd flight.. ouch.. unlucky.. then it couldnt fly well after it broke.. then jingxin's dunno wat changes they made 2 it coz ytd it couldnt fly at all, kept nosediving, they said one of their servo also spoilt so hmm prob combination of unfortunate things..
then after 2 tries still got time so since our group wanted 2 try distance again, i approached the profs 2 get 'em 2 watch again... n i guess all e other groups also wanted 2 try again so i was lyk surrounded a bit by a lot of ppl after i asked e profs.. lol i was lyk woah where did all these ppl came from.. hahaha... so they were all on the 'landing area' but of coz they cleared the middle area for our glider but it was alright coz.... our glider totally flew over everyone n headed for the end of the hangar!!!!!! WAY COOL! hahahahaa kitling so pro lar! he got the glider to pitch up gently everytime it was tilting downwards so it managed 2 fly so long, so far!! i saw the whole thing!! O.O it was woah........! neat man! n i couldnt stop smiling when i went 2 get it back while prof jorg marked e spot :P

Here's our glider: 'Black Knights'

Our group T2-4 and our glider in MAL!

hehe euphoria... apparently prof jorg was v interested in our glider coz after e whole thing when kitling n yvette juz went up again 2 try n c if we can fly it that far again 2 record it down on video he was on the lift up n he asked qns abt our glider :) seems lyk all e effort wasnt wasted.. pity the fuselage broke that time when we tried again after e whole thing.. nvm glued n taped it back n returned it.. anyway it's only worth if it flew well during the flight itself, imagine if all e time it was doing ok but it didnt perform during the most crucial flight then every1 in e group will b pretty sad that all e effort was 4 naught... i should think it's prob lyk how jingxin's n lance's group would hav felt.. hmm well juz glad tt it's over then time 2 focus on other more AUs subj :P yup.. torturous but gotta try 2 score... this time 5 papers only, gotta make sure i do better, else it'll b stupid 2 hav 1 less paper than last sem yet dun do better... yup. gotta force myself 2 hit e bks/notes.. lyk muz.. dun care how i might feel i juz gotta force myself.. this is e only way 2 not feel too stressed hopefully...

btw juz an interesting note.. benjamin wrote E pluribus unum on our glider which means 'Out of Many, one' in Latin.. cool eh... always thought latin was fun.. mebbe i shall go learn it someday :)

juz some stuff on my calendar n on my mind..

2008-04-08T02:32:00.004+08:00

hmm realised i totally didnt blog in march at all... always cant find time to do so, esp when i'm the biz mag for NTU Open which was in mid-march, think it was 15 & 16 march, sat and sun.. i know i had a math quiz the following week which i totally flopped in.. that time there was a phy quiz during that period which i did average only, but was at least satisfied wif it.. esp considering that i only got 1 qns correct for today's quiz, i better do well in the final exam else it'll b really hard 2 not let my gpa get pulled down by phy.. again -.- so that means i muz work hard, really hard all the way til the exams! which are actually only a week away so not much time 2 show my diligence / sloth watever.. math quizzes were ok overall since lance forced me 2 work hard for the last quiz which helped pulled up overall... but phy is smthg tt i muz force myself in else it'll b very difficult 4 me 2 turn things ard at all.. ok muz really try alr..

anyway was commenting on deb's entries and everything n also realised that she uses perfect english in her entries, not lyk me using shortform whenever i can.. dun bother to capitalise the 'i's too ... heh guess we all have our own style of noting down the little things in our life. These few mths have been hectic, they seemed 2 pass so fast.. though every mth's 28 is remembered coz it's me n lance's 'month-niversary' :) but sch work n the various activities juz keep getting in the way of us having a proper celebration.. ok fine it's me n my unfinished tutorials that keep us from celebrating properly since always hav 2 go back n make me finish my tut for the nxt day's lesson.. i can b so imprudent, foolish, thoughtless, irrational sometimes.. failing to consider this big picture by doing my tutorial earlier instead of leaving til the last min.. a flaw of mine that i'll hav 2 correct for every1's sake.. esp for mine n lance's i suppose..

hmm i'm seriously forgetful sometimes too.. forgot 2 bring tissue for lance coz his nose aint treating him well todae n forgot 2 bring the pages that i printed out for our report for management that we were supposed 2 hand up during the tutorial.. made him run here run dere juz 2 get it 4 us.. i should start carrying post-its ard wif me i think, n write down all e stuff i hav 2 do immediately instead of storing them somewhere in my brain.. apparently the short-term memory gets forgotten for a while before my memory gets jolted and i recall that dere's smthg that i failed to do.. tsk tsk, think it's too much memory work since pri sch that has reduced my brain's ability to store short-term memory well.. even the management tutor notices this phenomenon among singaporeans while our peers from our countries dun seem 2 hav this prob.. or mebbe it's juz our styles of studying.. it's time we learn from them i guess...

ok it's late, i wanted 2 watch the online lect for marketing, but felt that it's too late n i'm too tired... which is true.. was studying in yonghwa's room wif lance dear while they 2 studied astro.. argh, my fav subj but from wat i heard, it sounded pretty content heavy, juz lyk management, v content heavy too.. hmm wonder how m i gonna pass for management.. coz it doesnt seem lyk it's ez 2 pass.. crap i seriously need 2 put some work into management even if i s/u-ed it alr.. i still need 2 pass... okies time 2 rest else tmr cant wake up on time for our glider's final flight, the one that we keep practising for.. let's hope it'll be a smooth flight for our 'black knights' glider :P

recent msn nicks: never again will i.. time is of e essence!

Ever Ever After :)

2008-02-27T10:02:00.004+08:00

Ever Ever After

Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
And a secret is taught, it's our favorite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it true
Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away

Starting your fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you
Ever ever after

Though the world will tell you it's not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart
Believe in ever after

No wonder your heart feels it's flying
Your head feels it's spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through
To ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe it's just one wish away
Your ever ever after
Ever ever ever after

(I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss)
Ohhhhh , for ever ever after
[ Ever Ever After lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

Sometimes a beautiful white rose, a cherished gift and a thoughtful card is all it takes to make an uneventful day special :)

Behind these hazel eyes

2008-02-22T00:48:00.003+08:00

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

-kelly clarkson

Anger

2008-02-22T00:37:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when i'm really angry all i wan 2 do is start screaming or smthg. but i cant. it's stupid. so i force myself to shut my eyes and stop being an idiot. typing fast can be a way 2 let out this excess energy.. else blasting music will help too.. Totally blocking out all surrounding noises is the best way to calm down at times.

I have a really bad temper. That I juz barely control. If i'm angry enuff i dunno wat i'll do. i juz feel lyk crying sometimes when i cant stand it. seriously. but crying is lyk admitting to losing. Losing to yourself.

Often I'm angry coz of myself. Angry at myself. For always failing to be the perfect person i've been trying to be all my life. I really hate this. Hate myself for letting things get so bad that the only thing i can do is rage and cry over it. BUt i dun cry on the outside, not anymore. Gotta calm down. Getting angry doesnt get anything done. It juz wastes more time i guess.

My bdae present!

2007-12-28T11:38:00.001+08:00

Piglet! My bdae prezzie from Joey! My colleague/supervisor @ work (SNEC)... yah.. it's actually juz an xtra prezzie left over from xmas.. so it's a coincidence that it's a pig...

but hmm was a bit sad when at 12midnite there was only 1 sms... from DEBORAH TAY! hahahaha glad she rmbered.. but eh dere's been msges taking their time 2 come in wishing me happy bdae.. so i guess i'm satisfied :) haha silly me.. coz last yr got so many smses! @ 12 midnite some more.. this yr.. oh well, @ least thru-out e whole dae got smses so it's real nice :D I guess it's thx 2 facebk n friendster tt helped remind ppl tt it's my bdae.. which is gd i suppose.. haha.. thus my facebk wall got 3 posts wishing me happy bdae.. 1 from DEBORAH TAY! hahaha yah she's a great friend.. wish she'll relax abt results.. oh wells. yup blogging @ work again coz got 10 min break 2 slack a bit (cover reception for a while) so yah :P

xmas n e unexpected changes it brought into my life

2007-12-26T14:12:00.000+08:00

starting from christmas eve, 15 ppl msged me merry xmas! whether it's juz a simple 'merry xmas' text or a more complicated one wif snowmen n xmas trees, i'm still really grateful for them... but i regret that i didnt reply most of 'em.. was a bit bz on xmas dae.. they were mainly from ntu ppl though dere were some which came from old friends, some of whom i havent been in touch for a while.. they're so sweet :) wonder how i can thank them for rmbering me..

Anyway.. had e ntu archery xmas party @ settlers cafe in holland v last tue... unexpectedly fun. It wasnt bad on the whole.. even got the biggest gift xchange prezzie.. a penguin water dispenser from action city! haha quite lucky for me :)

Hmmm then on thurs, tried 2 shoot in e morn but it started pouring once i reached e field so obviously no chance 2 train.. haiz, i really wanted 2 shoot coz been working n missing trngs.. oh well, guess it juz means i'm not fated 2 shoot that dae.. but managed 2 borrow xiangyuan's bow! haha yay.. but 34pounds leh.. i'm gonna hav a hard time pulling it next trng..
Since cant train, went 2 shop 4 groceries wif lance, yonghwa n karen for cooking dinner in hall that evening... haha quite fun the whole cooking process.. though sometimes it got a bit boring while waiting for the fd 2 b cooked.. but anyway e fd was quite gd.. n e cheesecake that was dessert is seriously one of e best i've eaten ever! hmm but i couldnt stay out too late so only got 2 eat 1 slice of cake n play 2 rounds of uno spin! haha yonghwa seriously got quite a number of boardgames in his room.. quite an interesting experience that dae :)

Sunday! mEt up wif my Nj Archery team! though 2 persons backed out in e end, namely xiangyuan n wendy (sprained ankle again) but most of e rest turned up! hmm but hav 2 find something else 2 do next gathering.. mebbe go boardgames cafe, else it's seriously juz walk ard n stone since they're not v pro-active in striking up conversations.. most of e time it was fred n benghui talking! me being sick tried my best alr.. (been sick since wed..) 9 of us dere that dae, rach being late (as usual) by 1.5hrs -.- Anyway, weide fred benghui fangjian colin junguang louis rach n me make up e 9 persons. so glad that a lot of 'em made e effort 2 turn up.. nxt time will b a better gathering! else ppl might start refusing 2 turn up :( hmm i turned up pretty early that dae, b4 the 1st meeting time of 4pm so i managed 2 drag weide n fred ard 2 help me buy xmas prezzies! haha they gave me lots of suggestions but none were gd enuff 4 me :P not creative enuff @ least.. but they helped :D v grateful 2 'em 4 that.)

Monday was Xmas Eve! Went bowling n played mahjong wif my family.. was more of a family dae which is gd.. coz i've been gg out too much n been spending too little time wif my family. bowling i was e 2nd lousiest in e family.. winning that place only coz my youngest sis obviously is too young 2 b able 2 play properly -.- sigh, it's unfair when ur other 2 sisters r either in bowling club or was in bowling team. Still. Seems lyk i need 2 brush up on my bowling skills!

Tuesday.. Xmas dae! early in e morn received a super heavy prezzie... e box was filled wif chocolate! but i having a bad cough now..guess e chocolate will hav 2 wait a while.. wait until i get better.. anyway, went 4 kay's xmas party or rather it's actually juz her church's xmas service which she helped 2 organise @ her place so yah. (It's a family church) She forced me 2 go. Humph. It's lyk a family thing!! Still make me go! I'm so not family despite her insisting that i'm in her mg family
-.-
Shucks, totally didnt noe any1 else dere cept from lance n kay n perhaps esther whom i dun really noe in e 1st place.. (n mebbe kay's parents whom i also dun really noe in e 1st place)felt so awkward la! Humph. Mebbe it's juz my imagination but felt as if all her cousins were wondering abt my presence. All her fault. Humph. Next time shall ignore her. Urgh.. i shall make an effort 2 avoid all sort of xmas church services from now on. Though this wasnt that bad.. quite ok, made me kinda miss mg's chapel services.. much better than city harvest's service that i went 4 last yr.. Nv ever will i attend another such service under city harvest. A super bad experience. No other way 2 describe it. Urgh.
hmm but anyway managed 2 get out after lunch n walk ard her condo a bit which is ALSO her suggestion -.- n also went up 2 her place 2 visit le le n an an.. her 2 little doggies which seem 2 hav been ard for v long.. n e male one (forgot who is who) kept bullying e female one! Tsk. Hmmm then went out after that.. headed over 2 esplanade's roof terrace b4 n after dinner.. nite view supposedly better but was pretty crowded thx 2 it being a public hol. Reached home late again..11 plus.. so much 4 spending e rest of xmas @ home.. i was wrong abt that.

Anyway, 2dae! was feeling v insecure this morn.. silly me.. was on the brink of being super depressed again i guess.. but lucky me.. got a phone call which changed my mood..
anyway supposed 2 b having a p6 dinner @ ms clarity's cafe (Havent been dere in a while), venue suggestion courtesy of urs truly, hmm i hardly rmber anything abt that class.. oh well, doesnt hurt meeting up wif other mg girls whom i c ard mg sec sch anyway.. hope it'll b fun.. i so dun lyk awkward situations.. those r so not fun. N well, obviously i'm supposed 2 b working but i've finished my work for the dae.. at lyk 3pm so used 1.5 hrs 2 write all these down since i've 2 pretend 2 do work anyway.. coz my colleague not here 2 give me more work.. e office is 1/2 empty since most ppl took leave 2dae.. it's only 430pm -.- despite me dragging e work n everything i still got so much time left.. humph gotta find stuff 2 do.. n singhealth went 2 block all those web messengers lyk meebo n ebuddy n even youtube! facebk n friendster also -.- so i'm left wif extremely limited options 2 entertain myself for the remaining 1 hr..

recent msn nick: cheesecake! :D

ahh xmas xmas...

2007-12-19T00:47:00.000+08:00

been watching lots of movies this mth! haha or so it seems 2 me.. esp when u dun really get 2 watch movies during sch term... watched 'fred claus', 'golden compass', 'enchanted' and 'alvin and the chipmunks' so far... all in 1 mth! n i enjoyed e last few lots.. enchanted n alvin r seriously v v fun 2 watch..

enchanted is so funny at times but @ e end it makes u feel that in reality.. dere wouldnt b such fairytale-like endings rite? haha no idea.. but having heard from 2 persons who r single n hav watched e movie, it made them feel lonely that they're unattached.. ok mebbe not so extreme, but it definitely made e viewer think abt where their prince charming/ damsel in distress is.. n when will they appear.. sounds odd but true.. hmm i watched it wif a friend of mine so i didnt think so much.. i was juz thoroughly enjoying myself laughing my head off at the way griselle opens e window 2 call all her ehh friends in nature... lyk cockroaches!!! EEEKKK... whahahahahaaa... seriously funny.. but i noe if i watched it alone.. i would've felt lyk 'em.. felt that it's a gd show n everything.. but it will make me feel so much more lonelier than b4 e movie.. w/o some1 lyk ur prince charming 2 b dere 4 u.. 2 save u from e evils of e world.. yah.. though @ this pt in time i dunno whether 2 feel afraid or happy.. so so v afraid of getting hurt.. i'm too fragile i noe.. not sure if i could withstand any pain of any form.. any.. more.. so afraid 2 b happy, 2 hav fun. haha wat irony.

Alvin.. was super fun! They were TOTALLY Cute!! ESP theodore!haha think i lyk theodore! he's soo cute! it's lyk u'll go awwww..when u c him! n seriously out of e 3 i would sae simon n theodore stands out more 2 me than alvin.. strange but true.. n the way they dance! way awesome.. their singing melts thy heart... hahahaa.. juz plain fun!

the golden compass was part 1 of a trilogy i realised... but i was super excited when we went in 2 watch!couldnt contain my excitment, i'm lyk some small little kid who's visiting e cinema 4 e 1st time watching a movie that i really wanna watch :P haha silly me.. but i enjoyed e movie thoroughly, not a comedy more of fantasy,.. cool graphics n everything.. in my opinion e movie was nicely done!

Watched enchanted n golden compass in e same wk.. golden compass 1 dae b4 enchanted! haha wif some ntu archery ppl.. enchanted was tgt wif xmas present buying dae so yup, bz bz dae :)

i watched alvin ytd! or rather mon.. it was after my 1st dae of work so it was smthg 2 look forward 2, 2 distract myself from work.. esp since i dun lyk working @ all... hmm gg back 2 work.. nice seeing some of e ppl again.. but e work's still no fun.. but my pay was increased! so kinda still a bit bearable.. anyway lucky me coz 1st dae back n they had a sort of party in e afternoon, some1's bdae celebration so had cake sushi red wine donut(from donut factory) chocolate wif liquor inside... all juz b4 i got off work...seriously too full 2 finish everything so left e donut behind.. dere was so much 2 eat!n my colleague juz happily piling fd on my plate lyk nobody's business..but it was nice 2 slack that 1.5hrs away :P anyway.. @ least it's juz 6 daes back at work... soon they'll pass.. shucks mine only 6 daes n i'm counting down.. wat abt those wif mths left at that place? tsk me..

oh yah.. hav 2 get so many gift xchange prezzies 4 e various xmas parties i'm gg 4...i even declined 2 go for 1 party.. tt 1 muz bring $10 gift 2 xchange but that's not e reason.. haha i dun think it's too gd 2 keep gg out everydae.. though i'm pretty much doing tt alr.. n i've been shopping 4 these prezzies n not spending on myself @ all.. haiz.. oh wells.. cant b helped i guess.. @ least it'll b fun attending all these parties n meeting up wif all my friends :D

hmmm it's e xmas holidaes! i realised that i really do quite like this feeling of xmas in e air though it may not seem evident but it's present n it's nice :D n i really do lyk this yr's xmas lights @ orchard.. 1st time i'm so interested.. haha funny me..
when schooling.. perhaps e xmas-y feeling isnt that obvious cept perhaps during e parties.. but @ work, it's lyk every1's preparing gifts 4 each other! haha dunno whether it's a gd idea 2 come back 2 work during this period of time.. i better go get my colleagues some snacks 4 xmas or smthg.. cant dun give anything..tt's so not nice.. some more they giving me gifts! i muz reciprocate! haha hmm muz think of smthg.. chocolates would b gd.. better than nthg :P

recent msn nick: try then. (was really depressed when i wrote this. now feeling better i guess, juz filled wif uncertainty.. that's all.. :P )

Exam time n after :P

2007-11-27T18:22:00.000+08:00

Yay! Finally exams r over. As expected, the last paper wasnt ez. neither did i complete it in time so... there goes valuable marks. Hope i still do decently well in it.. in all of the papers. But what really matters is that they're all over so it's time to enjoy! :D

28nov wed: after aero paper had driving lesson -.- then headed down to raffles place to join deb huiwen songwei n justin @ minds' cafe 2 play boardgames :D haha even though i only got to play for less than 2hrs, but it was fun seeing how every1 became a bit crazy towards e end... muz mention tt i got LOST getting dere... for lyk 1/2 hr.. irritating... dirns werent v clear... n it sure took 'em long b4 songwei volunteered 2 come find me.. -.-" irritating... humph. Thankfully got 2 friends of mine msging me @ tt time asking me abt my papers.. they got 2 hear 1st hand how i was lost n everything.. haha thx 4 being dere (though dere's thankfully no chance they'll c this :P )... oh well. pretty fun nite n everything i guess... :)

29nov thurs: My cousin's wedding todae so went 2 their home in e morn.. then later my other cousin (his sis) painted my nails 4 me.. haha still quite surprised tt they're painted but anyway.. yah haha.. didnt really think of dressing up that nite 4 e dinner but did anyway, a bit, juz lack makeup only.. which was gd coz reached home late lyk 1230am haha yup. would've been troublesome 2 remove makeup too... took some photos that nite.. chatted lots wif my 2 sis.. been a while since i seem 2 hav chatted 2 'em lyk tt...prob thx 2 hall life bah... anyway had fun :D that's all tt matters!

30nov fri: driving test-urgh. Not enuff prac.. i knew it alr so was no surprise @ e end of it.. happily msging rach away abt it.. silly me haha... then had lunch wif a friend.. went 2 check out the singapore design festival! pretty interesting things dere! check out Brazilian architecture on 1st floor, design of marina south on 3rd floor as well as the new layout for the old supreme court as the centre of arts for singapore i guess.. haha lousy memory.. but spent super long dere! got quite a lot 2 c bah.. then nv check out e 4th floor though.. coz no time le gotta go meet kay 4 movie @ the cathay. Quite regrettable.. seems as though the 4th floor got interesting stuff.. too bad i guess... nvm... went met kay for 'Fred Claus' @ the cathay wif lance! Nice movie :D Typical christmas-y kind of movie.. but i really did wanna watch 'Enchanted'! Urgh... all thx 2 kay having watched it ALR! Humph. nvm gg watch it this fri hopefully :P should b haha.. Yay! kinda cant wait! hmm meanwhile gotta think abt who i gotta get christmas presents 4... =x this is difficult.. hopefully not so many ppl..? dunno........ oh wells. i'll figure smthg out. Anyway.. had dinner @ manhatten @ PS! Nice nice fd n place.. but queue was long too... anywayz... after dinner kay had 2 go home n pack coz she gg shanghai 4 hol so yah.. checked out christmas lightings @ orchard n reached home 1130pm :P later than wed... Oops.. but it was fun...

1 dec dental appt n trng.. great 2 c some of e archers again :D had fun! haha being silly talking abt nonsense n wat we've been up 2 n stuff... oh wells... hope every session will b as fun.. now tt trng has resumed 2 a 3 times a wk basis.. tue thurs sat.. haiz.. hope can still hav fun in between gg out n stuff!! hehe.

MSN nicks: i guess i'm not as strong as i thought i m

i cannot cannot cannot

Bored-.-

this is the life!

sit back relax n enjoy e show!

Exams... in uni... :S

2007-11-19T17:38:00.000+08:00

exams... the uni style... hmmm... so far, i've finished 4 papers... yay :D only left 2 more 2 go...

umm as deb n jingxin were saying.. we all hav an obstacle... mine would b physics n tt's over so i'm quite happy.. shall juz work hard for the last 2... last wed was math n econ... morn n evening paper... hmm quite tiring... but dere was dinner 2 look forward 2! haha dinner wif fangjing, kay, yanbing n yifang 2 celebrate ashley's bdae!! haha yah unlucky tt it's on e 1st day of exams but so glad 2 hav e dinner 2 look forward 2 :D then we could happily chitchat during the dinner! but too bad couldnt stay for long coz ash had a paper the nxt dae... so glad yifang came all e way down!! she's so wonderful!! :) but it's been super long since we met up.. humph... uni life... disconnects us 2 e rest of e world... haha the rest of our friends i mean... then after dinner stayed wif fj 2 wait 4 her friend then they walk me back 2 hall! so nice lar they! having so much fun talking 2 fj laughing n giggling away! hahahahaha gossiping lyk mad lar the both of us... v fun though hehe.. then got snacks tt nite also... in the form of ... smarties! haha... a bit erm... haha but nice all e same.. helps make u more grateful towards stuff when u juz had 2 papers in a dae haha..

nv had so much fun in a while alr... aiyo... mg friends r e best :D hahahaha... miss 'em loads... but realised tt recently i've been missing my archery team back in nj lots too... missing wendy rach... dx is here but i dun c her at all despite us being same hall.. so ironic... but yah... then iris also in faraway australia... but facebk got her! haha shall write on her wall soon.. after exams :)
hmm then dere's fred... who's always on msn but i havent talked 2 in a while.. shall chat soon... weide.. saw him came online twice!! super rare... but didnt talk 2 him coz i was supposed 2 b studying... hmmm junguang (my fellow blue fletch nj archer!) nv hear alr haha... fangjian always c online but nv talk once again.. soon soon... the rest lost touch alr bah... though they're still on my msn... haha... but i miss rach n wendy... was telling rach n she said dun worry will meet up during hols! hope so :) *cross my fingers*

umm... wat else... oh rite back 2 exams... then last fri had phy which was my obstacle paper... was feeling really miserable n horrible e nite b4... e dae b4 spent the whole dae in study room from abt 1030am until abt 10pm -.- cant believe i managed 2 stay dere 4 so long.. studying wif kenneth.. then dinner huiwen came down n ate wif us n we also ate wif muthaiah(dunno how 2 spell his name),huiwen n kenneth's friend wayne n his roomie n some ppl haha.. dunno.. then huiwen joined us in e studyroom then i got stressed so didnt do much le.. realised whole dae didnt do tt much but was ok i guess.. spent 45min in e morn chatting on e phone wif fangjing coz i was falling asleep inside! haha totally left kenneth alone in dere Oops! but i was really sleepy.. oh yah muz thank him 4 all e rides 2 sch! haha hallmate n kinda neighbour.. the time in between math n econ was also spent hanging out wif him n his friends.. haha n his program 'Game.cpp' totally entertained huiwen n deb... n impressed us all haha... but eh will tell him another time, when his ego needs boosting n not deflating ;)

anyway for phy i was juz super glad when it's over... i took my time 2 do e paper n it may seem as though i've given up hope since e 1st qns but thinking back properly, it's more as if i had no regrets coz i did my best :) even though i dunno whether i'll pass this time (yah it's tt bad) but i was juz relieved when it ended... even if i left 4b empty.. i was still glad... been a while since i felt this way.. when e rest were discussing ans i tuned out really... haha... deb n huiwen were saying tt i was quiet on e way back 2 hall but i guess it's juz tt i didnt feel lyk talking bah... was ok though haha though alison could tell i was a bit miserable, ok quite miserable when we met her at the nanyang heights bus stop.. so long nv c her alr... mebbe 1 dae can meet up n eat n chat :)
then after e paper me n deb went wif jingxin 2 JP 2 eat.. @ KFC haha... v long nv eat KFC alr bah,.. n jingxin was in e mood for fried stuff haha so we went dere... but b4 tt muz comment tt jingxin walked ALL E WAY 2 hall 11 bus stop! my gosh so far! haha he missed hall 9 bus stop totally... coz he thought tt it's hall 8 bus stop so yah he continued walking! haha cant believe he didnt complain tt it's so far.. not bad haha.. i think tt was more disbelievable 2 me than the fact tt he overshot.. haha i guess i havent met enuff guyz 2 start judging them haha..

umm then it's been computing todae... quite ok... but prob got some minor errors here n dere... hopefully still can do ok... we'll c... then stupid justin had 2 tell us tt results will come out on my bdae... great... a v nice bdae present... urgh... n he obviously doesnt rmber my name.. -.- haha but tt's only 2 b expected... i dun think i noe him tt well either... after computing had lunch wif deb, huiwen, siewhui, jingxin, nga, justin, zhirui n justin's friend.. dunno who... hahaha but yah.. lots of ppl.. ate @ quad, surprisingly got space, coz deb said tt every1 will think tt every1 else will go quad eat so they wouldnt head dere.. yah it was quite empty when we reached dere but quite full afterwards... umm then it rained HEAVILY! haha then had 2 take shuttle bus from can A n was a bit wet in e process.. then realised tt will hav 2 b a bit wet when walking back 2 hall.. then siewhui jingxin zhirui they all also coz their stop wouldnt b sheltered! haha we only realised when we boarded e bus.. some more e rain was super heavy @ tt time lor... haha as jingxin said take a shower dere n then.. after all clothes r meant 2 b washed.. -.- but yah haha...

ummm dunno wat things will b lyk in e near future.. was thinking tt life is so unpredictable, if i was told back in sec sch tt i'll b in engineering esp aero i wouldnt hav believed a word of it.. haha amazing wat life throws at u... but here, met a great group of ppl whom i believe i can call friends :) juz quite grateful for wat i hav rite now... :)

hmm then realised tt it's harder 2 get into JCs alr.. my sis' turn @ PAE n a bit troubling thinking of which JC 2 apply 2 coz muz c whether can get in... i msged ms chen my ex-form teacher back in j1 who is now known as mrs jalleh! haha anyway yup asked her n she said v hard 2 sae but even if can only half the cohort wif her score can get in bah.. so b prepared 2 b rejected lor.. hmm i even asked kay 2 ask her jc teachers 2 check out the cut-off score... well it's either nj, ac or sa... but the thing is sa is SO far away but tt's the only one where can more or less guarantee tt my sis can get in... haiz... we'll c... hopefully lady luck will smile on her :) guess i didnt realised tt it was so hard 2 get into a jc of ur own choice.. guess i got it ez for my 1st 3 mths n yet i wasnt grateful.. well i shall learn 2 appreciate wat i've got... now...

then e rest of my family juz flew off 2 china for a vacation juz last sunday morning.. then my youngest sis was being her usual rude self.. calling home at 530am! when every1 else was obviously asleep, demanding 2 speak 2 my maid n when i told her tt she's asleep lyk EVERY1 else she totally when ' r u sure a not? auntie leh!' wif the totally obnoxious tone tt told me i'm obviously not smart enuff 2 understand her... then she went 'aiya auntie went church lar' then she totally hung up on me urgh she can so make me angry. hello?! who goes 2 church @ 530am??!! irritating. @ least dere's peace n quiet for @ least a wk which doesnt really make a diff coz i'm in hall anyway. urgh. honestly. she juz keeps reminding me y i'm grateful for staying in hall... for all e wrong reasons i should think.. oh wells.

recent msn nicks:
perhaps 1 dae u might c me..not!
honoured beyond words :)
forgive your enemies but nv forget their names ;) rmber..?
我怀念的... 那不会再有的岁月...

it's time!!!

2007-11-12T02:05:00.000+08:00

Time 2 face up 2 reality... the exams r really here.. strangely they feel lyk tests... how come the sense of urgency is lacking... crap, muz b thx 2 work that i'm feeling so nonchalent towards everything that comes my way... this cannot do... i muz work hard!! i muz feel e sense of urgency!! argh... haha...

recent msn nick: hah!I knew that i noe how 2 do computing,juz whether i wan 2 a not! (wif regards to tut 11 NOT the stupid quiz tt i flopped... )

exams r here :(

2007-11-03T16:22:00.000+08:00

exams r almost here n yet i feel as if i havent gotten down 2 any proper studying yet.. crap! gotta finish all e tut n studying for quizzes that dere's no time left for proper studying! Urgh.
Anyway juz had 3 tests on thurs, phy dunno how 2 do q2 n 3 but i feel ok after e paper, same wif mat sci, @ least i got 65%,better than my previous 55%.Gotta work harder for the exams or else :( computing was the 1 that made me feel bad... haiz :'( wonder if i'll even pass... i dun wan 2 get F or D this time round... stupid me.. dere was no time 2 study 4 computing at all wat wif phy n mat sci on the same day too...
then fri met andy n timothy in can B b4 computing lect in the morn... chatting then later zhen ming joined us followed by weiquan haha... so funny how we all met each other.. andy was commenting sit dere can meet so many of us so he should sit in can B n wait 4 us next time lol.. but then dere's no more comp lect so i guess this is the first time we all met up coincidentally n also the last time at least for now ;) but yay had company b4 lect which was nice..o/w always stand outside LT waiting 4 deb huiwen mf quite boring..
also had makeup computing tut at 130..rite b4 aero lect... oh well,@ least i only left 1ex for tut11 that i CANNOT solve YET! i shall consult genius siew hui who got 100% for the quiz coz she could run the whole prog... she's gd... i really admire her brains n intellect haha :D jingxin absolutely insists that it's intellect n not brains whereas i insist that brains hav got more than 1 meaning rather than the physical thing HAHA... then siew hui broke up the 'debate' by saying that she noes we eng-pro lar... Haha... computing tut wasnt that dull ytd thankfully :)

Recent msn nicks: it's beneath me 2 do computing..y muz i do comp??oh e tragedy!
aut viam inveniam aut faciam (i will either find a way or make one)
getting too stressed...

My tarot card for the day

2007-10-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

The Chariot :
The Chariot is the representation of victory and the personality traits required to attain victory. The Chariot indicates self-awareness and control. Courage, the ability to overcome fear and confront the unknown head on, is a primary ingredient of any victorious campaign and is denoted by the Chariot. So too is force of will. Often, success is as much the product of will power and a refusal to surrender as it is anything else. The Chariot represents the healthy personality of someone who believes in themselves; someone who can take control of the situation and bring events to a positive end. Success comes in competition with others.

wondering abt characteristics that attract me...

2007-10-03T17:59:00.000+08:00

hmmm realised that i keep wishing i was back in mg or if that's really not possible, then back in nj... as long as not now, not wif my current level of awareness of wat relationships (BGR) mean and the various thoughts and feelings they bring...

Haha sounds extreme but well juz feel lyk that. Back in mg it was really innocence that i had... nj was more of ignorance and me not bothering abt wat other ppl r doing n stuff, heck care attitude, coz well, they dun matter 2 me. Wat matters was myself, my friends, my studies and my CCA. V simple focus in life. Now... it's not much different, juz that my time in nj, esp ard ppl lyk hx n mitch, really forced me 2 open my eyes n start looking ard @ potential bfs haha. They 2 were forever discussing eye candies and chiobus. Was always shaking my head at their actions... but now i'm pretty much 1 of them. Dun quite lyk how i became lyk that, feeling as if I've lost myself in the process. I juz wan 2 go back 2 focusing on myself and juz me. Even if watever i'm doing now is a pretty much sooner or later thing, i rather it's later i guess... But oh well... wat's done is done, my perception to things hav changed n it's impossible 2 turn back.

So the only thing now left 2 do would b 2 face this part of myself. This part of myself prob developed more so during my working days... working days were hard.... hard 2 pass bcoz of their tedious nature and monotonous lifestyle... realised that on gg back 2 studies, my creativity has been stifled by work.. there's not much creative juices left in me despite the fact that i used 2 pride myself on being such a person... saddened... i'm dreading the day when i've 2 face the working world, juz glad that at least i've 4 yrs in uni, in this studying envt where i relish the opportunity 2 live life to the fullest, meeting new ppl everydae, hanging out wif diff friends, experiencing the various activities uni has 2 offer n juz having a great time that every student ought 2 hav. So i think from now on i'll prioritise yes, but also try 2 not hold back anymore haha. Sounds lyk i'm turning wild, of coz that wouldnt happen, i'm v disciplined but yup, juz enjoy wat's left of my studying yrs b4 i'm forced 2 bcome a real adult, wif obligations, behaviourial restrictions and well, diff set of thoughts and values.

Facing this part of me means recognising wat kinda ppl attract my attention and gain my respect... those real nice gentlemanly guyz r definitely it. but this also means that bcoz they're so nice, u mistake them being nice as smthg more than juz friends... so yah. irritating but true. Messing wif others' emotions coz they're too nice... seems so wrong.. haha... for me, i'm kinda attracted 2 polar opposites of me somehow... dunno y but it's true... perhaps coz i dun quite lyk wat i m rite now... so i admire those wif traits i dun hav or dun possess rite now... well, bcoz they're polar opposites of me, dere's nthg 2 any kind of relationship other than juz friends.. irksome but true. Sigh. Sometimes life is so unfair and sometimes one will feel so lonely but it's ok, i gotta keep reminding myself that i've still got friends ard me, thankfully so... they're the only ones who'll always b dere 4 me :) ah, the value of sincere friendship! ;)

Recent msn nick: the world of fairytales is where i belong.illusions.

lots of things on my mind...n on my schedule

2007-09-21T17:29:00.000+08:00

These 2 wks have been quite bz... hmmm lots of things going on...

(10-15 sep)Past wk:

Had lab formal report expt n up til now still havent started on it -.- hope i can still rmber wat 2 do 4 it... last wk was also the dateline for the stupid aero proj... designing ur own airship... really crappy, coz i guess e prof was looking 4 innovative designs but my group only concentrated on making the airship work, meaning that it has zero creativity in terms of design... Oh well, @ least it's over... it took up so much of my time last wk... we met 4 outta 5 days in the wk! the whole wk rather little slp coz gotta do proj n tutorials...now i noe how biz n acct ppl feel... n i slept @ 6am on thurs nite or rather fri morn thx 2 it... my groupmates not any better also haha, one slept abt 5 n e other abt 630am haha... we all were contemplating changing course ... dun wanna do aerospace anymore... lol, apparently we all had e same idea n when we voiced it out, we realised that all of us were thinking of the same thing haha... but i guess for now we're still toying wif e idea, not serious wif it i guess... oh wells... but really, these few days keep thinking along those lines... sigh we'll c....

last sat was also my driving test, failed @ 1st try... haiz i kinda expected it coz i didnt believe that i'll hav such an ez time on my 1st try but i also wasnt confident as i juz felt as if i dun hav enuff prac yet... oh well. Not that i didnt try my best 2 pass... was v tensed b4 n after the test... during test still ok... but i failed anyway... total of 34 demerit points... 20 from blind spot alone... coz i nv check my right blind spot or so the tester said... i did, juz not enuff i guess... he said i could drive but no safety... -.- watever.@ least i noe where i'm weak at now, so will use these 4 mths 2 correct them. Yup my next test date is 7 jan... 1st day of sch, mon 430-5pm... aiyo... that was the closest timing i could get... hopefully 1st day of sch not that packed... not sure yet... was talking 2 rach abt it juz 2 days b4 the test i think... n she was telling me things 2 look out 4... guess i'm still not gd enuff... felt rather down after the test... but then cant b helped, juz gotta wait(super long) 4 e next date... hopefully i'll b able 2 pass then...

Had lunch @ restaurant wif my family b4 my dad fetched me back 2 sch 4 archery trng... go dere lyk wasting time doing bow pulling form trng... they're wasting ppl(wif experience)'s time! Not as if we juz spent dunno how many yrs doing archery 4 nthg. So ridiculous. Juz coz they started out as beginners in uni doesnt mean other ppl r beginners when they reach uni. Things r gonna change in NTU archery... haha... it should anyway, otherwise no improvements will b seen. Got 'interviewed' in the field after trng, juz a few min of questions that dun really touch on my capabilities on being biz mag, so i juz said it all myself, y i deserve 2 b biz mag, their qns werent as valid as it should b so i juz give them ans which i feel ought 2 b given when interviewing for such a position. I guess i chose that position coz well publications n internal log werent really my kinda thing, i so dun wan 2 do logistics, n yup i wanted a main comm position so biz mag was it. Some more no 1 else running 4 e position... i was asking them if an interview was still required n they were lyk eh yah... haha... i got the position in the end so it's lyk 1 gd thing n 1 bad thing came outta that day...

Then after trng went back hall 2 shower n headed out of NTU wif my 2 archery friends who're in hall 9 too... had a pretty gd chat wif 'em on my way 2 bedok 2 get 2 derrick bdae party @ island resort chalet... saw Joker dere... haha they all playing cards upstairs so i not v into cards, ended up chatting wif some guyz outside... nice breeze blowing too... haha quite fun day, bz n fun! :)

This wk (17-21 sep):

Wed was quite bz... OBS briefing at 330 then dinner n bdae celebration for fangjing at the Quad then IIC(-.-) which me n fangjing went late(past 8) n NO MORE SEATS at e back!!! So we had 2 walk ALL e way 2 e front 2 sit down in front of e speaker... that was quite bad haha... n he was almost finishing his talk alr... aiyo... but we go for IIC lyk not 2 listen one so i guess it's ok lol... then went back hall n got free donuts! Lol... archery publications head who's staying my hall my block was doing room service!! lol... was great 2 take a break from studying n gg ard wif him finding all e archers in hall 9... 4 of us in total hehe... great fun... then when i went back hall i saw kenneth at e door... haha apparently he was on his way 2 supper n saw that my room door was open, so he was chatting wif shuyu haha... then later it was juz focusing on studies.... until 2am...

Had 3 quizzes all on thurs -.- it was quite a bad day i guess haha... but i didnt hav any violent mood swings or anything that day so it's quite ok.. despite the fact that i messed up all 3 quizzes, phy n mat sci early in the morn followed by computing which was the last lesson for the day... haiz. Cant do anything now, juz gotta work harder for the next tests... but i really did study for these 3 tests, more for phy n mat sci coz computing is more of a surprise(but i knew it was coming so i wasnt surprised haha)... sigh, kinda sad that i dun get the returns i deserve after working hard... guess it's a matter of working smart too... that's not ez for me... haiz... then after that still got trng... tiring but hmmm...

Fri had the RSAF talk n saw some familiar faces lyk weiquan, andy, kennerve n even... the ntu archery capt...that was a super big surprise... almost got heart attack haha... so unexpected, i usually dun c him ard in sch n then now... lol. Was quite cool, made air force out 2 b so fun n all but propaganda, wat can i expect. Though i wasnt convinced coz of diff treatment for girls... which is natural but still... anyway, dere was Gd fd!!! haha n freebie lyk coffee bean card n usb hub... haha... then went 2 check out the mid autumn festival celebrations at yun nan garden which was quite packed, surprisingly haha... but ya... i wasnt really interested n poor shuyu couldnt really enjoy stuff coz i wasnt really n2 abt it haha... we sat ard n check out the chinese structure dere n took some photos... then back 2 hall for a well-deserved rest while shuyu waited dere 4 her friend... yup.

still ok...

2007-09-05T03:26:00.000+08:00

last wed met up wif kay fj n ash 4 dinner... kay n ash were in south spine NBS reading room and free access lab dere while i was in lwn studying a bit of computing @ 430... left 4 can 2 @ abt 530... met fj dere n ate tgt :)

thurs, 1st NTU archery PT session. was quite light i admit, coz it was raining a bit during the 1st 1 n 1/2 hr of trng. So they did form trng for the 1st 1 n 1/2 hr... n they got us wif some experience 2 go ard helping... ;) lol but ya... i didnt really helped, ended up talking 2 e snr n eh distracting her from helping e others... oops... will not b so act pro next time haha. the PT dragged until 720pm, we did circuits, but v light as compared 2 wat nj used 2 hav, n they said this was juz an appetizer anyway haha.. quite ok, 4 rounds wif exercises lyk propping urself up on the ground kind of stuff... Dinner wif dency, fel, shuyu, ki n zhiyuan! haha yah, random class guyz keep turning up. ZY was totally unexpected, dency told me she was bringing some1 along so i thought he'll b kerby but ended up it was zy... haha v weird, i was lyk looking out 4 'em in can 14 then ZY called me... i was lyk how come u're here? haha amusing. Plus he was in uniform... haha quite interesting... anyway dinner was late thx 2 my trng ending late n eh shuyu n fel reaching late... -.- lyk they so free also reach dere later than me.... no excuse lor those 2. ki came wif her friends n ate wif her friends but got sit down n talk a bit so quite ok. Ok meal tgt. when u exclude e fact that zy was bz staring ard 4 pretty girls... his head nv stopped moving left n right haha...

Fri, went home!! yay... oh yah the hey gorgeous! from channel U came to NTU n i saw fiona xie n ben yeo ard sch... during 3 hr lunch break met up wif aero proj group 4 lunch @ can B n they were dere... then went sengwah's hall 2 discuss n then headed back 2 sch 4 aero discovery course n e ch U ppl were outside LT2... so after e lect went wif huiwen, deb n mf 2 c who's the winner,... m1 n f1... ok lar i guess. better than nthg haha...

Sat, NTU org pesta sukan comp @ segar lrt area dere(bkt panjang) that's y i went home fri nite instead of staying over coz gg over from my place abt e same as from boonlay... i stayed e whole dae partly coz of fred shooting n meeting wd 4 dinner wif fred xiangyuan n wendy(who joined us suddenly when fred called her as we passed by her lrt stop)... ate @ siam kitchen wendy's recommendation... great 2 b wif my team again :) So since i stayed whole dae i asked crystal(pres) if i could dun come on sun n she said yes! :) so nice! haha, glad she understands... was so afraid she'll say no... oh well, gotta do smthg abt my attitude...

Sun (2 sept) went JE lib 2 do research 4 proj b4 n after driving lesson, stayed til 9pm when lib closed... driving was 6-730.... after research then i go home eat,.....oh well, cant b helped, coz no time 2 do work, thankfully sun no need go back alr... o/w i will b worse off...

Recent msn nicks: i've an attitude problem... my poor pencil... ;)

interview.. visitors...

2007-08-29T15:53:00.000+08:00

Definition: Humility is the state of being humble. A humble person is generally thought to be unpretentious and modest: someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others.

Hmmm... was asked this during an interview for smthg... n i was lyk err humility to me is about being humble -.- haha... and then i juz anyhow started bringing in archery... lol, silly me. Haha the coincidence is that this happened to be my msn nick now... n i told those ppl interviewing me.. i think i was rattling on... talking nonsense not really making sense haha. But i feel ok after the interview so should b alright i hope. Hope i didnt talk too much nonsense n make myself out 2 b some super capable person which i'm so not. Juz hoping that things will b smooth-gg n that matters will go my way...

Mon 27 aug, ate dinner wif mf marie deb... then headed 4 hall... was talking 2 kennerve @ nite who later asked if i wanted supper -.-" n the network here in ntu a bit lousy coz too many ppl using so i didnt get 2 reply him... then he called n asked if i wanted 2 eat prata... coz he's apparently buying... n well shuyu was suddenly in the mood for lots of junk fd (she went jp that evening 2 buy $26 worth of fdstuffs...) so she said ask him come... though i alr brushed my teeth n refused 2 eat anything else... shuyu was alr trying 2 force junk fd on me that evening alr... 12 midnite he popped by n they ate supper while we 3 juz chatted until 230am... haiyo...

so i was really sleepy in sch e next dae... hardly paid attention to the mat sci lecturer though he seems quite gd... couldnt absorb wat he was saying... wasted... then during lab i also not v alert... didnt really spot mistakes n my lab partner had 2 keep asking another group doing the same stuff as us 4 help... sigh, asked until he sianed diao alr i think haha... so we switched 2 asking the lab person who was supervising us ... haha... @ least we got our queries answered... n we ended juz past 3pm... yay lots of time 2 walk 2 computing... met mitch on e way 2 lkc n she was lyk 'yl i'm so tired... ' ya she looked v tired 2 me.. walking alone 2 her lecture... anyway so i went computing wif my 3 labmates n 1 other guy who's also in my lab but not my group... surprisingly i didnt fall asleep during computing n could follow wat he was teaching! :) yay so happy... @ least my day not entirely wasted...

evening, had dinner wif ashley :) went 2 visit her in her hall 11 coz @ 8pm she had kickboxing... yup ate at canteen 11... ok la i guess. Better than my canteen @ any rate... Then came back n did my phy tutorial! So proud of myself that i finished it... though i was wasting a lot of time juz staring @ e qns n was on msn half e time... only finished @ 1am then went 2 slp... really tired esp after e lack of slp e previous nite... oh kenneth from aero hall 9 3rd floor popped by 4 a visit coz i saw him b4 meeting ash but he was on e phone so he couldnt talk 2 me.. anyway he offered me n shuyu a ride 2 sch e next dae :D yay! haha... better than walking dere myself... but dun really noe his roomie n his friend who didnt talk 2 me so nvm 'em. Haha.

Wed, came back hall wif e intention of doing work but eh think i didnt really succeed... crap i gotta meet kay n ash @ 430 lkc 2 study.. then hav dinner tgt @ 630 coz they having some lindyhop thingy at nite... k better go rest b4 meeting 'em... even though it's alr 410pm on my watch... -.- yikes.

3rd wk of sch over...

2007-08-26T00:26:00.001+08:00

Time passes really quickly when you're studying, the 3rd wk of sch is alr over n yet i still feel so new 2 this whole system. Wishing that time could juz slow down a little to let me enjoy my time here in uni n 2 think over the stuff that i want 2 do here instead of rushing thru everything. Give me time 2 do my tutorials properly, 2 read my textbks properly, 2 understand the things i'm learning now properly... But well this is mainly my problem i believe. I'll juz hav 2 learn 2 manage my time properly, 2 quickly get back into the pace of things, 2 not waste time anymore n b lyk how i was last yr, when i could juz focus n get my things done quickly... 2 b efficient n not b easily distracted. 2 prioritize n 2 gauge 4 myself wat's really impt n wat can wait. Time 2 get back my focus again. Asap. Oh wells. I've gotta jia you.

Realised that i really do miss home when staying in hall... home is always the best of coz :) This wk of sch has been quite hectic? No more lyk busy... almost everydae dere's some activity but tt's only 2 b expected coz eating dinner alone in hall is so so so sad. Thankfully i havent had that experience yet.. was always able 2 find ppl 2 hav dinner wif me... real grateful 2 them 4 being so wonderful!

This wk... tue had the investment interactive club (iic) welcome 'tea' @ 630pm but it didnt start until abt 745pm... due 2 the large no. of ppl who turned up... found out that abt a 1000 ppl signed up 2 join iic... *shocked* it's lyk wow... so many... they had 2 use LKC-LT which is the biggest LT in NTU... haha i really respect their ability 2 attract ppl in. Esp since their subcomms don't require interviews or anything(juz higher membership fees -.-) hence the large no. of ppl signing up 2 b subcommers rather than juz members. I joined financial events subcomm despite my interest in financial controller subcomm coz i had 2 mg snrs dere n it was prob easier 4 kay, fj n me 2 work tgt in financial events. We were quite amusing that nite... dere was supposed 2 b a briefing 4 e subcommers but kay fj n i juz signed up n when every1 juz got settled down we were alr out of the LT, rushing 2 can A for Macs dinner lol... we were lyk 'srry but we're rushing off so we cant attend e briefing' n the guy was lyk oh it's ok, we'll contact you all @ a later date... haha we were lyk rushing here n dere.. coz @ 1st we were in the queue for members (which we rushed down 2 b @ e head of e queue as soon as those main comm ppl stopped talking lol) then later we found out that subcomm muz sign up in another part of the LT so we juz totally rushed dere too... haha it was v funny. That dae only really reached back hall ard 10pm after sending fangjing off @ e bus stop where she's heading back to her hall 7 after visiting my room n borrowing my dress from me :) oh wells. Campus + Hall life i guess.

Wed, Hao Wen got nite out! Haha he was supposed 2 hav nite out last wk but it got cancelled so shuyu was quite disappointed so this wk we werent banking on him really coming. But anyway he did! So we hurriedly informed mitch n fel who were sporting enuff 2 turn up despite mitch's apparent fatigue after tuition n fel's reluctance 2 abandon her og again(not e 1st time) for dinner... anyway in e end fel prob did eat wif her og.. coz she had alr eaten by e time shuyu hw n i were eating in can A. Hw dropped by my hall 1st... n we showed him our sparsely furnished room haha... he was in so formal an attire!But apparently that's the compulsory book-out attire.. quite odd..., then every1 in can A prob noticed him.. haha... met my og in can A who were waiting for the ogl interviews thing... hope some of 'em can get in!Then it'll b fun.. kinda haha. Then hw got a chance 2 check out mitch's hall too n then we went hall 6 to pick up his friend n they got a cab n went over 2 hall 11 to pick up another guy n @ e same time send shuyu n i back 2 hall :) haha no need walk back yay! Anyway hall 11 is lyk 3 min away from hall 9 only!SO close!Muz walk inside then v fast, walk along the main road quite slow. Haha i discovered the short distance that afternoon when marie they all asked me over 2 hall 11 to study tgt.. which wasnt v successful but anyway nvm tt. Quite fun that nite despite my undone material sci tutorial looming over me haha.

Thurs n Fri also got activities. Actually mon nite had dinner wif fel mitch shuyu so also considered got smthg on haha. Thurs nite had dinner wif puikhuan! who had a speech later than evening for current affairs club for main comm position... which she got!! haha she's gd! Anyway i went back hall but hardly did any work coz keep talking on msn n was dunno doing wat other things... tsk me. Then later at ard 12 i guess, kay msged me (so late!) n asked me abt a coursemate of mine, whether i noe him... haha, n since i saw her online i immediately started chatting 2 her on msn... despite the fact that i was supposed 2 b reading my notes... -.- oh wells. It was such a surprise n i was enjoying myself chatting that nite.. kay was lyk so excited when she found out that i noe him... n naturally i was surprised that my lab group mate who's also the guy sitting beside me during computing tutorial juz that afternoon is kay's relative... cousin's cousin.. haha.. v funny. N on tue b4 i met kay i was wif my lab mates in the library... so it's lyk they kinda missed each other by minutes! hah.. n i told my lab mates i was meeting a friend(who's kay) n i told kay abt 1 of my lab mate being in iic but wasnt gg 4 e welcome thing tt dae coz he go support his friend in star search... so that nite when kay invited him into the convo(coz apparently they were chatting n found out that we all knew each other..) they were happily chatting n was lyk 'Oh so that was you!' n 'so the guy that yl was telling me abt was u!!' yah... n i was feeling a bit ... it's as if i keep telling my friends abt my other friends.. hmm dunno how 2 describe, juz feel weird. But i was having fun chatting anyway so haha. So amusing how we're connected n all... n how coincidence that they juz missed each other...

Anyway, fri afternoon had lunch @ hall 14 canteen wif some joker ppl.. then evening had dinner wif mf,marie,deb n marie's friend in clementi b4 us girls headed 2 nus ucc 4 some martial arts display(10 martial arts groups)-it was quite gd actually, n quite scary certain parts coz worried 4 those ppl.. haha... it was quite impressive some parts 2 b honest. Guess i learnt more abt martial arts, was a bit reluctant 2 go in the 1st place but well... later apparently marie's friend paid 4 some tix so i kinda only need pay half price so juz go lor. Then reached back hall ard 11 showered, unpacked n juz do some stuff b4 gg over 2 marie room in hall 10 to play cards.. but anyway ended up studying half e time coz mf started teaching marie tutorial stuff... oh wells. i definitely didnt get much done that nite but it was fun.. derrick went out wif deb 2 buy stuff back 2 eat.. yum! then leilei was happily on msn chatting away... derrick later sent leilei back on his bike so it was ok us all meeting up in marie's place :) Fun actually! haha

Sat morn (slept @ lyk 3am that morn... thx 2 e session @ marie's hall) i had archery selection trials... wah found it difficult 2 wake up this morn... but had 2 pull myself outta bed... trials impt... took shuttle bus the long way n was late but thankfully they havent started yet. Went dere n juz nice they were calling 4 those ppl wif eq n experience so immediately headed 2 e field n start our 2 rounds of shooting w/o really getting a gd look @ the pretty big group of ppl who were beginners @ archery meeting dere this morn. Oh wells. Made friends wif e other 2 girls dere aside from dx n 2 guyz too. Nice ppl. Turns out 1 of e guy was a hall 9 person so he showed me n dx e shortcut back 2 hall which is really short! Next time i shall walk dere n not wait 4 e shuttle bus... Anyway the captain said that ya they'll c our scores but anyway most prob all of us will get in so no need worry haha. Though my score isnt much 2 look @ i think... prob e lowest among e girls, 470+ i think, cant rmber... Anyway,then wat's e selection 4?i seriously wonder.. Quite great feeling shooting again though i admit it was tiring..only 2 b expected i guess..hence e need 4 PT again... all of us were complaining by e end of e 1st round n we took a v long break hahaz. Had fun n that's wat really matters. Cheers 2 noeing more ppl who're hopefully friendly n nice in ntu, esp in archery.. but hmmm trng gonna b quite as intensive as back in nj so i gotta jia you... muz really study hard n well n effectively o/w sure will fall behind wif archery trng schedule as told 2 us. Gotta jia yoU!

Recent Msn Nicks: time 2 b humble, seeing red.anger fills my entire self, humility in the face of adversity.

Dreaming a little dream...*

2007-08-11T21:56:00.000+08:00

Somehow i've always imagined myself to grow up into a businesswoman, firm and confident, at times stern but always fair.. but now, i'm studying to be an aerospace engineer, with mannerisms nothing lyk the gentle character i imagined myself to hav in the above. haha strange that i've always been training myself 2 become a better person, for this dream. I guess i've always thought that my life would eventually result in the above i juz described. Yet the path i've taken now is not likely to lead to wat i've always thought will be. Me, an engineer. To be honest, i dun even noe wat an engineer does.

Imaging myself as a careerwoman, wearing business suits as compared to wat i'll become now that i'm studying engineering... wat do engineers wear? i've no idea. Engineers arent really technicians but yet i seem 2 c ppl wearing overalls covered in grease and oil as smthg similar to wat an engineer muz appear to b. wat a stark contrast. Oh wells, studying engineering doesnt mean that i'll become an engineer, i can always go into business, banking, administrative(..boring) areas even if i dun hav the knowledge n expertise of these sectors.. i can always go learn and study, if i were 2 choose 2 enter these areas. So i guess, for now, this will be my path, watever i imagined myself 2 b previously, will no longer hold.. for now.

hmm uncertainties aside, let's get on wif wat's gg on wif me these days. A friend juz told me that dere's only abt 15 girls out of the 162 aerospace students in my batch this yr. Guess we were all disappointed that the cohort is so big... so much for 'our facilities cant accommodate too many students', guess we wanted our numbers to lie in the 80 - 100s... so that we were more exclusive, we were more special. I was shocked when i found out dere were 162 students, more so when i heard only 15 were girls.

I knew that there'll b very little girls, i've been warned innumerous times by countless ppl yet i was hoping that it being the dragon girls' intake, there'll b more girls. Apparently i was wrong. But i was checking out the other girls ( ;] ) hehe n i saw hey, most of them do noe how 2 dress up, hooray for female aerospace engineers! Guess u cant really tell that they're that capable n smart from their so-not nerdy get-up. Oops i seem 2 b insinuating smthg.. we dun dress bimbotic. We dress in line with the latest fashions n trends. We noe how 2 make ourselves look gd. Haha, for our sake than for those 147 guyz. Eww, dressing up for them is an insult to us, oh well, me @ least. i guess it was interesting to see who were the other 14 girls who would pick up this course. Amazingly i alr knew abt 1/3 of the girls in the aerospace cohort. 2 were from nj, 1 was from my og and another i got to know thru friends. Haha, somehow i managed 2 find so many aerospace girls ard me. No wonder i was shocked that dere were so few girls, that most were actually ard me haha.

Guess this juz made me wonder even more if this is the path that i ought to take. Perhaps i should hav taken accountancy, assuming i can get in. A career where e male to female ratio isnt so bad, where my image of wearing business suits would easily fit in.. hmm.. i guess it's too late to consider all these again. I've already thought thru it so many many times that i'm getting a bit tired of it all. Let's juz see wat happens in these 4 yrs. I will work hard. I wouldnt let myself down for 1 thing. Hopefully i'll b able 2 cope. I do wan 2 take certain biz electives. All e best 2 me.
Let the challenge of the 4 yrs ahead begin.

MSN nick: Sometimes i really hate myself.

oooh i'm an Uni student alr!

2007-08-08T21:17:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i last blogged... as commented by my room-mate shuyu! haha.. so i shall blog now... next time i blog i hope 2 b using my new notebk! hopefully it'll b of gd quality n wouldnt spoil or anything.. hmmm lots have happened since my last post.. fantastic 4 was great and we all had a good though short chat over dinner b4 the movie.

Found out that huixian is gg nus mech eng.. even though she got accepted into ntu mech eng.. isnt ntu better in terms of eng? oh well, her choice :) not mine hehe.. hmm realised that these 6-7mths break after JC passes really fast esp the last mth,...though when i was in the midst of it i wasnt enjoying it thx 2 work:( all work's fault! humph... haha.. anyway suddenly i'm alr a ntu student, a Uni student! Guess it only sank in after my first dae of sch.. which was boring come 2 think of it haha.

Anyway, should start from the beginning.. had dinner in mid-july wif yushu, fel, shuyu, mitch they all... haha fel was lyk how come yushu? then i was lyk 'coz he wan this outing.. mebbe coz he v long nv hang out wif girls alr haha' oh wells. had fun tt evening anyway..

Then 14 jul sat was my last dae of work! lyk FinAllY!! haha been waiting 4 this dae 4 quite a while..not that work is distasteful or smthg, in fact i learnt lots in work n even had fun sometimes during work.. but work 2 me is smthg nv 2 b loved i guess.. coz it's always routine, always lyk that. No matter how many mths hav passed, u're actually still doing the same thing n it's not fun in that sense..

Hmmm the wk rite after ending work was Camp Insinyur,... Engineering Camp in other words. When i was in camp, i seriously couldnt wait 2 get outta it. Guess it was that bad 2 me.But now that camp is over, looking back, i guess it was fun... coz looking back u'll only rmber the gd things n forget the other not so wonderful stuff that happened... n since i only seem 2 rmber 1 or 2 stuff abt camp (the last 2 daes of camp actually).. guess camp was mostly not fun for me when i was in it. haha.. anyway, seems lyk my orientation group (og name: Joker) is only enthu after camp lol. They keep having outings these days! which is rather expensive... i've been 2 abt 3 outings so far and they've had abt 5-6 so far. realised that if the outing drags too long, i'll get bored.. n wouldnt b contributing 2 their discussions.. meaning that i'll b quiet... n i kinda feel that i dun really click wif these ppl.. hmm they laugh over things i dun find that funny.. hmm haha i think i'm juz being silly.. they're nice ppl la, juz perhaps it's coz i'm more comfortable wif some ppl in the og as compared to others.. but i can easily integrate myself wif other ppl i think.. juz whether i wan 2. Think they're gg watch fireworks tonite but no thx.. muz save $ now that i'm staying in hall n arent they tired of seeing each other so often?? lol, well i m even if they're not.

My 2nd dae of sch was the first nite that i've stayed in hall haha. n the only nite i'm staying this wk hehe, coz got so much reason 2 stay at home than in sch..haha...but hmm hopefully next sem my timetable wouldnt b so bad o/w i would b wishing that i'm still staying in hall or smthg.. eh mebbe not used 2 e bed in hall yet so i found it hard 2 fall asleep... shuyu also haha..she was awake alr b4 me... but hall life is really boring w/o internet connection, w/o a notebk.. hmm cant wait 2 get mine.. but cant rush these things haha. Eh guess hall life is also boring when u dunno any1 else in hall aside from a handful of ppl... that's the result of not gg 4 hall camp but hearing the description of other ppl's hall camp, i'm not really sad that i missed mine haha.

Hmm guess it's gd that i went 4 @ least 1 of the camps, made friends dere, esp aerospace ppl.. haha, i need 2 noe some of the aerospace ppl b4 starting sch! impt esp when i cant seem 2 find any1 else 2 go 2 lect wif me... hmm when tutorials start next wk it's gonna b more difficult..hmm we'll c how. Anyway, todae's national dae! yay public holidae! haha n of coz muz wish singapore a happy bdae!

Went shopping wif mitch after lessons ended yesterdae. mitch's lesson ended at 130 while mine ended at 1130 haha.. but we only left sch at abt 3 thereabt.. was taking my time 2 get my stuff from hall b4 gg over 2 mitch's hall (4) 2 meet her. She was supposed 2 do my hair but upon inspection, her professional advice was 2 wait @ least 1 more mth 4 e highlights 2 fade more, 4 my hair 2 grow longer b4 i get her 2 re-do the highlights.. but she'll trim n cut my hair for me this sat i think.. assuming nthg goes wrong.. if anything crops up then my hair will juz hav 2 wait again haha. So since mitch wanted 2 go shopping 4 clothes.. i went wif her.. was in a pretty ok mood i guess haha. We went to cathay cine dere 2 check out the shops coz mitch saw smthg tt she wanted but changed her mind after she had a gd look @ it.. hmm then we saw this shop selling cute toys n bags n stuff dere.. neat! haha bet fel would love the toys dere n i'm sure cindy would luv the bags dere.. should tell her of that place, hmm but the bags rather ex.. oh well, cant expect anything less from a shop dere. Then we took bus 7 from centrepoint to bugis. mitch carried my bag 4 me in the bus coz my shoulder was getting tired.. so nice!! haha muz thank her somehow. Mitch's the best! hehe..

We went bugis street n i saw a top that i really like @ first look so i got it for $23 instead of $25 coz the auntie give me cheaper price haha.. first floor really can push price down.. muz look lyk u really lyk the top i guess haha. Then we went 2nd floor n mitch bought 2 shirts n a pinafore thingy.. she had a fruitful dae todae i believe haha. Then abt 620 dereabt then we left the place for home. Hmmm had a gd time todae, shopping n talking wif her.. n we're gonna hav a s15 girls @ ntu dinner on mon! Fel, wingy, kiki, dency, mitch, shuyu n i r all studying in ntu n all staying in hall! so we should meet up :) yay...

haiz for now need 2 go do tutorial alr.. fri morn i'll go library n print out my notes n tutorial... since printer at home not gd.. hopefully not so long queue if i go early. My nj snr i met in my og who's yr 1 aerospace eng too has alr done his phy tut... i better go start on my tut... honestly, it's only the 1st wk of sch! n the 1st wk is not yet over! haha.. oh wells.

Recent msn nick: time passes, life happens. i'm mean by nature. bcoz i've been hurt once.

Today's coincidences

2007-07-10T20:14:00.000+08:00

Today is really a interesting day. Met steph from sec4a1 whom i havent seen in >2 yrs. Met her on the train, she was boarding at buona vista n i was in the same carriage... haha @ first i thought she couldnt recognise me.. i was lyk, hey steph, do u recognise me? She nodded lol, coz we were separated by 1 person in the train so yah, a bit weird to talk as if the person blocking us wasnt dere. But we got 2 chat a little bit, found out she's gg nus econ.. haha she did look lyk an econ kind of person... She was heading 2 Marsiling which was quite far...

Anyway, upon disembarking from the train... as i was walking to the barrier,i saw cheryl!From 4a2 n also nj 05s17..haha she was gg 2 the ticketing office to get refund for her card... but yah interesting! Saw 2 ppl i noe with a min of each other.. haha coincidence.. both mg ppl.. n i was juz thinking (after meeting steph) that it'll b great 2 go back 2 sch n c every1 we noe again... b4 we go out into the real world n really start working.. when we'll most prob lose contact w/o much chance of doing much abt it.. In uni we can still more or less c some familiar faces if not all n maintain the relationships. I'll b satisfied, to c some old friends again :)

blogging @ snec ;)

2007-06-19T16:16:00.000+08:00

I'm currently blogging from...WorK!! Haha, previously couldnt access either friendster or blogger coz the network prob blocked entry to such sites.. i would get re-directed to singhealth.. but now.. :) coz i'm using the notebook n surfing wireless using wireless@SG... was falling asleep n so decided to try opening these sites for fun..n yay, succeeded heh. Cant use desktop but at least their notebook works... but only when it wants to detect the signal for this wireless network... it totally refused to co-operate wif me this morn when i keep trying 2 connect.. n then when e perm staff used my temp table 4 a while, i saw tt it was working!It's lyk so temperamental. Biased too. Well at least now i have access n m slightly more awake..

Been ages since i last blogged. Lots happened since. Deciding on aerospace eng but actually m still pretty uncertain abt my choice.. dun really lyk how i'm feeling towards this prospective career of mine but i dun hav a choice.. in that sense of the word. N i've been alternately feeling excited n dreading entering uni.. 1/2 feeling gd tt there's 1 mth left 2 work, but it'll also mean uni entry is approaching n tt doesnt give me a gd feeling.. feeling excited coz of hostel living, but not looking forward to the assignments and examinations that comes with going back to school again...been playing the sims 2 university expansion pack so i've been comparin my future life with the life that the sims r living..hence the mixed feelings abt uni.. it looks gd, seems interesting but then i dun wan 2 get my hopes up too high..anyway, i've been hearing news abt the aerospace industry in singapore,fbeen eelin tt my future might b gd then the feeling is gone when i hear tt no matter wat, rite now, it'll b a small industry, main focus on maintenance,... esp when i'm more interested in the design component of aerospace engineering.. we'll c.. wat happens... in the future..

Later i'm meeting shuyu, mitch, hx n fel for a movie: fantastic 4:rise of the silver surfer.. hope it's gd... however hx not feeling well so she's only joining fel n i for dinner... oh well, hope that the 5 of us can still hav a gd chat despite the movie being at 740pm..PS, dhouby ghaut. Been a while since we've met up wif hx.. let's all hav a gd time together tonight:)

NTU B.Eng: Aerospace Engineering

2007-05-12T18:57:00.000+08:00

NTU B.Eng (Aerospace) : Nanyang Technological University, Bachelor of Engineering (Aerospace Engineering)

Time to make a decision, went for NTU School of Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering (MAE)'s tea party at Meritus Mandarin Hotel beside cineleisure juz now in the afternoon 130pm. I was late... as usual, lol, the reception area was devoid of potential students, only all the NTU staff dere... eh, they were real nice abt me being late though they did comment tt i was late, lol. Traffic jam not my fault wat. Feel as if i didnt really learn much abt aerospace eng programme... it's lyk the suntec talk... but hmmm i did realise that Mech eng is interesting in terms of their course content, erm more lyk their programmes lyk the overseas exchange prog...but their profs werent as passionate as the head of Aerospace eng... he was real convicted and proud of this brainchild of his and he has reasons to b proud. haha i got the feeling that he was trying hard 2 not seem as though aerospace is better than mech... but i think his passion is contagious... met a student of his previously at the NTU open House who was real enthusiastic abt aerospace,... real confident in his abilities too. I think it's such ppl who manage 2 attract ppl into their courses.. no matter how attractive the course may be, w/o such ppl promoting it, it's nthg. When i was dere, realised tt the 1st batch of graduates of aerospace engineers r not out yet... tt in this way the course may not b too attractive, but the prof meguin (i think) promoting it believed in its potential n was convincing in that aspect such that i feel aerospace has a future, esp in Singapore.

But i noe, really noe, that i dun lyk all of wat aerospace eng is offering me, i was checking out their exhibits n stuff, n realised that many technical aspects and really physics stuff which is a part of aerospace isnt smthg tt i'll like. At all. But hmmm the area of aerodynamics doesnt seem too horrible. And i was really interested when they were talking abt flight simulation and how it's used 2 check stress on the materials of the parts of the aircraft... Perhaps this will be enough to get me thru this course... 4 years direct honours prog... i was thinking i'll hav 2 do very well if i wan a gd resume... but i also noe that it wouldnt b easier than in jc, where my grades (esp phy) were only average... and that i gotta work very hard, at least try very hard if i were 2 even hope 2 b satisfied wif my results... haha, i'm pretty much facing reality, i wan 2 b the best but i noe my own limits. So wat should i do? My conclusion for now is to juz accept it, as i've accepted entering nj, as i've accepted entering jc n taking up pcme... i can only accept it now as there isnt any other option anyway. Perhaps it's meant to b. Hence no point getting so frustrated trying 2 decide if i wan this. Perhaps it's not smthg to be wanted, but smthg 2 b expected, 2 b accepted w/o much deliberation, perhaps this is fate. Since this path was given 2 me, y not take it? After all my parents think tt specialising in smthg lyk this is better than i take up accountancy which is rather common... wat wif having 2 compete wif the large pool of accountants in developing countries should they come over 2 singapore... haha i'm digressing.

Sigh. It seems as though i've a choice but i guess in the end i dun really hav any. This is as if the govt has chosen a path 4 u n all u've 2 do n can do is juz 2 take it. although in this case, obviously e govt didnt choose 4 me, i chose 2 put aerospace as my 1st choice, n acct 2nd, so it's pretty much my choice. Juz tt i feel as if i cant really choose anymore. Which is true. Haiz, i cant think thru this properly..

MSN Nick: Alis volat propiis(She flies on her own wings). Gotta think this thru.

btw. got real pissed off by the stupid irksome horrible driving instructor todae. Idiot. It's not my driving's tt is bad, it's his teaching. Crap shit him. Hope he had a horrible ride. I'll show him tt i'm gd. It's juz him. Wat crap. How dare he sae not once i let go of the clutch smoothly. SHIT him. It was so smooth 1/2 e time. N how dare he try 2 slp while teaching me. Made me real angry. Mebbe tt's y i drove badly todae, of coz his interruptions n comments didnt make things better. Wat a lousy instructor. Mebbe i should've juz crashed his car. Would hav been fun. HUMPH. shant let such a loser get on my nerves n affect my mood. it's sundown, time 2 forget it all.

Little surprises in life~

2007-04-25T23:35:00.000+08:00

wed, 18 apr: Turns out that life indeed has got little surprises in store for us, just round the corner.. wed, a colleague (perm staff) was treating every1 2 donuts she bought from some shop in vivo.. n juz when i was thinking abt donuts these days too.. hahaz.. rather ok.. but i feel the bakery near my home sells better donuts.. the chocolate-flavoured ones at any rate. But hey, who would reject free donuts! ;)

thurs, 19 apr: Todae, thurs was even better... at least at the end of the day.. ended work at 6pm instead of 530pm coz i wanted 2 finish up some work b4 leaving.. and seemed 2 b leaving on the dot at 530pm the previous 2 daes.. b4 all the perm staff..so felt quite bad.. hence decided 2 stay longer todae.. Anyway, went downstairs 2 wait 4 my company home.. n after walking 1 round in the lobby/1st floor.. i decided 2 take a seat.. n seated myself at the seats area beside the security desk (Kinda flopped down.. nvm)... N was surprised when the girl seated dere said hey:)... turns out tt she's my friend.. ex-temp staff at snec, she came back 2 visit us..surprise us 2 b exact! hahaz! i saw a person sitting dere but i didnt recognise her... coz she cut her hair.. from long hair to shoulder-length... saw her on mon but ya.. still not used 2 it yet..anyway i was really shocked 2 c her dere.. then she said she brought donuts.. from Donut Factory! Apparently she queued for 2.5 hrs!! Since 12noon! then she went home n cut it into neat little pieces b4 putting it in a tupperwear n coming down 2 let us eat!! How sweet can she get?! She's juz wonderful :D And the donuts were nice!! Totally worth its reputation! hahaz, somehow i got 2 taste the donuts despite thinking tt i might not hav the chance anytime soon.. little surprises in life indeed.. hmm but us temp staffs (used 2 meet up after work b4 heading down 2 e mrt station together) no longer meet up after work 2 go home together.. so her coming here meaning 2 surprise every1.. turns out tt there's only the 2 of us down dere 2 b surprised.. but thankfully, another 2 of our friends were still working upstairs coz i called 2 check n said ok so we'll go 1st.. haha yupz, then i put down the phone n said let's go up! ;) hehe.. so we did.. n surprised them wif e donuts! there was rather a lot so there was more than enuff 2 go ard.. :)

Hmmm was told sometime ago by my sis on how a neighbour of mine.. some1 i havent seen in close to 10yrs despite him living opp me(oops.. ;]), he apparently saw my youngest sis at our void deck one day after sch n came upstairs 2 tell my dad tt she was downstairs(coz my maid forgot 2 fetch her..) despite him being on his way out.. meaning he was downstairs then he came up specially 2 tell my dad b4 gg off for wherever he was headed b4 he saw my sis downstairs.. hmmm my dad totally couldnt recognise him n thought he was some friend of mine looking 4 me or smthg Lol.. well i guess he's a friend.. an old friend whom i havent talked 2 in ages..anyway, the thing is he ran the risk of being wrong abt my sis being forgotten downstairs.. as in he assumed tt my sis wasnt supposed 2 b down dere alone.. lol, true but anyway.. hard 2 explain, juz find tt he's not bad at all.. saw him juz last sun when i went out wif my family.. apparently my dad saw him gg out wif his mum but haha, we saw each other at chinatown! Such coincidence tt we were all gg out n headed 2 e same place n actually meeting each other dere! Hahaz... totally cool 2 me.. but the thing was tt i really really couldnt recognise him at all.. he's a far cry from his kindergarten years... he used 2 b real skinny, now he's not, though he still isnt v tall ;) but ya, he only looks a bit lyk the guy i used 2 noe 10 yrs ago.. or was it 13yrs? haha.. hardly look lyk at all. Anyway am real grateful to him for tt.. kinda wish tt we're at least still friends, on talking terms, find it a pity 2 not hav such a nice person as a friend, hmmm we'll c how things go in e future.

Was thinking back 2 archery stuff a while back n rmbered once, during the sembawang (small-scale) comp, while we were shooting, there was this scene of small leaves drifting off the trees in the wind in the distance while some of my team-mates n i stood dere watching, it was a scene tt u cant really capture on camera.. partly coz we didnt hav a cam at tt time.. anyway,.. it's better in memory than on film.. at least wif an average cam.. anyway ya, that was a beautiful picture, witnessed wif wonderful friends.. ah, such simple pleasures of life.. i'll forever b grateful for.

wolf quiz

2007-04-25T23:30:00.000+08:00

What kind of Wolf are You?(with
pics)

You
are a Gray Wolf! You hunt in packs of 2-6 wolves and are very strong,
brave wolves. You are one of the most popular wolves probably because you all are
fast, smart, and unique animals!
Take this quiz!

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wat's wrong wif me todae...

2007-04-17T22:15:00.000+08:00

haiz suddenly feeling v down. lyk wat's wrong wif me todae? perhaps coz of todae's events.. everything finally sinking in or smthg... the full impact of wat i did. hmmm todae wore blue top plus white skirt. n during lunch it got dirtied!! by sweet n sour sauce. i didnt lyk e sauce 2 begin wif but i guess it's juz fate tt i decided 2 let e auntie put it into my fd todae... n it got spilt on my clothes!Damn. Hurriedly ate finish n immediately headed 2 e toilet 2 clean up as much as i could. Thankfully by e time i'm done, e stain wasnt easily visible..i'm so gonna b more careful wif fd if i'm gonna wear light-coloured clothes again.. was alr being extra cautious todae... mebbe coz too cautious.. n made it worse. HAIZ. dunno dun wanna care.

Then coz i was acting stupid n got teased abt a so-called eye candy whom i only saw once... a glimpse... puh-leeze. My fault for acting lyk a pure bimbo n a brainless fool. Then tried 2 sa jiao 2 my relative 2 get him 2 buy donuts 4 me... lol, i am an idiot. Didnt get my way n got talked 2 in a condescending tone. Dont PatroNise Me!! Urgh. Hateful. Talking abt me who's hateful. Lyk wat's wrong wif me todae. Idiot, fool, twit, bimbo, pig, Argh.

Yesterdae went 2 e temp chinatown market (hawker centre) 2 hav dinner coz of a colleague's bdae... fd was ok. Then we went esplanade mall for chocolate drink... as in the whole place specialise in chocolate drinks... interesting concept, drink was ok, juz tasted lyk normal hot chocolate. Shall try something more special dere next time. But gg esplanade made me feel nostalgic? Dunno, hateful feeling. Lyk y am i forcing myself 2 rmber memories which will only make me sad now.. juz coz i feel it's expected of myself 2 feel down, 2 rmber stuff lyk all those drama serial ppl??! I'm crazed. I am a twit. Idiot. Crap. I'm stupid. I'm stronger than this. I know I am and I'm not a fool 2 begin wif, why start now? I think i shall go study 2 occupy my mind or smthg. Honestly, muz b coz i got nthg 2 keep my mind busy wif. Wish i could turn time back... these few daes keep wishing i could press Ctl+Z... Undo... but realised tt this is reality, i cant change wat i juz did, i cant undo wat i juz did... n i'll juz hav 2 do everything e hard way. There's only one chance in all that we do, now i really feel it. Really. Ah regrets.

Anyway, i was thinking, y am i even forcing myself 2 hav an eye candy in e first place? this stinks.. juz coz friends ask if dere's any shuai guyz ard i muz go purposely find? Am i stupid or wat. Dun care, i dun wan any eye candies in e first place n i sure dun wan any now. Haiz. juz let me turn back time 2 JC or sec sch.. anything but this horrible period of time i'm experiencing.

Ok, Enough, time 2 b more optimistic n forget all tt juz happened. Let time cause all these 2 fade.. fade away to nothingness.... it'll b for e best.

Recent msn nick: appearances r deceiving, ppl r not wat they appear 2 b, 2 dream a fairytale romance, 2 dream a fairytale, cease dont juz dont, dont patronise me!

quizzes..

2007-04-11T21:47:00.000+08:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have low agreeableness.
Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all.
In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted.
And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is low.
You're a pretty conservative person, and you favor what's socially acceptable.
You think that change for novelty's sake is a very bad idea.
While some may see this as boring, many see you as dependable and wise.

The Five Factor Personality Test

You Have Low Self Esteem 36% of the Time

Generally, you feel pretty darn great about who you are, even when you mess up or fail.
Occasionally, a huge setback will make you question yourself, but you pick yourself up quickly.

How is Your Self Esteem?

Your Inner Blood Type is Type A

You seem cool and collected, though a bit shy.
You are highly driven and a perfectionist, but that's a side you keep to yourself.
Creative and artistic, you are a very unique person who doesn't quite fit in.
People accept you more than you realize, seeing you as trustworthy and loyal.

You are most compatible with: A and AB

Famous Type A's: Britney Spears and Hilter

What's Your Inner Blood Type?

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

You Are a Mermaid

You are a total daydreamer, and people tend to think you're flakier than you actually are.
While your head is often in the clouds, you'll always come back to earth to help someone in need.
Beyond being a caring person, you are also very intelligent and rational.
You understand the connections of the universe better than almost anyone else.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Your Dosha is Kapha

Calm and grounded, you are not prone to mood swings or anger.
However, once you do get angry, it takes a lot to cool you down.
You tend to think a little slower than most people, but your logic is astounding.
Overall, you very loyal and trustworthy. You're not scared of being who you really are.

With friends: You enjoy their company, but often listen more than talk

In love: You crave connection and affection. It's hard for you to be single.

To achieve more balance: Exercise vigorously (especially in the sun) and let go of attachments.

What's Your Dosha?

Your Love Type: ISFP

The Artist

In love, you feel deeply and experience intense emotions.
For you, sex is serious. It's how you best express your feelings.

Overall, you are laid back, warm, and a good listener.
However, you tend to seem lazy and disinterested sometimes.

Best matches: ESFJ and ENFJ

What's Your Love Type?

what are you looking for in a relationship?girrrlz [awesomely awesome pix]

you're looking for a soul-mate. someone who knows you so well, you couldn't imagine your life without them
Take this quiz!

Quizilla
Join

heh was kinda bored during work n also suddenly quizzes seem 2 appeal 2 me. Had lots of fun taking quizzes! :D

2007-04-04T20:39:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: December 28

You have a Type A personality so big it makes other Type A's shrink away in shame.
You never shy away from adversity - and you love to tackle impossible problems.
Failure is not an option for you, and more than a few people are put off by your ego.
You tend to be controlling, and you hate leaving anything up to chance.

Your strength: Your bold approach to life

Your weakness: You don't accept help

Your power color: Bronze

Your power symbol: Pyramid

Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Was reading thru a friend's blog n saw this n decided 2 try it... interesting outcome..

Anyway, when reading thru her blog,realised how mean i was/am, dunno... insensitive 2 others' feelings... esp wif the words i say. She wrote smthg down on her blog, smthg tt i said... n i realised it was a rather mean thing of me 2 sae... though she wrote thx as wat i said apparently woke her up 2 e need 2 b a better person n all... but it was evil of me all the same. N i thought i was always careful wif my words. Guess i thought wrong. Anyway, life's ok. First day of new job, was super late... haha, typical of me but honestly, 1st dae of work, tsk.

Was missing yijia n cindy lyk crazy... wat wif a new envt n strangers all ard. Of coz i made new friends... ppl dere r juz as nice but well, cant help thinking abt my ex-colleagues n dearest friends haha... Work's ok. After all, there isnt much gd stuff tt a temp staff can do lol... happening colleauges make e place better heh. Dinner outings is something 2 b expected, on a wkly basis, heh. Going out wif friends after work is of coz even better! Watched stomp e yard recently, similar 2 step up. But cool nonetheless. Pity fred didnt get his movie outing.. i still got 2 watch e movie in e end which is gd 2 me :)

Anyway, saw this in an email n thought the advice is gd:

Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive, not 2 c but 2 understand, not 2 hear But 2 listen, not 2 let go but 2 HOLD ON !!!!

Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because theone You like will leave you for the one they love.

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much heCares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's Her."

Pretty interesting advice(it was after a love story..chain letter style so ya). Anyway, rite now, for me, it's time 2 make friends n hav fun! :D My heart shall b warm 2 friends n family only :)

Adapting to changes aint easy...

2007-03-28T20:03:00.000+08:00

Just started my new job... at singapore national eye centre... as temp HR assist... but i'm not really working in the HR dept yet... soon i will... after i'm done wif my work in some other dept... coz i'm a temp staff, who can b borrowed by other dept to help them do stuff... kinda reluctant to adapt to changes again when i shift to another floor... juz when i'm getting used 2 the ppl and the work... haiz. Hope that it will b ok. That the job will b ok. That the ppl will b ok. i guess the job is the more impt factor... esp considering that i'm gonna stay for close to 4 mths in that place. So far it's been alright... but i dunno what it'll b like once i shift to another floor... rite now i'm on the floor where all the doctors' tables r at... but they're hardly in coz they're always in their clinics... so the place is rather peaceful n quiet, not tt many ppl despite the many tables ard. the HR dept will b diff, it will b full of ppl... n rather a smaller working area as compared to the floor i'm at. Oh well. We'll c.
Sometimes, when there's nthg 2 occupy ur mind wif, no studying n all... u'll start wondering abt the uncertainties of life. Abt wat i'm doing now, y am i doing it, the pointless-ness of it all.. n wat should i do instead... but there's lyk nthg that i can or need 2 do... in that sense, i guess being a student is the best. Sch will always b on my mind, occupying my thoughts n keeping me from thinking abt life's purpose-which can b rather depressing at times. Well, my colleagues rather happening, going out for dinner on mon n thurs this wk, only my 1st wk of work n alr i can witness their enthusiasm in making work livelier ;) heh. Fun..

friends- u all make life worth living!

2007-03-21T20:43:00.000+08:00

It's been super long since i last blogged. Lots has happened since.

Finding a job. Start of 1st job. Getting to know new people aka colleagues. Release of the 'A' level results. Emotional Upheavals. End of 1st job. In search of a 2nd job. Learning driving. Keeping in touch with old friends. THinking abt my direction in life; my future career and hence my course of study in uni. Which uni and whether i can make myself study science again... or should i take something totally different.. Lots of things weighing on my mind.

But anyway, despite all these, i want to thank everyone who's been dere supporting me thru this time...
my dear s15 class girls: shuyu,fel,xt,mitch,
my ever-wonderful archery girls team ppl: wendy,rach
n even my colleague yijia:)
n also those who've no idea y i'm so depressed/troubled but were dere all e same..like fred n esp cindy my colleague n potential travelling partner! ;)

i kinda wish that i'm back in sec sch or jc where there isnt so many things to consider, to decide. Where hwk is usually the only thing on my mind, with no other crappy stuff to worry abt. I dun want 2 grow up. i finally realise how horrible it is to have to work to get income. Work is tiring. Though studying is too, but at least i learn loads in sch, so much more than in the working world.. and it's more fun in school than in any workplace. To me.

Now tt i've finished my 1st job, I thought i'll enjoy the freedom that i'll get from not working.. but instead now i'm worrying abt my expenditure, esp when i'm not having any income.. n i seem 2 b spending more these days... coz i hav so much time on my hands.. haiz. but i definitely need 2 b paid more 4 my next job. i need 2 pay my sch fees 4 gdness' sake. but i cant b too picky either. crap.

Been wanting 2 blog but nv really got down 2 getting it all down. Doing this to thank all those who've been dere n is still dere 4 me :) thanks ppl.

wat's been up so far..

2007-01-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

well... 3 dec was grad nite... a month ago.. was quite ok, better than e baccalaureate service at any rate. Took some photos. Cam wasnt really co-operating though. nvm got a few pix is enough. e diff between this n sec 4 is well, e ppl i guess. When i went dere, no one was familiar n i had 2 seek among a sea of unfamiliar ppl 2 find those whom i noe. e prog were ok. there was post-prom but i didnt go. was lyk 1120pm ard dere.

hmmm... then since then... there was e shooting club chalet... which i went n still dun get y i went. It was pure ugh. lyk go dun go obviously doesnt matter. a member's presence is hardly impt. y did i go... i still dunno. e only gd thing tt happened tt day was me getting a job. Agent called n was picked lyk a few min later... was so happy 4 tt short time. hmmm was fun seeing mr tiew again. thx 4 fetching me outta e place again. didnt stay long thank gdness.

then ever since i started work on e 18 dec... was rather tiring e first wk. first wk worked 5 days. 2nd wk worked 4 days.. thx 2 oh wonderful christmas hol! then 3rd wk which is this wk.. worked 3 days! Rawks man! haha... n i've been busy gg out after work these 2 wks! haha! i think it's e gg out after work tt makes e day bearable :) met up wif s15 ppl, mg ppl, archers, even hc ppl! Things were cool. lots of ppl celebrated my bdae 4 me.. so happy! it's juz so great knowing so many ppl remembered n were willing 2 give up their time n all. had lyk 3 other cakes/slices of cake aside from my own yummy ice-cream cake! first was e archers kbox outing.. hah i totally didnt expect e cake..i muz b totally stupid..then was kay yifang ele n ash they all.. wif e highly chocolaty slice of cake.. thx! i once again didnt c tt coming.. how silly. then was class chalet which was at yushu's house.. they celebrated all e dec ppl's bdae but was still gd. wasnt feeling well so didnt stay overnite or eat e cake either... one of e only ones who didnt stay. all e other girls cept shuyu who went stayed over..but i'm still truly grateful 4 it, e chalet n everything was gd. e fd was gd n we(girls) were being served e whole time.. more or less haha. apparently e guyz organise e WHOLE thing... totally shocked.

this wk went out on erm wed n thurs... watched Death Note 2 wif fel, mitch n shuyu on thurs nite(830pm)!!! Man it so rox! L is lyk so so so smart. n Light is naturally a genius too but i hate how he keeps using e girls who love him. Misa n his ex-gf Shiori. sheesh. but still respect him 4 his cautiousness n ability 2 stay ahead of e police if not L.at least e actor's cute. ;) it ended ard 11pm...i think fel made it 4 e last bus at least. thankfully. :) then hmm on wed went 4 hc chalet... s67's last gathering in a way. coz e earliest date tt one of e guyz is gg in is jan 9. so early. anyway.. it's been lyk a yr since i last saw them or made much contact wif 'em. juz so glad tt they still invited us first-intakers... treating us as still part of e class despite e distance. hmm pity tt qt couldnt catch e shuttlebus n made a wasted trip down... tt was so crap. anyway... went dere after work n stayed 4 lyk 1 n 3/4hr. kinda short but well still had 2 work e next day. went dere n alice joy they all were lyk... dont recognise u... coz i was wearing working clothes... watched my dressing 4 tt day... of coz muz leave gd impression :) hmmm rebuilt some relationships tt nite... wif e girls. :) it's been so long but it's lyk they didnt change much... to me... but heard tt e class became so much rowdier since e guyz ratio rose drastically.. haha.. poor teachers.. they muz hav suffered.a lot from wat i heard. hmm got 2 c most ppl.. but not all were dere. when i went dere felt really awkward standing in front of e guyz.. they werent really looking too thankfully so i quickly went upstairs haha. intimidating no of guyz i guess. as usual. was ok.. nice fd! bbq not bad despite e rain.. canvas sheet n all..sher's hair is neat..hmm jw realised tt i was dere when i was busy eating marshmallows haha.. then we chatted..talked 2 ivan 4 lyk a few sec haha.thank you jenny 4 riding e shuttlebus wif me back 2 tanah merah mrt station. kinda find it silly 2 travel so far on a working day but oh well. 4 e sake of e invitation.. tt they didnt forget us.yingjie was dere too.. after so long. e guyz were lyk so non-interactive as usual.4 e whole day from wat i heard.

hmmm well..really hope can go out at least once a wk every wk... it reliefs e day's work. in a way. but it's gd gg home n resting early too.. hmm.. hope can arrange tt meeting tt wendy wants soon. it's so diff n so hard 2 contact everyone by e looks of things. sigh. we'll c if fate decreeds it 2 b so. we'll c.

enjoyable outing!

2006-12-02T19:34:00.000+08:00

heh.. went out yesterdae, 1/12 fri for a lunch wif mg friends! it's been so long,... n i got many gifts from yifang n kay! N juz meeting up wif ash, ele, jo, amelia, alicia, daphne.. they all... it's juz great! so happy... even though it was only for a short while... went villa'ge heeren 2 eat... pretty lousy competition as compared 2 marche... they both look exactly e same.. e decor n everything.. oh well, they honestly should try product differentiating.. mebbe there's a diff in their service attitude.. wif marche being e 1 wif e upper hand n all.. oh well. Unpleasant stuff i shant bother wif. coz they're not worth remembering...

Wat's worth rmbering is yifang, ash n ele willing 2 shop 4 working clothes wif me! THANK YOU! u all rawk! until lyk erm 7pm! n finally found a shop at far east which offers reasonable pricing n suitably designed clothes... quality wise a bit lacking but oh well. it's only for a temporary job. i do still intend 2 study after working.. when e results come out n all.. juz hope e agencies i asked will hurry up n get me a suitable job.. preferably by next wk but tt's a bit too much 2 ask of 'em. hope e offer will b gd. hope tt i'll learn stuff n be able 2 find wat i wanna take up as my future career at e same time. yupz. yifang gg states soon 4 hol n every1's prom aka grad nite is approaching. Not really interested in it but still hav 2 go. Oh well. Take it as something 2 while my time away kinda thing. hope it's worth e time n effort n $ spent on it! OH i wanna get a job n start earning all tt $ wasted on this thing. ;) jk..

Exams r finally over~

2006-11-26T15:51:00.000+08:00

yay... 'A's have finally come to an end.. and well now's the time to juz sit back n relax... at least for a while before using the break time wisely and look for a job and all... wanna hav a team dinner or smthg, havent seen e team together in a long time.. 21/11 tue went back to sch after eating dinner wif e girls' team (cept dx) at a korean restaurant.. to check out e jnrs' camp trng.. saw mr lee teaching 'em how to juggle as part of mental trng... interesting... haha oh well... seem 'em so sunburnt is quite funny... now it's their turn... when it was ours last yr.. i need 2 start trng again soon.. so not fit after e break to study for prelim n 'A's... yah, muz get up e determination to do juz tt... soon... lol... soon. :)

Imagine not having to study for 7 months after studying for most of ur life ever since entering erm kindergarten? ya.. it's quite an interesting feeling but i'm not really tt fond of examing it closely.. coz well u dun exactly get 2 relax coz well 2 face reality, u'll hav 2 find a job, coz it's expected of u 2 use this time wisely 2 gain experience n earn $ n find out wat i wish 2 b in e future, as in wat kind of career i want... but i dunno.. i still dunno wat i'm gonna b in e future.. juz cant seem 2 find anything tt i'm interested in.. much less 2 make a career outta it for e rest of my lives,... hope a ray of inspiration may strike me suddenly soon n i'll find a career suitable 4 me..

state of uncertainty...

2006-10-15T12:09:00.000+08:00

Not quite sure wat to do now... maths results was traumatic.. now i'm so worried abt maths too... haiz... no more peace of mind. 'A's is lyk way too close 4 comfort... n i feel utterly unprepared. Not sure wat i'm doing now is worth it a not. haha. not sure if wat i'm doing now will help. i guess i'll juz have 2 believe in myself. difficult but muz try. if not 2 give up now, i'll regret it 4 life. after all this is for myself.

anyway juz e other day.. suddenly missing e team, missing every1... saw some of them ard sch n juz realised tt it's been a while since we met up.. haiz. i'll have to buck up from now on. Absolutely.

:)

2006-09-26T14:50:00.000+08:00

today, got back most of prelim results, so disappointing but well, couldn't care less at this stage.. lyk every1 says, 'A's is then e one tt we've got 2 strive 4. guess i finally decide 2 heed their advice. anyway, had 5 days of break after prelims... juz whiled my time away.. quite a nice feeling but i was kinda feeling empty also.. lyk there's nthg 2 do 4 now.. juz dunno how i'm gonna use my time after 'A's but tt's 4 later 2 think abt. for now, it's juz resting 2 e best of my abilities.

was watching princess hrs on youtube during e 5 days... real nice show, guess i got addicted haha, sat in front of comp 4 lyk almost 12 hrs straight..but well, juz wanna watch this finish so tt i can officially concentrate on juz studyin n studying 4 'A's. last sat, had bbq at west coast park wif e archers! haha was real fun! even though e day didn't exactly started out well n all, n how ppl lyk fred, bing n dx couldn't make it, but i'm really glad 4 those we could, esp those wif lyk phy s paper n yet they still turned up.. dunno whether 2 praise them or wat.. still got paper then alr gg out... oh well, had a really great time! e fire was gd, amazingly they managed 2 set it up, still want so much firestarters, ha. e fd esp e chicken wings were gd... oh no mosquitoes too... wat can i say, was real nice. i didnt do any cooking at all haha, i'm lyk super lazy juz sitting there waiting 4 fd.. but tt would b better, if not i'll ruin e evening wif charred n half-cooked fd.. pity e corn was always half-burnt.. jason came too even though his promos r lyk this wk, but v poor thing, he alone haha oh well. Muz really thank jg 4 buying all e non-edibles even though he strictly followed e list n didn't bother 2 buy other stuff... hehe, muz hav been heavy, only he was free 2 do e shopping... n when he arrived he was lyk i noe u all couldnt start w/o me so i was hurrying... yah gentleman, didnt say something stupid lyk i purposely walk slowly make u all wait 4 me... lol, anyway, muz really hand it 2 wendy 4 bringing most of e things too... despite a hangover e previous day:) haha oh well.

guess i'm really glad 4 e 5 days. but i'm really not happy wif my results n all, esp since i noe tt wat's left 2 b revealed isnt gd so e prospect of gg 2 sch tmr isnt v wonderful. let's really really hope tt 'A's will b better, easier in tt sense 4 me 2 score~

1 of e worst days ever..

2006-08-24T15:36:00.000+08:00

monday, 21 august.. was 1 of e worst days ever.. in my entire life so far.. not only did i come 2 sch feeling down, coz was really tired thx 2 e tossing n turning in bed until 2am thing b4 i could fall asleep.. n sun nite looked thru chem til 1 am, started at 12am..coz was doing other work tt had 2 b done..came 2 sch feeling really tired.. when i woke up i seriously contemplated not gg 2 sch tt day.. but dere was chem org test.. anyway.. feeling down.. then chem made it worst.. checked mcq, 1/10marks.. realised tt nthg much went in e previous nite, sigh.. n my 2 yrs of studies apparently didnt help either.. i was so sad.. n i couldnt do nj phy prelim p3 some qns.. 1 actually.. tt was actually a slight conceptual error.. so supposedly no big deal.. but u noe, most of e rest of e qns had little blanks here n dere coz of tt 1st error.. now tt i think back, actually i did it correctly, juz wasnt sure abt tt part.. n anyway, juz felt as if i can't do anything, phy chem, all cant do.. as if my 2 yrs of studies was 4 naught. then coz i was looking so forlorn n kinda 1/2 complaining/sighing away 2 my classmates.. had a lot of ppl cheering me up.. trying 2.. then maths, last period, maths stats mock exam results out.. all except 4 in class didn't get A.. i got a B.. n prelim is supposedly 5x more difficult.. i was so down.. coz if i get B here, who noes wat i'll get in prelims, i wouldn't let this beat me now, no way, i'm gd at maths n i'm not gg 2 let this make me lose my A...

anyway, it's lyk juz when u're abt 2 stand up, smthg comes along n hits u down again.. sigh.. but i got a nice black paper wif comforting msg from 2 of my classmates.. haha, v sweet of u 2... thx guyz.. really appreciate it...then lots of sms trying 2 cheer me up were sent e rest of e day.. from xt, shweta, hx, mitch, amanda, even fred.. who knew coz amanda 4 no reason showed him my sms.. yupz... thx all.. it really helped.. in preventing me from sinking even lower into nthg-ness.. haha...

but these few days, hav been sleeping at 1am.. not even really studying yet, juz doing e hwk n revision stuff they gave us..n e stupid top 3 cca achievements thingy, haiz... i really really really desperately need some time alone 2 myself 2 study.. n i'm being deprieved of tt.. sigh, wat can i say, life is nv easy.. well, read somewhere tt giving up is e easiest thing 2 do, but in so doing, u give up all tt's impt 2 u! i edited it 2 suit my needs, i think it's quite true.. oh well, trying 2 fight on..nv realised tt i'll b so stressed out.. but i guess when u're faced wif e prospect of having wasted 2 yrs.. no way.. tt'll nv happen, trying 2 do my best from now on.. even ms kao msged me 2dae saying tt i look quite worn out this wk.. haha.. not bad, she can tell.. but i guess who cant rite.. every1 prob looks lyk tt nowadays..

wed.. gathered e masses so as 2 speak(quoting wendy) meaning some of e archers 2 sit down n do smthg abt e stupid cca achievements thing.. thx all 4 being so sporting n turning up, esp those who're alr done wif theirs.. lyk fred n weide.. anyway.. tue msged every1 abt it.. n e whole day i didn't receive any replies abt it.. sigh.. thought every1 suddenly hates me 4 watever reason n was quite sad n worried over it... thought mebbe all of them fell sick n cant reply.. 5 ppl- no replies received.. found out on wed tt it was my phone tt was e prob, now it seems ok alr.. dunno y, dun think it has got smthg 2 do wif calling up singtel last nite.. oh well.. found out tt wendy was sick n weide was more or less sick but his was on tue n wendy's one is on tue n wed.. sounds strange referring 2 being sick lyk tt.. oh well.. exams r weakening our immune system.. came back early 2 do work... but now feeling sleepy.. tired.. need 2 do work though.. need 2 study.. need 2 get offline now.. zzzzzzzzz............

kbox outing~

2006-08-24T00:42:00.000+08:00

went for kbox outing wif my team! fun! lol.. was initially a simple outing, wif nthg in mind, cept perhaps movie.. not initiated by me.. by some1 who desperately wanted 2 go out.. aka mr artist, ha,give him new name again... anyway.. pushed e organisation 2 junguang who obviously didnt plan it..he tried, he asked some ppl where 2 go.. n he asked no furthur.bleah. so i called every1 up rite after national day celeb which was as usual no fun, or not as fun as mg was.. anyway, realised tt every1 had smthg on until e afternoon.. so i followed my friend 2 toa payoh.. lunched wif her... actually kinda barged in on her day.. it was not planned.. juz suddenly decided 2 go wif her.. haha.. poor xt.. thx 4 being so nice 2 me n showing me ard toa payoh!

yah.. then i went 2 orchard library 2 study... where wendy joined me... after lunching wif her friend downstairs... then 2pm, gg down escalator n wendy saw zhiyu in kino... so we popped in on her n her friend... then we left 4 cine 2gether.. where we found junguang in uniform which was strange coz he came from home... he said he didn't wanna stand out.. lol.. anyway.. had 2 make our way 2 dunno wat floor 2 find fred who was dota-ing or watever it's called. so checked movie timing..felt nthg nice coz some of us watched this or tt b4... yah.. so suddenly decided on kbox! haha, n zhiyu said my face lit up when tt was proposed...so we went down n got ourselves a room.. partly coz wendy said e previous wkend she got teased 4 havent been 2 a ktv or stuff lyk tt b4.. so yah, it's not juz coz of me lor! anyway... prob sang most of e eng songs in dere, so little songs bleah.. so out-dated too.. but well, not all of us prefer chinese songs wat... anyway.. yupz had fun all e same, was pretty high towards e end.. supposed 2 end at 5.. we drag until lyk 630.. ok lar, me n zhiyu drag until tt time.. but it was fun.. midway weide joined us from badminton game... anyway.. yah.. had fun, kinda ex.. but it's ok... yupz. then home sweet home.. coz a lot of ppl were really tired out.. n initially wanted 2 leave earlier.. but didn't get e chance to do so.. so srry wendy n wd.. anyway... prelims coming. will stop this now. nitez~

time... pls dun fly away...~

2006-08-06T23:28:00.000+08:00

oh no... watching e sands of time trickle down the hourglass... wishing with all my heart i can stop it... or slow it down... oh how i wish...

bleak times are ahead... desperate times call for desperate measures... fine, i shall force myself 2 stay back everyday after sch from now on... not too late though, later for wed-fri... earlier on mon n tue... realised tt i'll fall asleep whenever i come home early after sch or juz usual time... instead of doing e work i wanted to... no matter how much i want to, i cant really resist e lures of morpheus' realm. humph. can only blame myself for not being strong enuff, willpower n all. but sleep is really such an enjoyable thing... anyway... sleepy now... from doing nthg all day... sheesh... nitez.... Nyx watch over us all~

29 July 2006-1st NJC invitational ~end~

2006-07-30T18:50:00.000+08:00

our 4 months of preparation have finally amounted to this very day... praying and hoping for the weather to be fine, it was slightly disheartening when it poured around 2pm... juz when there was 2 last ends left to the 2nd round. but thankfully it stopped ard 3pm, e whole comp need not b cancelled, n all our hard work didn't go 2 waste after all. e prize presentation ended ard 8pm... when all e participants hav finally left, it was 9pm when we too left sch grounds. from 630am until 9pm. dinner at some place called 5 stars as recommended by jia pei... 10 pm half of us left, me inclusive... for a well-deserved rest at home... esp wendy, d.o.s. n o.i.c. ... out of which wendy n fred got drenched in e rain in e afternoon... tsk. wendy'll fall sick again at this rate.

due to e fact tt we had 3 details to accommodate the 190+ participants...we were behind time by lyk 1hr b4 e rain... e rain juz made it worse... but it was a welcome break for the poor judges... who have been standing out in the hot sun the whole morning and early afternoon... the various i/cs esp the O.I.C. had their share of tension n frustration... i thank them for being as even-tempered as they had been. we couldn't hav done it w/o 'em... i really wish to thank e air guns ppl 4 being dere n helping as they did... sometimes being scolded even... thx... me... i had my own share of unhappiness but tt was v little compared to e whole affair. i'm glad i had e chance to organise this n watch it happen. to actually see all these archers from familiar institutions gather in nj for our comp, was really a wonderful feeling. seeing e field wif e target boards all lined up neatly, juz as wendy had mentioned... mr lee had this vision abt 7-8mths ago, n it was actually realised so soon.. i nv quite believed him when he said tt, but well, here's e proof for all 2 c. we've come this way n this is lyk our reward for working so hard.. it happened earlier than what many of us would hav expected, bringing us e various lessons n methods tt would serve 2 continue 2 help us make each invitational, a better one.

28 july was e set-up day, setting up e field was so v difficult, squaring e field n all, thankfully we had ppl lyk fangjian around... as expected things didn't go as smoothly as fred planned it 2 b during e setting up of e field n all, but well, everything was completed b4 night fell so tt's really great. hm didn't feel as if i did much, comp day, being tabulator.. was a v light job.. morn was really free n all... oh well, i knew i helped in other areas n i guess tt's wat matters. after e setting up of e field n everything.. n eating pizzas wif e rest of e snrs n some air guns ppl, trying 2 print out e protest forms n sponsors' logos b4 gg home... 830pm was e time when we finally left sch. muz say, @ least e guyz were gentlemanly enuff 2 leave abt 6 slices of pizzas for sam n i... but haha, we can't eat tt much so yah. fun juz wandering ard sch after dark, gg 2 e staffroom.. gg 2 e canteen 4 e non-existent wireless system 2 work... haha. really cool 2 c e field slowly shape into e archery field tt we all hav seen b4, in our minds, in other comp venues, juz not in nj. we even had m'sian participants.. international haha.

e 2nd invitational is apparently going 2 b next jan/feb period... so they've got 2 start planning now... all e best jnrs... e prob now will b who'll take charge, n not choosing which capable one 2 organise it out of those ard... hm.. phrase it better would b 2 say there isn't any1 decisive enough to b e 1 in charge of all these... not something i can help wif anyway. oh well. now's e time 2 really focus on prelims... muz muz muz pass n score so much better than i did in CT2s... no regrets is wat i shall strive 2 achieve... n ms kao's goals for my various subj... shall try my best... try.

end of season debrief

2006-07-19T23:42:00.000+08:00

hm mr lee juz gave us an end of season debrief today. 19 july 2006. same day as last yr, sat at e atrium, juz lyk last yr. juz tt there's more ppl now, n e ppl dere r no longer e same as last yr.don't quite rmber much abt last yr's debrief, juz rmbered tt it was half praise half lecture lyk this yr's. but a friend reminded me tt e capts asked 2 speak last yr... n how they were so emotional tt they were crying.. i forgot abt tt... but it would hav been fun if e capts this yr also spoke.. it would b interesting 2 noe wat they've got 2 say abt this club, abt their team.

Well basically, mr lee brought up a v gd point during e debrief 2dae.abt e archers side 1st, he said tt e jnrs, their acceptance of mediocrity juz totally saddens us all. esp e snrs. he said tt, e j2s put a lot of effort into building this team, put in all our heart n blood n tears(i kinda esp agree wif e tears part..). tt e jnrs don't noe e half of wat we've done 4 this club n they juz accept being average, not aiming 4 higher, not trying 2 reach e stars.tt we've trained so hard, our grades suffer, but still, trained 4-5 times a wk, (during e hols), n tt's how we got 2 this position at this point in time. he said, i believe that when e snrs saw their jnrs this yr, they were juz bleeding inside, juz crying inside... he's right.tt's true.4 me, 4 many of us. when i see this group of jnrs.. who didn't realise tt all we worked for last yr was to make their lives easier this yr... they accept their low scores n even compare who's lower. do u understand e pain we feel inside? e tears tt we shed, whether in our hearts or openly... is proof of how much we feel for this club.yes we were bleeding inside when we saw our jnrs this yr.can't really rmber wat he said alr but it's v true, wish i could write his speech down here... i was juz so sad for us, for our team,... when he said all tt.n i guess on my part as a snr, i didn't really try 2 do anything 2 change their mentality n i'm sad abt this role of mine too... i only observed, as mr lee said of himself... n couldn't do anything. but in my case, i can do smthg... n i guess i'll at least change my attitude 2 this matter now.
mr lee was also talking abt shooters, how some may not win, have not won, but they still continue to fight, that they may hav faced so many setbacks but yet they still continue struggling on. tt's e spirit tt each n every1 of us hav 2 learn i feel.

he was also talking abt wat a cca is abt. it's abt e friends u meet, e character u build from the things u learn, esp being able 2 stay n continue 2 strive 2 improve no matter wat happens, n not quit, n not give up.tt's v true, somehow, i managed 2 stay, even though i was on e verge of quitting many times, somehow i managed 2 pull thru, n i really learnt n grew up from this experience. at e v least, i'm proud tt i nv gave up.

oh... i was also thinking... this yr,... whenever e team talk abt having a 2nd invitational next yr.. abt how stuff other than e invitational will b better next yr... i juz always feel tt, will dere really b a next yr? i dunno whether e others think e same way, but this is how i feel.i'm v worried abt a next yr, whether archery will still b a cca in njc next yr. even though verbally i speak of a next yr n how things can b done better next yr... but i feel deep inside me... wondering... if there's really gonna b a next yr... sigh. this is e depth of disappointment i hav in e jnrs i think. abt how i dun believe tt this club will still b around next yr... n tt it will fall apart in their hands. abt how sad tt we reached our peak in 2 yrs n now it's e downhill part alr...i dunno anymore. i can only wish for e best here.. for them.. for the club.. n hope tt our hearts wouldn't hav 2 bleed anymore..

i'm trying...

2006-07-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

i'm trying so hard but i can't seem 2 get thru. i'm trying. i'm pushing for it. i can feel e pain in tt position. i hav been thru stuff too.juz try... is tt v difficult? put ur foot down. do it, set a dateline, meet it. lol it's been a long hour.

sometimes i'm really glad tt i'm myself n no1 else n tt i'm living my life, my way. i love this life of mine.

things seem 2 b in a better state now as compared to 1/2hr ago. let's hope things will work out. life isn't perfect. so sad. bleah. wanted 2 write of more stuff. other less depressing stuff. more inspirational stuff. do tt another time bah. got maths 2 do if not - will blow his top even more... lol.

i yearn to get rid of e notion tt ppl from my class is anything but e best. even if it's me thinking this way, i'm not gonna let anything stand in my way, i'm a rebel alright, n i'm gonna show it finally.i hate being threatened or controlled in any way. i'm gonna do things my way. i'm not gonna let e weakness of s15 overshadow it's strength. i'm gonna prove 2 those out dere tt we're gd alright, so watch out! :)
Was kindly reminded of smthg i wrote down by a friend juz when i let my guard down n was abt 2 let suspicion n fear into my heart: 'wat's life without all it's challenges?' i'm competitive n hate losing, so now's e time 2 win myself, 2 beat myself n stand up stronger than b4.

heard abt jo n amelia studying in australia. university of melbourne. top 10 Us. Law n Medicine n i still haven't found my path in life yet. crap, juz wish i'll hurry up. hopefully mebbe i'm a late bloomer... who will b able 2 do things as they come. dunno wat i talking abt alr. lol... sleepy...

e sweet taste of freedom~

2006-06-30T11:51:00.000+08:00

wat a glorious day this is, there's no burden on my shoulders (for now) , not much worries on my mind, juz trying to enjoy myself the way i've always wanted to... :) CT2 juz ended, maths n phy was horrible but i shall not let it dampen this wonderful day! destress/ have fun time! games ! yes... haha...

aw...

2006-06-19T10:41:00.000+08:00

had our last official comp yesterday. archery. sad to say, history repeats itself. i enjoyed myself last yr, it was a gd learning experience.. yet this yr, it was quite a painful memory.we tried so hard, we came back after 1 yr thinking tt we'll be able 2 do better but somehow... things didn't turn out e way we wanted it to. perhaps our road has been too smooth so far. it's time for a bump in e road. we'll pick ourselves up. life is abt standing up again. yet somehow, lyk my friend said, i really feel tt we deserve a better ending. guess e unconscious pressure from this comp being our last comp... tt we really wanted 2 end it off well... e stress... n we also didn't train in indoor b4 e comp... so mebbe we weren't used 2 e indoor conditions, i wasn't at any rate.

Recalling yesterday, both girls teams sent in ended our climb up in the first round. the guys team which got in, made it to e 4th position n remained there. juz lyk last yr. somehow performance wasn't ideal, we all noe we can do better, n we did better b4. somehow winning was v impt yesterday, deep in ourselves, we placed it higher than e fun we'll get in this experience, e learning points gained. oh well it's past n there's nothing we can do abt it, it's time to move on.

after e comp, watched e prize presentation, sat at e same place we did last yr... n watched as we did last yr. then we had debrief. many regrets, even if not spoken, was felt. then jnrs got reprimanded, for lack of communication, for lack of trying 2 build e team tt's evident within e snrs. then e snrs, us, we juz sat dere after e jnrs left, juz talking, juz joking ard,... having fun... juz staying there... haha, can still rmber how fred was trying 2 shrink himself 2 avoid e numerous rubber bands shot his way. thx 4 being our target. then we accompanied e lonely vcapt 2 eat ice cream at swensens. kinda got e feeling tt we were reluctant 2 leave, but were also lazy 2 go anywhere far... we still had 2 carry our bows.

yupz, had fun. was father's day yesterday. intriguing way of paying e bills at swensens. haha.

sigh, wat a shock

2006-06-13T21:47:00.000+08:00

juz found out yesternite that a fellow archer found out abt my blog ever since e start of this yr or e end of last yr... n he's been nice enuff 2 continue visiting it n reading my entries. Well, it's nice that at least i'm not talking 2 e wall... or talking 2 myself... but it kinda juz feels lyk an invasion of privacy... kinda wanted 2 open this place up 2 'em gradually. mg friends will hav e honour 1st but well,... guess e archers hav e priviledge this time round. n when i apparently gave him e green light 2 read my entries last nite, he kindly read most of my past entries... hm, he said i've changed lots, 4 e better... but well i myself can't really tell. anyway, i'm expecting more ppl, particularly archers who will find out abt this blog soon enuff, if they dun alr noe.

was supposed 2 reflect abt 2dae's trng, hm let's c, was quite bad, apparently lack of strength and focus from lack of slp last nite, slept at lyk 2 am.. was finishing e essay... so i dunno, hope tt's e reason, so tt i hope i can regain my touch 2mrrw... then i shall do my personal best during comp w/o difficulties, hopefully.

Anyway, was doing a 2000 word essay abt a shooter's life in njc yesternite. thought it was a bit too much to ask of me, but realised tt i easily wrote at final count 2250 words. guess i juz had so much to say, i believe tt i had more but well, couldn't really think of 'em offhand. had fun writing it, juz recalling all e fun moments... yah those stuff. it was more of an archer's life rather than a shooter's life but it didn't really matter 2 me coz i juz wrote wat i felt n wanted 2 say, 2 future generations, 2 any1 out dere who'll read it. was kinda referring 2 my blog entries while i was writing it as there's lots here abt archery which helped me recall stuff i may have left out. e entries here, r more or less how i felt at tt point in time... so it was highly useful. i guess i juz dunno wat 2 say alr, this place doesn't really feel as if i can juz rant n rave all i want... but there's no reason 4 things 2 change. haiz, life is as such, guess i'll juz hav 2 get used 2 it.

Told my friend juz coz he noes abt my blog doesn't mean tt i'll mince my words 4 'em.. n i fully mean it. was also thinking tt... sigh, now ppl will noe wat a mean n selfish person i am. wat i prob truly am. a person wif a sharp tongue n harsh words. hm, sigh.
anyway, went out wif some of e archers 2dae 2 watch 'cars' e movie. was a rather nice show, esp e part abt how e king muz finish his last race n all. lyk wendy said, this movie was really more of e more impt things in life than juz winning, juz racing. life's not a 1 man show. u need friends in ur life, 2 make it fun, 2 make it worthwhile. really sweet. also went shopping 4 a bit wif e gals, wendy n rach after e movie.. after e guyz suspiciously left 4 ps.(fred n weide) yah yah... stuff lyk tt... man should b studying now, i'm losing way too much precious time, so signing off now.

had a great day 2dae*

2006-06-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

yupz, 2dae, had lots of fun during trng, it's one of those sessions whereby u wouldn't bother looking at ur watch 4 e time coz u're enjoying urself n want it 2 last longer. We were practising team event 2dae, zhiyu n sam were in e same team as i... quite fun, we all, girls' team, including wendy n rach, talked a lot abt tv series n all, ok lar, it was me who started it n fueled it... haha, but green forest, my home is really a nice n funny show! Enjoyed watching all e main characters, they're all so wonderful 2gether! Anyway after tt went orchard mrt 2 meet up wif e rest of e class. i was dere on e dot, but only wingy was dere... should hav known. e 'organiser' aka yushu came lyk 5 min b4 2pm,... not v responsible humph. Celebrated zhijun's bdae at swensen's! had ice cream cake n all... baked rice... yum!

Basically i juz wanted 2 say tt trng was real fun n i'll really miss these kinda sessions... but of coz i'm not interested in those kind of sessions whereby u keep looking at ur watch every few ends, hoping v much tt time would pass faster... dislike this kinda trng sessions. it's only when u hav fun wif ur team mates when e real bonding begins, not tt we needed any ;) Realised i'll miss these kinda trngs in e future... anyway, yesternite, suddenly realised tt nus indoors' next wkend only, my gosh, so fast! n 'A's at e end of e yr! my gosh, only now did it really sink in tt i'm gonna sit 4 e 'A's at e end of e yr... n e end of e yr's not v far away... CT 2's coming too... ahhh.... nvm... sigh... relax... haiz... stop slacking!

Fatigue... wat a strange thing*

2006-06-05T20:59:00.000+08:00

juz feeling so tired now, physically i think even though i didn't do anything strenuous 2dae. Juz went 2 e lib n study, dunno whether it's e phy notes or me, fell asleep coz i was tired... then even now i'm tired... juz had an online convo wif my fellow i/c of finance, he hasn't been involved much coz 1stly he hasn't been coming 2 trngs in a while... not sure y, prob coz of his other cca commitments... anyway, nv really trusted him anyway. So having some sort of 'presentation' 2mrrw on wat my team has done so far, thankfully we havent been slacking... did a bit of work but well, only a bit. tired, eyes tired... but i still havent done wat i'm supposed 2 do 2dae crap n i'm wasting time away here, alright off i go now. Nitez~

hmm privacy hmm

2006-06-04T22:43:00.000+08:00

was thinking, blogs aren't meant 2 b private, they're put online, a public space, it's practically impossible 4 it 2 b private... hmm... oh well, a friend said he was searching for every1's blog n found many of it... he didn't find mine though... hm... oh well, blogs aren't private in e 1st place i guess, no harm if he finds it, he'll juz c lots of complaints. typical of me ;)

oh well, juz had a little comp on 28/5, no team event, rather they compute e individual scores n yah, since outta e 5 snr gals, 4 got e top 4, me 4th, so naturally.. we got team gold again... but this was no comp at all, it's a comp where e archers were mostly amateurs/beginners so as 2 speak, should hav done much better, didnt focus / concentrate as much as i noe i can. coz it was more of a small scale comp, tt's prob y i let my guard down, realised i need a bit of stress 2 help me focus better, shoot better. It was raining, more than a drizzle, not yet a downpour. sigh, e grip was slippery, fingertab kept trying 2 fly off my fingers haha, made it tighter 2 solve e prob. RJ sent e J1s only. Nice gal i met J1, called Su XiaoTing, haha, real sweet n nice person, shoots well too, can c a potentially gd archer in her :) Anyway MOre practise is required. NUS indoor coming, 18, 19 june. e real competition wif seriously, more worthwhile competitors dere fighting 4 e team gold... we're not abt 2 lose this time, not this time, not after last yr, not tt it was bad, guys n gals team both got 4th, unexpectedly, coz nv practised team b4, well mebbe only me but oh well, we've come so far, let's juz c if we can't go furthur ;)

finally, it's over...

2006-03-22T22:27:00.000+08:00

yes! e long awaited day whereby the 1st common test has finally come to an end is here! lol... it's been so long since i last blogged... recalling e last few days of late nite studying... at least it'll b a while before i'll have to do that again... tt's only if i fail to study earlier in advance... must focus... now's e time 2 learn to focus before the next common test, then perhaps i'll be able to study better and score better... haiz.

Today went out wif class after phy ct... n guess who i saw when e bus went past e hc stop... shermeen!! haha... it's so nice seeing some1 familiar... she was alone though,... look so lonely,... hmmm it's been so long since i went out wif her... soon,... i shall ask her....

hmmm... well... juz wanna say smthg,... i felt ok 4 this phy ct even though it was supposed to kill us ;) haha, they always say tt... but i seriously need 2 go thru my notes faster... i failed 2 finish studying properly... n i also failed to study e mcq topics sufficiently such tt i couldn't do any of e waves qns,... sigh, a waste of easy marks so as to speak... but wat i wanna say is tt e class ppl always think i can do v well for e exam... they juz dun understand... i worked hard 4 it but i also slacked lots of time... i'm juz slightly more hardworking than them only.. i'm no genius, i can't get 4 As now, but i'm willing to try, to strive for it even if it seems unattainable, i refuse to believe that s5g ppl all do badly, i hope tt i can show them tt even we can do well, we dun hav 2 b from 5a to do tt... but they dun seem 2 c this... they themselves look down on e class generally, i dun deny tt i didn't do tt but i seriously believe that they're all capable if only they'll try... perhaps it's e understanding concept part which they dun get... i noe it's not entirely their unwillingness 2 study tt is e cause of e overall not so ideal grades, some of 'em sincerely dun understand... wonder how i can help... it prob sounds as if i'm trying 2 act lyk some great person who noes everything n is trying 2 help others who're not as gd juz 2 show her capability... but i'm not lyk tt, tt's e very last thing on my mind, for eg, one of my friend, she always sleep in class, although she real gd in maths such tt she's a genius kind who dun hav 2 study, but tt's not so in e other subj, n she doesn't put in any effort at all, it doesn't matter 2 her at all... haiz, i guess every1 has diff priorities, cca's hers. haiz, i'm such a busybody.

but e fact tt i myself despise e class really irks me. a lot of my classmates also feel tt e class average grade would definitely be lower than that of e cohort, of 5a... which is supposedly e best class in e s5 combi... i wish 2 remove this unconscious biasedness, but i dunno how, for i myself am some1 wif this kind of thinking. to tell e truth, i hav nv been in any so-called worst class before n this is a 1st time, an experience, not say s5g is e worst class but it's one of e classes on e other end of e spectrum.

CT coming, it's time 2 study...*

2006-03-01T19:27:00.000+08:00

Common tests are coming, no time to blog... not tt usually i hav e time, but anyway, now's e time 2 study... 2dae was also e release of e 'A' level results for e seniors, apparently they did v well... best in 6 yrs... e pressure on us juz increases... oh well, study time!

having come this far*

2006-02-04T21:16:00.000+08:00

was reading thru my old blog posts n noticed a few things... mainly this post is gonna b abt archery so yah... here goes...

basically, i was told by my capt (galz team) during trng camp tt she didn't quite lyk me @ e beginning, coz i made life quite difficult for her n all, wif my complaints... my attitude. i seem 2 hav an attitude prob, always complaining n hoping 2 get outta trng... pretty irritating... but i'm real glad tt they didn't reject me coz of tt... right now they're talking abt juniors' attitude towards archery n thinking of who they wanna accept... of which attitude is a pretty impt criteria... a while back, i had some run-ins wif e vice capt (galz team) but it's ok now... we're usually quite close so now everything's back 2 normal alr... back then, i thought of quitting coz since made capt n vcapt's life difficult n all... thought of quitting after e juniors are settled down... but i dunno... now i'm reluctant 2 leave, to leave e sport n e ppl i've met in it... now my form (posture) is right already, i dun wanna forget it... it's such a waste... after all i've been thru 2 learn all tt in e past yr... it seems so wasted 2 juz quit... mebbe i should continue in uni? i dun really noe... i was thinking if i quit now... n c team members ard in sch, it'll b quite awkward... we're quite close n all.. it juz doesn't seem right 2 juz quit. after joining archery, i've sarcrificed lots tt's 4 sure but in e process i also gained a lot unknowingly... had a galz talk kinda thing wif my capt juz now... real wonderful talking abt such stuff... i gained a great group of friends whom i noe i can keep after jc... at times when i can't count on my class 2 provide e warmness tt this 'family' can, i noe i can lean on this group of friends 2 help pull me thru any probs i have... i used 2 think of my class as smthg temporary, tt i'll leave this place n this class soon enuff, i juz have 2 bear wif it a while more, i'll b free after this, after leaving nj... not sure if i think tt anymore, juz tt i'm not tt extremist in my thinking now... when i can't depend on my class 4 comfort, i realise tt e team provides this 4 me. a few wks back, i felt kinda foreign in my class, tt time i was trying 2 ostro myself wat ;) haha, anyway, yah, tt time, when i didn't quite feel welcome in my class, i would b eager 4 e day 2 end, so tt after sch, during trng, i could b wif my team, which would make me feel more at home, better than my class at any rate.... -ve thinking, tsk.

well i can say tt i'm glad 2 hav entered archery, i've cum a long way since tt day when i stepped into e range 2 ask 2 join archery... so i should appreciate all tt i've gained in e process, having learnt wat is commitment n actually being commited 2 smthg, 2 hav made such wonderful friends who will stay by me even after i leave nj... a group of ppl i noe outside my class in nj... ppl i'm glad 2 c ard sch when moving from classes 2 classes... juz tt simple wave to 'em when i c 'em ard, it's quite a wonderful feeling. i've cum this far, so i might as well go furthur, juz a bit more.

hmmm....*

2006-02-03T22:51:00.000+08:00

well let's c, nthg much 2 sae... so shall juz write some unimpt stuff... lyk for chem test i got 14/28, passed.. one of e 5 who passed chem test in class... haha... then phy test, got juz passed also, e only gal who passed, 12/24 i think... juz passed again... e rest of e guyz got lyk 13 coz they copy each other... e galz got single digits... haiz... if only they study... then erm econ test... fail... 7/20, was calculations... so haiz. well my class most prob having JTS next sat... @ clarke quay apparently... juniors so nice... so us seniors can't lose out 2 'em! so tt means we muz pay lots for STJ... haiz... haha, ok, end here, nitez!

yay... cny hols r here!*

2006-01-28T18:41:00.000+08:00

yupz, now i hav e time 2 blog... hehe... anyway... i realised tt i didn't mention tt since dec, i also participated in another archery comp... so basically for both comp, we got girls team gold... was real happy when we got e 1st gold... finally show tt vc wat we're made of... 2nd time round,... was from a rather small scale comp... so it wasn't all tt rewarding winning e gold... coz there was only 3 girls team in e event anyway... but well we had e chance to hav prize presentation twice in 3 weeks,.. haha bet it left a lasting impression on e juniors... rite now only abt 14 juniors, inclusive of lyk 3 girls... but i dunno... e original team is quite close even if i dun quite feel e closeness... but i guess tt all of e team ppl r quite gd friends of mine which kinda equates as a close team... e teacher was saying how close a team we were... n how our gals team capt was kinda reluctant 2 get new ppl into e team. oh well... nowadays i kinda prefer e (original) team 2 e class... dunno y... lack e kind of feeling of gd friends in class i think... but if i bother 2 try, i believe i can b close 2 e class... they're all nice ppl after all... but can't b helped if e gals hav their own cliques in class n me not quite lyking my own so called 'clique'... so i guess e best soln n only soln is 2 keep away from 'em until i feel lyk gg wif 'em again... me e loner... it's tough being alone in a co-ed envt... in mg it was easier... rite now i juz wanna feel lyk tt so hmmm, i'm not makin sense here but nvm.

these days team members keep suaning me... n disturbing me... humph! stupid guyz team... yeah it's e guyz doing e suaning... coz 1 of their classmates is a mg gal also... who's real gd at studies, 4 As kinda person,... a treasured friend of mine... n erm she kinda keeps insulting e guyz in her class( some of whom r archers...) n so they do tt 2 me also while i keep defending her... actually they start 1st one lor! that's y she's juz being defensive... haiz... now i noe how she suffers in her class ;) for 1 yr alr... 10 mths more for her ;) n cum 2 think of it... me too... haiz... hav 2 suffer wif her... i complained 2 my capt already... she said we'll beat 'em up one day... haha... funny... oh well, wat r friends 4 if i can't defend my friend thru this period of time rite? ;) lol...

well... let's chat a bit more abt my junior class shall we? when e class 1st met 'em... e class was half dere coz s15 is tt kinda class which is super involved in cca stuff... got sport cca as well as societies... we got lyk 2 presidents in our class, angklung n western dance... way cool class if u think of it... got lots of exco members for sport ccas... one capt even... haha... so can imagine wat kinda class it is rite? anyway, e class made e effort 2 wait 4 e junior class a while longer b4 gg 2 help their respective ccas for cca carnival tt day... when e junior class came in... e feeling they gave me while they gathered standing dere facing us(we were sitting ;) hehe) was strangely v nice... they gave me e feeling tt e class is gg 2 b real close, real wonderful 2gether, a warm kind of feeling, a feeling of home n family, of closeness n friendship. a feeling tt s67 once gave me. i was touched... wat a strange feeling... hahaz... but tt is in e past n i truly acknowledge tt wat's past is past, those will remain cherished memories :). oh well but apparently they're not tt close, these days, u nv ever c 'em 2gether as a class outside of lessons... whenever we hav breaks (05s15) we c e juniors in groups... u c a small no eating... n lyk 20 min later... u c some of e others cuming down e stairs.. they walk separately ... tt's wat i'm talking abt, not as a class. from wat i heard, many juniors dun lyk their class... haiz... well, as for me... naturally since we've e angel mortal game, i hav an angel n a mortal who r both juniors... but stupid mortal doesn't reply n angel took 1 wk 2 send e 1st letter so i can't b bothered 2 write letters 2 em at all, much less ask abt wat's gg on in their class... i already noe who's my angel, typical kind of ppl i always pick in these sorta games, but i promised a friend i'll give every1 a chance n stop being cynical n mean... in turn she promised 2 stop gossiping but she hasn't stopped yet... nvm, i shall try 2 stick 2 my promise.

juz yesterday, went out wif s15 after cny celeb... n instead of kbox (too ex) we watched a movie instead... well... e group of 17 ppl went for 3 diff movies... coz well some watched these n sum wanna watched others so e 3 movies were fearless, memoirs of a geisha n i not stupid too... i watched e last movie.... v sad n funny... funny at 1st then e sad part at e end which was super long lar... anyway... apparently fearless had a sad ending too... e guyz said jet lee got poisoned n he fought after being poisoned so was kind of a painful death yah. after tt some stayed behind 2 hav dinner wif e juniors (all e guyz= 6 guyz n lyk 6 galz) yah... wonder how many juniors will turn up... btw e whole class seems somewhat obsessed wif this so called chio bu in e junior class... super athletic n all, gd figure according 2 e galz... i juz find her kinda cute tt's all, not pretty, only cute. even e galz are obsessed wif her... crazed. galz looking at galz... wat has e world cum to... i ask em n they tell me, no yan dao (shuai ge) 2 look at so look at galz instead... watever.

summary*

2006-01-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

okies... lots happened in between e previous post n this but didn't hav e time 2 cum online 2 blog so yah... basically, for team event, we got gold... n erm, my junior class seems quite nice if not as united... but tt's unimpt... playing e angel mortal game again,... which i hav no time for n no need for it either... dun wanna play it but we're not given a choice... jan is almost gone now n 2mrrw's celebrations for cny... not supposed 2 wear sch u 2mrrw... we're synchronising e colour we're wearing 2mrrw... then we'll go kbox... we refers 2 my class... wonder if it'll b fun... anyway... archery also got juniors... interesting ppl... if a bit dao... haiz... they're prob shy or smthg... more fun being wif 'em than wif class juniors anyway... had lots 2 blog initially... but well am tired now not 2 mention tt it's late... n hmm... can't rmber wat i wanted 2 blog... oh wells... -end

busy period of my hols...

2005-12-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

29, 30 nov, 1, 2 n 3 dec... had CIP @ suntec... only 1 word 2 descibe it: exhilarating... was fun @ times, coz u're so busy u find it fun... n @ times u get real frustrated coz of messed up stuff - organisation v messy this yr @ e Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2005. e marathon was on e 4th itself... @ 1st i only wanted 2 go 4 e 1st 4 daes coz apparently, u need 2 go @ least 4 outta e 5 daes.. but turns out tt i enjoyed myself so much on e 2nd dec... tt i decided to go on e 3rd too! n erm skip trng @ e same time ;) dun tell my capt pls... made lots of real nice new friends dere... kinda sad tt we part ways already... dunno if we'll ever get 2 meet again, they're lyk sec 3, 4, unis... yupz, even working adults also got... coz e volunteering experience is v enriching. really hope someday in e future we'll get 2 meet again... hopefully Singapore is tt small. but well... some of 'em live in e east n north... kinda no hope but we shall see. 29 & 30 was packing of goodie bags - so NOT fun.. zip e stupid shoebags until hands pain already... 1, 2, 3 - expo days... giving out of e bags... it's when e fun n horror begins! horror = i was in 10km section, n e prob was tt e shirts wasn't here yet so we've got 2 put up wif e public's disapproval/anger/unhappiness, u name it, yupz, we had 2 put up wif tt. but got mostly nice ppl too so erm wasn't tt bad. fun = being runner... meaning counter support... getting e bags n e bibs 4 e counter ppl... fun! i was counter too... it was busy n fun too... at times... but v tiring standing... whole time standing so if u go 4 this thing, b prepared 2 stand! 1st 2 days slack... e next 3 is really busy! made lots of friends during e last 3 days... tt's when u get 2 mingle wif e rest.

10, 11 dec... 9 dec was sighters for this archery comp, my 2nd to date. 1st outdr comp... n well todae's e 10, n i'm already burnt red so who noes wat i'll b after 2mrrw... oh well, now i noe better = put sunblock! results out, i'm ranked 13th outta e dunno how many archers... as usual i'm one of e lousiest in e whole team... including guys' team.. oh well... v unhappy wif myself for lacking e stamina 2 maintain my score in e 2nd round. 1st round was 206/300, 2nd round was 160/300 HumPh! considered passed but i had higher expectations of at least 180 for each end... i'll do better 2mrrw, tt i promise 2 try.

not much of a hol...

2005-11-19T21:45:00.000+08:00

2nd week of hol, had trng camp... 3 day 2 night, total no of hrs of slp i had= 3.5 hrs... dunno y 2nd nite couldn't slp... we voluntarily switched off e lights at 11 some more... usually 2nd nite can slp... dunno y this time couldn't... at least wasn't a deep slp... v short if there was... anyway... e galz were sleeping on e 2nd floor which was out of bounds to e guyz but erm some of 'em didn't noe so they accidentally stumbled into our rooms 4 various reasons... lyk paying up e money we owed 'em.. haha... meals was horrible.. .everytime wait so long coz they had 2 go out n buy or order macs or stuff lyk tt... longest we waited was 3 hrs... hmm... it was lyk starve until cannot starve already, so had a nap which helped pass e time n forget our hunger for a while then we tried shooting pistol(me) n rifle (no way) which helped to distract us... yupz... trng in e sun... made me darker... during those days... haiz... oh well, at least i wasn't burnt... compared 2 e shooters-pist0l n rifle,... they were so fair... haha... nvm... watched a motivation movie - MIRACLE... really inspired me... commitment... haha... hm, will commit myself from now on... it taught me lots... yupz... hope this feeling can sustain me thru out e whole of next yr too...

3rd wk of hols... harsh trng begins... mon had rest coz trng camp ended on sun... thankfully... coz otherwise it'll b pt.... tue... shooting... wed, break... thurs, pt - endurance otherwise known as morn run... fri, strength trng... otherwise known as strength trng... sat... shooting trng... sun, rest. as seen from above... our trng is undergoing a major overhaul... during camp, we learnt mental trng n putting down on paper our thoughts n feelings abt each trng... our trng is getting more organised... n more disciplined... late 1 min for pt... 5 push-ups... n so on... will increase 2 running round track dunno how many times... 30 min late... turn ard n go home coz makeup pt another day... everyday at home muz do 100 push-ups n 50 jumping jacks... haiz... dunno wat 2 say... but i've decided to commit myself so i didn't complain as much as i usually would,... am trying 2 stop these complaints of mine anyway.. lol... i'm so troublesome... no wonder e galz team capt didn't quite lyk me at 1st.. coz i made life difficult for her... unintentionally... unknowingly... but now i noe so i will not commit e same mistake twice, meaning, my complaints shall CEASE! hehe.

really wat a day~

2005-10-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

2dae... hmm... pon sch 2nd time... 1st time was 2 days ago... oops... haha... no 1 say anything... anyway 2dae, went 2 meet mg friends! had fun talking n chatting... then went for pw op workshop... urgh... but it was ok... kinda boring but oh well... then went 2 surprise eleanor! coz her bdae's 2mrrw... so some mg friends crashed nj 2 surprise her... haha, i went too... then we went johnson's duck 2 eat.. yum... but erm... juz when this fabulous evening was going 2 end... some of my friends decided 2 take a pix wif some signboard...when then leant on it... there was a loud sound of breaking utensils... e restaurant on e other side... had stacked saucedishes leaning against e signboard so it was toppled over... all of us were stunned so as 2 speak... we didn't noe wat 2 do... those friends of mine, they immediately offered 2 help clean up, 2 help compensate... e rest of us were willing 2 help pay if necessary... we were all in nj u,... anyway e manager was really really nice, he told us there was no need... it's ok... such a nice person... it's really great noeing such ppl exist... my friends they were really really srry... e employees weren't happy though,... some woman was lyk muttering away in chinese tt it's those girls playing,... haiz... oh well... it's really lucky for us tt he didn't make a big issue outta it... wonder if nj's reputation was ruined... haiz... me n my friend was lyk we don't care anyway... hahaz... outta e group of 8 ppl there... only 4 were real nj ppl... hahaz... anyway... what a day.

life after promos~

2005-10-07T21:24:00.000+08:00

yay, now can relax alr... couldn't find anything 2 do though... hmm... anyway, juz glad tt exams r over n now can rest... or so i thought, thinking... i realised tt there'll still b lessons, there'll still b hwk, much worse is tt there'll still b trng, yuck, hate PTs.. only ever really liked e shooting part of e whole cca session anyway... n well... only switched on my hp in e evening, n i realised there was 5 missed calls, n 6 sms... why are those ppl looking 4 me.. when i leave my hp on 4 more than 72 hours, it doesn't ring, no not a single time, when i switch it off for a day, ... no 1 seemed 2 realise tt they can call direct 2 my home... not lyk i blame 'em or care... msg was abt trng, resumes 2mrrw, rite after promos, wat can i say... thought i had a chance 2 rest, guess not... SIGH... it's lyk back 2 tt life full of complaints... will definitely look forward 2 e time when ccas r no longer a bother,... primarily referring 2 end of jc... haha, sounds so extreme. every1 says studying years r e best... they're rite... but sometimes, when u're in this situation... can't b helped... mg would b a lot better.

Tempus Fugit~ time flies...*

2005-08-28T20:20:00.001+08:00

no kidding... tempus fugit... time flies... how apt a description... i seem 2 b wallowing in self-despair... haiz... was talking to my friend e dae b4 yest... fri... realised tt these few weeks... always been mentioning life ... in e 1st 3 mths... always recalling 2 e fun times we had... e many little jokes... lyk how sher used 2 dodge whenever we put a phone in front of her... for fear of its camera... but we always use a cam-less phone... lol... i guess i'm trying 2 use my present class as subst? i checked ard... n realised tt most ppl had cam phones... strange... i would expect nj 2 hav ppl wif less of such phones... but well... i guess e cam phones r v common alr... wonder if she's still so affected by such a gesture... or has 67 trained her alr? i wonder...

guess i've been comparing e kind of ppl i meet in both schs also... v diff types of ppl... how strange... we're all singaporeans but such a vast diff... hav been comparing... my friends n i,... we keep saying s15.. my nj class.. has no guyz... hahaz... i dunno... it's juz small little things here n dere tt gave me tt impression... they... their lang v coarse, v rough... my poor friend cringed on hearing 'em... but well, got used 2 it alr... hear bad lang everydae... poor me... wish i was back in mg... but well, we can't turn e hands of e clock back... tough luck... but i guess they're alr acceptable... should stop complaining... things might hav been worse... ok... gotta admit smthg... kept comparing 'em wif 67 guyz... man, i think i'll regret saying this... but well, really, now i noe.. how decent they r compared 2 my class guyz now.

i was telling my friend... by now i think i should hav let go alr... but somehow i keep dwelling on e past... it's not wrong 2 look back... but i guess it's wrong to keep my head turned back while walking forward... might knock into a pillar... hahaz... wat a bitter laugh... sigh... i muz face forward... i muz.

fri, had lunch wif some of e ppl from 67, mainly mh, sher, ivan, darren, ian n jenny... it was really hard 2 organise it... wat wif mh doing e organisation... tt morn i was in a gd mood... realised tt i was nv in such a gd mood ever, not since entering nj... anyway, was laughing n joking wif some friends... then 1st lesson... mh ruined it by saying how e galz all can't make it... might hav 2 cancel it after all... darn, wat wif e lousy marks i got from econ drq test... i was really down in e pits... think i sorta gave my classmate an arrogant look, a darn pissed look... well it's ok, we dun really communicate anyway. then it was really hard 2 smile in e 2nd lesson n so on... msg jenny n she said, we'll juz go over n c how... so ok, agreed. fri after sch, coz there's math remedial, tt's y so many classmates stay back... real glad 4 their company, even though i was only wif 2 galz - my pw mates.

lunch - went over... sat @ e bench... saw 1 snr... forgot his name... sigh... alice's angel n mortal... even jenny forgot his name... then they ended sch... alice 1st one down... prob coz she's 2 go 4 oac... painting banner... prob for maf... haiz... was talking wif qt abt tt... she said alice invited her so she invite me n it's not tt e class forgot abt us... well they juz don't inform us abt stuff anymore... ok, shall stop it... anyway, then e galz all came down 1st... followed after a short while by e guyz... woah... it's lyk really woah... suddenly hit me tt oh yeah, e ratio's lyk 18 guyz to 8 galz... forgot abt tt... hahaz... it was nice seeing familiar faces again... kinda... more or less... ivan asked if i still wanted 2 strangle him... hahaz... mh is e target now... she pissed me off more... there was a mango on e table... wanted 2 throw it @ mh... jk. lunch, adam's rd... was ok, mh had 2 rush off 4 yida's autograph session... but got a taste of e familiar atmosphere... lunching 2gether. anyway... yeah. guess i'll stop here.

temper temper- time 2 b tempered*

2005-08-15T23:26:00.000+08:00

okies, shall not throw tantrums anymore... or rather i shall try not to ;) anywayz.... update... e wounds on my arms, legs, everywhere r healing now... within a few days, they're almost gone, tt Dr Loke sure is gd. being e responsible me i turned up tt dae, crap, hate it when duty calls... ok, promos, 6 wks left, chem spa, 4 wks left, phy spa, 1 wk left, chem n math tests, 1 wk left... = it's time 2 start revision... rite... n e ipod mini gold colour, apparently it's not in Singapore yet... too bad then... mh... guess u hav 2 wait... haven't lunched wif e 67 galz in a long while... but well... wonder how they're doing now? sigh... it's time 2 study every1... no matter who/where we r...

well i guess i have 2 admit... i'm starting to like my class... they're real fun, almost comparable to 67, or rather wat 67 was. s15, they definitely do not = mugger class... after having a few class outings wif 'em since joining this class... am starting to like e class ONLY, not nj, yucks. they gave us a feedback form 2dae 2 fill up n let's c, there was do u agree whether the facilities n environment r conducive for studying? PUh-leez! e mosquitos! so i put strongly disagree! then later they put are you proud to be part of njc? strongly DISAGREE! whahahaha... so many disagrees n strongly disagrees in 1 feedback, 1st time i disagreed so much... tsk tsk, nj has FAILED terribly! HA! there was 1 option saying if other people are criticising njc, you will defend njc.... STRONGLY DISAGREE!! i was telling my friend, i'll join them in their criticisms man! so funny... it's lyk they've really failed... either tt or i resist too well... my friends n i (2nd intaker galz) were discussing 2dae... when ppl asked wat sch we're from... we would mumble njc... it's so pathetic... i also dunno y... i juz dun feel proud 2 b part of njc... they say it's boring here... but e councillors n every1 r really trying their best 2 make this place fun... but i guess e uniform reduces watever effect they had? it can b pretty fun in here, esp wif my class, but well guess e general idea is still nj is a mugger sch... can't b helped i guess.

btw, i've changed my hp no.... u ppl should hav received my sms otherwise... i dunno... network failure? hahaz... anyway, nitez ppl, mugging time. ;)

u wish, i'll not turn up, there's a limit 2 my patience! n e limit's been breached! curses::..

2005-08-12T00:32:00.000+08:00

hey
can i complain?
i've juz been thoroughly angered
stupid archery
u noe there was supposed 2 b a meeting juz now but then it was cancelled... e capt told me after i put down my bag...
so tt wasted a bit of my time...
so i was a bit pissed
then i dunno, i got pissed a lot 2dae... feeling up n down lots... dunno y
then they sms me
i end at 1230 2mrrw
they wanna meet at 5 pm
n so i said i went down 4 nthg juz now, now u want me 2 wait damn long, 5hrs juz for a meeting 2 discuss e script
so i said wait n c if i feel lyk turning up
n she said no i will not wait n c, it's ur choice whether/not 2 cooperate n give a LITTLE more then e luckier ones who dun hav 2 wait
u noe... i'm really damn angry.
i was feeling so down juz now on e bus dunno y... juz felt lyk crying... i dunno wat's going on... then receiving e msg juz now made me so angry... i really wanna quit archery now...

i dunno
i really dunno
i hate it rite now
perhaps after a nite of slp... things will get better... or rather things will b clearer
i'm really tired...
tired of compromising...
tired of doing things way beyond myself juz 4 em
i noe tt perhaps e others r doing e same thing also... but i nv had e experience b4... i dunno whether i can handle it
i mean it's lyk affecting my studies too
i really hate this
damn!
i wanted 2 use stronger words in my nick but i guess i thought better of it...
they don't exactly deserve my attention
they're not worth it
esp not njc
it's juz a short 2 yrs here... it's ending soon, i'll study hard n get outta here
then it'll b over i hope
finally
haiz
i seem 2 b trying 2 comfort myself

i really felt lyk quitting a lot of times alr

i dunno whether i can sustain for e rest of e 1+yrs here leh
if i quit i dun hav 2 face all these again
i dun hav 2 waste my time there
i can use my time better elsewhere

i was supposed 2 do my dc circuit tut
but i got too pissed off by em
i'm quite glad i got e mc now... mebbe it might = to me seeing less of 'em

haiz... i noe... but i dunno how 2 solve it... i dun wanna flare up @ em ... i sort of flared up in front of my capt b4 u noe
n i dunno... it'll b e 2nd time... i seriously wonder if i've been angered by e same party so many times b4 in my entire life
now it's all their fault tt i can't do my hwk

c how they affect my studies?

-end

~lonely solitude, nostalgic for bittersweet memories~

2005-07-30T00:45:00.000+08:00

defn: Unhappy at being away and longing for familiar things or persons
bittersweet: Tinged with sadness
lone: Characterized by or preferring solitude in mode of life
solitude: A disposition toward being alone

~lonely solitude, nostalgic for bittersweet memories~

"looking back at the past, how i wish things didn't have to change between us; i've asked myself countless times: why must we be separated? it's a fact, we can no longer be 2gether again, no matter how much we try, we can no longer go back 2 tt time in life, when we were happy, when we were in each other's company."

"i'm waiting for you here, where are you? Are u waiting too? for my appearance in your life? if only e time when we finally meet can arrive faster... i'm adrift in the sea of time, waiting for you to lift me into your arms, before i sink below... so please hurry, hurry here to save me."

"isn't she lucky this hollywood gal? n they say she's so lucky she's a star, but she cry cry cry wif a lonely heart thinking, 'if there's nthg missing in my life, then y does these tears come at nite?' she's so lucky, but she cry cry cries..."

"i used 2 think i had e ans 2 everything, but now i noe, life doesn't always go my way, feels lyk i'm caught in e middle, tt's when i need your love... all i need is time, a moment tt is mine, while i'm in between."

these few days, have been real tired, always falling asleep in lectures n tutorials, i've changed, not for e better n i really hate this me, but i wouldn't let this bring me down, no way.

bks bks bks

2005-07-24T20:36:00.000+08:00

oh yeah, am also reading artemis fowl @ e moment, 1st bk n e arctic incident... yupz, am waiting 2 get e other 2... pretty interesting... also reading comics recently... but well, time 4 studies now, esp wif 6-7 wks thereabt left 2 promos, i need 2 start now... esp after those results 4 ct... anyway cya ppl.

nthg much 2 sae...*

2005-07-24T20:15:00.000+08:00

well lyk e title says, i've got nthg 2 sae, but well haven't been blogging in a long while so i guess it's time i blogged again... harry potter n e half-blood prince juz came out, on e 16th of july... i finished reading it on tt sunday, n well... went back 2 sch on mon n every1 was talking abt it... i didn't expect certain classmates 2 b reading harry potter but they were all discussing it... esp e ending... yeah i feel v unfair 4 dumbledore, he trusted him! oh well... guess it teaches us a lesson, believe all u want in a person but don't 4get who he started out as... nay, juz kidding. but well, can tell harry sure matured lots, esp in e last few pages... hope things will b ok in e end...
well, my grad ceremony is 2mrrw, or some refer 2 it as speech day, for mg, it's called founder's day, or rather they arrange e grad ceremony 2 b on e same day as founder's day...
on fri, i went 4 doctor's appointment 2 check out all these 'wounds', yeah all e galz n some guyz out there who noes me would noe wat i'm refering 2... hahaz... almost if not all e galz i noe who've seen me in e past month would noe... they all saw... their observance is amazing i muz admit... well gd thing is tt it's nthg tt bad, it's smthg lyk due to my body itself, then i got bitten by some bug so my body reacted 2 e bite n caused all these things 2 come out... bad news is tt it'll take a few yrs 2 go off... haiz... so much 4 'spotless' skin ... @ least @ e end of it, it wouldn't leave any scars behind... or so e doc says... who noes... hav 2 wait n c...
well, CT... was real bad, got ----, for math, chem, phy n econ respectively... my gp... it's too horrible 4 me 2 b willing 2 publicize it... all of 'em too horrible so i rather not sae here. so i got a tuition teacher, juz had 1st session 2dae, was ok. ok, am tired, shall leave now, bye :)

outing EnJoyeD it!!!

2005-07-01T21:43:00.000+08:00

noticed tt my tagboard going haywire, when tag... muz refresh whole page 2 c e new tag... if not click nonstop no use... juz results in too many tags... haiz... tried fiddling wif it, didn't work... still e same old prob, srry ppl, guess we all juz hav 2 bear wif it til i find a better one
2dae, 1/7, had outing!!! went 2 meet up wif 67 after their math paper then went over 2 orchard where we had lunch at pastamania... we spent lots of time deciding where 2 go- as usual... when will this change? haiz hopefully soon. okies, then we went watch movie -WaR oF e woRldS... it raWkS!! no kidding, dun listen 2 mh... she actually said she felt lyk SleePINg!!! sheesh... it was lyk felt so highstrung thru out movie... it's juz tension from start 2 end... lyk e guyz said, their fight 4 survival is really portrayed very vividly, clearly. not a minute of rest b4 some other crisis befalls e ray n his family... it was lyk woah... tensed up thru out movie! well, then we took neoprints twice... damn hot in e booth they still take so many times... sheesh... then went heeren walked ard in hmv b4 alice, yj n i left... yupz... it was lyk 6 by tt time... amazing how time flies... esp when u're juz stoning ard n waiting 4 'em 2 make up their mind abt where 2 go... but well it was gd being back wif 67, enjoyed every minute tt i had chatting wif 'em again... well kinda regret not watching movie wif 15 but i guess... there'll always b a next time :) we should b optimistic hehe, anyway ta ta now.

*~*world of my own*~*